


One Step From Grace

by DonnieFamily_Rositara



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Donnie Family, Hurt/Comfort, Lydia Deserves Better, Multi, Past Abuse, Post-Apocalypse, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 57
Words: 115,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22581538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonnieFamily_Rositara/pseuds/DonnieFamily_Rositara
Summary: *UPDATES EVERY MONDAY!*Set after the Whisperer's are defeated.Daryl is desperate to find Lydia, who is still missing; at the same time he finds himself saddled with Judith and RJ when Michonne never returns home. With Connie's aid, a new home is built and their family and lives are being rebuilt.Almost everything up to 10x07 is canon, but Tara and Siddiq traded places at the pikes.
Relationships: Connie/Daryl Dixon, Henry/Lydia (Walking Dead: Kingdom), Rachel/Lydia (Walking Dead: Oceanside), Tara Chambler/Rosita Espinosa
Comments: 46
Kudos: 129





	1. Searching

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story for this fandom, so bare with me.  
> Thoughts and comments are appreciated and definitely help encourage me to write more.

It took _months_. 

Spring came, then summer, then winter graced them again.

But by the last snowfall of the year, the Whisperers were gone. Alpha and Beta's heads on spikes. Some said it made them no better, but those who had lost loved ones, _mainly Carol_ , said it was what they deserved. _Better_ than they deserved. That they deserved _worse_. Many Whisperer's fell. Some brave fighters from the communities were lost. But few of the enemy-Gamma, who now went by her birth name Mary-and others who surrendered, were slowly being integrated into the communities. 

Standing in the back, silent and stoic, was Daryl Dixon. Before this, he would have been gone the second the war was won. He was often on the move, going community to community.

But he stayed.

Not because he was responsible for little Judith, who was becoming less little as the days wore on, and little innocent RJ, he could bring them with him if he really wanted to. Not because of Connie, who watched him with that look in her eyes, that look saying she _knows_. She's left before, and he knew if she had to, she would again. But because of Lydia. He found his eyes wandering the tree lines often, looking for a sign. _Any_ sign. He knew if the kid ever returned, it'd be to Alexandria. It'd be to where she knew he was. 

One day he found himself on the platform, spending the day just scanning the tree line. 

The next day, he found himself in the woods, searching. And he did the same the next, and the next. 

_"I'm sorry, Daryl. She ran off, I couldn't stop her. She chose her side."_ Those words that left Carol's lips still haunted him, and it had been half a year. He knew that she wasn't with her old people, which meant one of two things: she was long gone, far away from the cruelty of this place, or she was dead. Or maybe she had made it far away, but had been taken out and now she was hundreds of miles away, feet dragging on the ground, taking unstable steps as growls left her lips, eyes void and veiled, no heartbeat or breaths. Or maybe the next walker he kills on his search for her, behind this tree or that, would have her face. 

Connie was growing increasingly worried. She spent her days watching over RJ. Judith was well beyond her years and often ran off to the library, or to spar with the others. Both children were well on their way to using sign language- Judith had asked her to teach them one morning as she served them pancakes. She spent her nights putting them to bed, waiting up for Daryl. Of hiding how her shoulders slumped in defeat everytime he came in, his shoulders more hunched and his face grave. Watching him throw his coat and hang up his crossbow and kick his boots off. Silently handing him his foot, seeing his lips move to form a gruff _thank you_ as he sits heavily. She was wishing, hoping for the day he came home with the girl. Connie had grown fond of Lydia, felt a motherly instinct towards her.

She spent a few more days in her loop. Then one day a young woman appeared on her stoop, a baby perched on her hip. Rosita had taken over watching RJ, and Connie soon found herself following Daryl through the woods, notepad and pencil in hand. Daryl made sure she stayed stocked up on the pads and utensils. It had become routine.

Once the snow thawed, far away from the other homes and prying, judgmental eyes but still within Alexandria, foundation was being laid down for a home. Aaron and Jerry had put their time and energy into aiding Daryl in building a home. A home for him and his niece and nephew. A home his dog could run to. A home Connie could visit, or if he was being honest to himself, stay. A home for _Lydia_ to come back to. 

"I don't think she'd stick around, you know?" Aaron said one day, seeing Daryl's typical sour mood as he and Connie returned alone. "She was pretty upset when she ran off."

Daryl grunts angrily, his attention on his section of the foundation. But Connie holds up her notepad. _"Upset why?"_

Aaron shrugged. "Carol used her and the kid all but said we were as worse as the Whisperers. Said if Carol wanted her to pick a side, then she picked her own. That she was better off alone- _Daryl!"_

Aaron's protest fell on deaf ears as Daryl stormed away. Connie hesitated for a half second before trailing after him. Daryl found himself of Carol's stoop, banging the door so hard he wondered if it'd fall. Carol opens it, and he shoves his way inside, his face redder than usual. "You said she ran away!"

"Wh-who?" 

_"Lydia!"_

"She did, she ran off, Daryl-" she flinches as his fist goes through the wall.

"Aaron said ya used her. What did you say to her?" Carol just stares at him with big doe eyes, but he didn't care. For once in their many years together, he did not care that he was scaring her. It wasn't his job to protect her, not anymore. "What did you say!" He wasn't a yeller, not usually. Even in his temper bursts he was short worded. But right now, his rage and his fear got the best of him. He slammed his hand into the wall again, barely registering the crunching sound and the pain that resonated. 

"Alpha told her people that she killed her daughter to show her strength. I showed them that she had lied to them, that she was using them." Carol's voice has a light quiver, but she says it so calmly and surely, like she saw nothing wrong with her behavior. 

"She's a kid, Carol! A kid who's been abused her entire life. Think of Henry-" Carol scoffs. "Henry loved her! I had just gotten her to trust me, to believe in us, and you just went and threw it all away for revenge. As if her life didn't matter, as if she was just a pawn in your twisted game. If anything has happened to her, Carol, so help me..." he trails off when he feels a hand on his arm, Connie's wide concerned eyes boring into his. He lets her start to pull him away. "I can't trust you, not anymore. Not after this, Carol. You're on your own."

He lets Connie lead him to their house, sitting as she tends to his hands. He's still too enraged, or maybe too numb, to acknowledge the pain. He's grateful that Rosita has already somehow managed to get the kids to bed already. Connie grimaces as she straightens his hand. She wraps it as best she can. _"Fractured. Maybe broken,"_ she writes. He nods. _"You should ice and rest it,"_ she scribbles on the pad. "I know," he says.

He still goes out in search the next morning. And she still follows.

Spring and summer move by sluggishly. The foundation is now a frame, floors in and walls being built. They don't think it'll be ready for winter, but that's the least of his concerns. 

"Can I come?" Judith asks one day, following them to the gate. Her brown eyes shine in excitement, her freckled nose wrinkling. 

"I don't have time to babysit," he grumbles.

"Please! Mom let me go everywhere with her."

"Do I look like your mother?" 

"No. But I'm going crazy in here. Plus, think of more eyes and ears. I can useful. And I'm fast. And I'm-"

"Quiet. You can be quiet," he says, after receiving a glance from Connie.

"Yeah, I can do that. Let's go!"

Connie smiles endearingly at Judith running ahead with Dog, giving Daryl a look telling him she knows his gruffness is all for show. He shrugs she shakes her head at him. They walk in mostly silence, Connie teaching him more. It had started when she first started trailing him, everytime they went out she taught him a few signs. By now, he could hold small conversations in just sign language, as long as it was slow. It filled Connie's heart, that he had been so open to her language. She often caught him signing for her even when speaking to others. It was becoming a natural thing for him. 

Later into the day, Daryl realized it got too quiet. 

"Judith?" He called, speaking the first words since they left. "Judith! Dog!"

He and Connie picked up the pace, as he tracked the small footfalls through the woods. "Judith!" He heard barking coming from the distance. He signs _"Dog"_ to Connie and the two make their way quickly in the direction. They find Dog at the riverbank, alone. "Where's Judith?" 

Dog turns on his heels, racing down the riverbed, stopping here and there so he didn't lose the humans following. They slowed, reaching a wall of stone. Daryl's brow furrows as the dog trots through the shallow water, and he follows. He instinctively grabs a hold of Connie's hand so she doesn't fall if she loses her footing in the water. 

"Uncle Daryl?" Judith appears out of nowhere, causing both to nearly fall. Daryl squints and realizes that Judith had appeared out of a hidden entrance of a hidden cave. "Uncle Daryl..." She holds up a sparring stick, a very familiar stick. It's coated in layers of dried blood.

"Where did ya find that?" He takes it from her. 

"In the cave. With Lydia."


	2. The Cave

_"Uncle Daryl?" She holds up a sparring stick, a very familiar stick. It's coated in layers of dried blood._

_"Where did ya find that?" He takes it from her._

_"In the cave. With Lydia."_

Daryl stared at her, the name she said processing in his tired and weary mind. "Did you just say...?"

"Lydia," Judith finishes. She nods.

Connie pulls at his arm, eyes wide. Shock was written all over her features. Daryl snapped out of his stupor and climbs into the entrance, pulling Connie up with him. "Lydia. She in here?"

Judith nods slowly. "I don't think she remembers me."

"Why'd ya say that, Judith?" He puts his big hands on her little shoulders. She looks up, her little brow furrowed. 

"She got real upset when she saw me. She moved away, but not out. Just, hidden. I think she's scared."

"Stay here, okay? Right here."

"But-but you don't know where she is. I do!"

Daryl huffs and gives her a curt nod, letting her lead the way. He heard Connie's footfalls behind him. They took some turns through the cave, the pungent earthly scent suffocating him. He swore pores were growing in his lungs as he breathed in the wet, humid air around him. Judith stopped when they reached an opening. "There," she whispered, finger pointing ahead. 

"Go back and wait," he says gruffly, trying to adjust his eyes in the darkness. There was a small opening at the roof of the cave, the sunlight filtering in being the only source of light. 

"But-"

"No buts," he said gruffly and her shoulders slumped with a sigh. He waited til he heard her steps, along with the clicking of Dog's toenails, retreat and fade to move towards the alcove in the wall.

"Lydia." his rough voice was barely more than a whisper. "Come on, kid." He heard a small shuffle in the alcove as he leaned against the moist wall. Daryl Dixon wasn't a man of many words. But he made this is exception. "Y'know, I've been looking all this time. It's been nearly a year. But I kept looking, kid. Every day. I thought you was dead, but we still looked, Connie and me. Picked a good hiding spot. Passed this spot myself many time, never wouldda thought there was a hidden entrance."

He heard the shuffling sound come closer, but not too close. He knew she heard him, that she was inching closer to him. But he knew she was scared to make that final leap. He knew that she likely didn't trust him anymore. 

"I didn't know, kid. What Carol did to you, I wouldda stopped it. Y'know I would never hurt you, don't ya?" He sighs. He wasn't so sure he was saying the right things, the things she needed to hear. He wasn't sure he was who she needed either-since when was he any good for anyone? Connie thought he was good, but Connie saw the best in everyone. But this kid? She saw the worst.

"Are ya hungry?" He pulls a small sack from his bag along with his water canister, placing it on the edge and sliding it into the alcove. He felt cold fingers brush his as her hand grabbed at the sack, pulling it into the darkness. A moment later, the same happened with the water canister. 

"I know ya feel safe here, away from everyone else. I _know_. But you can come back. We-we're building a home far from the others but in the wall. It will be safe. An until _then,_ we have a house. You can have a bed, food, water. Company if you want, or to be alone. I know you don't trust me right now, but I will take care of you. Promise." 

He held his hand in the alcove, though he knew he was probably pushing it. That she probably wanted to stay curled up in the darkness away from the monsters. He felt a cold, clammy hand take a tentative hold of his own. He gently and slowly guided her out of the alcove, where he could finally get a look at her. She looked at him with tear-filled, weary eyes. Her cheeks were hollow, and she seemed much thinner than before. He could see the muscles tensing, huddling into herself with hunched shoulders and hesitation. He reached for her, an arm around her back, another under her legs and he lifted her, holding her against him. He wasn't much of a toucher, but he forgot in that moment. Holding her close in his arms, he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He felt eleven months of stress begin to dissipate. 

He knew it was going to be a long road, but she was _here_. She was _alive._

Connie appeared beside him and gave him an encouraging smile. The two carefully made their way out of the cave. Judith looked at them with wide, excited eyes when they emerged. The child felt pride run through her- she had helped, though she couldn't possibly understand the amount of mending she had set them all on course of. 

Connie took Judith's hand and helped her through the water, Dog splashing after them. Daryl followed carefully.

The four, and the dog, were on their way _home._


	3. Be Enough

The day had passed by them by in a blur.

Hushed whispers had surrounded them when Daryl had walked into the gate. Typically the Alexandrian's watched Daryl walk in alone, whispering that searching was a lost cause as they scuttled away as not to end up on the end of his rage. But this time was different. This time, he did not return home empty handed. In his arms was the girl he had been hopelessly searching for nearly a year. She had her face hidden against his shoulder, and he had a face daring anyone to approach. Connie followed him, hand still firmly in Judith's. 

Daryl brought Lydia to his home, up the stairs to the room that had sat empty, waiting for her. He had tried to lay her down on the bed, but her arms didn't let go. So he had sat there for a while, just holding her. When sleep took her over, he had gently laid her down, pulling the blanket over her body before heading back down where Connie and Judith were waiting. 

"Uncle Daryl, look. We made food for you."

He thanked her, sitting at the table. _"Is she okay?"_ Connie signed to him and he nodded. "She'll want to clean up when she wakes. Can you help?" he asks her awkwardly and quietly. She nods to him with a gentle smile and he sighs quietly in relief. It wasn't something he wanted to dwell on and he gratefully takes the bowl of pasta from Judith. The child climbs into her chair, talking to Connie animatedly. Daryl couldn't help but be a little jealous of how well Judith signed and how well she kept up a conversation with Connie. Deep down he was more jealous of the fact Judith was holding Connie's attention, not the fact that she was such a quick learner. But he shoved that thought down. 

_Daryl Dixon didn't do love._

He ate in silence, handing a piece down to Dog here and there. 

Eventually Judith grew bored and ran outside to play. Daryl and Connie found themselves sitting across from each other at the table. Daryl had a serious look on his face, and Connie tilted her head. _"Lydia?"_ she signed.

"I don't know what to do," he confesses, signing along with his words. 

_"Just be there for her."_

"How? She needs more than just me being here. She needs...she needs a parent."

 _"Then be her parent,"_ Connie writes, brows furrowing at his struggle. She thought he already considered her family.

"I don't know how to be a parent. I never had a good parent, she hasn't been loved since she was little, so how am I supposed to take care of that kid?" He sighed. He spent so much time wanting Lydia back, but he had never thought of what it would be like when she was. He hadn't stopped to think of her needs-how she would need to be cared for, to be _loved._

_"It was good enough before,"_ she wrote, the pen digging into the paper. She wondered why he couldn't see that. _"She trusted you. Depended on you."_

"And look what good that did."

 _"What Carol did was not your fault."_ She gave him a serious look. "She knows that. She came to you. Let you bring her home."

He shrugs. "I should check on her, see if she's up."

Connie waved him off. _"Let me,"_ she signs. _"If she's awake, I'll help her clean up."_

He grumbles but nods, letting her get up and head for the stairs. 

Connie opened the door gently, walking into the room. Lydia sits up with a startled gasp at the sound of footsteps, but her startled face softens when she realizes it's just Connie. Connie gives her a soft smile, sitting on the bed beside her. She reaches a hand out, slowly, and places it on Lydia's cheek. Lydia, who had almost forgotten what human contact was, leaned into her touch and a soft sigh escapes her chapped lips. With her free hand, Connie writes a single word her pad and holds it up for the girl to see. She knew the girl had been learning to read before she had disappeared and hoped she retained the skill. _"Bath?"_ Lydia meets her eyes meekly and gives the smallest of nods. 

She gets up to go turn the water on to warm up, but Lydia grabs her wrist with pleading eyes. So Connie gives her a small tug, helping Lydia out of bed. Lydia's legs weren't as used to walking as they once were, so Connie helped her to the bathroom. She sits her on the toilet and turns the water on to run. Lydia watches her, eyes showing the sincerity of her gratefulness. 

When the water has risen enough, Connie, after receiving a nod of permission helps Lydia out of the old and filthy clothes and into the hot water. Lydia closes her eyes and sighs as the hot water almost immediately loosens her impossibly tight muscles. She lets Connie wash the months worth of dirt and grime off of her. She had been hiding out by a river, but it was so cold so she rarely bathed herself enough. But, despite the doubt seeded in her mind, she knew that wasn't a problem anymore. She winces a little as Connie worked at her greasy, matted hair, lathering it up with soap to help the process along. She's not sure how long they sat there, Lydia in the water where here and there Connie would drain some and let it run again to keep it hot, and Connie perched at the edge. But Lydia would be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying it, being in the warmth, hugging her knees to her chest as Connie's fingers massaged her head. Lydia found herself relaxing more and more. Found herself trusting. 

When Connie deemed her clean and her hair was thoroughly rinsed, Connie had given her a towel and a change of clean clothes. The older woman had stayed in the room but had turned around, giving Lydia her privacy to dry off and change. And Lydia was grateful for it. When she was done, she touched Connie's arm. Connie smiled at her and guided her back to her bedroom. _"Food?"_ she wrote when Lydia was in bed, propped up by her pillows. 

Lydia put a hand on her stomach, not realizing how hungry she was and nodded vigorously. Connie held up a finger and got up; this time, Lydia let her. She headed downstairs to find Daryl still at the table, carving something with his pocketknife. _"She's up, she's clean, now hungry,"_ she signs to him.

Daryl gets up immediately to fix her a plate. While he does that, Connie fills a cup with their freshly squeezed juice. Daryl goes to hand her the plate and she shakes her head, pointing to him.

"Nah, she don't want me."

Connie points at him again, giving him a pointed look. She doesn't budge so he grunts, taking the cup form her before heading upstairs. He walks into Lydia's room and she looks at him. He surveys her, finding she looks better now that she's clean. But she's still too thin for his liking, her cheeks too sunken in. He wonders when was the last time she had properly eaten before the sandwich he had given her that morning.

"Connie and Judith made some pasta," he tells her, walking to the bed. He feels a pang of relief when she doesn't cower back or flinch on his approach. He offers the bowl and she takes it with a ghost of a smile. He places the cup on the bedside table. "I can go."

She looks up at him mid bite and shakes her head. She goes back to eating and he sits on the edge of the bed. He doesn't move, neither does she. But they bask in the silence and the closeness. 

A bit later, Connie appears in the doorway. "Everything okay?" she signs. 

Daryl nods and Lydia, although not understanding what she asks, smiles at her presence. Daryl feels a pang of hurt, though he doesn't know if it's that Lydia lit up at Connie, or if it was that Connie made a breakthrough with Lydia so easily. Or maybe both. Connie makes her way to the bed, sitting on the other side of Lydia. She reaches out as carefully as before and tucks a loose strand of Lydia's long hair behind her ear and strokes her cheek before letting her hand fall. 

Lydia looked at Daryl, then to Connie, and her heart swelled. And she wonders for one fleeting moment if this was what having loving parents felt like. For a moment, she imagined them being her new parents, looking at her with love and pride. And she imagined herself as their blissfully happy daughter. But she shook the thought from her head, she didn't want to get any hopes. This was just a temporary home until they got bored of her, or got upset at her, and left her to fend for herself from the monsters. She wanted to believe them, believe that Daryl wanted to protect and care for her. But she had been down this road before. She didn't get attached, she didn't love. She was loveless, she was unlovable. 

But Daryl, and Connie, they had other plans. Because they both felt an immeasurable amount of love. Daryl Dixon didn't love. But looking at that child, those words were dissipating. Because he felt it, that love. And it was in that moment that he understood Connie. He could just be there. He could just love her. And maybe, just maybe, it would be enough. 


	4. It's Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I refuse to accept Tara's death, so she and Siddiq traded places. She's still alive in this story.

Judith climbed the stairs, silently and carefully, balancing two cups and a plate carefully. She winced as a floorboard creaked, hoping that sound wasn’t enough to wake Daryl-he wouldn’t be happy if he caught her awake and sneaking food in the middle of the night. She stopped in front of a door, making sure her items were secure before pressing her ear against the door. She had heard Lydia tossing in bed before sneaking down, but she wasn’t sure if she was still up. She heard some rustling and turned sideways as she knocked with her elbow quietly.

“Lydia?” she whispered. “Are you awake?”

She was answered with the sound of rustling. It took her a moment to arrange her items, but she got it the door open, nudging it closed with her toe. Lydia was propped up by her elbows, eying Judith curiously with tired eyes. Judith placed the cups on the bedside table and switches the lamp on, climbing up on the bed with the plate of cookies.

“Here,” she nudged the plate over and the older girl took it tentatively with a ghost of a smile. “I brought us up some water.” Lydia nods and reaches for one of the cups.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” Lydia gives a shrug, so Judith continues, “I have trouble, too. It’s been a year since my mom went away to help someone. She said she’d come back, but she never did. I don’t know what happened to her. But I just have this feeling, deep inside me, that she’s _never_ coming home.” Her voice cracks, and she sniffs. Her head moves up when she feels a hand on her cheek, Lydia wiping a tear that escaped off her cheek. Judith gives her a watery smile. “My Daddy died when I was five. The older I get, the more I forget him. I had a big brother too, but he died even before my Daddy did. My mom and RJ were all I had left. Your daddy died when you were little too, didn’t he?”

Lydia nods sadly, ducking her head. Daryl was the only person she had talked about him too. She hadn’t even told Henry before _he_ died.

“And your mom, she died too. Even though she was bad, she was _still_ your mom.” Lydia looks up at her. Lydia had been holding that in her ever since Daryl had broken the news that her mother was dead. She was a villain-she hurt her, _killed Henry_ , but she was still her Mom.

“Sorry,” Judith reached out quickly when she saw Lydia’s own tears. Lydia eyed her, but for the first time didn’t flinch and let Judith copy her own action from earlier. “You look tired.” Lydia nods. “Can I sleep in here? I don’t want to sleep alone.” Judith crawls up so she’s beside her, pulling the blanket up. Lydia nods again.

“Goodnight,” Judith says softly, clicking the light off.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Daryl woke up early, likely much earlier than the three kids would be. After his morning routine, his first stop was Judith’s room. He frowned deeply when he found her room empty.

“Judith?” He had never woken up to find her bed empty. He heard Dog whine outside Lydia’s door and his frown deepened. He went to the dog, opening the door quietly and peeking in. His frown dissipated when he saw Judith, laying in the bed with Lydia. He wondered if the older girl was aware-with how skittish she was he figured she must’ve woken when another person climbed into bed beside her. He had a brief, rare smile at the blissful girls and closed the door. “C’mon Dog.”

Down in the kitchen he found Rosita already there, getting ready to put breakfast on. It was a regular occasion, Rosita and Coco showing up in the morning, making breakfast then taking RJ and Judith to school. Even with Lydia home after a year of searching, the woman was adamant to continue the routine for the kid’s sake, and Daryl agreed.

“It’s just gon be RJ today. Judith’s with Lydia,” he said gruffly.

“Okay,” Rosita nods. “How is she doing?”

“Okay I think,” he sighs, sitting on his usual spot. Besides Carol, Rosita is his oldest friend. With Carol gone from his life now, Rosita was arguably his closest friend alongside Aaron.

“I could bring some books, stuff from the school after I drop RJ off if you’d like? Give you something to do with her.” He nods after a moment of thought.

“That’d be good for her.”

“Rosita!” RJ’s yell filled the room when he entered. He drooped his stuffed animal, running into her arms. “I missed you.”

“You saw me two days ago, bud.”

“Very long two days,” the five-year-old says with a pout.

“Mama!” Coco whines not thrilled her mother’s attention is on someone else. Rosita chuckles and kisses the top of RJ’s head before scooping her daughter up. “You so demanding, Coco.” The baby just stares at her with big chocolate eyes. “C’mon, we gotta feed these people, baby.” Rosita finishes making breakfast, carefully so with the one-and-a-half-year-old perched on her hip, waving off Daryl when he tries to help.

“Good morning.” Judith’s voice came as Daryl and Rosita put plates on the table.

“Morning, Judith.”

“Hey, kid. Wanna see if Lydia wants to come down an have breakfast with us all?”

Judith shrugs. “I don’t think she will, but I’ll ask.”

Rosita, with Coco still attached to her, helps RJ cut his pancakes. Daryl refuses to acknowledge Dog, who’s sitting beside his chair with his best begging eyes. His head turns when he heard footsteps and Judith enters the room. She’s half leading, half pulling Lydia behind her. The older girl immediately sits beside Daryl, who puts a cautious hand on her shoulder. He feels gratefulness flood him when she doesn’t flinch away. Lydia eyes Rosita but doesn’t bolt or move away. She’s learning to trust that Daryl would never let anyone near her that would hurt her, not after last time. She’s learning to trust him again.

Daryl nudges a plate to her. “Eat.” She sighs, stabbing a piece of pancake with her fork, taking a bite. Judith sits beside Lydia, despite RJ’s protest.

“Uncle Daryl, is _Connie_ coming over today?” She asks, eyebrows raising. Lydia looks from Judith to Daryl, giving him a questioning look.

“Not that I know,” he grumbles and Lydia’s shoulders slump. “But I can ask her to.” Lydia straightens and nods. Judith’s eyes widen and looks at them, a smile spreading over her face.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

“We _have_ to do something about them!” Judith says that night, hopping up on Lydia’s bed. Lydia gives her a questioning look. “Didn’t you see them earlier? They like, they talk so awkwardly. And they’re either staring at each other too long or not meeting eyes. It’s all so frustrating. It’s like they don’t realize they’re in love with each other!”

Lydia sits up, eyes wide. “You really didn’t notice?” Lydia shakes her head.

“Okay,” she turns her body to face her. “You know how disappointed you were when Uncle Daryl said Connie wasn’t coming? Well I need you to do that on purpose. A lot. We need to get them idiots to realize their feelings! It’s almost painful to watch. Yeah, I know I’m supposed to think boys have cooties or whatever at my age, but I don’t. I’m grown up, I guess. So, can you do that?”

Lydia smiles and nods. She’d be lying if she said-or thought-that they wouldn’t be a perfect couple, that she didn’t wish them to be her parents. And if she could help Judith get their oblivious selves to be together, then maybe there’d be a chance of them loving her like a daughter.

Over the days, Lydia had become a pro at sulking and withdrawing whenever Connie wasn’t around, resulting in Daryl bringing her over to cheer the teen up. Judith would give thumbs up with a smirk.

“Okay, spill,” Rosita says, sitting down on the couch with Coco one day, giving them looks. “Don’t think I don’t see what you little schemers are up to. Always pouting and making Connie come running over.”

“Uh…we just love Connie. She’s the sweetest and makes us feel safe and happy. Plus, she teaches us to sign!”

“And then ditching once she’s here, forcing her and Daryl to spend time together?”

“Well, we’re supposed to share.”

“Sure,” Rosita rolls her eyes. “You think I’m stupid? I spend most of my spare time with a literal genius.”

“No?”

“Then spill, you little trickster.”

She sighs in defeat. “We’re trying to get them together. They like each other but they’re so stupid and don’t see it!”

“Okay. Now _that_ I believe…you know what, I want in,” Rosita says after a pause.

“You do?” Judith asks loudly, and Lydia shushes her. “Sorry. You really do?”

“Hell yeah! And guess who’s coming home next week who’ll love to help move this along?”

“Tara?” she asks excitedly. “Tara’s coming?”

“Tara’s coming!”

Lydia gives a questioning look and Judith explains. “Tara is Rosita’s girlfriend. She’s the leader of Hilltop, you met her before I think. That’s where my mom brought you when she first found you. It’s where you met Daryl and Henry.”

Lydia thinks, trying to connect the name with a face. She then remembers a woman with long brown hair and warm brown eyes and nods. “She’s really nice, we promise.”

The tea kettle screams from the kitchen and Rosita gets up. “I should get that. Here, can you hold her?” Rosita holds the baby out to Lydia who hesitates but takes her. She squirms a little, crying out when her mom disappears from her view.

“It’s okay, Coco,” Judith says, reaching out to touch her. But Coco just throws her head back and wails. Lydia adjusts her hold on her and stands up. She doesn’t know what to do, but she starts bouncing her, hoping the movement soothes her.

“Shh.” Lydia looks at the door, wondering why Rosita didn’t run back in when she heard her daughter screaming. “It’s okay,” Lydia whispers, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s all okay. Everything’s okay. She didn’t leave you. Your Mama, she’s still here. So, you’re okay. I promise.” 

Rosita pauses in the doorway before backing out of the room. Judith silently followed, leaving Lydia to fully open her heart for the first time in a long time, maybe her first time ever.


	5. The Announcement

“Why is there a baby here?” Daryl gruffly asks one morning as they sat together for breakfast. His eyes were trained on the baby on Lydia’s lap.

“Rosita asked Lydia to watch her, she went to meet Aunt Tara! She’s coming here!”

“Tara’s visiting?”

“Yeah! Aunt Rosita is _so_ happy.” Judith sighs contently, propping her herself up by her elbows. “They’ll be here in a few hours probably.”

He just makes a grunting sound, taking a bite of his food. Judith chats away animatedly, but he only half hears it. His focus is on Lydia and the baby. He had no idea she knew the baby beyond seeing her propped on Rosita’s hip, let alone being comfortable enough to watch her for hours while her mother was away.

“Uncle Daryl?”

“Hm?” He looks to Judith.

“I asked if I could go play with Gracie until Aunt Rosita and Tara arrive?”

He nods and she jumps up. She puts her plate and fork in the sink before grabbing her jacket and hat, shouting a goodbye as she raced out the door. Daryl and Lydia went back to eating in peaceful silence, the only sound being Coco’s occasional babbling.

Once finished, Daryl got up and put his dishes in the sink. “Gon go check on the house. Wanna come?”

Lydia stares at him. She hadn’t stepped foot out of the house since she had arrived. She looked down at Coco, stroking her head, and drew in a shaky breath. She gave Daryl a nervous nod. She stood up, hugging Coco to her chest. She shoved her feet in the new boots Daryl had gotten for her, wrapping a blanket around the baby. She let Daryl help her get her own jacket on. She dragged her feet slowly behind him, tensing up as the door opened. He looked at her, seeing the fear beginning to course through her. He held his hand out to her. “It’s okay.” She transferred Coco to her hip, a firm arm around her and placed her hand in Daryl’s. He gave her hand a comforting squeeze, leading her out She took her time stepping down the steps, her grip on his hand tightening.

She kept her eyes trained ahead, trying her hardest to ignore the stares. Her steps quickened to match his, wanting to get as far away from the curious-and some judgmental-eyes. It was a ten minute walk before the reached the plot of land at the extended Alexandria gate. She looked in awe at the house to be. The foundation was complete, and frame was deep in process.

“We didn’t think it’d be ready for winter. Wasn’t much of a priority. But then you came back, kid, and we got more help.”

She gave him a questioning look. He sighs, the contempt very clear as he gestures to the men working and Lydia perked up when she realizes who one of them are. He must’ve felt the weight of the stars because he turns around and he gives one of his cocky smiles.

“Kid. You’re out in the open, would you look at that.” He takes a few steps over but pauses at Daryl’s glare.

Lydia gives Negan a small half smile. Daryl wasn’t happy about his presence, and with their history he likely would never be. But the man had saved Lydia’s life and he was one of the few people the girl was comfortable seeing so he allowed him in sight. But he didn’t want to be near him, so he gave Lydia an awkward shoulder pat before walking away to speak to Aaron and Jerry. Lydia’s feet carried her the rest of the way over.

“Should probably stay where your old man can see us.” Her brow furrowed and she shook her head at that statement and he just chuckled. “Say it how I see it, kid.”

“Just watches me,” she mumbles.

“What was that?”

She shrugs. He looks from her to Daryl and mimics her shrug. “Whatever you say, Kid.”

…………………………………………………………………………….

“Aunt Tara!” 

Judith ran over to the woman, throwing her arms around her waist. It’d been almost a year since she had last seen her. Lydia stayed back, watching anxiously. Judith and Rosita spoke highly of the Hilltop leader, but last Lydia had seen of her was the other leaders convincing her to give safe haven and her giving the heart wrenching speech at the memorial.

“I spoke to her, she’s good,” Rosita said softly to her when she took Coco back. She pressed a big kiss to her daughter’s forehead then gave Lydia a loving one armed hug. “Thank you for watching Coco. She loves you.”

Lydia gives a rare genuine smile, and for the third time since her arrival words left her mouth. “I love her, too,” she says in a quiet voice.

Rosita gives Lydia another look of encouragement before brining Coco to Tara. Once they walk away, Lydia moves to latch onto Daryl’s arm. He automatically puts an arm around her shoulders.

“There she is!” Tara takes Coco with the biggest smile. While Rosita visited with the baby as often as she could, it wasn’t as often as either women would like. “I missed you, little Bug.” She spends a moment giving Coco her full attention before looking at everyone. “I have an announcement. Though I’d prefer to do it inside. Sitting down. Because I just spent all day on a horse.”

Rosita and Judith laugh. “You can rest inside our house.” Judith grabs her hand, pulling her up the steps. Rosita follows, while Daryl leads Lydia up. Tara sits on the couch with an exaggerated sigh, causing Rosita to chuckle as she sits beside her. Judith launches herself onto the recliner and Daryl sits on the loveseat, Lydia still attached to him. 

“What’s the big announcement?” Rosita asks.

“Well…hey do you have anything to drink?”

“Tara!” Rosita says, exasperated. Judith jumps up with a massive eye roll when Lydia doesn’t let Daryl go and gets her a glass of water. “Okay, spill,” she says when Tara takes a sip of her water.

“Okay. So, I had gotten radioed when…” she looks at Judith sadly for a moment, “when Michonne never returned about how Alexandria was now down a leader. And, well just a few days before I got that call, Maggie came home. She said she was ready to be a part of a community again. And when I offered to give her the old leadership position back, she was hesitant at first but very quickly accepted. So, I spent a few months training her and now, here I am Alexandria’s new leader.”

“Wait!” Rosita causes, staring at her. “That means you’re back. Like _back_ back? Back for good?”

“I’m back for good. I’m going to miss Hilltop, but I missed you and Coco more.”

“You better have,” Rosita says with a huge smile.

“So, you’ll be here _all the time_ too,” Judith announces. “Aunt Rosita and Coco are here every day. And Coco _loves_ Lydia. And me. But mostly Lydia,” she sighs.

Tara noticed the teenager for the first time, who was partially hidden by Daryl. Daryl eyed Tara, unsure whether to let Lydia continue hiding or to coax her out. Tara gives Daryl a look and he nods, moving as far over as she allowed and leaning back so she couldn’t weasel her way back behind him. Lydia gives him a look akin to a kicked puppy and he sighs, his arm going around her.

“You don’t need to be afraid of me,” Tara says in a gentle tone, much different than the tone she had used earlier. “I’m not scary, I promise. You have to know, that when I saw you last, I didn’t want to send you out alone. But I had people to protect and they had to come first. Do you get that?”

Lydia nods. “You had no good choice,” she says. Daryl’s head whips around to face her, as does Judith and Rosita. Daryl had forgotten wheat her voice had even sounded like. “My mother…she wasn’t good.”

Tara gives her a sad smile. “I know, but I’m still sorry for it.”

Lydia gives her a small smile, a forgiving smile. Tara returns it, and Judith starts talking to the couple again. Lydia ends up with Coco again. Daryl’s attention was on Lydia, a rare smile on his face as he watched her face light up at the baby. Daryl and Lydia were both silent, but they didn’t need words.

Their silent looks were enough. 


	6. Feeling of Home

The weeks moved along peacefully, quickly. Everything was falling into place. The house, while still not complete, very well looked like it would be before winter hit them full force.

Judith and Lydia were growing incredibly closer, and Daryl loved watching that relationship blossom. RJ fit in there, though he liked doing things on his own.

With Tara there, Alexandria and trade were thriving. Daryl was happy to have his old friend back, and she was with them often. Not as often as Rosita, who still kept up her routine. Coco had taken her first real steps, in the presence of Tara, Rosita, Lydia and Connie. Daryl saw the aftermath when he heard all the excited chatter. Between the three women, Lydia was opening up more and was finally speaking more than she was silent.

Lydia was pretty clingy with Daryl still. She’d latch onto his arm with pleading eyes when he walked to the door, begging him not to go. And he’d hold her, kissing the top of her head and promising her he’d be back. She held onto those promises, waiting for him every time he left the community and into the woods without her.

He knew she was waiting at that moment, his mind wandering as he and Connie trekked through the woods as they hunted. Connie sensed his wandering mind and touched his shoulder. _“What’s wrong?”_ she signed.

He shrugs and signs back. _“Lydia hates me coming out here.”_

_“You’re her parent. Of course, she worries.”_

_“I take care of her. I’m not her father.”_

_“When will you see what everyone else sees?”_ she shakes her head. _“She **loves** you. And not just as a guardian. You’re her family.”_

He just grunts.

 _“Judith’s been scheming,”_ Connie changes the subject.

_“Scheming?”_

_“Lydia, Rosita and Tara are in on it.”_

_“On what?”_

Connie smiles a little and shrugs. She sees how oblivious he is, and she doesn’t know how to come right out and say it. Say how the kids, along with their friends, want to push the two together. To say that the kids are right- she _does_ have feelings for him. She thinks she might love him. But she can’t always get a read on him, she doesn’t know how he feels about her beyond their friendship.

He gives her a look, but they continue their trek in comfortable silence. She feels his eyes on her here and there, and when she looks at him, she sees the gears turning. She sees realization dawning on his face. And she knows his answer when he looks forward, a stoic look upon his face, but his finding itself holding onto hers. She smiles, and her own realization comes, it was there all along. The feeling was there. Because when he took her hand, with no other change, a familiar feeling swelled inside her chest. The feeling of _home_.

……………………………………………………………………………………

When Daryl walked through the door, he was greeted by the familiar comforting weight of arms being thrown around his shoulders. He ran a hand down Lydia’s back and after a moment of holding onto him like he was a lifeline, she let go.

“I promised I’d be back,” he says, hand on her shoulder.

“One day you might not,” is all she says before he sighs, pulling her in for a hug. He knew it was going to take time before she would be okay again. He was what she had, and he knew she was afraid of losing him. And he’d be lying if she same fear didn’t course through his own veins. So, he just held her extra tight as Connie embraced a chatty Judith and a smiley RJ.

“Rosita made us dinner before she left, we waited for you to come home to eat,” Judith announces, signing along with her words for Connie.

The group head to the table, sitting. Connie beside Daryl, the two sharing a smile that didn’t go unnoticed by the ever observant girls. Lydia sat beside Daryl, Judith across from her with RJ beside her.

“Did you catch anything good?” she asks.

 _“Deer,”_ Connie signs.

“She beat me to it with that slingshot,” Daryl says, and Connie smiles proudly.

“I want to go out with you next time,” Lydia says with a pleading voice. And Daryl gives in, giving her a nod an receives a semi relieved smile.

 _I want to go, too_ was at the tip of Judith’s tongue, but she held back. She knew there’d be other times, lots of other times. So, she strikes up a new conversation, even letting RJ join in. he asks a lot of _why’s,_ but she actually doesn’t mind as much as she usually claims.

After dinner, the two children play while Lydia curls up in the recliner with her favorite book. Daryl and Connie talk in their silent language in the kitchen, smiles and hands brushing. An hour later, Connie brought the two younger kids upstairs for bed, the two grumbling all the way up. Daryl sits on the couch, patting the seat beside him. Lydia puts her book down and moves from the chair to the couch.

“You barely ate,” he says when she’s seated beside him.

She shrugs.

_“Lydia.”_

“I hate it when you leave. I’m scared-I’m scared you’ll go out one day and never come back. And then, and then I don’t know what will happen.”

He puts an arm around her, kissing the top of her head. “I’m not easy to kill, kid. Many people have tried, and they have all failed. Even your mother. Even Beta. I’m not going anywhere.”

She rests her head on his shoulder. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

"I have no intention of dying on you, so trust me when I say that promise will be kept. I love you, Kid. I don’t say it often, but I do.”

“Connie said that you’re like my dad now.”

He froze, tilting his head to look down at her. “And how do you feel about that?”

“I feel that my dad would’ve liked you. He’d be happy that I have you. He’d be grateful to you.”

“I hope that I do that justice,” he mumbles. The feeling warming through his chest was one he was unaccustomed to; one he didn’t fully understand.

“You already are,” she says quietly, her eyes beginning to droop as sleep started to take her over.


	7. Like the First Time

**_Three months later…_ **

“Did you pack up everything?”

Daryl stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. His eyes were on Lydia, who was standing in the middle of her room with a blank expression. Coco was sitting at her feet playing with a toy.

"Why can’t we stay here?” She asks. She looks at him, worry filling her brown eyes.

“We’ve been looking forward to this for months, Kid.”

“I know, but I…”

“Don’t like change,” he finishes for her. “This will be good, Lydia.”

She looks down at the baby, who was almost a toddler now, and frowns. “But it’s farther than here.” She kneels down, picking Coco up. “And Judith and RJ, they’re so used to Rosita bringing them to school.”

“Hey, Rosita said she’s still gonna come by. She’s gonna come by in the morning, drop Coco off to you and bring the kids to school and after her patrols she’ll bring the kids back and pick up Coco. Routine won’t change, just the scenery. There’ll be a yard, kid. You can go outside without getting’ looks or being afraid. You can play fetch with Dog or whatever, Judith and RJ can play. Thinking, maybe a swing or something in that tree near it. There are some good fireplaces, so it’ll be warmer there at winter than here. You’ll like it. So come on, finish packing up.”

She finally gives a smile and nods, putting Coco back on the floor. She turns her attention to her bags and Daryl leaves, going to Judith’s room.

“All ready!” Judith says brightly when she sees Daryl appear. “Can you help me bring my stuff to the cart, Uncle Daryl?”

He nods, grabbing some of her bags and lugging them out. She follows with a smaller load. After all her stuff in in the cart, he heads to RJ’s room, where Connie is zipping the last bag.

 _“All set,”_ she signs with a smile _. “The girls ready?”_

_“Judith is. Lydia almost.”_

_“I’ll go help Lydia finish. Bring RJ’s bags down?”_

He nods and, with some aid from the little boy, brings all the bags down. A few moments later, Connie appeared with some bags. Lydia followed behind her, Coco on her hip and a bag over her shoulder. Daryl went up and got the rest of hers. When they were ready, Judith gave a wave at the house they had called home for the past two years before taking her brothers hand as they followed behind the horse drawn cart being pulled across Alexandria to their plot of land.

“Buh-bye,” Coco waves to the house and Lydia laughs. She walks alongside Connie and Daryl, letting the two children run ahead as they tried to race the cart. Coco babbles, some coherent words popping up here and there, during the walk. This was the most the baby had seen of the community. She spent most of her time in Lydia’s home or her own home. 

“So much to see, huh?” Lydia asks in a sweet voice.

Coco voices her agreeance, looking around with her lips forming an O.

“Look, Coco,” Lydia points when the house comes into view and Coco claps, despite not knowing why.

“Uncle Daryl, it’s so cool!” Judith yells, running back to them with RJ at her heels.

“So cool!” RJ mimics.

“You can go in. Pick your rooms.”

The two spun away, racing to the door. Lydia walked in after them, letting them get a head start. She climbed the stairs, listening to the playful banter of the siblings. She walked down the hall, her footsteps echoing, and she opens the door at the end. She smiles, looking around. The room was as spacious as her old one, the floor polished wood over carpet. But she’s sure Daryl wouldn’t mind removing the carpet from her old room to put into this one. There was a large, spacious window with a window seat that made her smile. She knew that this was the very room Daryl intended for her to have as soon as she saw the window seat.

“Like it?”

She turns to find Daryl leaning against the doorframe yet again.

“I love it,” she smiles. “Coco agrees.”

He walks into the room to stand beside her. “I had that made for you. You always tryin’ to perch in the windowsill, now you have a real place to sit and read.”

She hugs him with her free arm, and he instantly wraps his own around her. It had taken some adjusting, getting used to hugs and emotions. But it had eventually because normal, and now it came naturally. Lydia was coming closer and closer to eighteen, but she had sixteen years of lack of love to make up for. And despite adulthood looming in front of her, she was still very much childlike in ways, and was still his child. _My child,_ he thinks with a smile. Those thoughts creeping in no longer scared him. While love creeping in still spooked him, mostly with Connie who he had a slowly budding relationship with, his love and devotion for Lydia along with Judith and RJ didn’t surprise or scare him anymore. He had taken being an uncle-and a father-with stride.

“Thanks, Dad,” she mumbles.

That one word made his entire year.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

_“The kids are all asleep.”_

Daryl sits beside Connie on the couch. She puts the book down with a smile, signing to him _. “They went down easy?”_

_“Judith and RJ did. Lydia’s struggling with the move.”_

She gives a sad smile. _“She’ll be okay. She has you.”_

_“She has you, too.”_

Connie smiles endearingly. She wasn’t going to argue with that, she knew Lydia had her, too. But she knew that Lydia looked up to her. Not as a mother, she didn’t think. But she knew she loved her. But Daryl, he was a parent.

 _“She called me ‘Dad,’”_ he signs, looking into the fireplace. Connie’s eyes widened and she grabs his arm. _“You were right,”_ he signs with a huff.

 _“Of course I was,”_ she signs with a huge smile. _“You are her dad.”_

_“You’re her family too. Don’t think you aren’t. She loves you so much, too.”_

Connie looks down, hoping the dim lighting hides the color forming on her cheeks. She meets his eyes and finds him staring at her intensely. And the feeling of knots in her stomach and the light feeling in her chest was back. She bit her lip, searching his eyes. They held hands, a lot. But they never took that final leap.

She _wanted_ that leap.

So she leaned in, slowly and gave him a chance to back out if he desired. She half expected him to. But he didn’t. Instead, in his awkward Daryl fashion, he leaned the rest of the way. Their lips met, and Connie had never been so content. It wasn’t like in the stories where electricity sparked or anything. Instead, there was a warmth running through her, a tingly happy feeling fluttering in her heart.

Daryl couldn’t remember when he last kissed someone. Was it Beth, years and years ago? Or someone else? He didn’t even care, because in this moment, it was like the very first time.


	8. Just Like You

“Hold it like this.”

Daryl was out in the woods hunting with Lydia, and he was currently showing the teen how to hold his crossbow. He had been surprised, and secretly excited, when she had asked him to teach her how to use it.

“Like this?” She asks, holding it how he showed her. He nods approvingly. “Now you gotta aim…you got it.”

“And shoot?” She asks once he helps her line it up.

“And shoot.”

She focuses on her aim, brow furrowing and the presses the trigger, the arrows sailing. It hits the edge of the target he had made for her. She turns to him with a smile. “I hit it!” He chuckles, a sound that most people have never heard, and pats her back.

“You’re a natural, Kid. Give it a bit time and that arrow will be in the dead center.”

“Just like you,” she says proudly.

“Just like me. Go again.”

The spend another hour practicing with his crossbow before the two begin to wander back, the catches of the day slung over his shoulder. She tries to help, but he just shakes his head. He _does_ let her carry the crossbow.

“We should build an entrance by our house,” she says quietly on the walk back. Lydia likes the quiet as much as Daryl did, but she felt freer to speak in the woods. The feeling was something Daryl understood quite well.

“The gate’s not too far a walk.”

“It’s not the walk,” she sighs, shoulders slumping. She fiddles with the strap of the crossbow and he stops in his tracks, grabbing onto her arm.

“Okay, what’s wrong. You’ve been fine, now you ain’t.”

“I was distracted, not fine.”

The catches of the day fall to the ground and he finds his hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes. Intense, vast emotions showed through her brown orbs, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. “What’s happening.”

“It’s just…just the _looks,_ ” she sighs, looking away. “Gage and his friends just look at me, like they want to finish off what they started last year. I know they can’t do anything, but it just…it _scares_ me. I don’t want it to, but it does.”

“I’m gonna talk to Tara. Michonne refused to do anything, but Tara loves you. She won’t let them bastards get away with shit.”

She nods and throws her arms around him. “Thanks, Dad.”

Every time she called him that, he became stumped. Lost at what to say, or how to react. So he just held her. “Let’s go home.”

Daryl picked the game back up and the two walked side by side back to Alexandria. When they near the gate, he puts an arm around her shoulders, protectively. He had a look on his face, daring anyone to say anything about his kid. Anyone who met his look quickly averted their eyes.

“Daryl!”

Their heads turned when Tara jogged over to them. “What is it?” He asks in his typical gruffness.

“Maggie just radioed. Our traders never showed up at the meeting point. We need a tracker to find them. Rosita and I are heading out with Aaron. Can you come? We could really use your help.”

He looks at Lydia who nods. “I can watch Coco,” she tells Tara who gives her a grateful smile.

“Thank you! You’re a lifesaver, both of you. I’ll go grab her and we’ll meet you at the drop off?” She gestures to the game over Daryl’s shoulder.

“Sounds good.” She turns and runs back in the direction she came from. “You gon be okay walking back by yourself?” He turns to Lydia.

“What if…I didn’t walk back alone? What if Negan could walk me home?”

“No,” he shakes his head violently. “Absolutely not.”

“But-”

“No.”

“Dad, _please!_ I know the Negan you knew was an awful man. But the Negan I know is _different._ He protects me, he cares about me. He saved my life! And-and it’s not like I’ll be alone. Connie’s at home, she can make sure it’s okay. And I’m sure Magna would come over, too, if you’re worried Connie couldn’t handle it. But I miss seeing him, and so does Judith. I trust him.”

“I don’t trust him, Lydia.” The two walked towards the drop off center.

“I know, but I do. I would never ask for someone who could put Judith and Coco in danger, you know I wouldn’t. I love them.”

He grumbles a little. “I don’t know if Tara and Rosita want Coco around him.”

“If they’re okay?”

“Then I guess. But I don’t want that man sticking round when I get home, got it?”

“Got it.”

Tara walked in as Daryl is handing off the game, Coco babbling away to her. “Dia!”

“Here you go,” Tara passes the smiling baby over to Lydia. “She got so excited when I told her that she was going with you. Sometimes I think she likes you more than me,” she jokes.

Lydia chuckles. “Nobody could ever replace you. Right, Coco?”

“Ight,” she says, playing with Lydia’s hair.

“Tara. Lydia wants,” he growls a little at the thought of even asking this, of saying that name. “She wants Negan to walk her back and stay with her and Judith while we go out.”

“Okay,” she shrugs, and Daryl gives her a scowl.

“Just okay?”

“Negan’s apart of the community now. He spent six years in a cell, earned his way out. We brought in and integrated surrendered whisperers, if we can do that then we can accept him. Plus, Coco likes him. He doesn’t get to take her or anything, but he talks to her a lot when I have her out at the garden.”

Daryl grunts, looking at Lydia who’s barely containing her smile.

“Bring Magna with you,” he tells her.

And that’s how Lydia found herself on Negan’s doorstep, basking in his surprised by excited smile as she invited him over. And then they found their way to Magna’s, who was more than happy to come spend the day with Connie who she saw less often than she’d like, and even happier to be on supervisor duty. If she got her wish, she’d be out there with the others searching for Yumiko, but she settled for this distraction.

“She’s cute,” Magna says, eyes on a giggly Coco. “Yumiko has her sometimes, perks of being Tara’s best friend. I don’t really like kids, though.”

“I didn’t think I liked kids, then I met Coco,” Lydia tells her. Negan just watches the exchange, silent for once.

Magna just shrugs. “Unless Yumiko decides she wants kids one day somehow, I really have no need to try to like them. Judith’s cool, any younger than her I don’t care for.”

“I like the littlest ones best. They can’t hurt you,” Lydia admits, looking at Coco. A tiny smile forms when she feels a comforting hand on her other side, and she meets Negan’s sympathetic gaze.

When they reached their house, the door swings open. “Negan!” Judith runs over, eyes shining. “Does Uncle Daryl know?”

“He knows. Negan can stay until he gets back.”

“Come, I’ll give you the grand tour.” Judith takes his hand, pulling him inside.

Negan chuckles in his typical fashion, letting the pre-teen lead him away. He waves to Lydia. “See ya in a bit, kid.” 

“Coco, say, ‘see ya.’”

“See ya!” Coco squeals with a high pitched giggle.


	9. The Lost Ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of defies logic, but I'm going with it.

Daryl, Tara, Rosita, and Aaron were walking through the forest, weapons firmly in their hands. Daryl was watching the ground carefully, searching for any signs of tracks.

“They went this way,” Daryl says. He kneels down, hands beside the tracks as he brushes some leaves away. “How many people you said there was?”

“Three,” Tara tells him. “Luke, Yumiko, and Laura.”

“There’s more than three people that came through here. Five at least. Any chance anyone followed?”

“Guards at the gate said no one else came or left,” Rosita speaks up.

“Then maybe they were tracking some people,” Aaron voices.

“Let’s find out,” Tara tells him. Daryl stands and nods. The four made it through the woods, slowly as Daryl tracked.

“The tracks belong to men,” Daryl tells them as they made their way. “No sign of struggle anywhere. Maybe peaceful. Maybe not.”

“Do you think there’s any of those skin freaks still out here?” Aaron asks and Tara shudders.

“No, we been out here so often with no sign of anyone but the dead.”

“Doesn’t mean they aren’t out here hiding, watching,” Aaron insists. Tara grabs onto Rosita’s arm with a worried face. She still wasn’t over that fateful night.

“There ain’t any of them out here,” Daryl says firmly when he sees Tara pale and grasp onto Rosita. “Keep moving and be quiet.”

And they moved in silence, Daryl in the lead, Tara and Rosita in the middle, hands linking together with Aaron taking up the rear. Daryl’s footsteps stopped when they saw a cave looming ahead. He points and the other three nods, raising weapons.

“Tara!” Yumiko appears in the entrance and Tara lowers her weapon with a smile and jogs forward to embrace her friend. “We found them,” she says and the four give her a confused look. Yumiko takes her hand and pulls her towards the cave, the others following. They adjusted theirs eyes to the dim light in the cave.

 _“Ozzy?”_ Tara asks in disbelief when she sees the man sitting, leaning against the cave wall beside Laura.

The former Highway Men leader looks up at her, face dirty and sunken in. “Well, hey there, little lady,” he says in a raspy voice. Tara stared at him in shock, a million thoughts running through her mind. She _watched_ Alpha drag them out, one by one with horror. She saw the _pikes_. Saw his _head_. So how was her here, _alive?_

“You…you’re supposed to be _dead_ ,” she chokes out, stumbling back a step. She feels Rosita’s hands on her shoulders, being an anchor. “I saw your head on that pike.” She was finding it harder to speak.

“That Alpha, she didn’t kill us. She made it look like she did, I don’t know why. Or _how_. I don’t know why me, maybe she took a liking to my charm,” he chuckles dryly.

“Us?” Rosita asks, hands gripping Tara’s shoulders tighter. Daryl steps up beside the couple. He looks at Yumiko, then back to Tara and nods.

“We didn’t just find Ozzy, Tara,” Yumiko tells her with a strained voice. Tara turns to look at Rosita and Daryl, who’s shocked faces mirrored her own. “We found Henry, too.”

“No,” Daryl says, shaking his head. “That...that’s not possible. No. You’re wrong.” A thousand thoughts were running through his head, all centered around the teenager who was the center of his entire world. _How would Lydia react? What if it broke her? Would Henry being alive take that girl away from me?_ He looked to where Ozzy pointed, and he saw the unconscious boy slumped against the wall. “Why?”

“That Alpha woman wanted you all to think he was dead but kept him alive.”

“Why?” Tara asks, knowing the answer anyways.

“Lydia,” Daryl answers before Ozzy has a chance to. “She had Henry aside as a pawn to try to get Lydia back if it came to it.” There’s venom in his voice, pure hatred for the woman. He was thanking his lucky stars that the child had been brought into his life, no matter how much he hated it at first. He was thankful that he got a chance to take her in, to become her father. To be the parent she _deserved_.

“Thank God she’s dead,” Rosita says, her accent coming out strongly with the anger in her voice.

“Who’s dead?” Came a croaky voice behind them. They swung around to face Henry, who was leaning against the wall, watching them. Aaron moved to crouch down beside him.

“Alpha.”

“All them skin freaks are dead,” Daryl spits out.

“Some joined us and live in the communities,” Tara finishes.

“Well, that explains why they stopped coming,” Ozzy says, sitting up more with a grunt. “I tried-I tried to help the others. I tried…I tried…”

Tara knelt down in front of him, putting a cautious hand on his arm. “I was there, too, Ozzy. I fought as hard as I have _ever_ fought. But it wasn’t _enough_.” Her voice becomes thick as suppressed memories flood back to her. “You did the best you could have. The _very_ best. There was nothing more you could’ve done.” Her voice breaks and she nods, as if she’s still trying to convince herself the very same thing.

He nods, dropping his head to hide the tears pooling in his eyes. Everything that happened flashes before his very eyes. He tried to suppress it, too. Tara could sense the growing anxiety in him and turned to the others. “Can we have a moment?”

Daryl gives her a curt nod, helping Aaron ease Henry up to his feet and out of the cave. Yumiko and Luke followed behind them. Rosita gives her a look and Tara nods. “It’s okay, Ro.” Rosita gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze before reluctantly leaving as well.

“When they stopped coming, we were just too scared to leave. And the boy, he was hurt. One day, part of the cave collapsed. We were scared shitless. And the boy, he was in rough shape. I had to take care of him. I shouldda gotten him help but was too scared to leave.”

“It’s okay to be afraid,” she said, wiping a tear off her own cheek. “I remember it all, hard as I try not to. I watched them get dragged off, one my one. I heard them scream, then silence. The silence was the worst. They were _kids_. Some of them were just _kids_. Addy and Rodney, they were Hilltop kids. And I _failed_ them. I remember I blacked out, and when I woke up, I was tied to a tree in the daylight. And I just-there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that they were gone. That I had failed them _all_. And Daryl-he and Carol and Yumiko and Michonne, they found me. And then, then we found the pikes.” She tries to breathe through her sobs and felt a hand rubbing her arm soothingly.

“I had to tell everyone what happened. Tell them the story of how we lost them all. Tell them that they had lost their friends, their family, their _children_. I had to go back to my people, I had to. And I just-I had to hold it all in. Then one day, Rosita showed up at my office in Hilltop. She was pregnant, said it was Siddiq’s. The father of her baby had his head on a pike, too. She told me…she knew I wasn’t okay. I was pretending to be fine. And we sat there crying together. And we started bonding again. We had been best friends before, and then Alexandria and Hilltop had a bad split. I was basically vice president of Hilltop at the time and Rosita was an Alexandrian soldier and we just, fell apart. But this, _this_ brought us back together. But her home was at Alexandria. When she was visiting, I was getting to be okay again. But when she went home, I would get these attacks, I’d see things that weren’t really there, and I’d wake up screaming in the middle of the night.”

“Did it get better?” Ozzy asks her.

“Someone radioed Rosita one day, and she showed up. She was pretty hurt I hadn’t told her about the nightmares and attacks. But I couldn’t talk about it, so she just held me. She stayed a while, stayed until she gave birth. I felt like I wasn’t useless for the first time when I took care of her and the baby. And then the war came. And we won. And Rosita went back home after. She visited when she could, but it wasn’t as often as we liked, because travelling with a baby was hard and she hated leaving her behind. But then Hilltop’s old leader came back, and I updated her on everything new. And then I went home and took over Alexandria when Michonne disappeared. And here I am now. So you see, it’s okay to not be okay.”

“What now?”

“’Well, they’re all gone now. It’s safe for you to leave. You can come home, Ozzy.” She reaches a hand out, putting it on his arm.

“Do I even have a home?” He asks, bitterness seeping into his voice as it sinks in how much he missed. He didn’t ask how long, but he knew it must’ve been a long while.

“You _do_ ,” she says in a determined voice. “All your people got taken in, mostly by Alexandria. They spend most of their time out beyond the walls, but they come back to food on their tables and beds to sleep in. Alexandria can be your home, too. I’m the leader there, I can make _sure_ it’s your home.”

He gives her a smile, a _thank you_ inside it.

“We can leave when you’re ready. If you want to sit here for a bit longer, we’ll sit here. If you want to go, we’ll go.”

“I think I’m ready to leave this hellhole of a cave.”

She lets out a small laugh. She stands, offering a hand to him. He grabs it, and she helps him to his shaky legs. “I’m right here, Ozzy. _Right here_. If at any point, you need to stop and take a moment, you tell me. It’s okay to need a moment.”

“Okay.”

She leads him slowly out of the cave, one step at a time. He leans on her as he figures out how to move his gelatin like legs again. Once they’re at the entrance, Daryl leaves Aaron with Henry and approaches the two to aid them. “Everyone ready?” She asks and gets an array of _yesses_ and nods.

Ozzy stands there a moment, breathing in deeply the fresh air and adjusting to the sunlight. He had missed the feeling of freedom, and he let his muscles begin to relax. His heart swelled when Dog trotted up to him, licking his hand. He chuckles, rubbing a hand over the animals thick fur.

“I’m ready now,” he gives Tara one of his million dollar smiles.

Rosita approaches them, taking Tara’s hand in her own. “Official introductions? Ro, this is Ozzy. He’s the leader of the Highway Men. Ozzy, this here is Rosita, my girlfriend. I’d say wife, but Gabriel won’t get off his high horse to marry us.” Rosita rolls her eyes with a huff of agreement.

“Well, screw that man and marry this pretty lady already.”

Rosita laughs. “I like you. And I would put a ring on it, but Gabriel is our only priest. He’s been a jealous dick since I chose Tara over his ass.”

“Do ya need a priest? Or would someone who was officiated online for a wedding back in the day suffice?”

The two women shared a look with broad smiles. “Why? Were you officiated and performed a wedding before all this shit went down?”

“I was,” he says proudly. “So I say screw the jealous prick and let’s have a wedding once we recover from these turns of events.”

“I’m down for that,” Tara says.

“I am, too,” Rosita says with a smile, leaning over to press her lips to Tara’s. Daryl, from his spot on the other side of Ozzy where he’s helping him walk, grumbles at the women.

“Shut up,” Rosita laughs, kissing Tara again.

“And hey, Coco can walk and understand some things, so guess we have a flower girl,” Tara points out.

“If we have Lydia sit at the end of the aisle, Coco will walk straight down the aisle without detouring,” Rosita agrees with a laugh.

“Coco? Is that the baby?” Ozzy asks. Tara nods. “How old is she?”

“She’s almost two,” Rosita answers. It sinks into Ozzy how long it’s been-in Tara’s story, Rosita was only pregnant when it all happened. And it hit him that he had spent over two years in that cave. Tara gave his hand a squeeze and he squeezed it back, letting her know he was okay, just processing.

“Are you going to be okay?” Tara asks Daryl, whose eyes were boring into the back of Henry’s head.

“I don’t want to lose her,” he says gruffly, trying to hide his emotions.

“You won’t, Daryl. She’s your daughter. She loves you more than anyone, besides maybe Coco,” she jokes, “you could _never_ lose her. Trust me. You’re her entire world. When you get home, you’re going to go to your house, we’ll get Ozzy and Henry to med bay. You’re going to hug your daughter close. You’re going to sit her down and explain what happened today because no matter how she’ll feel, she needs to hear it from you. To know no matter how hard it is, you’ll always be honest to her. You’re going to tell her it’s okay. And then, if she wants to, you’re going to take her hand and walk her to medical because that’s what you do. You’ll step out of the room and let her be with Henry. And when she’s done, you’ll hold her and let her be emotional and tell her you’re there. And you’ll walk her home and make her dinner, and then kiss her goodnight. Because that’s how you get through it. _Together_.”


	10. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Violence 
> 
> Warning: This chapter is very anti Carol

The first thing Daryl did when they went through the gates was head immediately to his house. He needed to see Lydia, the worries and thoughts still deep seeded in his mind. He wasn’t sure how he was going to tell her of Henry’s unexpected survival. It took her so long to stop blaming herself for his supposed death, and even longer to recover.

“Where’s Lydia?” is the first thing he asks when he enters the house.

“Upstairs,” Magna, who’s still with Connie, answers. “Did you find Yumiko?”

“Yeah, she’s alright. She’s helping Tara get some people we found get to med bay.”

He heads up the steps, stopping at Lydia’s door. He pauses, trying to clear his thoughts and knocks on her door before opening it.

“You’re back!” Lydia says with a smile from her spot on the floor beside Coco. The little one pauses playing with the toys to look up at him with a curious look. “Is everything okay?” She asks, seeing the solemn expression on his face. He sits at the edge of her bed and pats the spot beside him. She gets up and perches beside him.

“Lydia…we made a discovery when we were out there. Yumiko, Luke and Laura had found some people out there that were held captive. Two people. Two people who your mother had made us think were dead but never actually killed.”

“Who?” Lydia whispers.

“Ozzy, he was the leader of the Highwaymen. And…”

“Who?”

“Henry.”

Lydia shakes her head, tears pooling in her eyes. “N-No. That’s not possible. Dad…it can’t be possible. He’s dead, Henry’s _dead_. He’s been dead for _years_. He’s dead…dead…”

Daryl pulled her close, holding her tightly as she cried. Years of heartbreak were flooding back to her as she shook in his arms. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, rubbing a hand up and down her back. Coco gets up and walks to the bed, tapping Lydia’s leg with a whine. “Dia?” She doesn’t understand why Lydia’s crying, but she doesn’t like it. It almost scares her. “Dia!”

“Come here,” Daryl lets Lydia go and scoops up a whimpering Coco, placing her on her feet beside Lydia.

Lydia reaches for her, holding her close. She squeezes her eyes shut, burying her face in Coco’s hair. “It’s okay, Coco. It’s all okay.” She sniffs, kissing Coco’s temple. She sees Coco looking at her with wide eyes and she wipes her cheeks. “All better.”

“All better,” Coco mimics best she can, the words coming out in a jumble. “Dia.”

“Tara and Rosita brought Henry and Ozzy to Medbay. If you want to see Henry, you can. But you don’t have to.”

“I want to,” she chokes out. “I _need_ to.”

“I’m going to go fill Connie and Magna in while you get yourself and Coco ready,” he tells her, kissing her forehead. She grabs him in another hug then lets him go. He heads downstairs.

Lydia takes a moment to take some deep and collect herself. She puts Coco on the floor as she changes into a new shirt then changes her. She picks Coco up and she heads slowly down the stairs. She holds the toddler to her chest, one arm supporting her and the other caressing Coco’s head in a way to soothe herself. And Coco didn’t mind one bit, instead she yawns and mumbles a little as the soothing motion started to put her to sleep.

“Are you ready?” Daryl asks, placing a hand on her shoulder. She nods and the two set off. They walk in silence, Daryl’s arm firmly around Lydia, Lydia holding Coco close. Daryl didn’t press her to talk, he knew she’d talk when she was ready.

The reached Medbay and Tara approached them, talking softly to Daryl. Lydia couldn’t focus on what the leader was saying. She let Rosita take Coco from her, let her guide her to a door.

_And there he was._

Lydia dragged her feet forward numbly and she found a seat by the bedside. She put a quivering hand on Henry’s bruised, cold arm. “Henry?” She croaked out, her voice thick with tears.

“Henry, I’m so sorry. _I’m so sorry_ ,” she cries. “This was all my fault. You shouldn’t have been out there suffering for two years, it’s not fair. Not while I was living here, with a roof over my head and food in my stomach and building a family. I hope you wake up. I hope you’re okay. And I hope you can find it in you to forgive me when you do.”

Her head snaps up when she hears shouting from the other room. She recognized the venomous voice immediately. _Carol._ _Of course_ she’d be here; Henry was her son. She twists in her chair in time to see the door swing open to a red faced Carol.

Lydia felt guilt twisting in her gut. She felt for the woman who had gone through so much that she hated the world. She felt guilty, that she was part of the reason why.

“Carol, I’m so sorry-”

She was cut off by Carol’s hand striking her face with a shocking amount of force strong enough to unseat her. She falls sideways off the chair, hitting the ground. She hears a thud as her head smacks against the edge of the bed, then onto the floor.

She gets flashes. Flashes of her mother, of Beta. Of those who had hurt her. She felt like a weight was on a chest, fear engulfing her whole. A white hot burning pain was spreading through her cheek. She felt something hot and sticky trickling down her cheek, something sticky pooling at her head and soaking her scalp and hair. _Blood?_ She heard Coco crying in the distance, the distorted sound of a thump, then Daryl’s voice. She couldn’t understand it. She felt a cool hand on her burning cheek, fingers running though her hair. Tara’s soothing voice. Dots swarms her vision, and she finds it heavy to keep her eyes open any longer. So her eyes close.

_“Daryl!”_

“Lydia!” Daryl’s voice came closer. She groans a little when she feels her body pulled up into someone’s lap, more hands brushing back her hair, the hot liquid dripping down. She whimpers when she feels painful pressure being added to her head. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay. I love you, kid. I love you.”

She wanted to say it back to him, to tell him she was okay, but she only receded into darkness. 

……………………………………………………………………………………….

The first thing Lydia felt when she began to come to was how much her head hurt. It was an unrelenting deep throb that was pulling in her temple.

The next thing that registered was how dry her mouth was, like cotton. She tried to swallow but found the action too difficult.

The third thing was the voices coming through. She tried to focus on the words but every time she did, a sharp pain resonated through her. A sharp whine rips up through her throat when suddenly pressure is added to the already throbbing part of her head.

“Lydia? Lydia, can you hear me?”

_Daryl._

She tried to find the words to speak, but her head hurt _so_ much, and her mouth was _so_ dry. “Lydia, can you squeeze my hand?” She forced her stiff muscles to work when she felt his hand grab her own limp hand. She curled her fingers, squeezing his hand. She hears a whoosh of released breath and a wet laugh.

She feels a cool hand on her forehead, another under head as her head is lifted up. She feels cool air as what she assumes is a bandage being unraveled and removed. Something wet is dabbed to her head and she whimpers as it begins to burn. “You’re hurting her,” she hears Daryl’s muffled voice.

“We have to change the bandage, Daryl. It hurts and she’s reacting to it, that’s a good sign,” another voice answers. _Tara_.

She feels more pressure and the sensation of more bandage being wrapped. Her head is gently laid back down. She feels a comforting sensation of Daryl’s thumb rubbing the top of her hand and it slowly lulls her back to sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………

When she comes to next, she finds her head is hurting considerably less. All she hears is silence, but she still feels the heavy weight of a hand on hers. She gives the hand a squeeze and hears shuffling, relief flooding through her when she hears that it isn’t muffled.

“Lydia.”

Her eyes flutter, and she tries as hard as she can to open them. When they finally open, she squints as she adjusts. She’s thankful the light is off, that the curtains are mostly drawn. She blinks a few times when Daryl appears in her line of vision, a sigh leaving dry lips when she feels his hand stroking her cheek. “Can you speak?” When he gets no response, which frightens him so, he tries another question. “Are you thirsty?”

She dips her head in the smallest of nods and he disappears. A moment later he’s there again, and he’s helping her sit up. A cup is pressed against her lips and drinks it in, the cool water soothing her cotton mouth and throat. He pulls the cup away and she whines. “Not so fast, you’ll choke.” He gives her a moment to settle before offering the cup to her lips again. “Slowly, sweetheart.” She just wants to down as much as she can, but she relents and sips it. When she finishes the water, he sets it aside and helps her lie down. He props up some pillows so that she isn’t lying flat. 

“Dad,” she whispers.

He takes her hand, lifting it up and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “I’m right here, kid. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Carol?” She whispers hoarsely, tears shining in achy eyes.

“Carol ain’t gonna be a problem anymore, Kid.”

“What’d you do?”

“I was angry, and I threw her. I hit her. But she was fine. Tara has her on house arrest right now until we decide whether she can stay in Alexandria or not. Decide if what she did to you was a snap reaction and she needs to be watched or if she’s a danger to you or anyone else.”

“And Henry?”

“He’s alright. Shocked like you was. But he don’t have any real bad injuries, nothing he can’t recover from. He did ask ‘bout you though.”

“Did you tell him ‘bout Carol?”

“I had to. But you shouldn’t worry about them. Focus on you.” He lifts the chair he was sitting in, moving it closer so he can sit up closer to her. “How’s your head?”

“Hurts. Not as bad as earlier. Dad, how long have I been here?”

He hesitates. “Four days.”

_“Four days?”_ She tries to sit up and he pushes her back down gently. “I’ve missed so much. Coco-I watch her every day. Four days is too long for her-”

“She’s been okay the past few days, Rosita’s been staying home with her. And they can manage a few more days.”

“A few _more?”_ She urgently tries to sit up only for Daryl to push her back down.

“ _Lydia_. You’ve suffered from head trauma. You need to rest. You need to stay in bed. I can talk to the doctor, see if he’ll let me carry you home and you can stay on bedrest in your own bed. But you are not getting up. And you are definitely not chasing around an almost two year old.” He sees the distraught look on her face and sighs. “I’ll ask Rosita to bring Coco by for a visit once you settle. Alright?”

“Alright,” she mumbles.

………………………………………………………………………………………

By nightfall she found herself back home in her own bed. She was curled up under the covers, Connie sat beside her as she stroked her head. Daryl had been in and out of her room- more in than out. Judith kept worriedly peeking in as well.

Coco had spent a few hours curled up against Lydia under Rosita’s watchful eye. She had screamed and cried when Rosita had finally picked her up to go home. Hearing Coco’s fading cried had cause Lydia to finally break down, and that’s how she found herself in a ball with Connie running her slender fingers through her hair.

By the next day, her headache was almost completely gone. Rosita had brought a distraught Coco over, and Connie was watching her as the sat on Lydia’s bed, talking away and showing Lydia all her toys.

Daryl paused on her doorway. “Hey, Kid?”

She looks up at him, seeing a deep frown on his face. “What is it?”

“I need to ask you a question. I didn’t want to, but Aaron asked.”

“About Henry?” Lydia whispers.

“He wants to see ya.”


	11. Those Three Words

Daryl had kept Lydia in bed for nearly another week. He had wanted to make sure she was truly okay before she started moving around again. Judith had kept her entertained best she could, and either Tara or Rosita brought Coco by often enough.

Lydia had known this day was coming. After Daryl had told her that Henry had asked to see her, she had stared at him with bated breath. And she had told him that she didn’t want to see anyone outside their little family until she had recovered. She wasn’t sure how she felt. But she had been cleared from bedrest, and she would be lying if she said she wasn’t terrified, that she hadn’t been partially dreading this very moment.

The guilt of what had happened two years ago was eating her alive. It was fresh in her mind, reliving memories she had thought were finally long gone. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to face Henry-she wasn’t sure how she would take it when he blamed her, told her how she ruined his life. How it was her fault he lost two years of his life. 

“Are you ready?” Daryl asks her from her doorway. She wants to say _no,_ but instead she nods. “It’s just to the couch downstairs.” He grabbed ahold of her arm gently and helped her up.

She held onto his arm as if he was her lifeboat, letting him lead her down the stairs, to the worn but familiar couch. She sits, reluctantly letting him go. “I’ll get you some water.”

She sunk back against the couch with a deep sigh. He reappeared and handed her a glass of water. “Thanks, Dad.” Her head snaps up when she hears a knock, one she had come to recognize as Aaron’s.

Daryl tilts her chin up to look at him. “I’ll let them in. Aaron and I are gonna stay in the kitchen, alright? If you feel uncomfortable or scared at any moment, just call and I’ll come right to ya.”

She swallows hard and nods. And he slips away from her grasp. She hears his footfalls fade into the kitchen, the door opening and voices and more steps entering. _“Where is she?”_ His voice. It’s anxious, desperate. She pulls her legs up onto the couch and grabs the throw pillow, holding it tightly to her chest like an anchor.

She hears Daryl’s certain steps heading her way, and nervous ones dragging behind him. _“In here.”_ She stares at the doorway with wide eyes, feeling her heartbeat quicken. And there he was. Tousled dirty blonde hair, chocolate brown eyes, a face full of freckles.

 _“Lydia.”_ Her name comes in a breathless voice, as if he had been waiting his entire life for this moment.

“Henry.”

He takes a step towards her, then half a step back. Lydia sees it in his face-he wants to just launch at her, but he also is afraid to. So he tales a moment before approaching the couch and sitting. Near her, but not next to her.

“How’s your head?” He blurts out, rocking his head back as if he’s frustrated by himself.

“All better,” she whispers.

“I’m so sorry my mom did that-”

 _“You’re_ sorry?” she interrupts with disbelief lacing her words. “You shouldn’t be sorry. It’s _my_ fault. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“Why? Aaron said my mom _attacked_ you, that it was unprovoked.”

“It wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?” Confusion now masked his face and his tone.

“She was angry because I was there. It was my fault you were gone in the first place.”

“No!” She jumps a little at his shout. She hears it go eerily silent in the kitchen as well. “ _No_. No, don’t say that.” He reaches for her and she leans away with a breathy gasp. He sighs and scoots closer to her but keeps his hands in his lap. “It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I’m the one who kept following you and trying to protect you. It was _my_ fault. And you know what, Lydia? If I got a chance to redo it, I’d do the same all over again. Because I do _not_ regret saving you. Being tortured by your psychotic mother and stranded in the woods with Ozzy was one of the worst things imaginable, but just knowing that I went through that because I saved you, it kept me going. Kept me fighting to stay alive. _You_ saved _me._ ”

Lydia eyed him. She had to acknowledge that he seemed wiser, more certain and serious. Circumstance changes people. “But I still put you in danger.”

“I put myself in danger, remember? Your mom only attacked us after I took you for the second time.” He reaches a hand out, resting it on the couch between them, palm up. Inviting but not pushing. “Enough about who’s fault it is, because I’m not budging. You and Daryl now? Last I saw he was barely on board.”

She smiles a little, and he takes a mental picture of it. He thinks how many more smiles he wants to see grace her lips. “Daryl saved me. After the pikes…he took me in. I think at first, at first it was out of pity. But we kind of grew on each other. Friends, guardian. Now he’s pretty much my father. He made sure that you hadn’t died for nothing, that I stayed safe and had a home. A family.” She looks down at his hand and slowly extends hers, placing it on his. He laces his fingers through hers. She sighs. “I’m sorry I destroyed _your_ family.”

He gives her hand a gentle squeeze. “You didn’t ruin anything. My mom did by hurting you. No matter how mad she was, she had to know I’d never want you hurt.”

“I think that’s why.”

“Why what?”

“Why she did it. I think she’s jealous. She was scared that when you woke up and if I was sitting beside you, you wouldn’t want her. So in the moment, she was trying to make it so that you’d want _her_ first. She loved you too much to purposely ruin it.”

“Well try or not, she _did_ ruin it. I can’t forgive her for this.”

“She’s your mother, Henry. She deserves forgiveness.” He scoffs at that. “You know, my mother was a monster. But you know that. But still, often I find myself waking up in the middle of the night calling for her, or just thinking how much I miss her. Even though she beat me and was so awful, I still loved her. I can’t forgive her, but I can’t help but miss her. And your mom, she’s still here. She’s done some awful things, but she’s not a monster. And maybe, you can fix it before she becomes one.”

“Since when did you become so big on words,” he says with a watery laugh. He reaches out to hug her but pulls back, unsure. She shifts and moves closer and he wraps his strong arms around her. She rests her head on his shoulder, he rests his chin on top of her head.

“I missed you, too. Henry. Every single day. In the beginning, I kept hoping it was a bad dream, that you’d appear any second. It took me a long time to stop. But I never got over it. Over you. And I’m glad I never did.”

“Me, too,” he kisses the top of her head. “Me too.”

………………………………………………………………………………

 _“Are you okay?”_ Connie sits beside Daryl on the couch.

He grunts and shrugs. _“Henry’s back.”_

 _“I know,”_ she signs with a confused look.

 _“He came here today. Saw Lydia.”_ She puts a hand on his arm. _“Almost didn’t let them.”_ She gives him a questioning look. _“Don’t wanna lose her.”_

Connie puts her hands on Daryl’s, halting his signing. She lifts hers back up, _“You will **not** lose her. She’s your daughter.”_

_“He had her first.”_

_“He was a first crush. You’re her father. The most important person in her life.”_ She cups his cheek, guiding his eyes to meet hers.

“I can’t lose her,” he speaks. Connie smiles sadly and lifts her hands, signing _“you won’t.”_

She shifts closer, holding his face between her hands and pressing her lips to his. Not a distraction, but a calming reassurance. A million _I love you’s_ and _you are not alone’s_ in that one kiss.

Daryl grips her hips, pulling her into his lap as he deepens the kiss. A million _thank you’s_ running through his. He runs a hand down her back, not missing the way she shivers. She tightens her hold on his shoulders.

And then they pull apart. A mutual agreement-one step at a time. Not tonight. She moves so she’s beside him, leaning against him as he wraps an arm around her shoulder holding her close. He kisses her temple and she lets out a small hum of contentment.

With his finger on her forearm, he traces, three words. Three words that get her to turn in and hug him tightly. He relaxes back on the couch, letting her snuggle up and smiles a rare and fleeting Daryl Dixon smile. Three words that made him think that if he had to spend the whole night in this position, he’d be okay.

_I love you._


	12. The World Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attacks and talk about past traumatic events

“This is Coco. She’s Rosita and Tara’s daughter.”

Lydia is on the couch beside Henry, Coco on her lap. Lydia was more than happy to have her usual routine with Coco back. And even happier that she also had Henry back. “Hi, Coco.”

“Coco, this is Henry. Can you say hi?”

Coco waves with a toothy grin, “Hi!”

Henry chuckles at the toddler and Lydia smiles down proudly. Henry’s small smile grows bigger as he watches Lydia light up at the child on her lap. “You’re really good with her, y’know.”

She ducks her head, still not accustomed to getting compliments. “She makes it easy.”

“You’re being modest.”

She smiles slightly, keeping her eyes on Coco. She brushes her fingers over her curls. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah!” Coco slides off her lap and runs to the kitchen. Lydia chuckles and gets up, following her. Henry follows her.

“You can cook?” He asks her, a bit of surprise in his tone.

“Yeah, Connie taught me. She’s taught me a lot. So has Rosita and Tara. And Daryl, of course.”

She picks Coco up when she reaches her and straps her in her booster seat, giving her a toy to entertain herself. She fills a pot with water and puts in on the stove, lighting it. "Pasta okay?”

“Yeah, pasta’s great,” he says with a hum. “Last time I had pasta…it was before I ever even met you, I think?” He sees the guilty look pass her face and he holds a hand out. “Hey, not your fault. Remember?” She nods, focusing on stirring the pasta. “Lydia.”

“Sorry,” she mumbles. “It’s kinda hard, trying to erase two years of stuff, y’know?”

“I know,” he sighs. He places a hand gently on her back and she tenses for a moment, meeting his gaze. Then she relaxes. “It’ll work out. I promise.”

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.” That was her most common phrase to Daryl, and now to Henry.

“I have every intention of keeping it,” he says in a sincere tone, meeting her gaze. “I _promise._ ”

She sighs and nods after a moment pause. “Okay.”

He leans against the counter, mirroring her sigh. She was a very different girl than he had known. Braver, stronger, spoke more. But she was in a way more closed off and scarred than before. The world had changed him, and it had changed _her_ too. While his circumstance had made him wiser and more appreciative when it could have made him bitter, hers had just hardened her up. “Do you need some help?”

She shakes her head. “I like doing it myself.” She stirs the pasta, keeping her eyes cast away from his. She hears him sigh again but she refuses to acknowledge it.

He moves away to sit at the table, sparing looks her direction here and there. As she was finishing it up, Daryl entered the house. Daryl stepped in the kitchen pausing half a step when he saw Henry. “Didn’t know you were gon be here.” Daryl’s brow furrowed. It furrowed deeper when he saw Henry peer at Lydia who refused to look at or acknowledge them. “What’d you do.”

“Nothing.” He lowered his tone. “She still feels real guilty, I think. Which she shouldn’t. But she’s not letting me in.”

He pats his shoulder sympathetically. “Give her time.”

He walks over to Lydia, placing a hand on her shoulder as she stirred the tomato sauce in, a forlorn look on her face. “Hey, Kid. You okay?” She forces a nod. “Give me that,” he takes the spoon from her hand.

“Dad!”

“Go, sit.”

She huffs and spins on her heel and throws herself down on the chair beside Coco’s. “Dia.” Lydia unstraps Coco and pulls her into her lap. Coco holds up her toy. “Here.”

“Thank you, Coco!” Lydia says taking the toy and pretending to examine it like she’s never seen it before. Her distancing mood and expression begins to lift, replaced by her relaxing and a smile forming on her face. Henry slumps back against the chair, feeling helpless on what to do. “It’s so pretty.”

“So pretty,” Coco mimics, taking it back. “Hungy.” 

“Almost done,” Lydia reassures her, and the toddler scrunches up her face and shrugs.

“All done,” Daryl says not even a minute later. Lydia straps Coco back into her seat as Daryl places hers and Coco’s plates on the table. He serves up his and Henry’s as well. He sits at the end of the table, eyeing the two teens. “Okay, out with it.”

“Out with what?” Lydia asks, looking up from cutting Coco’s up in little bite size pieces.

“You two just sitting here looking miserable.”

“Nobody asked _him_ to come sit here all miserably at _our_ house,” Lydia snaps and Henry looks at her with a pained expression.

“Lydia!” Daryl shakes his head at her. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing!” She shouts, causing both men to jump. Coco whines.

“Hey, you don’t yell at me.”

“Then leave me alone!”

“No!” His voice raises with hers. “What’s the matter with you!”

"Nothing!” She shoves her chair back and scoops Coco up on her hip, picking the toddlers plate with her other hand.

“Sit your ass back down.”

“No!” She storms out of the room with a confused Coco, heading for the stairs. Daryl yells her name against but gets no response other than her bedroom door slamming upstairs.

Henry’s head falls in his hands. “I think she hates me now.”

“No, she don’t. I don’t know what’s the matter with her, but it’s not hating you. I’ll go have a good talk with her later when she ain’t so angry at the world. You should eat up.”

“I’m not hungry,” he sighs. Daryl gives him a stern look and he grumbles but takes a bite. Daryl digs into his food but the worry for his daughter kept growing in the back of his mind rather than fading.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

After Daryl eventually sends a distraught Henry back to Aaron, he heats up Lydia’s untouched lunch. He hadn’t heard any movement upstairs since she stormed up, but he knew she was up there. She had Coco and would never climb out a window with that little girl.

He gathers his all the patience and courage he has and climbs the stairs up to her room. He knocks and waits a moment. He hears shuffling and a bitter _“go away!”_

He tries the knob and growls when he finds it locked. “Lydia! Open the goddamn door, _now!_ ”

“No. I said _go away!”_

“Don’t make me kick this door in.” He gets no response and huffs. “I mean, it Lydia! Open the damn door.”

He hears a click and the door swings open and he’s greeted by Lydia’s scowl. She turns on her heel and goes back to the bed where Coco’s sitting, looking between them with wide brown eyes. “Dia?”

“It’s okay, Coco.” She sits beside the toddler, the scowl staying on her face. Daryl steps in and holds the plate up.

“You didn’t eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Don’t care. You’re eating.”

“No, I’m _not,_ ” she says in a hushed, cold voice. She fixes him with a steely look. 

“You want to be like this? _Fine_.” He puts the plate on the bed and picks Coco up. “I’m bringing her home. You ain’t seeing her again til you can knock this off.”

“No. Dad! Dad, _no!_ Don’t take her! Don’t take her away from me, _please!_ ” she begs, getting up. Daryl ignores her and carries the whimpering child to the door, shutting it. When he gets to the bottom of the stairs, he hears her enraged scream and the sound of the plate shattering against the wall. Coco bursts into tears and he rubs her back soothingly, leaving the house to return her home.

When he reached her home, it was a confused Tara who opened the door. “Is she okay?” she asks worriedly. “Ro was supposed to grab her in a few hours.”

“Lydia’s acting up bad,” he says gruffly. “Yelling and door slamming. When I took Coco, even smashing stuff.”

“She _has_ been through a hell of a lot recently,” Tara reminds him, taking a whimpering Coco.

“I know that,” he growls. “But she don’t have to act out like that.”

“She’s a teenager, and her boyfriend just showed up after being presumed dead for two years. That’s a lot for a kid to swallow. She’s only eighteen but has been through more in those years than most do in a lifetime. Try talking to her. Not fighting, but just sit there and let her tell you when she’s ready at whatever pace she needs. I wasn’t there, but I’m sure she’s acting out because she doesn’t know how to express or explain how she feels and not because she’s trying to hurt anyone or make you angry at her. She hates disappointing you.”

That throws Daryl off as realization slams into him. _“Shit.”_ Tara gives him a questioning look. “She probably thinks she did. Thinks she’s a disappointment. I screwed up.”

"Yeah you did, but you can still fix it. Go talk to her. And here,” she offers Coco back to him and the toddler lets out a frustrated scream. Daryl reluctantly takes the squirming child. “Hey! Coco! You’re going back to Dia, knock it off,” Tara scolds her and Daryl lets out a huff of relief when she stops kicking and he heads back home with her.

“Sorry, kiddo,” he tells the confused and frustrated child. Coco just stares at him. When they reach his house again, he heads up the stairs and knocks. When he receives no answer like predicted, he tries the knob and is relieved to find it unlocked. But his stomach drops when he finds the room empty. “Lydia?” He heads to the window, finding it locked and huffs in confusion. “Lydia!”

He moves through the house, checking all the rooms, calling her name in every one of them. “Come on, kid! Don’t do this.”

Coco points at the closet and Daryl looks at her on confusion but swings the closet door open anyways. “Nothing.”

“No!” Coco groans and throws her head back in exasperation, “Dia’s!”

“Dia’s? Oh, her closet?” He asks as realization finally hits him.

“Yeah!” Coco says with a huff. He shakes his head at her sass and goes back to Lydia’s room. He pauses at her closet, tapping on the door.

“Lydia?” He asks in a quiet voice. He hears a muffled and stuffy _“leave me alone.”_ He could tell she was crying. “Lydia, I need to talk to you.”

“Dia!” Coco screams impatiently, reaching out and hitting the door. “Dia, come!” She throws her head back and lets out a frustrated wail. He hears movement finally and the door cracks open just enough to Lydia to grab Coco, pulling her in. Daryl catches the door before it can slam close.

“Lydia.” He goes into the closet and she retreats to the back, sliding to the floor with Coco secure in her arms. He sighs and moves to the back, crouching down beside her. “Come on, Kid.” She gets herself in the corner, facing it with Coco safely between her and the wall. Daryl reaches a hand out and places in on the back of her shoulder, not missing how she flinches away.

“No,” she cries.

Daryl repositions so his back is to the wall and sits. He doesn’t see himself leaving the closet anytime soon. He reaches out despite her flinch and rubs his hand up and down her back soothingly. His heart aches worse than he thought possible as he listened to the sounds of her broken sobs. “I’m not angry, Lydia. I’m not angry. I’m not disappointed. I’m confused, sweetheart. I don’t understand what’s going on with you.”

“I just…I-I…I just wanna be alone,” she sobs.

“Nah, I don’t think you do. I think you’re scared and hurting, and you want to be comforted.”

“I…”

“Take your time,” he says gently, continuing to rub her back soothingly.

“It’s changed. The world has changed.” He waits silently while she tries to find the words. “It’s like two years ago, all over. But it’s changed. We aren’t the same. I’m not the same. I’m not the me he knew. He’s not the one I knew. So why does he just want it to fall back into place? Why? I don’t wanna go back to two years ago. I don’t wanna be that me. I wanna be me, and just me and only me. But I-I can’t. I don’t how to fix what I did, or to be who everyone wants me to be. I-I don’t know, Dad. I don’t-I can’t. Dad, please. I-”

“Shh. It’s okay, it’s alright. Come here,” he pulls her over carefully, wrapping his arms around her. She clings to Coco, her face buried in his shoulder and she cries. One arm wrapped securely around her, the other stroking her head. “Nobody wants you to change, Lydia. I love you as who you are, and I’ll love you for whoever you become as you grow. You’re my kid, and there’s nothing that can change that. And nothing that could make me not love you or want to change you. You stay who you are, who you want to be. Henry, he’s still adapting. He lost two years, and it was nothing you did. You were a victim as much as he was. And y’know, none of us would be here if we didn’t go save you. The guilt, it would have eaten us all alive. Henry, Connie and me. So, us saving you- it saved us. Okay? You saved me as much as I saved you. You saved Connie- you made us all a family. And Henry, your monster of a mother got to him, but he’s alive. He is alive, because your mother knew how much you meant to him and he meant to you. He’s alive still because of you. No more guilt, Kid. No more. There ain’t a single thing to be guilty of, besides maybe yelling at us earlier but that’s a small thing.”

“You’re saying that because you’re my Dad,” she says, voice muffled from his shirt.

“Yeah, I am your Dad. But I mean every word of it. Remember back when we first got ya? I didn’t want to keep you ‘round but Henry and Connie talked me into it. I told you it wasn’t your fault then, back when I barely knew you and barely liked you. I meant it then, and I mean it now. You are innocent in this, Lydia. Let that guilt just fall away because none of it is your burden to carry. Okay?”

“Really?”

“Really. Hey, look at me for a second.” She sits back and looks at him with tear filled eyes. He wipes the tears off her cheeks. “I’m not mad. I am not disappointed. But you gotta know, even if I get mad at you, even if I ever get disappointed with you, it won’t ever change how I feel about you. It won’t make me love you and less than I do now and always. If anything, I love you more and more each day. Understand?”

She nods. “You won’t ever stop? Never?”

“Never. You are the most important person in my life and that won’t change.”

“Not even if you have another kid, a real kid?”

“Hey, hey. Who put that notion in your head?”

She shrugs, giving him a look. “I know how babies are made, I’m not stupid. And you and Connie are real close.”

“There ain’t gonna be any baby, at least none anytime in the foreseeable future. And even if there were, you are real. You do not have to have my blood to be my real daughter, you hear me?”

“Gage says I’m not. He says when you have a real baby, you’ll just throw me back out in the woods where you found me.”

Anger filled his chest, but not at the girl in front of him. “Do you really think I’d do that?”

“No. But you could stop loving me as much.”

“Do I love Judith or RJ any less?”

“No.”

“Judith came first, and she had all the love, then RJ came, and we didn’t love her any less. we loved them the same. So, if there’s ever another baby, then we would love you just as much. But you don’t need to worry about that. Alright?”

She nods, a small smile on her lips. “Alright.” She shifts so she can go back to resting her head back on her shoulder. “Can we just stay right here a little bit longer?”

“We can stay here as long as you need.” He pressed a kiss to the stop of her head, going back to his original position, one arm around her and the other stroking her head as he settled in, expecting a long evening.

But he wouldn’t change a thing.


	13. Back to the Start

“Are you ready?”

It had been a few days since Lydia had hit her breaking point, and she hadn’t seen anyone since. Daryl had turned down a hunting trip and a scouting mission to stay by her side as she emotionally recovered. And she still _was_ recovering. But she was ready to see Henry. To talk and explain to him, with Daryl by her side as he promised. And, of course, with Coco on her lap.

“We are,” Lydia says, picking Coco up.

“Good. He’ll be here any minute.” The pair walked down the stairs. “Still want me to stay in with you?”

She nods fervently. When they entered the living room they were greeted by cookies and steaming mugs. “Cookie!” Coco squeals.

 _“Thought a snack would help,”_ Connie signs when they enter.

 _“It does. Thank you,”_ Lydia signs with a smile. Connie strokes her cheek as she passes her. Lydia sits, handing an excited Coco a cookie. Connie raises an eyebrow and Lydia chuckles softly, taking one for herself.

 _“I’ll be back later,”_ she signs to Daryl before kissing him. She smirks as he stutters, walking out.

“You were saying?” Lydia asks in amusement.

“You hush,” he says, his face growing red. He ducks his head at her laugh.

“Judith’s gonna be so mad she missed this, _again_.”

“How bout you don’t tell her?” He says grumpily.

“Now where’s the fun in that, Dad?”

He huffs and shakes his head at her but doesn’t try to shush her. He wanted to see her smile. He missed seeing her smile light up the room. Because a minute later, they heard a knock on the door and her smile vanished.

Daryl pressed a kiss to the top of her head before heading to answer the door. Lydia puts her attention on Coco, smiling at the giggly toddler. “What do you have?”

“Puppy,” Coco says, holding the stuffed dog up. “Like Dog.”

“Yeah, he looks just like Dog!” She says in a surprised voice and Coco giggles.

“Where Dog?”

“He’s probably sleeping somewhere,” Lydia tells her.

“Dog!” Coco shouts and sure enough, the sound of movement from upstairs was heard, thumping down the stairs then the sound of toenails clicking on the floor. Dog loped into the room and launched up on the couch. He circled a few times before plopping down, letting Coco pet his head. Lydia reached a hand out, smiling softly and she ran her fingers through his thick fur. She braced herself when she heard footsteps approaching.

“Lydia,” came Henry’s unsure voice. Daryl gave him a pat on the back before sitting on the footrest, pulling up a chair for Henry.

Lydia shifted, not liking having Henry directly across from her. But she knew to talk to him that was best. So she held Coco close and continued rubbing her fingers through Dog’s course fur.

Lydia gives Daryl a pleading look, asking him to start.

Daryl clears his throat, turning slightly to face Henry. “It’s been two years, which you know. A lot has happened in these two years.”

“I know,” he says quietly.

“Lydia and you, you ain’t the same people. She was guilty, real guilty about what happened. And it took a long time to help her get past it. She still ain’t fully past it. But she has grown into her own person, a beautiful person far different from the girl we rescued and ran away with. And she can’t go back to that girl, she _can’t_ go back. She needs to keep going forward.”

Henry turns to face Lydia, the same distraught look on his face he had last time she saw him. “Lydia? What does this mean?”

“It means…” She sighs deeply.

“Are we…over?” Daryl gives him a sharp look. But Lydia responds quickly.

“No! No…just…we’ve _changed,_ Henry. I’m not the girl you knew. You aren’t the boy I knew. We need a fresh start, back to the beginning. To get to know who we are _now_.”

He nods, letting her words sink in. “So, we go back to square one. Okay. Okay, we can do that.”

“Yeah, you better,” Daryl says gruffly. Henry slinks back in his seat under his stony look.

Lydia chuckles softly. “Dad.”

“What?” He huffs. He gets up, “I’m gonna go get you guys something to eat.” He rubs his hand over Lydia’s head as he passes.

“He’s overprotective,” Lydia tells Henry in an apologetic voice once Daryl is out of the room. Henry gives her a simple smile and gestures for the couch, and she nods in permission.

“So, where do we begin?” He asks and she shrugs. “Okay, simple stuff. Favorite color?”

She gives him a weird look and he raises an eyebrow. She thinks for a moment. “Purple.”

“Purple, got it. Mine’s blue. Favorite food?”

“Connie’s lasagna,” she says with a smile. “Yours?”

“I love pasta and sauce, like the one you made last time. Favorite thing to do?”

“Play with this one,” she looks down at Coco with a smile. “I love playing outside with Dog, too.”

“I love going for walks, clears my head. Or reading sometimes.”

“I like reading. Daryl, he built me a window seat bench so I can sit right in the window to read. I got a bookshelf full of books, too. I could show you, after we eat.”

“Would Daryl be okay with me going up to your room?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” she asks, and he just hesitates and shrugs.

The two fell into comfortable, idle chatter. Coco joined in here and there where she deemed fit, and both welcomed it. Henry could tell to be in Lydia’s life again, he had to be on good terms with the toddler. Which he knew would be a tough job, with how in tune the child was with Lydia’s erratic emotions. He could tell the child was intelligent enough to know when he was the cause of her distress from the guarded look she gave him, clearly remembering the flooded emotions from last time he was there.

Daryl shortly after called them to the kitchen to eat. Henry got up and offered a hand to her. Lydia gave him a smile and took his hand, letting him help her up. She hoisted Coco up on her hip and laughed at Dog who was whining from the loss of contact. They walked into the kitchen, and it wasn’t until she saw Daryl’s eyes zeroing on them and a grumble leaving his throat that she realized that she never let Henry’s hand go. And she didn’t even mind.

The two parted, Henry sitting in the chair he had last time. Lydia strapped Coco in and grabbed her own and Coco’s plates from Daryl before sitting in her own chair across from Henry. Daryl sat at the head, between both teenagers.

“Have a good talk?” He asks, the grumble in his voice causing Lydia to pause and look at him. She was used to the calm, gentle voice he had reserved for her, Judith, RJ, Coco and even Connie even though she couldn’t hear him.

“We did,” Henry answers, not fazed by his gruff voice. To Henry, this was normal. To Henry, it was normal to Lydia. So he didn’t quite understand why she looked taken aback by how gruff he sounded. “We got to know each other a bit.”

“Did you?” This time it was directed to Lydia, and this time his voice was much gentler. Now Henry was taken aback. 

She nods. “Some light stuff. Colors, books, Coco, Dog.”

Daryl makes a sound of acknowledgment and he turns to face Henry again. “I’m gonna say this once and once only,” he says in an eerily quiet and serious tone. “So you better listen up, boy. You were always good to her, good _for_ her. Long before anyone else was. But times have changed, and she’s my daughter now. So if you hurt her in any way, you make her do anything she don’t want to do, you ever make her come crying to me because something you did or said, you will regret ever coming back here. You understand?”

Henry swallows hard and nods. “Understood.”

“Good,” Daryl says and turns his attention back to his food. Henry looks at Lydia, who just shrugs with an apologetic look. 

He was starting to get that this was the new normal now.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

“We have an announcement.”

Rosita and Tara had shown up together to collect Coco and had rounded up Daryl, Lydia, Connie and Judith into the living room couches.

“Daryl, do you remember what Ozzy was saying on the walk back from the cave all those weeks ago?” Tara asks.

“Talking about getting married, weren’t ya?”

“Yeah,” Tara says with a huge smile. “Well…we wanted things to calm down and everything. And now that things are returning to normal, it’s time to start planning.”

“Obviously it’s like just like a week of stuff to plan versus like a year in the old world, so it’s happening real fast. But we want it special, y’know? We’ve been waiting _years_ for this,” Rosita says.

“Wait! You’re _really_ getting married?!” Judith asks, bouncing on her seat. “It’ll be like a fairytale!” 

The others in the room laugh at her excitement.

“We’re going to have the ceremony at the windmill, it’s the perfect location,” Tara says. “Isla is going to bake the cake, she’s the best baker here. We wanted to ask you, Connie, if you could make some of your famous lasagna?”

 _“I’d love to,”_ Connie signs with a bright smile.

“Maggie’s coming down to be my maid of honor, she’s like my sister.”

“And I wanted to ask you, Lydia, to be a double agent basically,” Rosita continues. “I want you to be my maid of honor, _and_ to successfully get Coco down the aisle.”

Lydia smiles and nods, at loss for words.

“And Daryl? I want to know of you’d be willing to walk me down the aisle?” Tara asks. “Eugene’s walking Ro down. You’re my family, and I’d be honored of you would.”

“Of course I will,” he says, flashing a rare Daryl Dixon smile.

“And you, Judith…you do so well organizing things, that we want you to help out with all the details.”

“What-wait- _me? Really?_ ”

“Really,” Rosita laughs as her excitement grows.

 _“Yes!_ A hundred times yes!” Judith squeals, jumping up to hug them both.

The room erupts into joyous laughter again. Daryl puts an arm around Connie, and she leans into him with a content smile. He reaches a hand out and gives Lydia’s shoulder a gentle loving squeeze.

Things really were picking up for all of them, and he couldn’t have loved it anymore.


	14. Because of You

“I think they should go right _here_.”

Judith had taken her role of organizer very seriously. She was sitting at the table with Rosita, paper and crayons spread in front of them as Judith marked the seating arrangements.

“You know that there’s literally only going to be like a handful of people?” Rosita reminds her. “It’s not like the entirety of Alexandria is going to show up.”

“And what if they _do?_ It doesn’t hurt to make sure there’s too many chairs than not enough.”

“It’s like a ten minute ceremony, Jude. We ain’t standing up there for an hour. Quick ceremony, cake, and we all just enjoy and dance the night away.”

“Still. You put me in charge, and I say more chairs,” she says firmly.

“No be mean to Mama!” Coco says to Judith, pointing a pink crayon at her. Lydia plucks the crayon from her hand, not chancing her throwing it.

“I ain’t being mean! We’re just debating,” Judith tells the toddler.

“Like she knows what that word means,” Lydia responds with a laugh and Judith just huffs, turning her attention back to Rosita and the papers.

“So Mr. Ozzy stands here, and the aisle is obviously _here_. And Lydia and Coco will walk first, then Aunt Maggie, then you with Eugene and then Uncle Daryl with Aunt Tara.”

“Yes, in that order,” Rosita confirms.

“So Aunt Maggie and Lydia sit after? And Eugene and Uncle Daryl?”

“No, so like how it works is the one who walks me and my bridemaid stand up behind me to the side and Tara’s does the same. Though we’re doing a switcheroo. So I’ll be on this side, and I’ll have Daryl and Lydia on my side _here_. And Tara will have Eugene and Maggie _here_.”

“So even though Eugene walks you down, Uncle Daryl will be on your side instead?”

“Yeah. Eugene’s cool with that.”

“Why?” Lydia butts in curiously.

“You don’t know Eugene well, so Tara and figured having you with Daryl would be best.”

“I’d be okay. It’s just ten minutes, right?”

“Right. But Eugene and Tara are best friends and I love Daryl, so it’s super simple. Plus, I’d imagine you and Daryl would just naturally migrate to the same side anyways, as would Eugene with Maggie since they were super close once too, so it’s actually easier. We didn’t change up our wedding because of you, so don’t you worry.”

“Okay,” Lydia says with a gentle smile, turning her attention back to Coco and RJ and their big picture they were drawing.

“Judith!” Rosita laughs as the tween adds even more chairs to the layout.

……………………………………………………………………………………

“What’s all this?” Daryl asks, entering the room later that day.

Rosita had left with Coco shortly before, so it was just Lydia, Judith and RJ. Judith was touching up details of the layout she and Rosita had started while Lydia and RJ were continuing with their drawing.

“Plans for Aunt Tara and Rosita’s wedding!” Judith answers enthusiastically.

“I’m drawing a picture of our family,” RJ says. “See, Uncle Daryl?”

Daryl moves to stand behind him and Lydia. “This is me and Judith. And here’s you, Lydia and Connie. And Dog. And over here, that Aunt Rosita, Aunt Tara and Coco cause they’re our family too.”

“You did such a good job on this, bud,” Daryl tells him, tousling his curls.

“Lydia helped me.”

“You _both_ did a good job,” he says, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of Lydia’s head. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Aunt Rosita made us some pasta a few hours ago,” Judith answers. “But I’m kinda hungry still.”

“Me, too!” RJ exclaims.

“Lydia?” Daryl asks and she nods as well. “Alright, I’ll make some dinner. You guys clean up and put the paper and crayons away.”

The three puts the crayons scattered over the table in the container they belonged in, Judith collecting the wedding papers while Lydia gathered the drawings. They were relatively quiet as they put everything away, Daryl making the dinner quietly. Soon enough they were all finished, and dinner was served. Daryl sat at his spot at the head with Lydia at his side, Judith on his other side with RJ beside her.

“Did you completely take over Rosita’s plans?” He asks Judith.

“No…”

“Yes,” Lydia says at the same time.

Judith sticks her tongue out at Lydia, earning a disapproving look from Daryl. “Behave.”

“Sorry,” she rolls her eyes. “I just gave her my very best advice is all. And added a lot more chairs. That’s all, I swear. I was kinda bossy, but I was respectful and listened mostly. She let me, not like she told me no. Honest. Right, Lydia?”

“Right,” Lydia assures her.

“Coco called her a meanie and said she was mean to Auntie Rosita,” RJ tattles and Judith huffs at him.

“Tattletale.”

“Coco was just confused,” Lydia jumps to Judith’s defense. “They were passionately discussing how many chairs they’d need, nobody was mean.”

“Thank you!” Judith says to her. _“You’re_ my favorite,” she says, fixing her little brother with her best glare.

“Judith,” Daryl says, and she sighs again.

“Sorry. _Again._ ”

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“Dad?”

Daryl’s head shot up, looking at Lydia confusedly. “It’s the middle of the night. Is everything okay, kiddo?”

She nods and walks over to him, sitting down beside him on the couch. “Why are you awake?” She asks him.

"Just thinking, now why are you?”

“I can’t sleep. Just thinking, too.”

“Lay down,” he tells her, and she draws her feet up, laying on the couch with her head on his thigh. He runs his fingers through her hair soothingly. “Now tell me, what’s on your mind?”

“Are you ever getting married?” She blurts out sleepily. His hand pauses.

“Married?”

“To Connie?”

“No-I don’t…I don’t know. Why is that keeping you up, huh?”

“Do you love her?”

His brow furrows. “’Course I do, you know that.”

“But, like…do you _really_ love her?”

“What are you getting at, Lydia?”

“If someone feels like that…why wait? In this life, you may never get another chance. Rosita and Tara managed through this all to get married. They waited cause they _had_ to. Tara said that if they could have, they’d have been married years ago.”

“Some people gotta take their time, Kid. I do love Connie, but we ain’t at that point yet. We still figuring things out, we’re taking our time. Because rushing into something, that ain’t good either. Lots of regrets happen from rushing into things. Into marriages.”

“Like having kids?” 

“Some people, they get married cause someone gets pregnant, yeah. But that ain’t something that’ll happen.”

“What about kids already there?”

 _“Hey._ You, Judith and RJ aren’t forcing anything or holding anything back. We’re going at our own rate because of you and them. Making sure it’s right, making sure we all get what we deserve. You know Connie loves you.”

“She loves me because of you.”

“No, she loves you because of _you_. She was the one who convinced me to stick with you all way back when, remember? She loved you before there was a me and her. She loves you like you was her own. You know that.”

“I guess.”

“You _know_. Put the doubts to rest, sweetheart. You need to get some sleep.”

“I don’t want to sleep.”

“I want you to sleep. Let’s go,” he scoops his arm under her knees, lifting her up.

“Dad,” she whines.

“C’mon.” He carries her upstairs and to her bedroom. He places her on the bed, sitting beside her. “I’ll stay right here til you’re asleep, alright?” He strokes her hair lovingly.

“Kay,” she mumbles.

He knows it won’t be long until sleep takes her over. And he was right, within ten minutes she was deep asleep. But he stayed by her side, stroking her head soothingly long into the night.


	15. This Woman's Work

“Do I _have_ to wear a dress?” Lydia asks, a whine in her tone.

When Rosita showed up on her doorstep, her arms full of dresses instead of a toddler on her hip, Lydia knew it was going to be a long day. Rosita had held her captive, trying to convince her to try some on for the last few hours. The bride to be was not backing down, but Lydia was feeling her resolve wearing off with tiredness.

 _“Yes_. Come on, _everyone’s_ dressing up.”

“Even Dad?”

“Well, not him. No way in hell will I convince him to put on a suit. And I’m starting to like it’s like father, like daughter. You’re nearly as stubborn as he is.”

Lydia smiles proudly at that. Not so much at being called stubborn, but at being compared to Daryl.

“Wipe that smirk off, I’m not backing down. If I have to hound you every minute of every day til the actual wedding, I will.”

“Why do we need to dress up anyways? Nobody dresses up anymore.”

“Because we want a level of normalcy. People don’t really have weddings anymore either, they just decide they’re married and that’s it. But we don’t want that. I mean, I don’t care much for big gestures, but Tara apparently does. She wants a wedding, she wants it to be a normal, happy and blissfully unaware of the world around us for a night event. And I plan on giving that to her, no matter what it takes.”

“Okay,” Lydia says simply and grabs the purple dress from the pile. “Just this once, don’t you ever ask me to wear one of these again after this wedding.”

“I won’t, ever. Trust me. I won’t ever wear a dress _myself_ after this wedding,” she admits and Lydia laughs. Rosita shoos her to the washroom to try it on. “Do you need help?” She calls after Lydia fails to emerge after a long moment.

“No,” came the answer and Rosita gets to and goes to the closed door anyways.

“You sure?”

“It’s on. It just… _feels_ weird. _Looks_ weird.”

“Can I come in?” Lydia tells her yes and she enters the room, smiling. “Well aren’t you gorgeous.” She walks up behind her, seeing Lydia stare uncomfortably into the mirror.

“It’s so tight,” she complains quietly.

“It’s supposed to be. We raided a wedding store, these are like all mostly bridemaid and maid of honor dresses meant for old world weddings. _I_ think you look absolutely beautiful. And I think Henry will think the same.” She chuckles at the blush that spreads on her cheeks. “Is it serious? You and Henry?”

“N-No, not exactly. We’re still…figuring out who we are. He’s different, but he’s still the same boy I loved before. Selfless, brave, the best listener in the world. He’s gentle, understanding. A lot of that is more heightened. But he’s _so_ put together and I’m so _not_.”

“Well, I think you’re still the same girl to him, too. You’re just more comfortable and braver and happier than you were before,” Rosita tells her, putting her hands on her bare shoulders.

“I’m _not_ brave.”

“Yes you _are_. I wish you saw yourself how everyone else sees you.”

“Everyone else?”

“Daryl first of all. And Connie. Me and Tara. You know, you’re the only person who’s ever taken Coco overnight besides us? Ever? The only person we trust to leave her with all day. If you weren’t as put together and brave do you think we’d leave our baby turned toddler with you as often as we do?”

“No?”

“Exactly. Come on, I hear movement out there. I think Daryl and Connie are back.”

“Wait! I gotta change back-”

“No, I want to show Connie you in this dress. She’s going to think you’re just a beautiful as I do. So come on,” she takes her hand and pulls her out of the room with her. Lydia grumbles as Rosita half leads, half drags her to the kitchen. In the kitchen sure enough they found Daryl, Connie, Judith and RJ. Judith is the first to spot them and she gasps.

“You got the dresses?! Do I have one?” She asks in an excited squeal.

“There’s some on the couch, a pile of what I think would be your size,” Rosita yells as Judith bolted out of the room before she could finish. “Look who I finally got in a dress?”

Lydia folds her arms, a dissatisfied look on her face. “Don’t think she likes that,” Daryl tells her.

“More like _you_ don’t like it,” Rosita chuckles. “ _I_ like it, _Connie_ likes it.”

Connie nods, signing “beautiful.”

“You just don’t like seeing your daughter, who’s a young adult and not a little girl by the way, in something tight and kind of revealing. I get it. But she’s wearing it, for one night and one night only.” Both Lydia and Daryl cringe.

“Can I change back into my clothes now?” Lydia asks and Rosita sighs and nods reluctantly. “Thank you.” She turns and laves the room as quickly as she can. She hears Rosita laugh at her haste and she can’t help but crack a smile now that nobody can see her.

She leans against the wall, waiting for Judith to emerge from the washroom. A minute later, she bursts out excitedly, spinning around in a princess-like purple dress. “Look at me!”

Lydia smiles, unable to hold it back. “You look like a real life princess.”

“I know right! It’s so magical!” She turns and runs to the kitchen. As she goes into the washroom she hears, “Aunt Rosita, Uncle Daryl, Aunt Connie, look at me!” 

She changes back into her jeans and shirt, gently folding it and places it with the other dresses before entering the kitchen. Judith is still there, gushing about how much she loves the princess dress despite her love for jeans, flannels and cowboy boots. She sits beside Daryl, who looks equally unimpressed by all the wedding and dress talk.

Daryl looks at her when she sits. “You look happier.”

“Not a dress fan,” she says quietly. “Are you going to dress up?” He grunts and shakes his head. “Not even…for Connie? I think she’d love to see you all dressed up even for one night.”

“Shush,” he huffs, and she smirks.

“That’s how she convinced me to keep the dress on.”

“Cause Connie would love to see you all dressed up?” He asks, confused.

“Not Connie.”

“Then who— _Henry?_ ” He scowls at that thought. He knew the reasons he didn’t like the dress was the very reasons Henry _would_. And that thought was one he didn’t want. She nods and he grunts.

“Dad,” Lydia says softly. “It’s _Henry_. You know him.”

“Doesn’t mean I gotta like the fact he spends all his time around you.”

“You’re the one who wanted us to work it out,” she reminds him.

“I have regrets,” he grumbles. She gives him a look and he sighs, putting an arm around her. “I’ll try to be nicer.”

“Thank you.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………

 _“Lydia says I’m too mean to Henry,”_ Daryl signs to Connie that night after the rest were home or in bed.

 _“You can be,”_ Connie signs with a gentle smile. _“You’re overprotective.”_

_“She’s my daughter.”_

_“But you can’t shelter her forever, she’s not a little girl who needs us by her side every step anymore,”_ she puts her hand on his arm once she finishes signing. He covers her hand with his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. He knew he couldn’t keep her glued to his side forever, but he didn’t want to let her go. When he let her hand go, she continued. _“It’s not like she’s going to move in with him and get married. They’re just dating, spending time with each other. It’s innocent young love.”_

He grumbles but nods, knowing she’s right. She gives a satisfied smile. _“Are you all set here?”_ She signs, like she does every night before leaving.

 _“You don’t have to leave,”_ he says while signing, cringing as he does so. She raises her eyebrows at him curiously. _“You could…uh, you could stay here if you want to.”_

She smiles brightly, signing back quickly, _“took you long enough to ask.”_ He gives her a surprised look and she laughs. _“Kelly, Magna, Miko and Luke have been making bets. So have others.”_

 _“Who?”_ he asks although he already knows.

“Rosita, Tara, Lydia and Judith.”

“I’m gonna give those girls an earful tomorrow.”

“I bet you will.”

He scoffs and takes her hand and the two head up to his bedroom together. Unbeknownst to them, Lydia and Judith give a silent high five and held back giggles from the other side of Lydia’s door, finding their work complete.


	16. Without A Doubt in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for the record: this is a more light-hearted, family fic. No attacks, no bad guys. Because life has to be more than that. So a Donnie Family fic it shall stay.

“This is it!” Rosita exclaims, moving around the area, inspecting everything.

Luke, Magna and Yumiko had made easy work of Judith’s planning, in just an hour they had the tables set up and the chairs in place. Tara had vetoed Judith’s want for chairs to fit all of Alexandria, so they just had enough for who they had planned to come and some extra from stragglers who felt like joining in.

Connie and Kelly had spent the day baking their beloved lasagna, enough for the entirety of Alexandria if need be. On last check Isla had the cake nearly ready. The older woman had exclaimed how happy she was to have a wedding cake to prepare—she missed the days when she owned a popular bakery.

As for the others, they were getting ready. Tara was at her house with Maggie getting ready, while Rosita was at Daryl’s with Connie and Lydia. Lydia was mostly getting Coco ready while Connie was mostly helping Rosita.

“So glad I have this instead of a big poufy while gown,” Rosita says while signing. “Tara and her purple are giving us the coolest gowns ever.” She gestures to her own floor length gown, lacy sleeves and sparkle waist. “I’m surprised they all stayed this preserved in the apocalypse.”

“No need to break into a wedding store I guess,” Lydia responded, helping Coco into fluffy purple dress picked out for her.

“So pretty,” Coco squeals, playing with the feathery layers.

“The prettiest,” Lydia tells her, kissing the giggly toddlers forehead. Lydia pulls her dark curls back and tied them in a ponytail, wrapping purple ribbon around it. She takes a step back to observe her work and smiles. “You’re so beautiful, Coco.”

“Okay, how’s it look?” Rosita asks once Connie taps her shoulder to say she’s done with her hair.

“Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful,” Lydia says with a huge smile. Connie had done a French braid that turned into a bun with Rosita’s long black locks. Connie herself had changed into a simple but stunning purple dress that skimmed right below her knees and thin straps for sleeves. She had her hair pulled up in its usual fashion and Lydia swore to convince her to let her tie in a ribbon. “You’re _both_ beautiful.”

Connie smiles her thanks and strokes Lydia’s cheek. “Just you to get ready, love,” Rosita says and holds her dress up. Lydia sighs but takes it from her to change into. Connie picks Coco up.

“And now _you’re_ beautiful,” Rosita says, hands on her shoulder.

“I don’t know,” she sighs. “It still feels weird.” She looks in the mirror at herself. The dress skimming just above her knees, wrapped firmly across her torso with no straps or sleeves.

“You feel exposed. It’s okay, you aren’t used to it. But it’s fine.” She kisses her cheek. “You’ll see.”

“Dad doesn’t like it.”

“No father likes seeing his little girl all dressed up, especially showing _anything,_ no matter how old she is. But it’s not the dress, it’s the fact that Henry will see you in this dress.”

“You really think Henry’ll like it?”

“Oh, kid, he’s gonna _love_ it. Trust me.”

“Good,” she smiles.

“Now sit so I can do your hair,” Rosita orders. Lydia sits and Rosita gets to work while Connie continues to entertain Coco. Rosita brushes through Lydia’s long hair and starts braiding it in a half up half down style. “There,” she says when done. “Gorgeous.”

Lydia stands up, blushing under Rosita and Connie’s compliments. She takes Coco when Connie offers her, and they make their way downstairs when Daryl and Eugene are.

“Oh my aren’t you a perfect picture,” Eugene says when he sees Rosita appear.

Daryl moves over to Lydia. Lydia smiles when she sees he’s changed. He wasn’t in any dress clothes, but he had a clean black shirt under his black jacket and his best jeans. “I’m gonna head over to Tara’s, was waiting til you was done to tell you.” Lydia nods, her stomach dropping at him leaving but she reminded herself she still has Rosita and Connie here. Daryl leans in and whispers in her ear, “you look very beautiful.” He kisses her forehead before disappearing, leaving her with a huge smile on her face.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Coco, remember what you do?”

“Throw flowers!” She yells and Lydia laughs.

“Yeah, we’re going to do that in a minute. When I tell you, you throw those flower petals, okay?”

“Kay!”

Jerry gives Lydia her signal and she motions Coco to walk with her. She keeps the basket with the purple flower petals in her own hand so Coco can pull handfuls out to toss. She swallows, being with the flower girl would make her the first one up there beside Ozzy. The people were all people she knew, but it still made her queasy.

“Okay, Coco. Now!” She tells the toddler when they reached the aisle and she starts tossing flower petals, giggling loudly. She hears everyone laughing at the adorableness and Lydia keeps her focus on Coco, not the people around her. The make it to the front successfully. RJ, who was the ring bearer, came up behind them, his hand in Connie’s. Connie picks up Coco, and they sit at the chairs at the front where Judith’s already waiting. RJ sits beside his sister.

Rosita was walking down next, her arm firmly in Eugene’s. She felt a calming presence, walking down the aisle to marry the love of her life with her closest friend giving her away. There was a time Eugene would have been jealous and upset at the prospect of Rosita dedicating her life to someone else, a time he loved her as more than a friend. But that time was over and all he wanted was her happiness. He walked her up and he reluctantly let her go, giving her a firm hug before moving to the other side like planned.

Maggie walked down the aisle next, waving to her old friends who were excited to see her return. She reached the front and gave Rosita a hug before settling beside Eugene. Then Yumiko came down next, being Tara’s next best friend.

Then came Tara, her arm in Daryl’s. “This is kind of surreal,” she whispers to him.

“Almost forget what world we’re in,” he agrees.

“They all outdid themselves with this. It’s like a dream come true.” Her eyes fall on Rosita. _“She’s_ like a dream come true.” He gives her arm a gentle squeeze before moving to his spot on the other side behind Lydia, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“Hey everyone,” Ozzy’s speaks loudly. “Now these little ladies don’t want some long, technical ceremony. Just something sincere, true, and uplifting for everyone. So I’m gonna skip the whole long ceremony and jump into the good stuff so everyone can enjoy this day. Sound good?” He gets a sound of approval from everyone.

He began the simple ceremony, Tara taking Rosita’s hands sometime during it. Their eyes connected, smiles adorning both faces. Rosita rubbed her thumb over the top of one of Tara’s hands. Ozzy drew their attention back in.

“Do you, miss Tara Chambler, take this woman to be your now lawfully wedded wife? To love her, to honor her, to comfort her and keep her in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” Tara nods, her voice thick with emotion.

“Tara! If you cry, I’m gonna cry,” Rosita tells her and those within hearing range chuckle.

“I can’t help it, Ro,” Tara tells her with a watery laugh.

“Do you, miss Rosita Espinosa, take this woman to be your now lawfully wedded wife? To love her, to honor her, to comfort her and keep her in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?”

“I do!” Rosita says, wiping the tears off her own cheek. “Damn it Tara,” she laughs, and Tara joins her.

A lot of the rest was a blur to both women—a beautiful, wonderful blur with teardrops on cheeks and laughs and moments. Tara slipped the ring on Rosita’s finger, and Rosita did the same.

“And with the power vested in me, I pronounce the two of you’s wife and wife! You two may now kiss.”

Rosita didn’t waste a moment, she took that step forward and pressed her lips to her now wife’s, cupping her cheek lovingly. The whole world, the whole audience, melted away in that blissful, magical moment. When they pulled apart, they were greeted by the cheering of their happy guests.

They surveyed those seated, seeing not many dry cheeks. Connie smiling happily, a curious Coco on her lap. Judith with the biggest smile humanely possible on her face clapping, RJ mimicking her. To the right behind Tara, a teary eyed Eugene holding onto an equally teary Maggie. Yumiko was smiling over at Magna, both with blinding smiles. And to the left behind Rosita, Daryl who was actually genuinely smiling, his arms wrapped around a very happy Lydia who, like the others, had wet cheeks and shining, happy eyes paired with a smile.

It was the happiest moment of their lives.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 _“Dance with me,”_ Connie signs, taking Daryl’s hand and gives him a tug.

 _“I don’t dance,”_ he tells her.

 _“Please?”_ She tugs his hand again. “I can’t remember last time I danced at a party.”

He grumbles a little, before admitting, “I don’t know how.”

“I’ll teach you,” she signs before taking both his hands, trying to pull him to where other couples were dancing. Rosita and Tara, Eugene and Stephanie, Ozzy and Isla, Jerry and Nabila. She directs one of his hands to the small of her back, placing hers on his shoulder and keeps their other hands interlocked.

She smiles as she sways with him. She could feel the vibration of the music under her feet and used that as her guide as she guided him through the dance. He moved stiffly and uncomfortably, but the longer they danced the more his movements because less stiff. He moved awkwardly, but it was comfortable, happy. It was becoming a moment to treasure. A beautiful moment that was being engraved in both their minds for all eternity.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“You’re beautiful.”

Lydia turns around from where she’s getting a slice of cake to find Henry behind her. She looks down, blushing. “Thanks.”

“Here,” he steps up beside her and grabs the plate she was reaching for, offering it to her. She takes it with a smile as he grabs his own. “Looks like Connie has Daryl fully occupied.” Lydia cranes her neck to see Connie trying to lure Daryl to where other people are dancing. “Now’s our chance.”

“Our chance?”

“Come for a walk with me?”

She smiles and nods, sparing one last look towards her father before following him. The two strolled down one of the streets, eating their cake around small talk.

“My mom wants me to move in with her instead of staying with Aaron. Tara’s decided to continue her house arrest and take more time to decide if she can stay or has to be exiled.”

“Are you going to stay with her?” Lydia asks curiously.

“Tara said it’s up to me. But I don’t think I could stay with her, not after what she did.”

“She was angry, Henry. She meant to slap me, she didn’t mean for me to hit my head like I did.”

“I don’t care. And it’s not just that. Aaron said that a few months after I was thought to be dead, that she used you to try to get to _your_ mom. And that you ran away and lived almost year in a cave all by yourself. You didn’t stay with Daryl all safe this whole time, you spent time out there hurt too, like I did.” She sighs and looks down. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I don’t like talking about it.”

“Okay,” he accepts, realizing pushing her wouldn’t be best. “Okay.” He throws his plate in a compost can as they pass, and Lydia does the same. He offers a hand out and she takes it, lacing their fingers. They continue on their walk. “I know you, y’know. You said you wanted us to get to know each other, and I did.”

She looks at him. “Do you?”

“I know when you get a compliment, you bite your lip and look down. When you’re nervous, you fold in on yourself. Your eyes follow people around even if you stay frozen. When we eat pasta, you eat the tomatoes first because they’re your least favorite. You tend to grab the throw pillow the moment you’re on the couch with anyone but Daryl. You like water when it’s the coldest. You tap your foot at dinner sometimes when you don’t know what to say, and your hold your fork a certain way only. You may not be aware of it, but you pick at the edge of the page when you’re reading a book. You never put your hair up because you like to have it fall in your face to hide. You’re a deep thinker which is why you always win at chess. You always think hard before you speak, and you’re calculated. And right now, you’re biting your lip again because you don’t quite know what to say or do with what I’m saying. And I know you’re going to want to come up with a whole list of how you know me so I’m not the odd man out, but don’t. Because I know you, and I know that you know me, too. I see how observant you are, and how you jot down mental notes all the time. You know me.”

“Henry, I—”

“You don’t need to say anything,” he reaches up his free hand and strokes her cheek. “But I do need you to answer a question.”

“What is it?”

“Can I kiss you?”

A million thoughts raced through her mind, and she stared at him. She didn’t answer him. Instead, she closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his. His hand on her cheek slipped to the back of her head, and he let her hand go, his hand finding its place on her bare back. She shudders at the contact and he deepens the kiss.

He missed this. Missed having this chance. He’d only gotten a few moments with her before he was lost, a few times where he got to kiss her. A few moments where he held her trembling hand. Those fleeting moments were gone and replaced by something more beautiful. Her hands no longer trembled, they were firm and secure on his shoulders, grounding herself. Those fleeting pecks on the lips were gone and replaced by soft lips, greedy for contact. She tasted like vanilla frosting, and she smelt like the flower petals Coco threw in the air. And she felt perfect. Perfectly soft lips moving in sync with his own, soft and scarred skin under his hand on her back. He promised himself that one day, he’d trace every scar on her body and learn each one’s story as he kissed the pain away.

But tonight, tonight he was blissful and without a doubt in love. In love with this feeling. In love with her touch. In love with her kiss. In love with her.

Over the last few weeks, more and more sure has Henry become of his conclusion: he was without a doubt in love with Lydia Dixon.


	17. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: An attempt at smut

“If my dad catches you, he’s going to kill you.”

It was a morning a week after Rosita and Tara’s wedding. Daryl and Connie had gone out hunting, so Lydia and Henry were quick to take advantage of the empty house. He found himself in Lydia’s room and, despite her warning, she didn’t want him to leave. As much as Daryl hated it, Henry spent more time here than at Aaron’s. But he didn’t complain, at least not yet. Rosita and Tara had left for Oceanside for a while and they brought their daughter with them, and Henry’s never-ending presence made Lydia miss Coco being gone less. He was banking on once Coco returned, Lydia’s sole focus would be on that child again. But Lydia was sure she could balance both—being Coco’s babysitter and being in a rapidly growing relationship with Henry.

“It’d be worth it,” he says before reattaching his lips to her neck. She hums.

“If you leave a mark, he really _will_ kill you.”

“You want me to stop?” her mumbles against her neck.

“No,” she breathes out. “But I’d really like it if he didn’t ban you from ever coming here again.”

He presses one last kiss to her neck before sitting back. “Fair enough.” Lydia chuckles at his disappointed look and he shakes his head at her. He pulls her onto his lap, “no harm in this though.” He kisses her deeply and she wraps her arms around his shoulders, holding him close. His hands roam all over her body, down her spine, her hips. His other hand finds its way under her shirt, running up her stomach. His hand tentatively finds her breast.

“Is this okay?” he whispers against her swollen lips.

“Yeah,” she whispers back.

“Can I take it off?”

She responds by pulling her own shirt over her head. He slides his hands to her back, unclipping her bra and discarding it, giving him full access. “You’re so beautiful,” he tells her before reconnecting their lips. He lowers her back against her pillows, his finds finding her breasts again. He kneads them and she moans into the kiss. He explores every inch of skin he’s able to. He fumbles at the button of her jeans, “May I?”

She swallows and nods. He pulls her jeans down and she waits with bated breath. He’s quick to return, kissing her again. In the midst of the kisses, he slides his hand down between her legs and no part of her wants to stop him. He waits for her protest, and when she tells him it’s okay, he continues. And the world melts away and it’s just the two of them, like nothing else exists. And when she hears the zipper of his own jeans, and when she had a whole new sensation, she knew she was never turning back.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Do you want to go out hunting? Or out exploring?” Lydia asks one afternoon.

She and Henry were on the couch, one of his arms around her shoulders and the other playing with her fingers.

“I—I don’t think I’m ready yet, to go back out there. We could um, we could go for a walk on the streets though?”

“Why do you sound so worried?” She asks, turning to face him.

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” he sighs.

“I’m the one who’s always worried about being a disappointment, not you. Henry, not being ready to leave the walls of safety after what you went through is not disappointing. You know when my dad first brought me home, I spent almost a month in my closet.”

“Seriously?” He looks at her wide eyed.

“Seriously. I barely left. He’d leave food outside the closet door. Even after I stopped living in there and started exploring my room and the house, I still slept on the closet floor for weeks after. It took me a long time to be okay. The first time I left the walls was just a few weeks before they found you. As my dad days, it’s okay to not be okay.”

“I’m still wrapping my head around the fact that you call Daryl dad. I remember back when we first met, he was _so_ not on our side.”

“That was a long time ago,” she says softly. “Even back then, he was better than my mom. And now, now he’s the best parent someone could ask for.”

“So I’ve seen,” he laughs, and she joins in. “So, how about that walk through the streets?”

“Uh, yeah.” She gets up so he’s able to. “If we see Gage out there though, can we just go the opposite way? I know he used to be your friend, but…”

“But what?”

She pulls her boots on. “But he’s awful.”

“Awful, how?” His voice lowers when he hears in her voice she isn’t talking about just name calling or looks. She takes his hand and the two leave the house, walking down the steps. They start venturing down the street, hand in hand.

“This was a long time ago, like four or five months after your…disappearance? He and a few of his friends cornered me at nightfall and they beat me up pretty good. Negan killed the woman with Gage accidentally, he was pushing her off me. The man, he died in the war. But Gage is still around.”

“What does he do?” His hand is holding onto hers with a vice grip.

“Mostly says stuff, tells me that Daryl’s not my real dad and he could still just as easily throw me out. Calls me names. Sometimes he hits me, sometimes he trips me as I walk by. Always something small, something unnoticeable.”

“If I see him, I swear—”

“No, no don’t get yourself in trouble. Dad knows, so does Tara and she’s in charge here now. If he does anything else, they’ll be on top of it. I haven’t been coming out here alone lately, so he hasn’t done anything lately.”

“I hate him.”

“So do I. I’m sorry, though. He was your friend.”

“I only met him like two days before I met you, actually. I knew you better. I met him and I got drunk and ended up locked in that jail cell the next day. The day after, you ended up in the cell next to mine. And even if I hadn’t only just met him, I’d still choose you over him in a heartbeat.” He bites his lip, thinking hard before blurting out, “I’m falling in love with you, Lydia.”

Her footsteps halt and he stops, looking at her anxiously. She smiles at him shyly. “I love you, too, Henry.”

He lets out a relieved laugh and pulls her in for a short and sweet kiss. “It was killing me to keep that in, I’ll admit.”

“Then don’t next time,” she laughs. “C’mon.” She tugs on his hand and the two continue on their walk, fingers interlocked. They strolled the streets peacefully, smiling at some people. Some others Lydia hid behind Henry from looks, and every time Henry shouted something. He wasn’t going to tolerate anyone treating her like an outsider after over two years of being on this side of the walls.

“You don’t have to say anything, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. They’re all assholes.”

“They are. But a lot of good people died in the war.”

“But it was your mother, not you.”

“I know. But she’s dead, and I’m a living reminder to some of them of those they lost. They don’t say anything to me, it’s just the looks. And I can’t blame them all for that. They’re hurt. My mother ruined them all, too. She ruined everything.”

“Not everything. She didn’t kill me. And Daryl’s a dad now thanks to her. And Coco has a favorite person and Judith a best friend.”

“Look at you, Mr. Bright Side,” she laughs, and he puts an arm around her shoulders.

“I try.”

She points ahead of them. “Dad and Connie are back.”

“Should we go help them bring the bulk in?”

“Probably.” She keeps her hand firmly in his as they approach the gate where Daryl and Connie are entering. Daryl is hauling a deer while Connie is carrying various smaller catches. “Dad!” Daryl looks at their direction, his eyes immediately zeroing in on their interlocked hands. Lydia knows he’s huffing.

“Need some help, Daryl?” Henry asks and Daryl just grunts at him. He nods at his bike where another deer is slung over. Henry swallows and heaves up the deer. He grinds his teeth, not allowing Daryl to see how heavy the deer is to him. Lydia laughs lightly at the determined look at Henry’s face before assisting Connie.

The four brought the game to the drop off, handing it over. Once they were finished, the headed back in the direction of the house.

Henry doesn’t miss the forlorn looks Daryl keeps shooting back to Lydia. Henry knew he wanted his daughter’s attention back, he knew that he took up a lot of her time recently. “I should probably get back to Aaron’s, I have chores I still have to do.”

“Oh, okay,” Lydia says, confused. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.” He darts his eyes between her and Daryl and she catches on quickly, eyes widening in realization. She nods at him.

“Okay. Bye!” 

“Bye!” He turns and runs off.

Lydia skips up a few steps so she’s between Daryl and Connie. Connie takes her hand, giving it a loving squeeze. She squeezes her hand back. Daryl is quiet on the walk back to their home. She gives Connie a few questioning looks and she just gestures to talk to him.

“Dad?” She asks once they’re home. She sits on the couch.

“Yeah, Kid?” He joins her on the couch.

“I spend a lot of time with Henry, I know. And I’m sorry. But you know I love you more than anyone else, right?”

He has a smile reserved just for her on his face and stokes her head like always. “I know, kiddo. Come here.” He wraps his arms around her and she hugs him tight. He rubs his hand up and down her back. “You don’t need to be sorry. I’m just not finding letting you go come easily.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Dad. At least not for a very long time. I’m still your little girl, promise.”

“Even when you get older and get married and move to your own house, you’ll still be my little girl.”

“Always?”

“Always.”


	18. Family Day

It was a beautiful day in Alexandria, and after feeling the warm breeze while stepping outside for fresh air after making breakfast, Connie had gotten the idea of having a family picnic down by the river outside the walls. When she pitched the idea to Daryl, he asked the kids and they all happily agreed.

After they had eaten breakfast, RJ and Judith had run off to change into more suitable clothes. The warm September days were becoming few and far between. Lydia opted on changing out of her long sleeves and helped Connie prepare sandwiches for later in the day. Daryl gathered a blanket and some towels and stuffed them into packs. When he reached the kitchen, Lydia offered to take one of the packs since Connie had the basket. Judith and RJ came down shortly after.

“C’mon,” he tells them, opening the door. Judith and RJ run out with Dog at their heels and Lydia and Connie follow at their own pace.

“This is gonna be so much fun!” RJ shouts.

“Are you gonna scout ahead and make sure there’s no walkers, Uncle Daryl?” Judith asks.

“Probably should, once we reach the woods,” he answers. Lydia has a vice grip on Daryl’s arm as they head for the gate. Once they’re through, she relaxes and lets him go.

It hurts him, having her so tense and anxious inside the walls they call home, but so free and relaxed beyond the safety of the walls. He gives her shoulder a gentle pat. She picks up her pace and catches up to Judith, Dog trotting at her side. Daryl stays back beside Connie. She smiles at him and takes his hand and he gives her hand a loving squeeze. They followed the kids hand in hand until they reached the woods. Daryl called the kids to wait for him to get ahead, and Connie went ahead with him. They let each other’s hands go but still kept side by side.

“They’re _so_ in love,” Judith whispers up to Lydia. RJ is walking between both girls, a hand in each of theirs.

“They really are,” Lydia whispers back.

“Who?” RJ pipes up and both girls shush him. Daryl looks back at them for a moment before facing front again.

“Uncle Daryl and Aunt Connie.”

“Will they get married like Aunt Ro and Aunt Tara did? That was fun.”

“Not anytime soon. Least that’s what Dad said when I asked.”

“You asked?” Judith hissed. “Why?”

“Because he’s my dad and I can ask him what I want, Judith.” Lydia rolls her eyes. “He knows about the plotting.”

“What?” Her voice rose and Daryl stops and turns.

“You alright?” He asks and all three nod. He gives them a strange look but turns back, sighing to Connie again.

“Connie told him,” Lydia whispers. “Either Kelly, Magna or Yumiko told her. Wasn’t Tara or Rosita cause he was complaining how they’ve been plotting behind his back, too.”

“But we don’t really talk to them…Lydia, you didn’t!”

Daryl stops again. “Lydia didn’t do what?”

“Nothing!” Judith calls. Daryl looks directly to Lydia.

“She doesn’t know I talk to Magna and Miko,” Lydia tells him. “And she’s mad that I told them about how we used to try to get you and Connie together.”

“That was long time ago,” Daryl tells Judith and the preteen huffs. “C’mon, we’re out here to have some fun time outside our house, not fight about stuff that happened in the past. Or fight about present stuff either. You two can discuss this tomorrow. Got it?”

“Yes, Dad.” A moment later, “Got it, Uncle Daryl.”

“Good. Come on now, we’re close to the river.”

They continued the rest of the walk, the kids in silence and Connie and Daryl continuing to sign away. They stepped out of the woods and Daryl surveyed the grassy land by the clear creek. “It’s all clear,” he says and RJ and Judith run past him down to the water. Lydia laughs at their excitement, making her way down with Daryl and Connie. Dog leaves Lydia’s side, racing down to the river after Judith and RJ.

Lydia and Daryl spread out the big blanket on a smooth patch of grass and Connie places the basket on them. Connie and Daryl sit, Connie giving him a gentle smile. Lydia takes a few steps back. “I’m gonna go down with Judith and RJ.”

She turns and jogs over to the river where the two younger ones are playing in the water. Lydia kicks off her boots besides the other kids’ discarded ones, rolling up her pant legs before running into the river.

 _“We all needed this,”_ Connie signs to Daryl. _“Especially the kids.”_

 _“We_ have _been spending almost all our time in our house.”_

Connie shifts and leans against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around her. _“I love this,”_ she signs to him. _“I love you.”_

 _“I love you,”_ he tentatively signs back.

She smiles and lifts her head to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pulls away and he has a small smile gracing his lips. Connie touches the edge of his smile with a finger _. “You smile a lot more now.”_

_“I’m a lot happier now.”_

Daryl’s head turns to the river when he hears a scream and sees RJ, with the aid of Lydia, splashing Judith with water. The scream turns into laughter as Judith starts splashing water back. Dog is leaping around in the water, dodging splashes and creating his own. Daryl points and Connie laughs.

 _“They’re so happy,”_ she signs with a huge smile. _“I love watching them grow. My mom always told Kelly and I are that children are gifts. I never really got that until I met them.”_

_“They’re the best gifts anyone could ask for, aren’t they?”_

_“They make my heart full. I know they make yours full too.”_

_“You make my heart full too.”_

She ducks her head with a smile before pressing her lips to his once again.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“I’m hungry!” Judith says, running up to the blanket. Connie hands the soaked preteen a towel.

“Me, too!” RJ says, running right into Judith. Lydia follows behind them with Dog. “he smells!” RJ laughs.

“Wet dog smell, ew,” Judith says with a scrunched up nose. Dog chose that moment to shake all the water off him, getting all three kids even more wet.

“Ew!” Judith and RJ shout, followed by laughter.

Lydia laughs and sits down beside Daryl. He grabs a towel from the bag and wraps it around her. RJ sits down on Connie’s lap after she wraps him in a towel. Judith sits down beside them.

Connie fishes the sandwiches out of the basket and hands them out. She gets a chorus of thank you’s.

“That was fun,” Judith says. “We should come out here more before winter comes.

“We should,” Lydia agrees. She feeds Dog some of the meat out of her sandwich despite Daryl’s disapproving look.

“Yeah!” RJ voices. Connie tousles his hair and he laughs.

They eat around happy chitchat. Soon after eating, as evening sat in and the air became cooler, they were ready to head out. They packed up their stuff and headed back to Alexandria. Daryl and Connie took the lead again, with Lydia and Judith behind them with RJ hand in hand, Dog trotting beside them. They headed for their house once they arrived. Dog ran ahead of them.

“Go get changed into dry clothes,” Daryl told them once they entered their house.

 _“I should probably change, RJ got me wet,”_ Connie signs and he nods.

 _“I’ll warm up some cider,”_ he tells her.

He headed into the kitchen. That was one of his new favorite things. With the apple trees finally big enough to produce fruit, apple juice had come first. And soon after, how to make apple cider was rediscovered. Hot cider was his family’s favorite treat. He warmed up the liquid on the stove. Lydia was the first to appear in the kitchen. She got mugs out when she saw, and smelt, what he was doing. Connie came down with RJ attached to her, Judith right behind them.

“I love cider,” RJ says, sitting in his chair.

“Me, too,” says Judith.

Daryl serves it up, taking some freshly made bread out of the cupboard. “We had a late lunch, but you kids are always hungry.”

“Hey, we’re growing!” Judith defends through her laughter. She happily takes a slice of bread.

“I guess you are.”

A short while later when they were finishing up, there was a knock on the door. Daryl gets up with a confused look and heads to the door opening it. His confusion fades. “You’re back early.”

“We loved our trip, but we really missed home and everyone,” Rosita responds. “Plus, _someone_ was more than ready to come home,” she nods to Coco who’s perched on her hip.

“And Tara?”

“She’s back, too. She stopped at Ozzy’s, and I came here because ever since we said we were going home all we’ve heard was ‘Dia’ on a loop.”

Daryl chuckles and takes Coco from Rosita. “Want her back tonight or tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow probably. Don’t think she’ll leave here easily if she only gets a few hours. I’m exhausted, so I’m going to head out. Coco gets a handful just bring her back, no matter what time.”

“Alright. We’ll see you both tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she gives him a quick hug before leaving.

Daryl carries Coco in where everyone is curiously waiting. “Somebody couldn’t wait to visit.”

“Dia!” Coco yells when she sees her. Lydia jumps up from her seat, taking the toddler from him.

“Oh, I missed you so much.” Lydia hugs her, sitting back down. Lydia keeps her arms firmly around her.

“Miss you,” Coco parrots, snuggling.

Daryl clears the table, and Connie gets up to join him. He smiles as he hears Coco talking away about the honeymoon. About the friends she made at Oceanside, about the ocean and sand and shells she found. “Bag,” Coco points. “The shell in bag.” Judith brings the bag over and Lydia opens it. Coco grabs the big pearly pink conch shell and holds it up with both hands. “This.”

“Oh that’s so beautiful, Coco,” Lydia tells her.

Coco hands it to her. “For you.”

“You got it for me?”

“Yeah.”

“I love it. Thank you.”

Coco beams up at her and Lydia laughs lightly, hugging her again. If she could freeze time in this moment, she surely would.


	19. Sickness

“Dia!”

Lydia groans, opening her eyes. Her eyes find Coco sitting cross-legged on the bed beside her, wide awake and cheery.

“Morning.”

“Hm.” Lydia stretches, sitting up. “Morning, Coco. How’d you get up here?”

“Climb.”

“Not s’pposed to, you know.” Lydia climbs out of bed, picking Coco up with her. She helps Coco change into new clothes before changing herself. Lydia picks Coco up and the two then head downstairs.

They find Connie in the kitchen, getting things together to make breakfast. She smiles when she sees them. _“Morning.”_

Coco mimics Connie’s sign. “That’s morning.”

“It is!” Lydia tells her proudly. Connie’s smile brightens. Lydia sits Coco down in her seat. _“What are you making?”_

_“Eggs, pancakes and sausage.”_

_“Need some help?”_

Connie nods and smiles. Lydia puts a few toys in front of Coco to entertain her and goes over to Connie. Connie hands Lydia the bowl of pancake mix and Lydia starts stirring it. Connie gets to work with the sausages on the stove. When Lydia finishes mixing everything into the mix, she pours it in sections on the pan. They work continuously in peaceful quiet, the only sound coming from Coco playing in the background.

 _“Want to grab the eggs?”_ Connie signs to her when the pancakes are done and the sausages are nearing the end.

Lydia grabs the eggs, _“what kind?”_

_“Scrambled.”_

Lydia nods and begins cracking the eggs into the pan. She begins to feel queasy, but she writes it off as morning hunger. Breakfast is usually already made by the time she wakes up unless she has Coco overnight, and the child wakes her up early. The more she stirs the eggs, the more her stomach turns and the worse she feels.

She drops the spatula, turning the stove off as she spins on her heel. She runs for the washroom and Connie watches in confusion. Connie looks at Coco, who’s gone back to playing with her toys obliviously. She heads for the washroom, giving the door a courtesy knock before going in. She finds Lydia crouched down beside the toilet. She sits beside her, rubbing her back.

_“You okay?”_

Lydia nods. _“I just felt sick suddenly. Not anymore. Think it’s from smelling food on an empty stomach.”_

 _“Let’s get some food in you then.”_ Connie takes her arm gently, helping her up.

They walked back to the kitchen. When Lydia stepped in, she shakes her head, covering her mouth. Connie rubs her arms. _“Go upstairs and lie down. I’ll make you some soup.”_

_“Thank you.”_

Connie strokes her cheek before she turns and trudges back upstairs. She knocks on Judith’s door, then RJ’s, before climbing into her bed, laying down.

Judith is out of her room and running down the stairs minutes later, followed by RJ who’s yelling at her to slow down. They barge into the kitchen, getting Coco’s attention. Judith ignores her brother, going over to Coco. RJ just sticks his tongue out at her, sitting down. Daryl walks in through the door.

“Where’d you go?” Judith asks, taken aback by his entrance from the front door.

“Woke up before light, decided to get a hunt in,” he tells her, signing as he does.

“Catch anything good?”

“Got two deer.”

“Ooh! That mean we get to eat deer for dinner?”

“Yeah, think we will.” He notices Coco and looks around. “Where’s Lydia?” Judith looks around, not realizing her absence beforehand.

_“Upstairs. She doesn’t feel good.”_

_“She sick?”_

Connie shrugs _. “She got sick, but don’t think it’s anything. Made her some soup, was about to bring it up to her.”_

_“I can do that.”_

She offers him to bowl and he takes it. He climbs up the stairs and to her room. He knocks and hears a muffled “come in.” He enters the room, going over to her bed. He places the soup on her bedside table and perches at the edge of her bed.

“Hey, Kid.”

She shifts so she’s on her back and looks up at him. “Connie told you?”

“Yeah, she sent me up with some soup. Said you got sick a bit ago. How are you feeling now?”

“Queasy, but I don’t think I’m gonna throw up again.”

“Let’s sit you up,” he tells her, pulling her upright. He adjusts the pillows against the headboard so she can lean back on them. “Want to try to eat some soup?”

She nods, “please.”

He hands her the bowl and she takes a tentative bite. She waits a moment before taking another. “This is okay,” she tells him.

“Good. I’ll keep Coco downstairs for a bit, let you eat and rest.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

He kisses her forehead before he heads back down. Connie looks at him expectantly when he enters the kitchen. _“She don’t feel as bad as earlier, soups good for her. Gonna keep Coco down here a while, let Lydia eat and try to sleep it off.”_

Connie nods with a relieved look and hands him his plate. _“Was just telling Judith the same thing.”_

“You gonna entertain her?” He asks Judith, continuing to sign.

“Yeah, I like her. She just barely pays attention to me cause all she cares about is Lydia.”

“Dia?”

“Dia’s sleeping, you can see her a little while,” Daryl tells the toddler. Coco scrunches her face up but accepts it and goes back to eating.

Daryl sits with his food, Connie sitting beside him with her own. _“She’ll be fine, at most it’s just a bug she caught. But it’s probably just a feeling.”_

Daryl nods with a sigh _. “I know, I just worry.”_

 _“You’re her dad, it’s your job,”_ she rubs his arm lovingly. He gives her hand a grateful squeeze.

“Uncle Daryl? After breakfast can I go play with Aliyah at her house?” RJ asks.

“I’ll walk you over after,” Daryl tells him.

“Can Gracie and Ezra come here? I can’t go play cause I said I’d play with Coco, but they can come play here can’t they?” Judith asks.

“If you’re quiet. You offered to watch Coco so Lydia could sleep.”

“We’ll be the quietest. Promise.”

“Well, then I can bring Ezra back with me when I drop RJ off and we’ll stop at Gracie’s on the way.”

“Okay, thank you!”

The two finished up breakfast, and Daryl left the house with RJ while Connie supervised Judith with Coco. Daryl was realizing this was going to be a longer day than he anticipated.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was getting dark when Daryl made it home with RJ after dropping Gracie and Ezra off. Judith was drying dishes as Connie cleaned Coco up.

 _“She got sick again,”_ was the first thing Connie signed to him.

Daryl looks at her in confusion. _“She was fine all day, she was down here playing with Coco and the kids after her nap. Ate her lunch just fine.”_

_“Her lunch didn’t have eggs, breakfast and dinner did.”_

He looks even more confused. _“She eats eggs every day.”_

_“That’s probably why, maybe she isn’t tolerating them so well from eating too much of them. She isn’t sick outside of meals so it isn’t the eggs making her sick.”_

_“So no more eggs for her then.”_

_“It’s the smell of them too, she didn’t eat eggs for breakfast. She only smelt them.”_

He thinks for a moment. _“No more eggs for a while then. It it’s from too many, she’ll be fine with time.”_

Connie nods. _“Probably.”_

There’s a knock on the door and Daryl signs to her, _“someone’s knocking. Probably Rosita or Tara for Coco.”_

Daryl gets up to head to the door while Connie scoops up a sleepy Coco. Daryl opens it to see Rosita. He steps aside to let her in.

“Hey,” she says with a smile. “Was my little one good?”

“She was. Spent most of the day with Judith, Gracie and Ezra.”

“Not with Lydia?”

“Lydia wasn’t feeling good today.”

“Is she sick?”

“Nah. She threw up twice, but only with eggs. No other food bothered her though. Wasn’t even just the taste, Connie said she just smelt them and got sick.”

“The _smell_ of eggs?” Her entire tone and demeanor changes and Daryl looks at her in confusion. “Can I go check on her?” Daryl nods silently.

When she headed for the stairs Daryl went into the living room where Connie had Coco. The toddler was asleep in her arms. He takes her carefully from her. “Rosita went up to check on Lydia,” he tells her, relying on her skill of lip reading.

_“Why?”_

He shrugs. “She seemed worried. Not like she thinks Lydia’s real sick, but worried about something.”

Connie looks just as confused as he does, until the confusion lifts. Daryl looks at her expectantly. “You just thought of something.”

_“It’s probably wrong.”_

“What is?”

Connie doesn’t answer, leaving Daryl frustrated and confused as ever. Rosita appears before he can press Connie for more information. She looks between the two.

“Rosita. What is it?”

“She’s sick, but not that kind of sick.”

“What are you talking about? That makes no sense.”

“It does. I hope to god I’m wrong but I don’t think I am.”

 _“Rosita,_ just spit it out.”

“Daryl…I’m pretty sure it’s morning sickness.”

“Morning sickness…ain’t that a symptom of— _no_.”

He stares at her, waiting for her to say it was a bad joke, to say she’s pretty sure she’s wrong. But she never does.


	20. The Test

_“Daryl…I’m pretty sure it’s morning sickness.”_

_“Morning sickness…ain’t that a symptom of—no.”_

_He stares at her, waiting for her to say it was a bad joke, to say she’s pretty sure she’s wrong._

“She’s a child. She’s just a kid!”

“She’s eighteen,” Rosita says with a sigh.

“You have to be wrong. She hasn’t—she didn’t—”

“She’s with Henry.”

“Not alone.”

“That you know of. Leave her be the rest of the night, I didn’t really talk to her about it. I’m going to talk more to her tomorrow.” And with that, she took Coco into her arms and she was gone.

Daryl falls back heavily onto the couch. Connie sits beside him and puts a hand on his arm and her whips his head to look at her.

“She’s wrong.”

_“I hope she is. But we have to prepare for the fact she’s right.”_

“No. No, because she’s wrong.” He shrugs Connie’s hand off his arm and gets up. “I’m going for a walk.”

She sighs and watches him go. She waits up for him for a while, but when he doesn’t return she knows he likely won’t be back til the morning. She gets up and goes upstairs, knowing at least one of them needed some sleep for the day awaiting them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning, Rosita showed up with breakfast and Coco. Judith and RJ sat downstairs eating with Connie.

 _“He left last night, he didn’t come back until the sun started to come up,”_ Connie explains about Daryl’s absence.

_“He’ll be alright.”_

_“Will he?”_ Connie asks.

_“He’s tough. And if I’m right, he’s gonna have to be strong for Lydia. Speaking of her, I’m going to go have a talk with her.”_

Connie hands her a bowl of oatmeal. _“This is for her.”_

Rosita nods and heads for the stairs. She knocks on Lydia’s door, entering when she hears a “come in.” Rosita walks in, putting Coco on the bed before sitting on it herself. “This is for you,” she says, handing her the bowl.

“Thank you.”

Rosita takes a deep breath. “I need to talk to you about something important.” Lydia pauses mid bite. “You can keep eating.”

“Is it something bad?”

“Maybe. Depends on how you look at it. You and Henry, you said back on my wedding day that it wasn’t anything serious. Has that changed?” Lydia looks at her. “Have you two…gotten closer?”

“What are you asking?” She whispers.

“Have you had sex with him?” Lydia nearly drops her spoon and averts her eyes. “Lydia, this is an important question.”

“Um…yeah.”

“When?”

“What?” She looks back up at her. “Why?”

“Lydia. When.”

“Which time?” She asks nervously.

“Let’s go with first,” Rosita cringes.

“A week after your wedding.”

“That’s one, two, three, four…seven weeks ago. Oh God.”

“Rosita?” Lydia asks, anxiousness creeping into her voice.

“The getting sick when smelling food just started yesterday?”

“Um…no. I’ve been feeling queasy smelling eggs and tomato sauce for like a week? But I never threw up like that. I just felt like I would. Why? Is something wrong? Am I sick?”

“Lydia. This is very important. Your period—are you late?” Lydia looks at her wide-eyed. She nods. “How late?”

“Like…like a month?”

“Has that ever happened before?”

“N-no, I don’t…I don’t think so.”

“I’m gonna have Dr. Alex come here.”

“Why?! Rosita!”

“I need you to be very brave for me. He’s gonna come, and he’s going to draw some blood.” Lydia gasps, shaking her head. “Yes. He’s gonna put a needle, right here,” she touches in crook of her elbow. “And just take a little blood to run a test.”

“What kind of test?”

“Lydia, I’m going to be very honest with you and you need to stay calm, okay?”

“O-okay?”

“I think you might be pregnant.”

“Wh-what? No. No, that’s not—no.”

“Protection wasn’t used, was it?”

“What—what’s that mean?”

“That’s a no. Sometimes, all it takes it one time. You can’t panic, okay? Coco is gonna stay with you if you can stay calm while I go have a talk with Dr. Alex. Okay?”

Lydia nods, pulling Coco close to her. “Dia?”

Rosita casts one last look at the, before slipping out of the room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

When Daryl woke up, first thing he heard was voices. Including one he’d never heard in his home before. He was quick to get out of bed, moving in the direction of the voice. He steps into Lydia’s room, finding Alex in there with Lydia and Rosita. His eyes zero on a needle in her arm and vials of blood.

“What is going on in here?”

“Dad!”

Rosita is quick to move to him, trying to guide him out of the room. He digs his feet in, refusing to budge.

“Why is Alex here? Why is there a needle in her arm?”

“He’s running tests. A pregnancy test to be sure.”

“She’s my daughter. I should’ve been in here with her from the start.”

“You can be with her now.”

He huffs and pulls Rosita out of the room. “You wouldn’t have them stick a needle in her unless you were sure.”

“She and Henry…they have been sleeping together.” Anger crosses over his features. “She’s late. And being sick has been more than just yesterday. It all points to pregnancy.”

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Daryl, she needs you. She needs you as a parent she loves and trusts, not as the dad that wants to kill her boyfriend.”

“He should know better. She ain’t ever had a mother who would give her that talk—I shouldda asked Connie or Magna to have that talk when those two started seeing each other more. No way any of his father figures ain’t ever had that talk.”

“Well you can go give him your talk later, but for now, go in there and hold her hand and tell her you don’t hate her because she’s terrified you will if that test comes back positive.”

“I would never.”

“Then go tell her that.”

He grunts and goes back into Lydia’s room. Lydia watches him as he approaches her with wide eyes. He reaches out, stroking her hair back. “Hey, Kid.”

“Dad…”

“Hey, hey. It’s going to be okay.”

“Are you angry?”

“A little,” he says honestly. “Mostly at him. I’m more upset you’ve been sneaking around than anything else, Kid.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Look at me, Lydia. Just because I’m angry does not mean I don’t love you. Understand? I’m here and never going anywhere.”

She nods. “Promise?”

“I promise,” he says, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Late that afternoon, Daryl found himself knocking on Aaron’s door. Gracie opens to door, smiling up at Daryl.

“Hi, Daryl!”

“Hey, Gracie. I need to talk to Henry, is he here?”

“Yeah! Come in,” she holds the door open. “Can I go to your house and play with Judith?”

“Go right ahead.”

“Okay! I’ll get Henry first!” She runs off, shouting “Henry! Daryl’s here for you!” She runs back through and out the door in a flash.

Henry walks into the room and pauses at Daryl’s serious face. “Daryl?” Daryl just stares at him silently. “Daryl, is something wrong? Is it Lydia?”

At her name Daryl awoke. He takes a stride forward and grabs him by the collar of his shirt, slamming him into the wall. “Daryl, what the hell!”

“Something is wrong with her. And it’s your fault!”

“Mine?” He struggles against Daryl’s iron hold. “I haven’t see her in days!”

“You didn’t have to. You did it seven weeks ago!”

“Seven weeks…?”

It takes everything in Daryl not to swing at the teenagers face. Aaron appears in the doorway, watching with cautious eyes. “Daryl! What’s going on in here?”

“Just having a talk with Henry here.”

“Gracie’s home!”

“Nah, she went to play with Judith.”

“Okay. So, what’s this talk about?”

Daryl tightens his grip on Henry. “He’s been sneaking around with my daughter. And he’s been sleeping with her. For almost two months. And he didn’t even have the decency to wear a condom.”

“Wait!” Henry yelps. “Are you saying Lydia’s…pregnant?”

“She’s getting tested but Rosita’s pretty damn sure.”

“Rosita’s back?” Aaron asks.

“Yeah, her and Tara got back last night. Rosita’s been with Lydia all day.” He turns back to Henry. “I told you not to hurt her.”

“I didn’t hurt her!”

“Pretty sure at this moment she’d beg to differ. You knew better, she didn’t. You better pray that test comes back negative for your sake, boy.”

He shoves Henry away before storming out of the house, leaving a shocked Aaron. He heads back home, calming himself down before walking into the house where all the kids were. Once he wasn’t brewing full of anger, he stepped inside. He heard the laughter of Judith, Gracie and RJ and found himself dodging running children. He climbs the stairs, going to Lydia’s room. He finds her asleep and sits on the edge of her bed, stroking her hair back.

He was praying for her sake, that it was negative as well. But deep down he knew, he knew it was going to be a positive.


	21. Not Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Conversation that briefly talks about self harm

“I wish Lydia and Connie could join us.”

Daryl had taken Judith and RJ out on a walk down by the river. It was getting to cold for them to swim anything. It was only mere weeks since their family trip, but the late September weather was turning cold real quick.

“I know,” Daryl tells him. “But Lydia ain’t feeling up to going out, and Connie wanted to stay back with her. Maybe next time they’ll come.”

“Will we still come out for walks here in winter?” RJ asks.

“If it ain’t too cold and the snow ain’t too deep.”

“I hope that we can come a lot of times.”

“Me, too,” Judith agrees with her brother.

“There should be. C’mon, let’s see if we can find anything to hunt.”

“Can I help hunt?” RJ asks excitedly.

“It’s a hard task. You sure you’re up to it?” Daryl asks him.

“Yeah!”

“I got my sword,” Judith says. “But one day I’d like to learn how to use your crossbow.”

“Some time,” Daryl offers and she smiles and nods.

“Lydia can use it, right?” Judith asks and Daryl nods. “She’s bigger than me. When I get bigger I can learn to all by myself, too?”

“Yeah, when you’re bigger.”

“I hope I get bigger soon.”

“Me, too!” RJ says.

Daryl takes RJ’s hand as they venture deeper into the forest. Judith trailed right behind them, hand on the hilt of her sword. “I hope we find a deer.”

“We’d be real lucky if we do,” says Daryl. “Might find some Walkers going deep in. You ready for that?”

“I always am,” Judith says proudly. RJ’s little hand tightens his grip and he nods.

“We see a lot and we run?” he asks.

“We see a lot and we run. No use risking ourselves for nothing.”

“Good.”

Daryl spots some tracks. He pauses and shows Judith and RJ the tracks, showing them how to track. Judith picked up on it quickly. They moved slowly, Daryl wanting them to notice every detail. As they followed the trail, Daryl halts them when a low growling is heard ahead of them.

“Walkers?” RJ whispers.

Daryl nods, looking to Judith. “Sounds like two of them, I think?” She says.

“Sounds like it. Stay with your brother.”

“But I can take them out. You _know_ I can.”

“Stay with your brother.”

Daryl moves quietly ahead as the growling grows closer. Judith takes RJs hand and pulls him forward. “Come on, we can help him.”

“Uncle Daryl said stay. There’s only two, Judith.”

“I can help. You could too.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“You have to.”

“I don’t!”

Judith pulls him forward again out from behind the tree shielding them in time to see Daryl take out of the walkers. Judith unsheathes her sword and runs over to the other despite RJ yelling her name. She hears Daryl shout at her. She slashes the walkers leg, causing it to fall before she slides it through the walkers eye socket. The growling stops and it falls.

“Judith!” Daryl grabs her arms, swinging her around to face her angrily. “What’s the matter with you? Huh?”

“I was helping!”

“I told you to watch your brother. I told ya if you’re gonna be out here with me, you gotta listen. You can’t just run off and do what you please!”

“Does Lydia always listen to you out here?”

“Why do you keep asking what Lydia does out here? I’m talking about you!”

“You always bring her out and not me!”

“If you listened better, I’d bring you out here. But you don’t. I don’t bring her out cause I don’t love ya, I bring her out cause she follows the rules.”

“You love her more though, don’t you?”

“I love you all. I don’t rate how I love ya—I just don’t. Come on. Let’s go.”

“But—we were tracking a deer.”

“Not anymore. Let’s go.”

“But—”

“Judith.” 

“I’ll listen, really well. And I won’t leave RJ’s side unless I absolutely have to. I promise. _Please,_ Uncle Daryl. Let us keep hunting.”

“Last chance. You pull a stunt like that again, I won’t bring you back out here for a long time. Got it?”

“Got it.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“I wish I went with them,” Lydia grumbles from her spot on the recliner, stroking Dog’s head from where he was curled up with her.

“You didn’t feel so hot earlier,” Tara tells her.

Tara had taken Connie’s place so the other woman could spend the day with her sister and family.

“I’m fine now.”

“Now’s too late, Kid. Come on, let’s make us some lunch.” She gets up. “Come on.”

Lydia gets up reluctantly despite Dog’s whine, trailing behind her to the kitchen. The teenager had been struggling with her attitude as of late—she tended to mope around, be snappy and just not want to do anything. That included her lack of interest in Coco, which was the main reason Tara found herself taking over for Connie. She figured it was a mix of the reality of the situation finally hitting her when Daryl got that test result back, and him not allowing her anywhere near Henry anymore.

“So…” Tara starts, putting the pot of some leftover deer stew on the stove to warm up.

Lydia ignores her, leaning against the counter. Dog sat in front of her, demanding more pets. She went back to stroking his head.

“You haven’t seen Henry since you found out?” Lydia shakes her head. “How do you feel about that?”

Lydia fixes her with a glare. “I don’t want to talk.”

“I don’t give a shit. I want to know why you’re being a little shit.”

Lydia scoffs. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Try me. I might surprise you.”

“It’s not fair!” Lydia tells her. “My dad, taking Henry away. It’s not just his fault. He didn’t know what would happen either. We didn’t think. He can’t hate him, but then not be pissed at me. It’s not fair.”

“You’re angry…because he isn’t pissed at you?”

“He’s not being fair. I don’t want him to yell at me, I just don’t him to hate Henry and keep him far away. I hate it.”

“Hey. I’ll tell you what, I’ll have a talk with Daryl. Okay? But you need to stress less. it’s not good for you, or the—”

“Or the _what?_ ” Lydia asks in a low voice.

“You _know_ what.”

“What if I don’t want it? Hm? Do I get a choice in this matter?”

“You do. The choice is _entirely_ yours and yours only. But not right now, not until you simmer down. You think— _truly_ think, and decide you don’t this, then there’s ways to end it. But if you go and end it without thinking, and it’s not what you want, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. So _think_.”

“I won’t regret it,” she whispers.

“You will. Do I need to tell Daryl you aren’t allowed out of anybody’s sight from now on, huh?”

Lydia stares at her for a long moment before slowly shaking her head.

“Good. I’m still keeping an eye on you, still. Grab some plates from the cabinet, will ya?” Lydia moves to grab the plates and she hands them to Tara. “Why don’t you grab the juice.”

While Tara serves up the plates, Lydia pours juice into cups. The two sit at the table and eat in silence, Tara throwing looks to the younger girl here and there.

“Rosita didn’t want Coco either, y’know. Not at first. Now I might not have that firsthand experience, but she has. And she would be more than happy to talk to you if you ever wanted to. Up to you.”

Lydia nods, biting her lip. “Y’know…you could still keep bringing Coco over.”

“Yeah? That’ll make her happy. She’s missed you the last few days.”

“I’ve missed her a lot, too,” she admits.

“Then I’ll bring her back around tomorrow morning then,” Tara tells her with a smile. Lydia returns it halfheartedly.

The two were sprawled back out on recliner and couch when Daryl, Judith and RJ returned home that evening. Daryl stepped into the room, pausing when he saw Tara and not Connie.

“Where’s Connie?”

“She went to spend the day with Kelly. I came to keep an eye on her,” Tara nods to Lydia, who eyes her.

“Why?”

“I was worried.”

“Still worried?” he glances at Lydia.

“A bit,” Tara admits honestly.

Daryl looks at Lydia. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” she says softly.

“Good, you think you can help Judith and RJ clean up what they found? I need to talk to Tara.”

“She needs to talk to you,” Lydia tells him, getting up. Dog jumps off the chair with her, following behind her. He stops her as she passes, pressing a kiss to her forehead and giving her a hug. She hugged him back tightly before he lets her go. She goes out onto the porch with Dog on her heels and Daryl sits beside Tara on the couch.

“There’s a lot we need to talk about.”


	22. No Matter What

“There’s a lot we need to talk about.”

“You said you were worried?” Daryl asks in a lowered voice. They could hear the younger kids talking in animated voices from out on the porch. He didn’t want any ears listening in on their conversation.

“I still am, not as much as before but still.”

“Why?”

“You can’t keep Henry away anymore.”

“That’s out of the question, Tara. What he did—”

“What _they_ did. Yeah, he knew better. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. But that doesn’t make him all in the wrong, and her all innocent. They _both_ made that mistake. _Both_ of them. Lydia said so herself—said she hates how you treat him like he did it on purpose, like he forced her or something. She doesn’t want him kept away or him being hated. She feels guilty, she feels hurt. She’s hurting bad, Daryl.”

“I can’t even look at him without wanting to bash his head in.”

“Well you need to, for Lydia’s sake. They’re young and reckless. It happens. It happened to Rosita and she wasn’t a young and stupid kid, she was bored and playing around and slipped. Holding onto that and blaming him is stressing her out and stressing her out isn’t going to end well.”

“I can’t just let him come on back here. I don’t trust him. She’s learned the hard way—she ain’t gonna do that again, maybe ever. But him?”

“You talk to him. Talk, not hit or scream or threaten. You talk. Set boundaries. Tell him he isn’t allowed over whenever he pleases and only if you or Connie are home, or if me or Ro are here. Only with supervision. And you better damn well tell him this is his responsibility. Cause like it or not, if she decides to keep the baby, he becomes a father. And if she can’t just walk away, neither can he. So he’ll have to deal with her when it gets bad—and trust me, pregnant women are not people to mess with, he’ll have to change diapers and do nap times and bedtimes and be there. Be there for both Lydia and for the baby if she decides she wants it.”

“You’ve said that twice. _If_ she decides to keep it. You aren’t talking about giving it away. You’re talking of ending the pregnancy, aren’t you?”

“If she wants to. She was ready to earlier. I think she may have already tried or was planning to. It scared me earlier, she was talking like she had no care for herself or the baby, that she was willing to do anything to get rid of it. I talked her down, but I’m still worried. So you need to talk to him, then to her. Sooner rather than later.”

“You saying right now?”

“That would be preferred. I can keep an eye on the kids.”

He grumbles at her, getting up reluctantly. “Still might kill him.”

“Try not to, please.”

He grunts, heading out onto the porch where the kids were gathered. Tara followed him out. RJ and Judith were pawing through the bin of things while Lydia sat on the porch swing supervising, Dog laying up beside her with his head on her lap.

“Where are you going?” Lydia asks, looking up at him. Dog makes a sound when her hand stops stroking his head.

“Gotta talk to someone. Stay here.” He tells her, walking around the younger two and heading down the steps. He heads towards residential area of Alexandria.

Tara sits beside Lydia on the swing. Lydia looks at her questioningly and Tara nods with a gentle smile.

Daryl walked briskly to his destination. When he reached Aaron’s he climbed the steps, knocking on the door. A few moments later Aaron answered.

“Daryl?”

“Need to see Henry,” he says gruffly.

Aaron hesitates before nodding reluctantly. He disappears and shortly after Henry takes his place at the door.

“Hi, Daryl,” Henry says nervously. Daryl just glares at him, retreating with a gruff “let’s go.” Henry scurries after Daryl, following him. Daryl walks in eerie silence, getting distance between them and the houses. Henry kept following in nervous silence, looking around as the world got darker as the evening drew quickly upon them. Daryl halts suddenly, turning to face him. Henry halts.

“I—I thought you’d have come weeks ago,” Henry starts, stuttering over his words. “After you got the results. I assumed it—it was a negative cause you never came back. That you didn’t want to risk another scare.”

“You assumed wrong,” Daryl snaps.

“She—she’s…”

“Pregnant. She’s pregnant. Ten weeks now. Didn’t tell ya cause I didn’t think I could look at your face without wanting to hurt it. Tara talked me into coming today, wasn’t gonna come myself. Not at all.”

“Why’d she talk you into coming?”

“Cause Lydia ain’t doing so good and needs you apparently.”

“I can see her?” he asks hopefully. His hopeful look drops when Daryl scowls at him.

“I don’t want you anywhere near her. But she’s right, it ain’t right to pin it all on you. But I’m angry, and I don’t know when that’ll change. She’s my daughter, and this ain’t easy on her at all. So you can see her. But there’s gonna be rules.”

Henry nods. “What rules?”

“You ain’t allowed over our house unsupervised. Either me or Connie or Tara or Rosita gotta be there. No exceptions. And you ain’t coming over every day. If I have to see your face all the time I might hit ya. And no pushing her. She wants space, you give her space. She calls the shots.”

“Yes, sir.” Daryl grunts at him.

“And you ain’t leaving your responsibilities.”

“What responsibilities?”

“She’s pregnant. It’s yours. Which makes it your responsibility too. Not just hers.”

“I’m not going to leave her to do anything on her own, Daryl,” Henry says sincerely.

“You better not. She deserves better than that.”

“She does,” Henry nods. “I’m gonna help her, I promise.”

“We’ll see if that lasts. C’mon, gonna bring you back home.”

Once again, Henry finds himself walking with Daryl; this time beside him but with some distance. “When can I see her then?” he asks tentatively.

“We’ll see,” Daryl says gruffly.

“Daryl—”

 _“Don’t. Push,”_ Daryl warns in a low voice. “I’m gonna talk to her. We’ll go from there.”

Henry nods in acceptance and they finished the walk to Aaron’s house in silence. Daryl waits at the steps, watching Henry climb up. Henry gives him one last look before stepping into Aaron’s, closing the door behind him. Daryl waits a minute before making the walk back. It’s dark by now, and the field to his home is even darker without the lights in Alexandria shining on him. He knows he can pull out his flashlight, but he knows there’s no threat inside the walls so walks the familiar path in the dark. He just follows the light from the windows in the distance until he’s there.

The porch is bare, porch swing empty. Figures Tara’s managed to get RJ and maybe even Judith to bed. He enters the house to an unfamiliar scent. He follows it to the kitchen, where he finds Lydia and Tara sitting at the table. Lydia’s eyes immediately find him.

“What’s that smell?” he asks.

“Tea,” Tara says simply. “It’s soothing. It’s was Ro’s and my favorite to destress.” He grunts, sitting down. “How’d it go?”

“Fine.”

“Dad?” This time Lydia spoke up.

“Didn’t hit him or threaten him if that’s what you’re worried ‘bout.”

“Are you still banning him from coming over?”

“No. But I will if he can’t follow the rules. Up to him. And you.”

Lydia looks down and nods. Daryl reaches out and pats her shoulder.

“I’ll get going,” Tara tells them, getting up. “I’ll be back bright and early tomorrow morning with Coco, okay?”

“Kay,” Lydia whispers.

Daryl waits until he hears the door shut to turn his attention back to Lydia. “Tara said she was worried.” Lydia looks up at him. “She was worried you might hurt yourself to kill the baby. Or that you might have already.”

“I haven’t.”

“Are you going to?” She looks down. “Lydia.”

“No.”

“Do you want to?”

She shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know…I’m sorry,” she cries. He sighs and pulls her into a hug, rubbing her back.

“You’re gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure this out, okay? We will.”

“What do you want me to do?” She asks, her voice thick with emotion.

“I can’t decide. This is all up to you. But you need to be careful deciding, sweetheart. You do something you truly don’t want and you could regret it forever.”

“Tara said that. I’m scared, Dad.”

“I know. We’re gonna get through this, kiddo. We will.”

“No matter what?”

“No matter what.”


	23. One Step at a Time

_“Can you try talking to her?”_ Daryl asks Connie one afternoon as Connie put some more of her belongings into spots in their shared room. She had moved in a while ago but was still slowly making it more and more her space as much as Daryl’s.

 _“She’s still giving you trouble?”_ Connie signs.

Daryl sighs and nods. _“Alex wants to do a checkup. Said she’s far enough along for an ultrasound. But she’s refusing to go. She needs to be seen but she just doesn’t care.”_

_“What makes you think she’ll listen to me?”_

_“Because she sees you like a mother figure, whether she admits it or not. She looks up to you and wants you to notice her. That’s why I think she’ll listen to you.”_

_“You’re her father, though.”_

_“That’s_ why _she won’t listen to me.”_

Connie gives him a look. Eventually she nods. _“I’ll talk to her. Later.”_ She takes a step towards him, standing on her toes to kiss him. She puts her hands on the side of his face and deepens the kiss. He pulls her to the bed, his legs hitting it as he sits, pulling her up on his lap. His hands settle on her hips as their lips battle.

It’s not long before his hands begin exploring her body. He knew every inch of her, he had worshipped every inch of her body on multiple occasions, but he still loved reexploring and loving her. He’d trace _“I love you’s”_ on her skin with his fingers and breathy gasps of happiness as her heart swelled left her lips. And times like this, he wondered why he ever told his kid that there would be no wedding for a long time. He was in love, and he was falling a little more every day.

He flips them over, Connie on her back under him. She smiles up at him, that smile that lit up the entire universe. He wants to memorize every part of it. How the corners of her deep brown eyes crinkle when she smiles big. The dimples at the corner of her mouth. How her caramel skin flushes, matched with a sparkling gleam to her eye. He dives back in, finding her perfectly soft lips, kissing her deeply before his lips travelled. He kisses her perfect jaw, down her throat which vibrated from hums of contentment. Kissing her pule point down to her collarbone, sucking and kissing alike.

Her shirt disappears first, then his. Her hands traced the scars on his back like a map. He had been hesitant the first time she touched them, and he had snuck back into his shell. But she had traced her fingers over them and kissed every single one until he one day told her his story. The story of each and every scar, and eventually that level of trust came. The most vulnerable parts of them were exposed—her loss of her child, his history of an onslaught of abuse. But they mended their wounds, together. He kissed his way down her chest, his hands moving down with his lips. Her hands slid up from his back, to his muscular shoulders, caressing and massaging. And he went lower, down her toned stomach. And then lower.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

They didn’t need words, spoken or signed. They were content just lying there, Connie’s head on his chest as he ran his hand up and down her smooth back rhythmically. They just enjoyed each other’s presence, to bask in each other’s love.

They just laid there for a while, waiting for breaths to even out, for heart beats to settle. For hearts to swell and happiness to overwhelm. They knew eventually the kids would grow restless or hungry and come knocking on the door, but they planned to take advantage of the peaceful stillness they had until then. It was the teetering lines of being a parent—taking advantage of quiet moments, to steal kisses between activities.

Before long, Daryl lifted his head to the sound of knocking. “Uncle Daryl! I’m hungry!” RJ’s voice filtered through. Connie looks at Daryl expectantly and he signs, “RJ is Hungry.”

Connie sighs, pushing herself upright. “Wanna make dinner while I talk to her?”

Daryl nods and they get up, dressing back into their clothes. Daryl grabs Connie before she unlocks the door to leave, pulling her in for another passionate kiss. She smiles into the kiss. He lets her go, and he head down where he can already hear RJ and Judith and Connie makes her way to Lydia’s room.

She knocks, her special knock to let Lydia know it’s her. A moment later, the door opens. _“Did Dad send you?”_ is the first thing the teenager signs.

Connie nods and Lydia huffs in frustration. _“I said no.”_ She turns and stalks back over to her bed, plopping down. Connie follows her, sitting beside her. She puts a hand on her arm.

_“Why?”_

Lydia stares at her for a long moment before shrugging. Connie taps her shoulder, giving her a questioning look. _“I don’t care about it. I can’t have a baby.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Why? Because I don’t know how to! You saw my mother. What if—what if being an awful parent was passed onto me? What if I’m awful? Could I really subject another child to that?”_ She bursts into tears and Connie starts rubbing her back.

_“I need to know. Do you not want a baby because you’re afraid to be a mom? Or do you not want a baby because you do not want one?”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because not wanting one at all and being afraid to have one are different. Because if you don’t want a baby, and you’re against the idea fully then you can still end it. But if you aren’t certain, that decision could haunt you. If you’re scared, you aren’t alone. You won’t raise a child alone. Or you could give it away to a nice family. Having a baby here, it’s risky. Riskier than it was before. It’s harder, too. So having a baby, it’s not something to take lightly either.”_

_“I’m afraid,”_ she wipes at her eyes _. “I’m afraid I’ll mess up and hurt it. Or it won’t get what it deserves. No child should grow up like I did.”_

_“You’re a good person. You have Daryl, he’s a good father. And you have Tara and Rosita. They’re good people. And you’re so good with Coco.”_

_“And you. I have you? You’re a good person. You’re a good mother.”_ Connie freezes. _“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”_

Connie smiles, stilling her hands. _“You’re a good daughter.”_ She pulls Lydia into a hug, holding her closely. She would be lying if she said that one word didn’t make her heart leap in joy. She felt a motherly love for the girl, but she was always too afraid to overstep. Always too afraid to broach the subject. But here the girl was, bringing it up herself. And Connie couldn’t be happier.

She lets her go from the hug after a long moment, stroking her cheek. _“Isn’t it worth it to get checked out? Even if not for the baby, then for you? Make sure you’re okay?”_

She lets that sink in, then nods.

 _“I’m right here, no matter what decisions are made and no matter what happens. You know that, right?”_ Lydia nods again, throwing her arms around Connie once again. Connie rubs her back until she releases her _. “Daryl’s making dinner. Let’s go down, you must be hungry.”_

 _“Very,”_ Lydia signs. Connie gets up, taking Lydia’s hand and helping her up. The two head downstairs to the kitchen. RJ and Judith are talking over one another to Daryl, who’s finishing up making the food.

“Auntie Connie!” RJ shouts. The youngest child was always happy to see her. One could say she was his favorite person. Connie picks him up in a hug. Daryl glances at the two, then goes back to serving up the plates. Connie goes over to him, giving him a small smile and a nod. His shoulders relax in relief. She puts RJ down and helps him put plates on the table. Lydia gets cups out of the cupboard while they do so.

They all soon sit to eat. Judith eyes them, from Daryl to Lydia to Connie. “What’s going on? You’ve all been acting weird for weeks. You’re always stressed, Lydia gets sick a lot and Auntie Connie always hovers. So what’s happening.”

“None of your business, Judith,” Lydia snaps and the younger girl sits back a little.

“Lydia,” Daryl says softly. He turns to Judith. “Nothing that concerns you right now. If and when it does, you’ll know.”

“So it’s something serious?”

“Judith,” Daryl says, a warning in his low tone.

“I’ll figure it out, all on my own,” she warns.

“Judith!” Daryl shouts this time when he sees Lydia clutch at her stomach. RJ jumps at the sudden yells, looking around anxiously. “Mind your business and do _not_ push this. I mean it.”

Judith slumps back, glaring at him. “I used to be your favorite, and then _she_ came along.”

“This isn’t about favorites. This is about you not listening, yet again. This is serious, Judith. It’s not a game, it’s not keeping you in the dark. It’s a sensitive topic that you do not need to know yet. Understood.”

“Understood,” she says angrily.

“Good. Now why don’t you go finish your food up in your bedroom.”

She huffs and takes her plate, stomping all the way up. Daryl looks to Connie. _“Someone’s teenage attitude is kicking in early.”_

 _“Worst timing,”_ Connie signs with a sigh.

“She’s not gonna let it go, Dad.”

“I know, kiddo.”

“Gonna have to tell her?”

“Do you want to tell her?”

“I don’t want her pestering us like that. Or getting so mad. Or making me so mad.”

“Why don’t we get you checked out, and we’ll go from there?”

She nods. “One step at a time?”

“One step at a time.”


	24. It Means Two

“Dad?”

“You’re fine.”

“I want to go home.” 

Daryl gives her arm a comforting squeeze. Daryl and Connie were walking Lydia down to the infirmary. Lydia had agreed to get checked out, but every step closer to the infirmary, and every look from a passerby, sent her anxiety higher and higher.

“Daryl?”

Daryl halts when he hears Henry’s voice. He shields Lydia with his body. Henry glances at her, then at him. “Is she okay?”

“Not your business.”

“You’re headed to the infirmary. You told me it’s my responsibility, so that makes it my business. Doesn’t it?” Daryl glares at him, a good enough glare to make him stumble back a few steps before straightening. He steps forward. “C’mon, Daryl.”

“Dad? Please,” Lydia says softly from behind him, her voice quivering. He looks at her, sighing heavily. He moves away so he’s no longer shielding her, stepping over to Connie who puts a hand on his arm with a smile.

Henry quickens his pace, moving to her. He hears Daryl growl at his approach but he doesn’t care. He wraps his arms around Lydia, and she throws her arms around him, clinging to him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into her hair.

“Let’s go,” Daryl says gruffly. Henry releases her, taking her hand in his own.

“Why is she going to the infirmary?”

“To get checked out,” Daryl tells him, keeping his eyes forward. “Make sure she’s alright. Don’t push it.”

Henry sighs and the four continue their walk in awkward silence. Connie holds Daryl’s hand, playing with his fingers, trying to get his mind of slaughtering the boy with his daughter. Not that she would mind really—Connie was starting to think of her as _their_ daughter. She just didn’t want him to for Lydia’s sake. _Only_ for Lydia’s sake.

When they reached the infirmary, Lydia dug her heels in. “Nah. Get your ass in there,” Daryl says. Lydia gives him a pleading look but when he doesn’t relent she lets Henry pull her inside. Alex walks over to them.

“Hey there. See you finally got her to come.”

“Took lots of convincing. By lots of people. Still needs convincing, clearly,” Daryl tells him in his trademark gruff tone. “You can wait outside,” this line is directed to Henry.

“No. My responsibility.”

Daryl glares at him. “I’m regretting ever talking to you.”

“Dad,” Lydia pleads.

“Fine,” Daryl huffs. Connie points at him to sit and he sits, grumbling. Then she points at Henry to sit. The boy tries to protest, but Daryl snaps at him. “She told ya to sit, so you sit.”

Henry sits away from Daryl as Connie coaxes Lydia to get onto the cot. Connie brushes Lydia’s hair back, tucking it behind her ears. Alex moved pulled the machine over to them and Lydia eyed it wearily, looking up at Connie. Connie nods at her and turns, beckoning Daryl over.

“You’re okay,” Daryl tells her once he’s over. “Looks scary, but it ain’t. Ain’t gonna hurt or anything, right doc?”

“It’s completely painless. See this?” He lifts up the wand. “Only thing that’s gonna touch you. I’m just going to pull your shirt up, just a little. I’ll put some gel, won’t hurt but it’ll be cold. Then I move the wand around and the baby will pop up on the screen. It’s simple, okay?”

“Okay,” Lydia whispers.

“May I?” Lydia nods. Daryl strokes her hair as Alex rolls up her shirt to expose her stomach, a noticeable baby bump, not huge but big enough to be obvious, that nobody had noticed before from Lydia’s baggy shirts and the way she curled in on herself. Daryl was starting to see where her depression and anxiety was coming from—to them, it was sinking in, but to her, her body was already changing. Daryl had no clue why, neither Lori nor Rosita were even starting to show at twelve weeks.

Alex squeezed some gel on her lower stomach and she instinctively squeezed Connie’s hand tighter. “Alright, I’m gonna check now. Okay?” Alex pressed the wand to her stomach, moving it around her stomach. A whooshing sound fills the room. “That’s the heartbeat of…” His hand pauses.

“Alex?” Daryl asks. Lydia looks from the doctor to Daryl, tensing up. “Alex!”

“Daryl, can you come here for a moment?” Alex says, putting the wand away.

Daryl reluctantly leaves Lydia’s side, Connie taking his place. “Dad!” She tries to keep Lydia calm, but Daryl can hear the panicking cries leaving her. Daryl nods at Henry and he’s up, moving to Lydia’s side.

“What’s wrong,” Daryl asks once they’re away. “You heard a heartbeat, ain’t that a good thing?”

“It is, but…I didn’t just hear a heartbeat. I heard _heartbeats_.”

“Heartbeats, as in more than one?”

Alex nods. “Twins.”

“That’s more dangerous to Lydia, ain’t it? Ain’t it?”

“Possibly. Doesn’t mean it will be, but it’ll be more stress on her body. And it’ll be a tougher delivery. We don’t have epidurals, limited on pain medications, we aren’t properly trained for c-sections. But don’t panic, because if you panic then she will. She very well may have a smooth pregnancy and delivery. You just need to be prepared in case it isn’t. Be prepared for the stress and strain this will put on her, even if it goes smooth sailing.”

“Were both heartbeats strong?”

“They were. We should get back to them.”

Daryl nods and walks quickly back over to them. Henry moves aside for Daryl to reclaim his spot. He strokes Lydia’s damp cheeks. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

“What happened?” Lydia asks, sniffling.

“I just needed to talk to your dad about something.”

“About what?”

“I’ll show you.” He puts the wand back on her stomach, moving it around until the whooshing sound is heard again. He maneuvers the machine so the screen is facing them. “See this? This is Baby A, and here’s Baby B.”

“There’s…there’s _two?_ ” Lydia asks, looking up at Daryl.

“You’re gonna be alright,” Daryl comforts her.

“There’s two. Twins. Both have strong heartbeats. You have two healthy babies in there. Come back in about a month and I could probably even tell you their sex.”

“Two babies are gonna be a lot of work. A lot of diaper changes and a lot of bottles,” Henry mumbles. Daryl shoots him a look.

“Yeah,” Lydia agrees. “Gonna be a lot of work.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Are you finally gonna tell me what’s going on?” Judith asks when Daryl calls her down that evening.

Lydia is on her usual chair, reading a book to Coco who’s curled up on her lap. Rosita was perched on the arm of the chair, listening intently. Connie and Tara were on the couch, talking and signing away. Daryl sits on the couch, Judith squeezing in between him and Tara.

“We are,” Daryl tells her.

Tara and Rosita look at Daryl in confusion. “There’s a family meeting going on?” Tara asks and Daryl nods.

“Guess it’s time to let you know. You’d see it soon enough anyways. But things are gonna be changing here.”

“Changing how?” Judith looks up at him with wide eyes.

“You’ve noticed how Lydia was getting sick often, and how she barely left her room.”

“And mean,” Judith says. “She’s snappy.”

“Sorry,” Lydia offers.

“S’okay,” Judith says. “But why?”

“Lydia…she’s pregnant.”

“There’s gonna be a baby? I remember when Mom was pregnant with RJ. And I remember even better when Aunt Rosita was pregnant with Coco. But, who’s the baby’s daddy?”

“Henry,” Daryl growls.

“Yeah…I don’t wanna know,” Judith says.

“Good, cause nobody’s telling you _that_.”

“So…how long are people pregnant? It felt like forever both times.”

“Nine months,” Rosita answers. “Lydia’s what? Twelve weeks?” She looks down and Lydia nods. “So like six months left.”

“So not until summer?” Judith asks.

“Late spring, early summer. Yeah.”

“That’s a long time!”

“Tell me about it,” Lydia mutters.

“Oh, and another thing,” Daryl says, clearing his throat. “It’s twins.” Rosita and Tara’s heads snap around to look at him. Daryl gives them a look telling them not to react badly to that, nodding his head in Lydia’s direction. Rosita looks back down at her.

“Twins means two?” Judith asks.

“It does,” Daryl tells her.

“Does that mean she’s decided?” Tara whispers to Daryl and he nods. She raises her voice, “it means you’re going to have two baby cousins when summer comes ‘round.”

“I get jealous,” Judith admits. “I got jealous of Lydia earlier, cause Uncle Daryl pays her all the attention. I didn’t know why. I’m gonna try to not be so jealous now that I understand. I promise.”

“It’s okay if you don’t. I’ll understand,” Lydia tells her.

“Look at all our girls growing up on us,” Tara says emotionally.

“And me?” Coco’s little voice pipes up, causing everyone to laugh.

“And you, my little one.”


	25. Something Magical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's technically still Monday, so I'm technically not late posting this😂

“I miss it,” Rosita tells Lydia. The two were in the living room with Coco. Lydia was sprawled out on the couch, Rosita sitting on a cushion leaning back against the couch.

“Why?” Lydia asks, scrunching her face up. “I’m always throwing up, and always tired.”

“That’s just going to get worse, love.”

“Then _how_ do you miss it?”

“Because…it’s something _magical_. Growing a little human inside of you? Nothing else in the world could compare. And in the end…it’s _so_ worth it.” She smiles at her daughter, who’s contently playing with blocks.

“Can you answer a question? Honestly?” Lydia asks, her tone changing. She rotates so she’s on her side. Rosita shifts to look at her and nods. “How bad is it gonna be?”

“What do you mean?”

“When Alex saw that it was twins, he got worried. He and Dad left the room to talk about it. And the other day when he said it was twins, you and Tara both looked worried and he gave you a look to tell you not to let me see. But I saw. Why? Why is everyone so worried?”

“You don’t need to worry—”

“But I am! I can’t stop thinking about that!”

Coco looks up when Lydia’s voice rises and the toddler gets up, walking over to the couch. Rosita pulls her onto her lap and she squirms with a whine.

“Rosita, please.”

“It’s riskier. Two babies instead of one. It’s going to take a toll on you, physically and emotionally. Stress, not eating right, injuries can all risk any pregnancy in general. But with twins, it’s going to hurt more. And with delivery…no pain meds, limited knowledge, it’s going to hurt like hell. And the risk of needing a c-section is higher. And Alex has never performed one. We didn’t tell you because we didn’t want you to be more scared, but we aren’t as subtle as we’d thought. So now, you have to process it. But stressing and being afraid will only make it worse so you need to stay calm and be okay.”

Lydia nods, silently. She doesn’t speak, letting everything sink in. What Rosita said, it was _almost_ a relief—she had been fearing far worse than a possibility of complications. She expected the soreness and tiredness, and she knew it’d hurt. But she was expecting death, whether hers or her babies. Or all three of them.

“Hey, even if it goes bad, no matter what it takes, you’ll be okay. Okay?”

“And the babies?”

“They’ll be okay.”

“Babies?” Coco pipes up from Rosita’s laugh.

“Uh oh,” Lydia laughs. Rosita makes a face.

Lydia pushes herself upright and Rosita moves from the floor to the couch, taking Coco with her. “Well. You picked a fine time to listen in, huh little miss?”

“Yeah,” she says despite not knowing what she was being asked. “Babies?” she repeats.

“My god, child,” Rosita laughs. She gives Lydia a questioning look, telling her the ball was in her court if she wanted to enlighten the toddler. Lydia nods, drawing a breath in through her nose. She pulls up her loose shirt, exposing her baby bump.

“Babies are in here,” Lydia tells the little one. She puts her own hand on her stomach. “You can’t see them. But they’re here.”

“Big,” Coco says, putting her little hand on Lydia’s belly.

“It’s gonna get bigger. The babies are little now. Like…the size of your ball.”

“Yeah?” Coco asks, eyes big. “Then they come?”

“Then they come. But you have to wait. You have to be patient. Cause we’re gonna have winter with the snow, and spring, and then it gets warm out, then the babies will come,” Rosita explains and Coco pouts.

“That’s a long time!” Coco exclaims.

Lydia laughs. “It is, isn’t it?”

“Very.”

“It’ll pass quickly. It’s gonna feel like forever but before you know it, you’ll have two little babies out in the world and you’re going to miss the pregnancy, back aches and vomit and all because it’s an experience unlike any before.”

Lydia shakes her head with a laugh. “We’ll see about that.” She looks down at her lap, biting her lip.

“What’s on your mind now, love?”

“You’re in charge, and you’re supervision, right?”

“You’re asking because you want Henry over?”

Lydia nods. “Dad said as long as him, Connie, Tara or you are here. And I haven’t seen him since my checkup, and that was my first time seeing him in almost a month and I barely got to talk to him.”

“I don’t know, Lydia.”

“Please? Every time I ask my dad he makes some excuse as to why he can’t come over. It’s not fair.” Coco scooches over, leaning against Lydia. Lydia smiles down at her, running her fingers through her curls.

“If I get him, you two are to stay on the couch. You got it? I’ll stay in the kitchen, but I’ll be checking in often. I trust you, but I have to follow the rules Daryl set, too.”

“I understand,” she nods earnestly.

“Don’t make me regret this,” Rosita warns her. “You’ve got Coco while I go get him?”

She nods quickly. Rosita kisses the top of Coco’s head before getting up, casting one last look at them.

Rosita understood why Daryl was so angry and wanted to keep them apart, but she had three men in love with her at once and ended up with a baby, so she saw Lydia’s side too. Rosita had no excuse for herself—she was bored and reckless. But she remembered a time when she was a stupid, reckless kid who didn’t think before doing shit. She remembers a time where he brother was just as careless, remembers when all her friends were.

She wonders if Daryl remembers a time when he was. She doesn’t think he does. She knows he spent his childhood getting beaten by his father, and his teenage years he spent raising himself when Merle found himself in and out of prison. He spent his young adult life trying to get by and stay alive, and then the apocalypse happened. So Rosita understood why he was so angry—Lydia was the best thing to happen to him, maybe in his entire life. She meant the entire world to him, and it killed him seeing her hurt. While she may not have been emotionally hurt or beaten, he classified her getting pregnant and the trials she has yet to face as being hurt. Because her life was changing, rapidly. And she was terrified. 

She mulls over her thoughts as she makes her way to Aaron’s. The long walk gave her a lot of time for her thoughts to swarm. She reached Aaron’s, knocking on the door. Gracie opens the door. “Hi, Rosita!”

“Hey, Gracie.”

“Are you looking for my daddy?”

“No, I’m here for Henry.”

“Oh. Okay! I’ll get him!” The ten year old lets her in before running off, yelling “Henry! You have a visitor!” Then she runs back. “He’s coming!”

“Thank you, Gracie,” Rosita laughs.

Henry appears, looking confused to see Rosita. “Hey?”

“I’m on watch duty at Daryl’s. He’s out and Lydia asked if you could come over. Guess Daryl hasn’t let you even though he said he would?”

“Yeah. So you’re here because I can go over?”

“As long as you follow the rules Daryl laid out for you, then yes.”

“Yeah, yeah I will.”

“Okay, good.”

They said goodbye to Gracie and started the walk back. “Can I ask you something?” Henry asks after a brief hesitation. Rosita nods. “Why are you on watch duty for Lydia?”

“Daryl’s just worried, she’s been having a rough time. But she’s okay. Just kinda feeling down, y’know? I’m bringing you over because I think you can fix that, so don’t make her worse.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. Cause if you show you’re good for her, Daryl may be more willing to have you over when he’s home.”

“Doubt it,” he says with a heavy sigh.

They spend the rest on the walk in silence, Henry trailing behind her. They made their way into the house. Rosita leads him into the living room where Lydia still has Coco on the couch.

Rosita picks Coco up. “Come on, baby. Let’s make some cookies while these two talk.”

“Cookies!” the toddler squeals excitedly.

“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything. Don’t push it.”

“We won’t,” Lydia says softly. “Thank you.”

Rosita gives her a gentle smile before disappearing. Henry sits down beside her, giving her an awkward boyish smile. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Lydia repeats, returning the smile.

“How are you?” he asks her.

“I’m okay,” she shrugs. He gives her a look. “I’m tired, a lot. And I haven’t had a lot of motivation lately, but I _am_ okay.”

“Are you still throwing up?”

“Same time, every day pretty much. It sucks, but I’m getting by.”

“I’m sorry, for all of this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It actually is.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“I know. You’re too good for that. Daryl made it very clear he blames me though.”

“He’s overprotective,” she chuckles.

“Yeah, I got that,” he laughs. “He just wants what’s best for you. You deserve that, to have a parent that loves you more than anything, who protects you.”

“He’s more than I could have ever hoped for in a parent,” she tells him, her voice softening. _“You’re_ more than I could have ever hoped for.” Henry starts to shake his head. “You _are._ You’re good. You’re more than good. You’re kind, you love so deeply and you’re so patient no matter what. That’s how I know you will be a good father. I know you’re doubting that.”

“I don’t have doubts about you,” he offers. “You’re already amazing with Coco.”

“Coco makes it easy. Coco was already a year old when I started watching her. But babies? Newborn babies?”

 _“Babies_. God the idea of _one_ is terrifying, but _two?_ ”

Lydia leans against him and he wraps an arm around her shoulder. “What do you hope they are?”

“Girls.”

“Both?”

He hums, nodding. “Maybe they’ll be identical.”

“Like, look the exact same?”

“Maybe.”

“How would we tell them apart?”

“You would. You would better than anyone else would. No matter what they are, I love them already.”

“You do?”

“I do.” He kisses the top of her head. His hand rests on her stomach. “I love all three of you.”

She smiles, looking up at him. “And I love you.”

He rests his head against hers, just wanting to enjoy the time they had for as long as they had it.


	26. Thankful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I was kinda late last week (posting Monday at like 11pm) here's the next chapter a day early!

“What’s the big deal of this… _Thanksgiving?_ ” Lydia asks Judith as she helps her build her model house out of popsicle sticks. Tara and Yumiko had crossed a craft store and decided to raid it, bringing a lot of craft choices home for all the kids to do.

Judith shrugs. “Guess it’s a tradition going around for hundreds of years or something. My mom said that it celebrates this place being what it is. What she told me was that this land used to have people who lived off the land, then civilized people came from across the ocean and they fought, but they made a treaty and called it the first Thanksgiving so now everyone does it every November since then. And it gives us all in the communities an excuse to make a lot of food and get together as family.”

“Is it just going to be us?”

“Aunt Tara and Rosita will probably come over with Coco. I don’t know if Connie will come here or be with her sister. Cause she lives with us, and she’s like in love with Uncle Daryl but Kelly and Magna and Yumiko and Luke are still her family, too.”

“You haven’t asked her?”

“No,” Judith frowns. “I don’t know why I haven’t.”

“You’re slacking, Judith,” Lydia laughs.

“I’m just distracted,” she giggles. “There’s so much exciting things happening! With Thanksgiving around the corner, finding out my baby cousins are gonna both be girls, no doubt Uncle Daryl and Connie are going to get married soon…”

“Where’d you get the idea of them getting married?”

“You called her your mom the other day. You’d only called her _‘Mom’_ if she were sticking around permanently. Right?”

“I guess? I don’t think they’re getting married soon, though. There’s _a lot_ going on.”

“I didn’t mean _that_ soon. I meant like, in a year soon. Cause you’ll have the babies in spring, and then once things settle, they’ll fall deeper in love and by next Thanksgiving they’ll be married! I can see a beautiful fall wedding.”

“You and your plans. _And_ organizing.”

“It’s fun! Not as fun as going out and hunting and exploring. But still, it’s fun to do when I’m stuck behind the walls.”

“This is fun,” Lydia gestures to the house model in progress. Lydia, being just shy of five months into her pregnancy, never left the house anymore. Not just because of the looks she gets, but for comfort, too. The longer into her pregnancy she went, the larger her stomach grew. She wasn’t huge—but it was enough that her back was aching more often and tasks she used to do easily were more strenuous.

“It is,” Judith agrees. The twelve year old usually did the models out of straight boredom, but since Lydia began helping her it had become more fun. Often they did more talking than actually building, but neither girl minded.

“Once winter comes the amount of models we make will probably double.”

“Probably,” Judith laughs.

“We might want to find different things to do before it all gets boring and—” she stops with a small gasp and Judith’s head snaps up.

“Lydia? Are you alright?”

She nods slowly. “Just…feels _weird_.”

“What does?”

Lydia runs a hand up and down her stomach. “I think they’re moving. I’ve never felt this before.”

Judith starts to get up. “Does it hurt?”

“No. It’s like…it’s like a tickle, but inside instead of out? Kinda crampy. But no, it doesn’t _hurt_.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look okay.”

“I just…feel weird.”

Daryl pokes his head in the room, checking in on them. “You two okay? It got real quiet in here.”

“Lydia doesn’t feel good.”

“Sick?”

Lydia shakes her head. Daryl moves into the room and crouches down beside her. He notices the hand on her stomach. “Are you in pain?” She shakes her head again. “Lydia?”

“They moved.”

“Who—the babies?” He wraps an arm around her, looking at her in concern.

She nods. “Felt weird? I still feel weird.”

“Bad weird?” She shakes her head again. “I can go get Rosita, she’s probably the best person to talk with about this.”

“No! Rosita kept Coco home with her and Tara because they’re having a relaxing family day before tomorrow. I’m fine, Dad. _Really_. Just kinda shocked me a little. Wasn’t expecting that feeling.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am,” she smiles at him. “See the house,” she changes the subject, gesturing to her and Judith’s project.

He gives her a look but goes along with it. “You two made a lot of progress on it today.”

“Yeah, we’re making a huge collection of them,” Judith laughs. “We could probably make a dollhouse for Coco if we tried. And for the babies for when they get her age.”

“That’d be a lot of work,” Lydia tells her. “But I guess we have all the time in the world, huh?” She looks back at Daryl. “Is it going to be crazy tomorrow?”

“Maybe a little,” he answers honestly, stroking her hair back. “But it’s nobody new. Our family, and Tara, Rosita and Coco.”

“And Connie?” Judith asks.

“Connie’s our family. She’s going to have lunch with us, and then she’ll go have dinner with Kelly and the others.”

“So we’re sharing her?” Judith asks.

“We are,” Daryl chuckles.

“Good,” Lydia agrees with a smile. Daryl kisses the top of her head, and then Judith’s, before getting up. The two girls watch him leave before turning their focus back to the model.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The next morning, Connie was hard at work cooking. Lydia had joined her fairly early in the day, and the time passed for them rather quickly. It wasn’t a massive amount of food—but enough to feed them, and their extended family. It was just nicer than usual. Connie made her beloved lasagna, a rare treat for special occasions, and she baked a turkey Daryl managed to hunt. She showed Lydia how to make her favorite pies. Daryl kept Judith and RJ occupied so they stayed out of the kitchen.

Rosita and Tara came over with Coco in the early afternoon. They had all decided on a family gathering in the afternoon so Connie could be with them and then go to her sister and other family. Daryl had broached the idea of having them all over, but they had decided that would make too many people squished together and it would likely stress the kids too much.

“Dia!” Coco shouts the moment the couple entered the kitchen.

“Coco thinks two days is too long without you,” Tara laughs. “Let me guess, you’ve been in here all day on your feet?”

“Let me do as much as I can while I still can,” Lydia tells her, reaching for Coco. “I’m still capable of doing pretty much everything.”

“Don’t worry,” Rosita tells her. “I was still like eight months pregnant and still doing shit. Tara kept telling me to take it easy, especially when I couldn’t see my own feet anymore, but I didn’t listen. So just ignore her like I do.”

“Ro!” Tara laughs.

“Sounds good,” Lydia laughs, and Coco joins in despite not understanding. Lydia leaves Tara and Rosita to help Connie and brings Coco into the living room. She finds Daryl watching Judith and RJ color. “What are you drawing?”

“Our house!” RJ answers and Judith just shrugs.

Daryl looks up at her, eyes flitting from her to the toddler perched on her hip. “Tara and Rosita are here?”

“They are.” Lydia sinks to the ground, rearranging Coco on her lap. “Want to color?”

“Yeah!”

RJ passes Lydia a piece of paper and Coco snatches up a pink crayon and starts scribbling on the page. Lydia grabs a purple crayon and starts drawing a dog on the corner of the page.

“Are we going to have a lot of cookies?” RJ asks with a smile.

“Not cookies,” Lydia answers.

“Then what?”

“Pie.”

“What kind of pie?”

“That’s a secret,” Lydia whispers.

“No fair!”

Judith giggles at her brother. She turns her pictures over so nobody can see them. When Lydia raises her eyebrows at her she shrugs. “This is a secret too.”

“Oh?”

“Only Uncle Daryl is allowed to see it.”

“Hm?” Daryl looks at her and they all laugh.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Should we go around saying what we’re all thankful for since it’s technically Thanksgiving?” Judith asks while signing as everyone is seated and serving themselves lunch. “Cause I think it’d be nice to do.”

“Yeah, I do, too,” Tara says with a smile. “How about, so we don’t get half-assed answers,” she looks pointedly at Daryl, “or speeches,” she looks at Rosita, “we all list three things?”

“Can we go into detail?” Rosita asks and receives laughter.

“Yes…limit of like, sixty seconds though. Cause we all wanna eat.”

“Fine,” Rosita rolls her eyes playfully.

“You can go first,” Tara tells her.

“Okay. Well, firstly, I’m thankful for my beautiful wife, no matter how obnoxious she can be,” Tara protests with a laugh, “and our beautiful little girl. Secondly, I’m thankful for all of you—my extended family, those here and those elsewhere. And thirdly, I’m thankful for my job of being a professional badass.” Everyone at the table erupts into laughter.

“Okay, we going clockwise?” Tara asks and she gets nods. “Okay, so I’m grateful for my ever so gracious and obnoxious wife and the cutest little girl in existence. I’m throwing all of you in there, too. I’m thankful I get to be the leader here, to be able to look out for everyone and just, make Alexandria a better place. And I’m thankful for all the communities, and how amazing they all are. I have all of you here, Maggie at Hilltop, Cyndie at Oceanside. We all work together so seamlessly.”

“And you told me no speeches,” Rosita jokes and Tara swats at her.

“Okay, Coco. What’s something you’re thankful for? Something that makes you very happy?” Tara asks the toddler.

“Mama! And Mama!”

“Good, baby. And another?”

“Dia!”

“I honestly thought was going to be number one,” Tara laughs. “One more.”

“Toys.”

“Sounds about right,” everyone laughs.

“Lydia, you’re up.”

The teenager sinks down in her chair and Daryl pats her shoulder sympathetically. He was dreading being put on the spot himself.

“One thing, Dia,” Coco holds up her finger.

Lydia smiles at her cuteness. “Well, first thing would be family. My real family, all of you. I don’t know where I’d be if I never met any of you. Especially you both,” she directs to Daryl and Connie, “and you!” she smiles to Coco.

“And another!” Coco tells her.

“This house. Having a real home.”

“And another!”

“As crazy as it’s been…I know it’s weird, but I’m actually thankful for these babies.” Her hand finds her stomach, resting on it. Rosita gives a knowing smile and Daryl gives her shoulder a loving squeeze.

“Okay, Dad. Your turn.”

It was his turn to sink in his seat awkwardly. He keeps his hand on Lydia’s shoulder. “Let’s start with that. Being called Dad, having a daughter. And being an uncle at the same time, raising you crazy kids,” Judith smiles brightly at him and RJ laughs. “And all of you, I guess.”

“We feel loved, Daryl,” Tara laughs and he grunts. Connie gives him a tender smile.

“Second, my dog. Third, this home. It’s safe, far enough away from everyone but still close. A good place for my granddaughters to grow up.”

“I never thought I’d hear grandfather and you in one sentence, let alone you speaking it,” Tara says.

“I never thought Daryl and dad would be put together and well…”

Lydia smiles at him, tearing up a little. He pulls her over for a hug.

“Now me?” Judith asks.

“Now you.”

“Okay. So, first of all, my family. My mom and dad, even though they’re gone. Uncle Daryl for raising us and loving us, and Aunt Connie, too! And Aunt Tara and Aunt Rosita. And Lydia, my cousin but more like a big sister. And my little brother. And little Coco, she’s sorta my cousin too I think? And the babies! My baby cousins. Or kind of like my nieces cause Lydia’s like my sister. And Dog! And secondly, Alexandria and more specifically our house. And thirdly, that I had parents and uncles and aunts who taught me to hunt, fight, protect myself and others. I like being safe and knowing everyone else is too.”

“That’s a lot,” RJ says.

“Well, I have big feelings! It’s your turn, too.”

“Um,” RJ starts. “I am thankful for everybody.”

“And?”

“And all my toys and games.”

“And?”

“Alexandria!”

“Good.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Hold on, Auntie Connie is all that’s left.”

Connie smiles at them, tousling RJ’s curls.

 _“First thing I’m thankful for is my family. For Daryl, my love,”_ he ducks his head when Judith makes an _“ooh!”_ sound _. “For having a chance to be a mother again,”_ she smiles at Lydia, _“to be an aunt. For my sister. For little Coco. The both of you,”_ she gestures to Rosita and Tara, _“and for Magna, Yumiko and Luke. Second, I’m thankful for the communities and the safety it provides for us all. And third, I’m thankful for all this happiness and opportunities. Seeing all your smiling faces.”_

“Okay, it’s official. We are all deep and sappy people who have a lot of love for each other,” Tara announces.

“I’m okay with that,” Lydia says softly.

“Yeah, me, too.”

“Now can we eat?” RJ asks loudly. He gets answered through the laughter.

They ate, they talked, they laughed. A large, dysfunctional but beautiful family. Most of them may not have been related by blood, but that didn’t matter to them. Because the thing they were all most thankful for, was each other no matter what, because family wasn’t always blood—it’s the people you choose, and who chose you.


	27. A Certain Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl, Judith and Rositara do a supply run in preparation for Christmas a certain due date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the worst chapter I've written and is 100% a ridiculous filler chapter so I apologize

Daryl had taken is bike into the old town, Tara, Rosita and Judith following them on one of the makeshift horse drawn carriages. They had made easy work of taking out the walkers wandering the streets, and thanks to Eugene’s radio system they knew there were no herds heading their way, or any in the vicinity.

They were looking for a store in particular—one nobody from the community had ever stepped foot in. Very few stores had ever been stepped into, and that was years and years ago when Negan was a threat and had the communities serving him. Alexandria farmed and grew their own food, had their water filtration system, mended their own clothes, built their own things, so they never had need to venture back into the old world.

Judith had an idea and had talked Daryl into the adventure. And Rosita and Tara had jumped immediately on board, and both women benefited from the trip. So after clearing the street, the group headed in search of the store Daryl remembers passing by on their old supply runs.

“This way,” he tells them, leading the way down the strip of stores. Judith following behind him, Tara and Rosita sticking close behind her. “Here.” He parks the bike, Tara halting the horses.

“It’s untouched,” Tara says with an elated smile. “We’re going to fill the entire wagon.”

“Hell yes!” Rosita says. “Coco’s going to be a very happy child.”

Daryl gets the doors open with some force, Rosita to his right with her weapon ready in case of walkers inside. Daryl and Rosita went inside, Tara staying behind with a frustrated Judith. The two did a full sweep of the store, finding it fully untouched. Rosita waves Tara and Judith in.

“There’s _so_ much stuff!” Judith says in awe.

“Good call, kiddo.”

Judith runs through the store, eying everything. “Aunt Rosita! You said Coco was due for a new high chair, right?”

“Yeah,” Rosita makes her way to where Judith’s standing. “There’s little baby ones and toddler ones. And see, there’s pretty pink. Coco’s favorite. You should get two, one for your house and one for our house. We need two baby ones right?”

“I mean, there _will_ be two babies. So yeah, we probably should. Come on, let’s start a pile by the door for what we’re taking.”

The two of them drag the boxes over towards the door, stacking them up. Tara appears beside them with a big bin of jumbo blocks. “Coco’s gonna love these. There’s a food section, but pretty sure all baby food would be expired by now.”

“Yeah, that’s a pretty good guess,” Rosita agrees.

Judith ditches them and goes off, searching for Daryl. She finds him in the back where the clothes are. He looks at Judith and shifts. “Pick any yet?” Judith asks him and he shakes his head.

“You pick ‘em.”

Judith shrugs and paws through the clothing. “You should tell Aunt Rosita there’s Coco’s size here too. Or…you can get some baby clothes and I will tell them. Cause y’know, they are _you’re_ grandkids. And you can’t mess up picking out baby clothes, Uncle Daryl.”

She turns and dances away and Daryl sighs heavily. He stares at the display in front of him. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just pick out the outfits—he knew Lydia wouldn’t be upset by something as trivial as an outfit, especially solid colored ones. He knew his daughter would love it no matter what. He could already envision the look of sheer delight on her face when she would be shown the nursery once finished. So he shook his head a grumbles a little at himself then starts pawing through the options.

“You could always just…take it _all,_ ” Rosita voices behind him. “I’m raiding the toddler section. And whatever I don’t like for Coco I’ll give to the distribution center. We’ll probably load as much as can possibly fit into the carriage.”

He grunts, choosing from the many options of outfits while Rosita gets to work on the toddler clothes. There were onesies, tiny t-shirts, pants, jackets, socks and even tiny shoes. Daryl decides Rosita is right and gets a whole array of sizes from newborn to twelve months.

Once the two are satisfied with their assortment, they made their way to the ever growing pile. “Jesus, that’s _a lot_ of diaper packages.”

“I _hate_ cloth diapers. These are lifesavers.”

“They’re also not biodegradable.”

Tara just shrugs. “Burn them.”

“Ew,” Judith giggles.

“Ew is right,” Rosita laughs. “I’ll stick with washable cloth, thank you very much.”

Tara shrugs. “I’m still bringing these with us. Someone might want them. Coco only wears diapers when she sleeps anyways.”

Rosita chuckles and she, Tara and Daryl moved everything into the carriage. Judith continued looking around inside the store, seeing if there was anything that was missed. After a sweep, she decides the group was more than thorough and had gotten everything a child from newborn to preschooler could ever possibly need. She goes back outside.

“How exactly do we get this all in unnoticed, though? I didn’t think of that.”

“I did,” Tara says proudly. “I told Connie right before we left to take Lydia and the kids to Yumiko and Magna’s in two hours. Which means they’re likely headed over there…right now.”

“Won’t she be suspicious?”

“Please. This has been set in motion since you broached the idea at Thanksgiving. Yumiko once told me she loved making homemade gingerbread men and houses before all this started. So that’s what they’re going to do.”

“Wait! I’m missing out on making an actual gingerbread house?!” Judith exclaims.

“No, they’re doing all the hard work. By the time they make, cut out and shape and then bake and cool said gingerbread, we’ll be home and have put everything where it belongs. And you’ll be there in time to do the fun stuff.”

“I like how you think, Aunt Tara.”

“Thank you. At least _someone_ appreciates me,” she jokes and Rosita protests.

Tara and Rosita banter back and forth as the two climb up into the carriage. Judith joins in, climbing up and sitting between the couple. Daryl just shakes his head, starting his bike. He leads the way out of the old town and towards the streets heading home to Alexandria. His bike speeds easily down the road, the horses hoofbeats drowned out by the loud hum of the bike’s motor.

They made it back to Alexandria in just over a half hour, only having stopped to take out an occasional walker a handful of times. Daryl cuts the engine to his bike as soon as they pass the gate while Tara steers the horses all the way down to their house. Daryl follows on foot despite Tara’s offer to jump in.

“Guess being far away from everyone else helps with secrecy,” Judith says.

“Has it perks,” Rosita agrees.

They halted the horses at the house and the three girls climb off of the carriage. “Jude, you can go to Miko’s now if you want and join in the fun. We got it from here.”

“You sure?”

“Very sure.”

Judith flashes a smile before spinning on her heel, sprinting across the field towards the rest of the community. She runs down, boots hitting the pavement and she slows. She walks briskly to Yumiko’s, jogging up the stairs and entering the house. The first thing that registered in her head was the smell of cinnamon and gingerbread.

“Guys!” She runs into the kitchen, inhaling the scent. “It smells so good!”

“They just came out of the oven a bit ago,” Magna tells her. “I keep trying to taste one but Miko’s being all uptight about it and not letting me.”

“You can taste one _after_ we finish,” Yumiko rolls her eyes, her accent coming through strongly. “And not before.”

“Mean.”

“Are we going to decorate them? And _how_ are we going to?”

“We made icing. Crushed berries mixed in gave them color. Crushed some berries to make red frosting, crushed leaves made green. We put extra flavor in the leaf one, don’t worry.”

“Is good,” Coco says, her fingers tinted red and green. Lydia laughs at her, even when Coco reaches up and touches her cheek with sticky red fingers.

“See? Tastes good. Coco approves.”

“Mmm. Yummy,” Lydia says as Coco stuffs some frosting in her mouth.

Magna bursts out laughing. “Lydia approved to!”

Judith climbs into the seat beside RJ. “Let’s do this, then. Cause I’m bored.”

“You were out all day,” Lydia tells her. “What did you do out there anyways? Dad said it was just a supply run but there hasn’t been a supply run since I’ve been here.”

“We just got some basic stuff. Aunt Tara and Aunt Rosita wanted to check a store out is all. Cause Christmas is right around the corner now and they wanted to get a gift for someone.”

“I can’t keep track of these holidays you all celebrate,” Lydia sighs. Judith lets out a breath of relief of Lydia being distracted by the thought of another holiday.

“It’s just the only other real big one. We get a Christmas tree and a homemade stocking and treats and presents! And another big family meal.”

“Presents!” RJ cheers.

“Why?” Lydia asks her.

Judith shrugs. “I dunno.”

Yumiko shakes her head, laughing as she passes the gingerbread house pieces to them. “Decorate them and when they dry, Magna or I will put them together.”

“Finally!”

Judith gets hard at work on her own piece. RJ watches his sister, trying to mimic her. Lydia helps Coco make her, talking patiently to her and laughing at the toddler’s giggles. Magna even decorate one, and Yumiko too.

After they all are satisfied with their pieces, and then they let them dry, Magna and Yumiko carefully put the pieces together. coco points and talks excitedly to Lydia, who hangs onto her every word. Judith looks around at all their faces and she decides that maybe, just maybe, this would be the best holiday season yet.


	28. The Greatest Gift of All

“Got you!” RJ shouts.

RJ and Judith were running around in the snow outside their house as the sky was darkening. It was only just after dinner, but nighttime fell early in December.

Judith rolled up another snowball in her gloved hands, rolling her arm back and launching it. She hits her brothers shoulder and he screeches and laughs.

“Jude!”

“It’s payback!” She laughs in defense, dodging a flying snowball from him. She turns and sprints, hearing the sound of his footfalls crunching through the snow behind her. He pants and laughs as he tries to catch up to her. Her long legs carry her further and faster ahead.

“Uncle Daryl, help!” Judith hears RJ call out. She almost slips as she spins around, seeing Daryl step off the porch with Dog on his heels.

“No, that’s cheating!” Judith yelps as warning. Daryl doesn’t listen, he drops the bag and tussles the top of RJ’s head before picking up speed in Judith’s direction. “No! Uncle Daryl!”

She starts running as fast as she can, giggling. The sound of feet crunching through the snow grow louder and louder, and before she knew it hands were grabbing her under her armpits and she was lifted through the air. She screams, wiggling and laughing. “No, not fair!”

RJ jogs over with a loud laugh and hits her with a snowball.

“Meanie.”

“That’s payback for telling Uncle Daryl he’s no fun,” RJ says with a smirk and sticks his tongue out.

“Well, I take it back,” Judith responds. She looks up at Daryl with a smile. “That was fun. But it wasn’t fair, you cheated!”

“All fair in love and war, and this was both.” Judith huffs a little, rolling her eyes playfully at him. “Come on in, you two. It’s getting too dark. Plus, it’s Christmas Eve.”

“That means presents tomorrow?” RJ asks hopefully.

“Yeah, it means presents tomorrow. And a good dinner.” He lifts him up with a small grunt and carried him up the steps, Judith trotting beside them. They go inside and he sets him down. Judith and RJ pull their boots off, setting them on the mat. They hang their hats, gloves and coats up to dry.

“With Auntie Tara and Auntie Rosita?” He asks bright eyed.

“Not this time. They left yesterday to spend a few days with Aunt Maggie.”

“But Coco’s here!” He exclaims.

“They thought it would be too cold for her to travel, especially if they got caught in a storm or ran into trouble so they left her here with us.”

“Wait, where is Coco?” Judith asks, looking around. “It’s _really_ quiet, Uncle Daryl.”

“Lydia brought her up to put her to bed, you and your brother tired her out good earlier. And Lydia’s probably asleep too. So don’t be loud when you go upstairs, last thing we want is an overtired toddler and a grumpy Lydia.”

“Yeah, we already have that enough as is,” Judith laughs. “Can we have some hot cider before bed?”

“Just a little. Then you both are to go right to bed, no playing or funny business. Understood?”

“Yeah!” RJ says and Judith nods with a big smile.

“Is the room all set up? A hundred percent?”

“It is.”

“Too bad Aunt Tara and Rosita are going to miss it.”

“They’ll hear all about it when they return, I’m sure.” He pours their mugs, placing them down in front of them.

“Thank you, Uncle Daryl,” Judith smiles.

“Thank you,” RJ parrots.

Daryl nods at them, pouring a mug himself. The three drank the treat, and soon enough they were heading up. Daryl kisses Judith’s forehead and bids the preteen goodnight then goes to RJ’s room, where he kisses his head and tucks him in. Before going to his own bed, he peeks into Lydia’s room. In the moonlight streaming through the window and Coco’s nightlight, he sees Lydia fast asleep on her bed and Coco sprawled out on the trundle beside it. He smiles at the sleeping girls before quietly closing the door and retreating to his own room for sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Wake up, wake up!” Judith yells, bursting into Daryl and Connie’s room. Daryl groans and rolls over, squinting up at her unimpressed. He grumbles and reaches over to tap Connie’s arm. She shuffles and rolls to face him. He motions to Judith and he hears a soft sigh escape her lips.

“We’re up,” he grumbles and Judith pivots and slips out of the room. She barges into Lydia’s room.

Coco sits up with a cry when she hears the door slam open. Lydia stirs and cracks her eyes. “Mm. Go away.”

“No! It’s Christmas!”

“Okay? Go away.” She snuggles deeper under her blanket and Judith marches to her bed and rips the blanket off of her.

“Lydia, come on!”

“Judith,” she groans. “I’m six months pregnant with _twins,_ I was up all night because I couldn’t get comfortable. I’m sore and tired.”

“But it’s going to be a great day. And we really need you to get up and come down. _Please._ Just a few hours and then I’ll even watch Coco so you can take a nap.”

Lydia groans but sits up regardless. Judith makes a happy sound and turns to bolt. “No, no. Stay here,” Lydia says quietly. Judith turns to face her. “You’re changing Coco and getting her dressed.”

“Okay,” Judith says with a reluctant sigh. “Come on, Coco.” She grabs some clothes from Coco’s drawer in Lydia’s dresser. She picks the toddler up and Coco whines, _“Dia!”_

“S’okay, Coco,” Lydia says quietly. Judith disappears out of the room with Coco.

Lydia gets out of bed slowly, stretching. She sleepily gathers her clothes for the day and shuffles across the hall to the bathroom, hoping a shower will wake her up better. She closes the bathroom door as Daryl and Connie exit their bedroom.

 _“I’ll make breakfast. Good thing I made breakfast muffins last night because these kids aren’t waiting.”_ Connie signs with an endearing smile. Daryl nods, returning her smile. He takes her hand and the two head down the stairs together.

“Hungry,” RJ says, yawning as he speaks. He signs the word.

Connie chuckles and pulls the tray of muffins down from where they were hidden. _“Just one. I’m making breakfast too, so no scarfing it down.”_

 _“Yes, Auntie Connie.”_ He takes a muffin, taking a big bite. Daryl gets to work beside her.

“Is there food yet?” Comes Judith’s voice. She appears in the kitchen hauling Coco. The toddler points to the muffins with an excited gasp. Judith plops Coco on her high chair seat before grabbing a muffin for herself and one for Coco.

“Don’t scarf it cause they’re making more breakfast,” RJ tells his sister.

“Kay.” That doesn’t stop her or Coco from taking a huge bite of their muffins. Judith slides onto her seat. “Do you realize how difficult it is to change a diaper and put clothes on a kid that won’t stay still? It’s really hard. Coco thought it was hilarious,” she rolls her eyes. “I don’t know how Lydia does it.”

“Cause…I be nice to Dia,” Coco pipes up.

“Seriously? That’s mean,” Judith huffs.

“You took me away!”

“Lydia told me to!”

“I no care,” Coco folds her arms and scowls.

“Uncle Daryl!” Judith whines. Daryl ignores her, signing to Connie what was going on. Connie laughs and Judith can’t help but crack a small smile, willing to admit how ridiculous her arguing with a grumpy two year old sounded.

Lydia shuffled into the kitchen, looking a lot more awake than she did earlier. She eyes everyone, sinking into her seat. RJ offers her a muffin. “Thanks.” Daryl turns to look at the sound of her voice.

“I actually thought you were going to just go back to sleep,” Judith tells her.

“I thought ‘bout it,” Lydia admits. She turns in her seat to fix Coco’s messy hair.

“I tried to brush her hair and put it in a ponytail, but she kept moving so I didn’t really get to brush it, and barely got the hair tie in.”

“You were giving Judith a hard time?” Lydia asked the toddler.

“Yeah!” Coco says, unashamed. “She took me,” she shrugs.

“I asked her to.”

“I no care.”

“Course you don’t.” Once she finishes tying back Coco’s hair and turns her attention back to her muffin. A moment after Daryl and Connie put the food on the table. Daryl presses a kiss to the top of Lydia’s head before sitting beside her.

“Gosh, I’m _starved,_ ” Judith says, helping herself to breakfast.

“You’re _always_ starved,” Lydia chuckles. Connie serves Coco breakfast so Lydia can help herself.

“So are _you._ ”

“I’m eating for three.”

“And _I’m_ growing. I’m gonna be as tall as you someday.”

“Someday soon considering how often you keep getting these growth spurts.”

“I hope so. Being little sucks sometimes.”

“So does being grown up sometimes,” Lydia points out.

“True. I think every age kinda sucks, besides babies. And toddlers. Once you get big enough to know things being little sucks but then you gotta be all responsible when you grow up. And people have so many expectations of you the older you get.”

“Where’s this coming from?” Daryl asks, sharing a confused look with Connie.

“I’m growing up, so I have big thoughts now,” Judith says dramatically. “The older I get, the wiser I get.”

“Me too,” RJ says, wanting to be part of the conversation.

“Big thoughts, huh?”

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Oh my god, it’s perfect!” Judith shouts. She removed the sheath from the cloth wrapping. “It’s just what I wanted! Thank you!” She jumps up to hug Daryl and Connie.

“Miss Bree made it for you,” Daryl tells her. Judith smiles big.

RJ sat on the floor playing with the firetruck toy that Daryl had found scouting contentedly.

Judith had gotten a new jacket neatly patched up and a leather sheath and holster for her gun and sword. RJ got a few toys and a book which he was satisfied with. Connie got a quilt and a pair of hiking boots the cobbler had fixed up nicely. Connie had surprised Daryl with a new leather strap for his crossbow and some more arrows, and he also got a new pair of hiking boots. Daryl had finally finished his long project he had been working on for a while—a crossbow with some hand crafted and tested out arrows for Lydia. Coco got a few toys—most of her presents were waiting for Rosita and Tara to give them to her.

“Uncle Daryl? Is it time for the big reveal?” Judith asks excitedly.

“What big reveal?” Lydia asks from where she’s sitting on the couch, head resting on Connie’s shoulder.

“I think it is,” Daryl says, a rare shy smile on his face. He walks over to the couch, holding a hand down. “Come on, it’s upstairs.” Lydia eyes him but takes his hand, letting him help her to her feet.

“What _is_ it?”

“It’s a secret,” Judith says with a proud smile. “One I managed to keep for weeks!”

Daryl wraps an arm around Lydia’s shoulder and guides her to the stairs, following Judith. Connie picks up Coco and carries her up behind them.

“Dad, seriously. What’s going on?”

“You’ll see,” is all he says.

Judith pushes the door to the spare room open, which causes Lydia’s brow to furrow deeper. “What?” Daryl guides her into the room and her steps falter. _“Dad…”_

Her eyes roam around the room. The walls had been painted a light pink, pink flowy curtains beside a window seat almost identical to her own. Two cribs were side by side at one end, two little baby swings, a simple changing table and a dresser that had been painted the same as the walls. She saw tubs with various toys and a few stuffed animals, and on a bedside table hosted a few bottles and other baby essentials.

“When did you…?”

“That supply run we took Judith a few weeks ago, that was to get all of this. That’s why Connie brought you to Yumiko’s, so we could bring it all inside. And we set it up little by little. The day you went to Aaron’s to spend the day with Henry instead of him coming here was when we painted everything.”

When Daryl saw the smile of pure happiness, her whole face lighting up, Daryl knew it was worth it. The entire trip, the organizing and creating the right shade for the paint and all the sneaking around. It was all worth it to see that smile light up face. And he knew he’d do a thousand more things like that for her when she throws her arms around him with a teary thank you.

Daryl knew these moments were numbered, not the gift giving and holidays, but these pure moments where he got to hold her. The moments where she’d hug him and just stay in his embrace as the moments ticked by. Moments where he could stroke her hair and kiss the top of her head as he held her. Moments of curling up on the couch and falling asleep slumped against him, moments where he carried her to bed. The teens of Alexandria, most had grown out of the cuddly, loving stage with their parents when they were not much older than Judith. Daryl didn’t get a whole life with her—he got two years, but she was so touch starved and it had become routine and he loved the moments where could just hold his daughter. But those moments were reaching their end.

She was changing, growing. She was a few months from becoming a parent herself, and then it would be her turn to treasure those moments. And he knew that she couldn’t stay in their house forever. Not soon, maybe not in a few years, but one day she’d likely get married and she’d move out—not far, within Alexandria’s walls, but far enough. Deep down he was already thinking of how much room there was to build another house in their lot of field. His way of selfishly wanting to keep her and his grandchildren close, even if that meant keeping Henry thirty seconds away. He knew he’d feel the same with Judith and RJ, but it was something different with Lydia. He loved Judith and RJ like his own, helped raise them. But Lydia, she _was_ his. Maybe for only a few short years, but he loved that kid in a way he didn’t know was possible.

“It was _my_ idea!” Judith’s voice breaks through his thoughts.

Lydia lets out a watery laugh. “Well, it may have been your best idea yet.”

Judith’s face lit up with pride before she skipped over, throwing her gangly arms around Lydia herself. “I’m glad you love it.”

Lydia’s hand finds its way to her stomach, rubbing it gently. “They will, too.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“That’s adorable.”

Daryl had relented and let Henry come over, though when he arrived Lydia was still asleep. Judith had made good on her promise to watch Coco so she could nap, and when Henry had arrived she had all but thrown him the toddler telling him he _“needs practice”_ and then went on to show him every single detail in the nursery.

“And how about this one?” Judith holds up a tiny outfit.

Henry adjusts Coco on his hip. “I love that one.”

“You’re actually into this now, aren’t you? I could tell you were only pretending to be interested before.”

“Wasn’t pretending, I just feel more nervous the closer it gets to them coming. The thoughts of two babies is kind of terrifying.”

“Yeah, I thought it’d be fun until I had to change Coco earlier and dress her. Then later I had to run around and give her a snack and play with her. Kids are a lot of work. You don’t have to worry about them so much as babies, but you should be afraid of them when they can run.” Coco giggles at Judith’s words. “ _And_ when they can insult and laugh at you.”

“That’s not very nice, Coco.”

“It funny!” The toddler laughs.

“You’re a meanie.”

“No, _you’re_ a meanie!”

“No, _you’re_ a meanie!”

“No! No, no, no! You are!” Coco squeals.

“You should probably let it go, you’re not going to win against her,” Lydia’s voice comes from behind them. She chuckles at Judith’s jump.

“Dia!” Coco forgets about her argument, pointing at Lydia.

Henry carries her over. “We didn’t wake you, did we?” He asks, slight concern lacing his tone. Lydia smiles at him and shakes her head. She strokes Coco’s cheek but makes no move to take her.

“I’m gonna go play,” Judith tells them after she folds the outfit and puts it back.

Lydia makes her way to the window seat, sitting down. Henry sits beside her. Lydia takes Coco, the toddler perching on her lap. “Not too long now.”

Henry rests a hand on her stomach. “Are you scared?”

“Terrified,” Lydia admits with a laugh. “But I have you and my parents, Tara and Rosita. We’re all going to be fine.”

“Are we even ready for this?”

“Not in the slightest, but that’s okay. We’re here, and we have help and we’re going to love them. _That’s_ what’s going to matter.”

“After everything life’s thrown at you, how do you manage to stay so positive?”

“Because look where I am now. My mom…her people, they were awful and it the worst thing imaginable. But I made it out. I’m here with a new family, a house, and while unplanned, children. That’s how I stay positive. Because for every bad thing that happens, there’s a greater path in store.”

“That was moving,” Henry laughs.

“Shut up,” Lydia joins into his laughter.

“I love you, you know,” he says once he sobers up.

She smiles, one of pure joy. “I know. I love you, too.”

Despite Coco’s protest of _“ew!”_ Henry leans in, tilting her chin to press his lips to hers. He kissed her, and she felt at home. 


	29. Spiraling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have up to chapter 36 written and this might be the shortest one I've written for the whole story. I'll likely update before next week just because of how short this one is

Winter passed by slowly. Daryl’s hunting trips had lasted longer and longer as deer were scarcer in the colder months. Connie had really stepped up with taking care of the kids— _their_ kids—when he was away. She was already raising them beside him, but she had always stepped back and let Daryl take charge. But she had been handed the role of motherhood and aunt, and she took it in stride. It was a natural, beautiful feeling.

RJ and Judith had grown restless, this being one of the harshest winters of all. But they got by, making up games and building popsicle stick mansions alongside Lydia. Lydia’s pregnancy moved on, her due date growing closer and closer. Judith’s excitement had grown by the day with it. She had given them all a scare one day when she had stressed herself into having early labor signs, but Alex was able to stop her from giving birth.

After the scare, Daryl had fully passed his hunting duties on to Alden and Aaron—he wasn’t risking being out in the wilderness when his daughter went into actual labor.

As February came to a close, they knew it was coming soon. Lydia had hit her eight month mark, and Alex had told them that often twins came before nine months. The days were growing longer, the cold becoming less brutal. They still got snow, and the temperature still dropped, but the coldest and stormiest days were over. At least they hoped.

With spring on the horizon, Daryl naturally began calculating when the deer would return in full swing. But every time he caught himself pondering, he shoved the thoughts down. He was needed at home. And Judith and RJ finally left their home to play outside without fear of frostbite or caving before the first hour because they felt too cold. Lydia had basically condemned herself to bedridden, deciding it was not worth the feat of walking down the stairs unable to see where she stepped. So she stayed in her room besides the rare moments Daryl helped guide her down the stairs.

 _“You should stop worrying,”_ Connie signs to Daryl one night after all the kids were asleep.

 _“You didn’t hear what Alex said that day,”_ Daryl signs, his anger causing his hands to move choppily.

 _“No, but you told me. He said what_ might _happen. Not what_ will! _”_ She taps his arm. _“Why are we back to this again?”_

_“Any day now. That’s what he said.”_

_“So? We knew this was coming eventually. Daryl, why are you freaking out now?”_

_“He said she could die, or one or both of the babies. Or all three of them!”_

_“Could. Not_ will! _”_ Connie signs sharply in exasperation. _“It isn’t healthy to obsess over worst case scenario. Lydia feeds off of you, she knows when you’re stressing and it stresses her out. She needs you to be strong, for her. Daryl, please. We need you. I need you.”_ She swipes at the tears on her cheeks, drawing in a sharp breath through her nose.

Daryl sighs and reaches out to her. She wraps her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. She knew where his fears stemmed from, how _real_ they were. But she was _tired_. And she knew he was, too. They _all_ were. They just needed to breathe and relax and deal with any problems if they came up.

“Okay,” Daryl says, tracing the word on the back of her shoulder. He feels her nod against him.

She sits up _, “we should try to get some sleep. Another long day tomorrow.”_

Daryl gets up, pulling her up with him. _“Every day is a long day lately.”_

 _“But we get through it,”_ she reminds him.

They head up the stairs quietly. Daryl stops by Lydia’s room, cracking the door open. He sees her on her side in a tensed up position, hears her whimper a little. Connie puts a hand on his arm, guiding him away. He casts another look before reluctantly following. He goes to Judith’s door, peeking on her and finds her fast asleep. He does the same to RJ. Once satisfied the younger two were in deep, peaceful sleep he follows Connie to their room.

He can’t shake the gut wrenching feeling in his stomach as he casts a look at Lydia’s door.

He follows Connie to bed and the two change into their sleep clothes. He climbs into bed beside her. She rubs his arm, looking at him with a concerned look.

_“Bad feeling.”_

_“She’s okay,”_ Connie reassured him. _“You just need to sleep. She’s not comfortable and I wish there were something you could do for her, but there isn’t anything. You gave her a heating pad and her favorite tea. We just have to wait it out. And if she goes into labor, even if it’s in the middle of the night, we’ll know. She’ll call for you. All you can do is rest so you can be at your best when she needs you.”_

He sighs and nods, knowing she was right. But knowing she was right didn’t make him feel any better. But he rolled over and switched the light off before settling under the blanket. He laid on his back, her head on his shoulder as he stroked her back rhythmically as he waited or sleep to take him over.

Eventually sleep won him over. Because he was asleep when he’s jolted awake. He glances out the window, seeing the world still black and wondered what woke him up. Connie stirs when he sits up, rubbing her eyes sleepily. He goes to lay back down when he hears a scream that sends him spiraling.

_“Dad!”_


	30. It's Time

_“Dad!”_

Daryl was out of bed in an instant. He hears Connie getting up behind him and he makes a mad dash to Lydia’s room. He switches on the light, rushing to her side. Lydia’s gripping her stomach, sobbing painfully.

“Dad, it hurts!” She sobs. Daryl strokes sweaty strands of hair off of her flushed face.

“Uncle Daryl?” Judith’s sleepy voice sounds in the doorway.

 _“Can you get a cool cloth?”_ He signs to Connie. Connie nods, rushing out of the room. “Judith, get your brother up and go to Aunt Tara and Rosita’s. Tell Rosita to get Alex and come here. Bring Dog with you.”

“Are the babies coming?” She asks, worry creeping into her voice.

“They are.” Connie appears back into the room with a bowl and cloth. She wrings the cloth out, dabbing it across Lydia’s face.

“Should we get Henry too? Should he be here?” Judith asks. She jumps when Lydia cries out.

“Judith, go! Tell Rosita to get Alex before anyone else!”

Judith turns and flees down the hall, barging into RJ’s room. Her brother is already awake, looking at her wide eyed. “Who’s hurt, Jude?”

“Nobody’s hurt. We have to go.”

“Where?”

“Aunt Tara’s.”

“Why?”

“The babies are coming. We talked about this—when she has the babies we have to go with Aunt Tara.”

“But it’s late!”

“That’s okay. Uncle Daryl told us too. So it’s okay. Come on,” she holds her hand out and he takes it. They run down the hall, and down the stairs. Judith hears another heart wrenching scream as they exit the house.

“Judith, it’s dark!” RJ cries. “I don’t like the dark.”

Judith clicks on her emergency flashlight. “We’re safe here. There’s nothing in the walls. And Dog will protect us anyways. And see, this is a bright flashlight. We just follow the light, RJ.” He looks at her, unconvinced. “We need to get Auntie Ro so she can get Dr. Alex. Lydia needs Dr. Alex. We need to be brave, RJ. Nothing will get us. I’m brave, you just gotta hold my hand and follow me.”

“Okay. I’m brave, just like Uncle Daryl.” He reaches out and pets Dog. He holds onto Judith’s hand tighter.

Judith shines the light and they run across the field, Dog running ahead of them. Judith is grateful he doesn’t start barking. RJ whimpers a few time but keeps up with his sister. They make their way down past the rows of houses until they reach their destination. Judith bangs on the door before just opening it and running in.

“Aunt Rosita!” she shouts.

“Judith?” Rosita appears at the top of the stairs groggily, rubbing her eyes. Judith hears crying in the background and feels guilty for a second for waking Coco, but it passes quickly.

“It’s happening. Lydia’s having the babies! Uncle Daryl sent us, he said for you to get Alex immediately and for us to stay here with Aunt Tara.”

Rosita comes down the stairs. “Okay, go on up to the spare room. Tara’s putting Coco back to sleep, she’ll be right in with you.”

“Okay. Aunt Ro? Hurry,” Judith says worriedly.

Rosita nods and grabs her flashlight. She runs all the way to the infirmary, panting as she knocks on Alex’s door. “Alex! Alex!”

It takes a moment, but soon enough the door opens. “What’s going on?”

“Lydia,” she pants out.

“Is she in labor?”

“Judith said she is. She said to get you and to hurry.”

Alex wakes up quickly to that, turning the lights on in the infirmary and grabbing a bag from the cabinet. He adds a few things to it and then the two are off. “Do you think they’re going to be okay? All three of them?” Rosita asks as they make their way to Daryl’s house.

“I hope so,” is all he says. Rosita jogs ahead of him, getting the door. They head up the stairs, following the pained sobs. Rosita enters the room. Daryl looks up when she and Alex enters then turns his attention immediately back to trying to soothe his daughter.

Alex moves over to them, looking her over. “Did her water break?” Daryl nods.

“How long is this going to last?” Daryl asks, his face paling. He knew that giving birth was going to hurt, but knowing she’d be in pain and seeing it, hearing her sobs and screams, it hit him harder than he thought.

“Honestly, Daryl, anywhere from a few hours to twenty-four.”

“ _Twenty-four?_ She can’t last that long.”

“She may have to.” He turns his attention to Lydia. “Let’s see how dilated you are.” She nods with a sob. Rosita jumps to his aid. She removes Lydia’s pants and covers her with a sheet for her privacy. “How far apart are your contractions?”

“About like, ten minutes apart,” Daryl answers for her. “They keep getting more painful for her.”

“Ten minutes? That was fast. How long ago did she go into labor?”

“She woke me up maybe forty minutes ago? It’s been a blur.”

“I’d guess her labor started hours ago, she just didn’t realize it. Must’ve only called for you when it really started hurting.” He examines her while Daryl brushes the cool cloth across her forehead, holding her hand tightly. “Six inches dilated, a few hours from now at most.”

“I can’t,” she cries out.

“You can,” Daryl tells her, kissing her knuckles. “You’re doing so good, sweetheart,” he tells her softly. “So good. I’m so proud of you.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“No! Make it stop, _please!_ ”

Lydia’s scream shook Daryl to the core. The last few hours had been painful and grueling. The closer the contractions got, the more pain she was in. Daryl wasn’t sure he could feel his hand anymore. He had sat there, holding her and soothing her as she held on tight to his hand like a lifeline. Rosita and Connie took turns dabbing her face and neck with a cool cloth. They had both offered to take Daryl’s place more than once, but he stayed rooted to his spot. He was afraid to let her go—afraid that the moment she wasn’t in his arms, her hand firmly in his, the moment he couldn’t hear her every strained breath and feel her heart beating wildly, she would slip away. He couldn’t lose her. So he stayed in his position, being her lifeline.

“Almost there, Lydia. Almost. I’m going to be telling you to push any minute.”

“No!” Lydia shakes her head violently. “I can’t.”

“I know it hurts, but you have to. This is the only way. If you don’t, then I’m going to have to perform a c-section and there is _no_ anesthesia, and you have a much higher chance of dying. And the babies, they could die too because I’ve never done one before. So you need to stay with us, you need to push when I tell you and work through the pain. You _need_ to.”

She nods, teeth chattering as she breathes deeply through her nose. “Dad?”

“Right here, sweetheart. Right here.”

“I’m scared,” she sobs.

“I know. I know, Kid. But you’re okay. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to get through this, and so are your babies because there’s no way they aren’t going to be as strong as you. You’re a fighter, and so are they. You hear me?” She nods, sucking in a deep breath when another contraction hits.

“It’s time,” Alex tells them.

Daryl readjusts them, sitting behind her and holding onto her. Connie takes Lydia’s other hand, rubbing her thumb over her hand soothingly.

“Next contraction, I need you to push, Lydia. Okay? Rosita, I may need your assistance.” Rosita joins Alex at the foot of the bed.

Lydia squeezes their hands tightly when the next contraction hits. “Okay, Lydia, push! Your body knows what to do, just let it do it.” She nods, a loud cry leaving her lungs as she pushes. “There, there. Good girl.”

Lydia just wanted it to end. Alex kept urging her to push, and she did with all her strength every contraction. Part of her just wanted to scream at him to just cut them out, but then the fear of losing her own and leaving Daryl and Henry to raise motherless children strangles her and she bites her tongue. It was repetition, a painful circle that wasn’t ending.

“Alex,” Rosita says.

“I see it.”

“See what?” Lydia whimpers.

“The baby’s head. You’re almost there. A few more good pushes, and baby number one will be here.”

“Henry should be here,” Lydia manages to gasp out. Daryl looks at Connie, with the hand not in Lydia’s he signs, _“Henry.”_

 _“Want me to go get him?”_ She asks and he nods. He glances out the window, seeing the sky beginning to lighten.

Connie kisses Lydia’s hand before letting go and leaving the room. “I got you.”

“Okay, Lydia. One more big push!”

Lydia clenches her teeth, pushing with all the strength she can muster. Down beside Alex, Rosita waits with a cloth. With her final push, Alex has the baby in his hands. He rubs the baby’s chest, opening up her airways with the small suction and her tiny wail fills the room. Rosita wraps her up in the cloth, standing.

“She’s beautiful,” Rosita says softly, rocking the crying baby in her arms.

“Okay, the other is coming. Just a few minutes and you’ll have both babies. Just a few more pushes.”

“Already?” Daryl asks. Alex nods grimly.

“I—I can’t…”

“I know you’re tired, but you can do it.”

“You got this, Kid. Come on,” Daryl encourages. Lydia nods reluctantly, whimpering as she’s hit with another contraction. She pushes instinctively, praying for it to be over soon. In between the contractions, which wasn’t very long, she spared glances, looking at the baby in Rosita’s arms.

“This one’s head’s coming out, almost there. Just a few more.”

“You already said a few more,” she sobs.

“I know. But this time it is only a few more. I promise.”

“Don’t break your promise.”

“I won’t. Just a few more, I promise.”

Lydia thought of the baby nestled in Rosita’s arms. She thought of the other one about to join them. And she pushed. She took the thoughts, the love for her newborns, and she fought through the pain push by push. And then suddenly there was the most beautiful sound that graced her ears—a new cry filling the room as the second baby came out.

The door opened and Connie and Henry came through. Henry looked around with wide eyes. “Perfect timing,” Rosita says, walking over to him. “Time to meet your daughter.”

“Wait—” Henry says in alarm when Rosita puts the newborn in his arms.

“I need to help with the second baby. She’s your daughter, you can hold her. You won’t hurt her.”

Henry looks down at the sleeping baby in his arms and a strange feeling on contentment washes over him. Rosita moves to wrap up the second baby, this time she places the newborn into Lydia’s waiting arms.

“Hi, there,” Lydia whispers breathlessly to the baby. Daryl rubs her shoulders, sighing in relief. But his relief didn’t last.

“Ros…” The baby disappears from Lydia’s arms, Rosita scooping her up quick. Before Daryl can ask why she took her, dread fills him when he feels Lydia slump against him. she shakes her lightly but gets no response. “Lydia? _Lydia!_ ”

“Alex!” Rosita calls.

Alex rushes up to her, Daryl laying her body flat on the bed. “Her pulse is weak,” Alex tells him. _“Connie, my bag,”_ he signs to the woman and she grabs it quickly.

“Alex, what’s wrong with her!”

“I don’t know.”

Daryl watches as the seconds tick by, as time seems to have stopped as Alex rifles through his bag. Everything goes in slow motion, voices distorted.

He just watched helplessly.


	31. With Faith and Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late guys!

_“Hi, there,” Lydia whispers breathlessly to the baby. Daryl rubs her shoulders, sighing in relief. But his relief didn’t last._

_“Ros…” The baby disappears from Lydia’s arms, Rosita scooping her up quick. Before Daryl can ask why she took her, dread fills him when he feels Lydia slump against him. He shakes her lightly but gets no response. “Lydia? Lydia!”_

_“Alex!” Rosita calls._

_Alex rushes up to her, Daryl laying her body flat on the bed. “Her pulse is weak,” Alex tells him. “Connie, my bag,” he signs to the woman and she grabs it quickly._

_“Alex, what’s wrong with her!”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_Daryl watches as the seconds tick by, as time seems to have stopped as Alex rifles through his bag. Everything goes in slow motion, voices distorted._

_He just watched helplessly._

“What’s happening?” Henry’s voice sounds behind him.

“Go! Get that baby out of here. Now. Come on, let’s go.” Rosita, with the second baby in her arms, tries to herd Henry out of the room. “Now! Alex needs his space and we need to get these babies out of here.” Henry reluctantly lets Rosita shoo him out.

Daryl snapped out of his frozen state, moving briskly to the bed. He drops down, stroking Lydia’s hair off her clammy forehead. _“Alex!”_

Alex draws a sharp breath through his nose. “Something happened, a tear maybe—I never dealt with pregnancies so I can only guess, I learned as I went here. I was a primary care physician, not a surgeon. I—I don’t know what to do.”

“You have to do _something!_ ”

“I’d have—I’d have to cut her open. I’d be cutting her open and going in blind. That could kill her.”

“She’s dying _now!_ You have to try! Goddamn it, Alex, fucking _try!”_

“Daryl, it may be kinder to just…let her go. Spend these moments with her.”

“I will not just sit here and let her die. You need to try!” A sob wracks his body and he feels Connie’s hands rest on his shoulders, squeezing comfortably.

“Alright. Alright, I’ll try. But you need to leave.”

“No, I’m not leaving her. I’m not…I can’t…”

“Daryl if I’m going to try to save her, then I need to focus. And I can’t do that with you in here.”

He feels Connie tug him back and he nods. He presses a lingering kiss to Lydia’s forehead, not wanting to let her go. “I love you, Lydia.”

“Send Rosita in to help me, I’m going to need it.”

Connie leads Daryl out of the room, down the hall and shakily down the stairs. Connie held her own tears back, memories of losing her baby were so raw in her mind. She was terrified, horrified that she was going through this again. That _they_ were. She couldn’t lose another child— _Daryl_ couldn’t lose his child. She finds Rosita sitting on the chair, rocking one of the twins back and forth. Henry is sitting on the couch looking shell shocked as he held the other which she could see was screaming. Connie touches Rosita’s arm. _“Alex needs you. He’s trying to save her.”_

Rosita gently passes the baby into Connie’s arms. _“They’re hungry,”_ she signs once her arms are free. _“You can heat up some formula for them, it’s in my bag on the table.”_ She speaks it as she speaks so Henry and Daryl hears it too.

“Where are you going?” Henry croaks out to Rosita.

“To try to save her.” She disappears, heading up the stairs hurriedly.

Connie offers the baby to Daryl who shakes his head numbly. She nudges him, giving him a stern look and offers the baby out to him again. He reluctantly takes the baby before sitting in the chair numbly. Connie heads for the kitchen to make them bottles. Daryl stares down at the newborn. The red, new face looking so fragile he was too afraid to even touch it. A head of fine light colored head covering the baby’s head, baby blue eyes, squinting up at him. A little nose, tiny lips forming an O. Little hands with delicate fingers. Little legs with tiny feet and perfect little toes. She was beautiful and he was mesmerized by her.

He hears the other babies wails halt and he looks up from the angel nesting in his arms and sees Connie assisting Henry in putting the bottle nipple in the baby’s mouth. Once the baby is nursing she heads to him. He takes the bottle from her, guiding it to the baby’s lips and tilting it while she nursed hungrily. He watched her nurse, eventually as her eyes closed in contentment as sleep began to take her over as the bottle was emptying. Once sleep took her and the bottle was passed back to Connie, he watched the slight rise and fall of her chest, the fluttering of little eyes. He didn’t want to take his eyes off of her, to let her go. He was drowning, lost wondering if he’d ever see his daughter alive again, and this baby—his granddaughter—was his lifeline, keeping him barely afloat long enough for the rescue team to pull him out. He was starting to doubt they’d ever come.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hours had passed them by. At some point, they heard someone leave and shortly return. Nobody called out or checked, they were all frozen in fear and shock. Connie had eventually taken the baby from Henry and spent the last hour holding her while Daryl refused to put the one in his arms down.

After what felt like an eternity, Rosita appeared in the room. Daryl surveyed her, seeing stained blood on her hands and arms and he felt his stomach churn. “It’s done.”

“Is she…”

“Barely, but she is. She lost a lot of blood, but thankfully Alex had that plan last year to start up that little blood bank in case of emergencies. But even so, there’s rationing so we could only give so much. So I got Tara, she’s basically a universal donor. Her heart _did_ stop at one point but we got it started again. You can go back up now Daryl.”

It took Daryl a moment to process what she had said before he pushes himself up. He still has the baby in his arms. “I can take her,” Rosita offers but he shakes his head. He makes his way to the stairs, taking them step by step. He pauses outside her door before entering.

“Daryl,” Tara breathes. She’s beside the bed in a chair. Daryl eyes the bandage in the crook of her arm. He finds a matching one on Lydia, eying the bloody cloths Alex has in a pile. His stomach churns again. Tara gets up, moving over to him. “Let me take her.” She reaches for the baby. “I’ll stay in here.”

Daryl reluctantly transfers the baby to Tara’s arms and he practically falls into the seat beside the bed. He strokes wet strands of hair off Lydia’s cold forehead. His eyes search her face. Clammy forehead, pale cheeks having lost their color, closed eyelids, lips chapped and pale, almost blue. He refuses to look lower, where underneath the blanket there’s bound to be a stitched up wound covering her abdomen. Another scar to mar her body, though he knew if— _when_ —she pulled through, she’d look at this scar as a reminder of how she gave life to her beautiful little girls unlike the ones scattered over her back and down the inside of both arms caused by her monster of a mother.

He presses another kiss to her forehead. “Come back. We need you.”

He sits by her bed, and eventually he falls asleep, his head beside her. He keeps his hand in hers, praying he feels _something_.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Daryl offers the baby the bottle. That baby hadn’t left his or Tara’s arms since Connie had put her in his arms when Rosita went up for the surgery. He had sat by Lydia through the night, alternating between watching her and sleeping. Tara eventually sent him away to take a break and get some fresh air, heavily promising to get him immediately if anything changed, for the best or the worst.

He was sitting on the porch swing, rocking the baby in his arms. He hears the door open and he turns his head to see Rosita step out, the other baby nestled in her own arms. She walks over, leaning against the bannister.

“They’re beautiful,” she says.

“They’re strong,” Daryl says, his voice thick from tears. Those were the first words he had spoken aloud since the moment Alex had kicked him out to perform the surgery. His eyes don’t leave the baby.

“They are.”

They sit in silence for a while, just holding the babies, watching them. Loving them. Daryl needed the quiet. Eventually Rosita breaks the silence.

“Did Lydia ever name them?”

“She did,” Daryl nods.

“What are their names?”

“One is Faith, the other is Grace. I don’t know who’s who.”

“This one feels more like a Faith I think,” she smiles down at the baby in her arms.

“Then this is Grace,” Daryl says quietly. He sniffs, rocking her gently in his arms as her little eyelids begin to flicker closed. His voice breaks a little when he speaks, “Hi, there, little Grace.”

**_I made myself believe that there was no fight left in me. In the half-light we raised our hands to my defeat. And I watched the walls fall, and I rebuilt them piece by piece. We’re all trying to find our way. At the death of every darkness there’s a morning, though we all try, we’re all one step from Grace._ **


	32. Wrapped Around Little Fingers

“Come on, Faith! You can do it! Just roll over. Come on, roll over!”

Judith was sitting cross-legged in front of little Faith. The baby had kept trying to roll but hadn’t succeeded. Judith had really taken a shine to the twins in the three months since their birth, watching them often. She was determined to tell them apart, so she had insisted that they be dressed in different clothes until everyone was able to.

“That’s Grace.”

Judith swings her head around at the voice. “Well I’d say the right name if you hadn’t dressed them in the exact same outfit today. I don’t know how you tell them apart, they look the same.”

“I don’t know how, I just can.” Lydia sits down beside her.

“Are you even supposed to be down here?”

“I’m tired of staying in bed when there’s nobody to help me walk down the stairs. I feel much better, I feel fine to move around by myself now. Alex said I was fine weeks ago anyways, that I could be out and about when I felt ready. I feel ready.”

“Uncle Daryl doesn’t feel ready.”

“He’s overprotective. Right, Grace?” Lydia lifts her daughter up, cradling her in her arms. Faith lets out a cry at being left alone on the play mat so Judith carefully picks her up.

“He was really scared, you know. He thought you were going to die. We all did.”

Lydia sighs, guilt flowing through her even though she knows there was nothing she could have done. “I know. I didn’t mean to. But I’m right here. But he’s still scared, I know he is.”

“The babies are a great distraction to him. To everyone. Especially in the beginning when we didn’t know…”

“Yeah. They sure are adorable. Hm?” She smiles down at Grace who stares up at her, little lips forming an O. “They’re perfect little humans.”

“They’re cute, yeah,” Judith gives her a look. “All babies are cute.”

“It’s more than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I…I can’t explain it. One day you might understand.”

Judith huffs. “Everyone always says I won’t understand til I’m grown up. It’s kind of frustrating.”

“Some things you aren’t meant to know until you grow up.”

“Still frustrating.”

Lydia chuckles at her. “I know. I was sixteen when I met my dad, I remember being frustrated all the time from things he’d say or wouldn’t let me do. I don’t think being frustrated ever ends.”

“Oh great,” Judith laughs. “So I should like, prepare for this to be never ending or something?”

“No. Just be prepared to roll with what the world throws you.”

“You’ve been talking pretty different since you had the babies.”

“It’s like a whole new world now. I don’t mean to sound different than usual—but I am.”

“How? You’re still you.”

“I am. I’m not like a whole new person, Judith. I just have a different perspective. Before it was just me I had to worry about. Yeah, there was all of you, but I worried about me. Dad worried about all of us. My job was to focus on me. But now there’s Grace and Faith, and it’s like they’re the center of my world. Everything I do and think, it revolves around them. My focus has shifted to them. They opened up a whole new world and a whole new perspective and it made me realize a lot. And it makes me feel bad for all the times I flipped out on Dad for setting boundaries—all he ever wanted was to keep me safe, and I understand that now. All I want to do is protect them, no matter what.”

“Didn’t you feel that way about Coco?”

“I still do, but it’s different. I loved her more than anything, but she wasn’t mine. I still would have died for her, done anything from her. But how I feel about the twins is so much more intensified than it was for her.”

“Do you still love Coco the same now that you have your own kids?”

“I love her just as much as I always have. She still means the world to me.”

“But you love yours more.”

“I love them differently than I love her. You know how Dad doesn’t rank us in how much he loves us? I understand that now. He doesn’t love me more because I’m his daughter and you’re his niece, he just loves us in different ways. Not more, just different.”

“So you love the twins like Uncle Daryl loves you, and you love Coco like he loves me and RJ?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s accurate.”

“We’re all lucky, to have people who love us unconditionally.”

“Yeah, I guess we are.” Grace starts fussing and Lydia gets up, supporting Grace carefully.

“Where are you going?”

Lydia walks to the couch, sitting down. She leans back against it. “Much more comfortable here. She’s hungry and I really don’t want to sit all stiff on the floor nursing her. Can you grab the blanket? Faith will be okay for a minute.”

“Okay,” Judith lays Faith back down on the mat and the baby immediately starts whining. “Shh, I’ll be right back!” She darts across the room and grabs the baby blanket, bringing it to Lydia so she can cover herself while she fed Grace.

Judith picks Faith back up and sits beside Lydia, who’s nursing Grace successfully. “I can take her.” Judith helps her settle Faith in her other arm, and once she latches on she covers her up.

“Does it hurt?” Judith asks curiously. “Nursing them, I mean?”

Lydia shrugs gently. “Sometimes.”

“Why not just feed them from a bottle then? Isn’t it easier anyways?”

“I guess. But I like nursing them. I can’t explain it.”

“Another ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’ thing?”

“Yeah. It is. When you’re much older, way in the future. When you’re like an actual adult.”

“You’re an actual adult.”

“I was eighteen when I got pregnant. That’s barely an adult. Nineteen now, still barely an adult.

“I’m almost thirteen. I’m almost a teenager. Then I’ll be almost an adult. I can’t wait to grow up, but I also want to stay a kid. I still got big thoughts and big feelings.”

“That’s okay. So do I.” Judith smiles at that.

Lydia rests her head back against the couch, closing her eyes as she listens to Judith ramble on about random things. Every so often Judith would rub her arm to see if she was awake, and Lydia would nod. After a half hour, she feels Grace let go and start squirming. Her eyes open. Before she has to ask, Judith is already taking the baby. Judith had seen everyone burp the babies enough to do it on her own with Grace.

“This one doesn’t like me,” Judith says when Grace starts scrunching her face up to cry. “She always cries when I hold her. Faith never cries with me unless she’s hungry or needs a diaper change. Grace cries every time I pick her up.”

“I thought you couldn’t tell them apart?”

“I’m not gonna pick up a baby to see if she cries or smiles to tell them apart every time,” Judith sighs. Faith finishes nursing and Lydia burps her before buttoning her shirt back up. “Can we switch?” Judith asks over Grace’s cries.

“She won’t like you if you never try.”

“I have tried. She doesn’t like me. So can you please take her?”

Lydia sighs and takes Grace from her. The baby snuggles into her immediately, Faith mimicking her twin. “She knows you like Faith more, you know. They might be babies but they aren’t stupid.”

“I don’t like Faith more.”

Lydia gives her a look. “Who do you always say good morning to all excitedly? Who do you always want to hold? Or play with?”

Judith looks down and grumbles, “Faith.”

“Yeah, that’s probably why Grace always cries. She knows.”

“I don’t mean to.”

“I know.”

They hear the door open and footsteps enter the house. “Uh oh, Uncle Daryl,” Judith whispers.

“Why are you whispering? And uh oh why?”

“You know why. He’s going to freak that you’re down here.” They hear footsteps retreating to the stairs.

“I’ve been clear to be up and moving for almost a month, he can’t get mad.”

“He still will and you know it.” She looks up when the footsteps above them halt and then quickly move towards the stairs. “He found your room empty and now he’s going to come down here and freak out.”

“Maybe he won’t.”

“You know he will.”

Lydia rolls her eyes at her. The footsteps heading their way and a moment later Daryl appeared in the doorway. Lydia looks up at him calmly, Judith sinking back into the couch.

“How’re you feeling?” He asks calmly to Judith’s surprise.

“Good. Really good.”

“Good,” he nods. “Who’s who?” He gestures to the twins. “You must’ve dressed them today.”

“Yes she did,” Judith says. “So now only she knows who’s who.”

“Guess,” Lydia tells him, a smirk on her face.

Daryl crouches down to see the twins’ faces. He studies them for a moment before pointing to them. “That’s Faith. And this is Grace.”

“How’d you guess that?!” Judith explains.

“Got ‘em right?” Daryl chuckles and reaches for Grace, picking her up. “Grace here almost always has a gentle look and always has this little pouty lip, Faith tends to be more wide eyes and expressive.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Faith grasps things quicker and likes seeing new things while Grace is more content just cuddling and being read to. They’re starting to get more definitive personalities. Right, sweetheart?” He strokes Grace’s cheek and the baby smiles. “You’re the cuddle bug, little Grace.”

“Faith here is going to be the little trouble maker, no doubt,” Lydia says, kissing the top of Faith’s head.

“She’s going to be just like you,” Daryl jokes.

“Hey!” Lydia laughs. She rubs her hand over Faith’s light brown hair, smoothing it out. The twins had been born with full heads of hair and had been growing slowly since. Faith looks up at her with wide brown eyes. “You’re adorable.”

“Yes, they are,” Daryl agrees, his eyes on Grace.

“They really have the two of you wrapped around their tiny little fingers,” Judith tells them, shaking her head with a laugh.


	33. Family

“You just keep on growing, don’t you?”

Connie was cooking breakfast, Daryl keeping her company with a giggly Faith. Connie smiled at them. She was sure her already huge heart grew much larger when the twins were born. And she knew Daryl’s did for sure. She looks from the pair to Lydia, who had a cuddly Grace laying in her arms.

“What’s for breakfast?” Judith’s voice sounds as she comes into the room. “And are we still going hunting today, Uncle Daryl?”

“Pancakes, and yes we are. As long as you can listen.”

“I always listen.” Daryl raises his eyebrows at her. _“Almost_ always listen. And it’s just gonna be me and you, right?”

“Just us. RJ’s going with Connie to spend the day with Kelly.”

“Who’s helping with the babies.”

“They _do_ have a father, you know.” Lydia points out.

“Oh, Henry. Right. Does that mean Aunt Rosita coming over, too, then?”

“No,” Lydia says coolly.

“Well, how about we eat. Looks like it’s ready,” Daryl says, glancing between the two girls. Connie, who was observing them, places the plates of food on the table in perfect timing. Connie helps RJ get his food while everyone else serves themselves. Both Lydia and Daryl had found that perfect balance and were able to eat and hold often squirming three month olds with ease. Connie was the same when she was the one holding one. Lydia had thanked the early days of watching Coco for helping her ease into parenthood.

“Can we go out just us soon, Uncle Daryl?” RJ pipes up.

“Yeah. We’ll plan a day, kiddo.” RJ beams at him.

“I’m all done,” Judith announces after eating quickly, excited to get on with the day. She gets up to rinse her plate off. She walks over to Lydia after, pointing to the baby. “Who’s that.”

“Grace.”

“Please don’t cry,” Judith pleads, reaching for her. Lydia hands her over and Judith sits back down. She sighs when Grace starts whimpering. “She really doesn’t like me.”

“You don’t hold her enough,” Daryl tells her.

“That’s what I said,” Lydia says, turning her attention to her food since she was child free.

Judith just sighs, sitting back. Grace just flops against her, snuggling up. “That was easy.”

“She likes snuggling. Cuddle with her more and it’ll always be that easy,” Lydia tells her.

“Noted,” Judith says. She stares at Daryl, almost willing him to hurry up. Daryl ignores her impatient looks, eating as he bounces Faith on his leg. “Can I use your crossbow?”

“I’m gonna be using my crossbow in case we run into trouble. It’s too strong for you, anyways. Don’t want ya getting hurt. You don’t wanna get hurt.”

“Can I bring Lydia’s then? It’s smaller than yours and probably not too strong for me.”

Daryl gestures to Lydia, giving her a _“ask her”_ look. Judith looks at Lydia with big saucer eyes. “Can I bring your crossbow? Please?”

Lydia nods after a moment. “As long as you don’t break it or lose it.”

“I won’t. Promise. Uncle Daryl wouldn’t let me do anything bad to it anyways.” Daryl nods to that. He finishes his food, getting up to rinse the plate off best he can one handed. He keeps a secure but gentle hold on Faith.

“Go get yourself ready,” he tells her. Lydia takes Grace back and Judith runs off. She runs upstairs and to her room. She eyes her outfit in the mirror and deems it good enough to go out hunting. She pulls on her favorite well worn hunting boots, pulling the strap to her sword sheath over her shoulder, attaching her knife to her belt. She stops in Lydia’s room, going into the closet to retrieve the crossbow settled on the top shelf. She runs her hand over it. Lydia hadn’t gotten the chance to use it yet—she was pregnant when she received it, then the long road of recovery after her surgery. Despite being up and about like usual she still had yet to go beyond the walls. So she was genuinely surprised when she was told she could take it. She had asked expecting a _no_. She took the finely carved and balanced arrows off the shelf, pulling the strap over her shoulder before heading back downstairs.

“I’m ready!” she announces. She sees Faith now in Connie’s arms, Daryl pulling the strap of a pack over his shoulder, his crossbow ready.

“Alright.” He tousles RJ’s curls as the boy looks up forlornly. “We’ll go out soon,” he promises and RJ nods. He strokes Faith’s head before giving Connie a kiss. On their way towards the door he pauses to kiss Lydia’s head, stroking Grace’s head like he did her twin. “You gonna be okay?”

“I’ll be fine, Dad. Really. It’s about time you got back out there, we both know that’s your happy place.”

“It was. But you, the girls, RJ…you kids are my happy place.”

“But you’re happier when you go hunting.”

“Sometimes.” He kisses her forehead. “I’ll have the radio on me. Anything happens, we’ll come home.”

“Alright. Now go, before Judith explodes. She’s been dying for quality one on one time with you for months.”

Daryl nods, knowing she’s very much correct and he follows an impatient Judith out the door.

“When are we going, Auntie Connie?” RJ asks, signing away once his uncle and sister are gone. Although he wasn’t going on a hunting trip with his uncle, going with Connie on a picnic with Kelly was a fun adventure to him and he was excited. He didn’t need to go beyond the wall to have an adventure he decided.

_“Once Henry comes.”_

Lydia sees his face fall slightly as he sighs. She looks to Connie. _“Go, I can take care of the girls myself til he comes over.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

She nods _. “We’ll be okay.”_

Connie brings Faith to the living room so she can lay Faith on the play mat. Lydia kneels down beside the mat with Grace. Connie kisses Lydia’s temple before returning to RJ. Lydia hears a _“yay!”_ and the door closing shortly following.   
……………………………………………………………………………………………

“I missed this.”

Judith and Daryl were tracking deer tracks through the familiar forest. Judith follows Daryl’s every move, putting her tracking skills to work. She inhaled the crisp scent of the forest.

“I did, too.” Daryl admits, quietly.

“I love being out here. Like you. I want to be like you.”

Daryl looks at her fondly. He may not be her blood, but he had been there helping raise her since the day she was born. He saw so much of himself in her. He saw so much of Rick and Carl, too, which he found bittersweet. He saw a little of everyone who had a part in raising her. Michonne, Maggie, Tara, Rosita, Aaron. Little bits that stuck with her, bits she took and learned from all of her family. He wondered if Grace and Faith would mirror the ones who raised them like Judith did.

“The tracks look really fresh here,” Judith points, her voice low.

“They do. Good eye, Judith.”

“I hope we find it before the Walkers do.”

“We will,” he says confidently. “I think we’re almost caught up to it.” They move silently, Judith following in his literal footsteps. After a few minutes of stealth he stops, ushering her forward silently. He points ahead. In the small clearing the doe was grazing on grass. Daryl motions to Lydia’s crossbow. He readies his for backup as she loads the arrow into hers she points it, drawing a breath through her nose. Daryl helps position it. she squints, aiming it. Daryl aims his. Judith squeezed the trigger, letting the arrow fly. It hits the doe in the rump, Daryl letting his fly immediately after hitting the doe in the head, keeping her from suffering.

“Uncle Daryl!” Judith points where three walkers emerge from the woods behind the doe. “They’re gonna get our deer!”

“Get your sword. C’mon, they ain’t eating our dinner.” Daryl loads his crossbow, jumping out of the bush. Judith unsheathes her sword, running out behind him. Daryl rushes forward, shooting an arrow through the closest ones skull. Judith catches up and while Daryl buries his knife into one’s head, she slashes the other with her sword, knocking it down and putting her sword through it’s socket.

Daryl checks her over, making sure she’s alright.

“We still can stay out here longer right? Finding the deer right in the beginning doesn’t mean we have to go?”

“We can stay. See who can shoot the most rabbits and squirrels.”

“This is my first time, you’ll win!” She exclaims with a laugh.

“Guess you’re just gon have to try to keep up,” he tells her, grabbing the legs of the deer. “Let’s get her somewhere safe first, make sure nothing gets her while we’re hunting.”

“I’m gonna practice my shooting while you do that,” she says determinedly.

Daryl smiles a little at her, speciating her determination. He was proud of her, the girl she was becoming. Brave, strong, and smart.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“They’re finally asleep,” Lydia says in an exhausted voice.

The twins had become used to a busy house, with Daryl or Connie usually around to help put them down and a constant buzz of chatter and playing. With just their mother and their frazzled father there, and the world around them much quieter than they were accustomed to, they had given Lydia a hard time going down for their nap with screaming and crying until she was ready to pull her hair out. They had clean diapers and full bellies, but they cried and fought, eventually crying themselves to sleep despite her best efforts to soothe them.

“They aren’t usually that bad, right?” Henry asks.

She shakes her head, sitting beside him on the couch. “They don’t like my dad not being here I think. This is the first time he went out since they were born.”

“They can’t be attached to him forever. It’s probably good that they learn to settle for just their parents.”

“It is. It’s frustrating though. Next time you get to sit in there trying to calm them down til they sleep.” Henry sighs at that. “You’ve never put them down for a nap before, you probably should learn.”

“It’s kind of hard to do that when I live somewhere else. I can’t be here all the time. I see them often enough but I’m not raising them the same way you are.”

“You could stay longer or come over more often,” she points out.

“Or…we could do it together, not here.” Her head snaps up at that. “I was talking to Aaron and he said that he could set us up in one of the empty houses. Me, you and the girls.”

“I…I like being here. With my family.”

“I’m your family too, Lydia! They’re _my_ daughters. And they’d much rather be held by Daryl or Connie than me. Don’t you find that, like, not helpful?”

“They’re very helpful. They took care of them after my surgery. They help feed them and watch them. They’re the girls’ grandparents.”

“But they’re _ours_. We should be raising them _ourselves_.”

She shakes her head. “Henry, I—”

“And not just the twins. I never get to see you. When I’m here it’s to see our girls. I’m not usually here when they nap and when I do, Daryl is watching us like a hawk. And you never come over anymore. We need our own space.”

“Henry, I don’t know.”

He leaned in, cupping the back of her head and pulled her into a deep kiss. He almost forgot what it felt like to kiss her, it had been so long. He kisses her long and deep, grasping the back of her head to hold her in place. His other hand starts wandering. When his hand travels too low, she snaps back into reality. She pulls away from him.

“Henry, no. We can’t.”

“Why?” He asks, a hurt expression on his face. She feels guilty but keeps her composure.

“Last time we did, I got _pregnant._ I had twins, I almost _died_.”

“I was stupid. That won’t happen again, we’ll be more careful.”

She shakes her head. “I—no…I don’t _want_ to.”

“Lydia, come on. The twins are sleeping, it’s a rare moment where Daryl and Connie and the kids are gone. It’s just us. Since you’re so against moving out, at least take advantage of the moments we actually get. I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be.”

She looks at him, searching his face. She bites her lip, unsure of what to do.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“We’re back!” Judith calls as she and Daryl enter the house. “One big deer, ten rabbits and thirteen squirrels! We had a great haul today!”

Daryl follows behind her, signing to Connie what Judith is talking excitedly about. She smiles at Judith’s excitement and pride.

“We had a picnic, Uncle Daryl!” RJ says excitedly, jumping up and down. “We have to have another one at the river like we did before winter.”

“I think that’d be a great idea. Especially since the twins are getting bigger.” He reaches out to stroke Grace’s head from Connie’s arms. “How was today?” this time he directs the question to Lydia.

She shrugs, keeping her attention on Faith.

“Lydia, are you okay?”

“Just tired. The girls didn’t want to nap, they weren’t happy that everyone was gone so they screamed for a while. They just have to adjust.”

“Are you sure that’s it?” he asks, concern lacing his voice.

She nods with a smile. “Kids are hard. And tiring.”

“They sure are,” he agrees, accepting her answer. He offers to take the baby and Lydia happily passes her over to him, smiling a genuine smile as she watched them interact. She couldn’t imagine leaving, at least not now. And she was okay with that.


	34. Oceanside

“Are we there yet?” RJ asks for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Almost,” Rosita tells him, masking the annoyance from her voice.

The family was on their way to Oceanside for some vacation time. They had decided it was due time for them all to get out of the house, and Alexandria. And while they loved picnics at the river, a trip to the ocean was what they decided they all could use.

Daryl led the way on his bike, he was missing the way it had felt. He missed flying through the forest, wind blowing his hair out of his face and the hum of the motor. Dog followed on foot, chasing the bike excitedly. Two horses pulled a wagon where Rosita and Connie rode in, Connie steering. Judith, RJ, Coco and the twins were in the wagon with them. Faith was nestled in Rosita’s arms, Grace in Judith’s while Coco sat between them. Tara and Lydia followed behind on horseback, talking softly to each other. Lydia loved the twins but riding behind them while someone else cared for them was a welcomed break.

“How long?” RJ asks again.

“Like ten more minutes.”

“That’s long,” Coco points out with a yawn.

“Not really,” Rosita tells her. “We’ve been on the road for a few hours, ten minutes is nothing, baby.”

Coco huffs and slumps against her. “Too long, Mama.”

Rosita rolls her eyes with a chuckle, bouncing the baby when she starts to get fussy. Judith cringes when she hears Faith start fussing, rocking Grace before she has the chance to whine.

The rest of the ride goes with ease and soon their crossing the bridge. Tara cringes as she remembers her first time on the bridge where she lost Heath. It may have been nine years ago but it was still fresh in her mind. Daryl hops off his bike to take out a few walkers with ease. Judith watches with a sigh—if she hadn’t had the baby in her arms she would have joined her uncle and helped. Rosita tussles her hair sympathetically.

“Just a few minutes through those trees and we’ll be there,” Tara calls from the rear.

“Finally!” RJ exclaims causing Rosita and Judith to laugh.

Daryl leads the way through the path, the others following. They were met by a familiar face before they reached the settlement.

“Hey, Cyndie!” Tara calls, smiling at her good friend. The Oceanside leader lights up. Tara dismounts, leading her horse forward past the wagon and Daryl. Cyndie reaches out to hug her once she’s close enough. “Thank you for letting us come stay for a week. The kids are all so excited.”

“We’re happy to have you. You guys have done so much for Oceanside in the past so it’s the least we can do.”

“You’ve helped us just as much,” Tara says with a chuckle. The two girls walk towards the settlement.

Lydia dismounts and leads her horse up beside Daryl who’s walking his bike after them, Dog trotting beside him, panting happily. The horses and wagon follow behind them, the kids chatting excitedly. When they reach the settlement they’re greeted by more friendly faces. Tara and Lydia’s horses are taken from them and brought the lean-to that was built for travelling horses. Kathy and Beatrice help Tara and Cyndie unhitch the horses from the wagon and those two horses are also taken to be cared for.

Lydia moves to the back of the wagon, taking Grace from Judith. The teen climbs out of the wagon, stretching with a sigh of relief. Her brother climbs out behind her, his feet running the moment they touch the ground. Daryl takes Faith from Rosita, relieving her of multi child duty. Rosita climbs out, helping Coco out with her. The toddler starts running around behind RJ, giggling loudly.

“This is Lydia,” Tara says to Cyndie, introducing her to the only person in the group that had never been to Oceanside. “She’s Daryl’s kid. And these are her daughter’s. Grace and Faith.”

“Hi,” Cyndie says with a big smile. “I didn’t know you had any kids.” She tells Daryl. Daryl shrugs. She peers down at the baby in Lydia’s arms. “They’re so cute!” She looks from the baby to the other in Daryl’s arms. Cyndie holds her arms out hopefully. “May I?”

Lydia looks to the others, seeing how safe they felt. When she got an encouraging nod from Tara and especially Daryl, she nervously transfers Grace to the strangers arms. She didn’t know the girl, but the others trusted her, so she decided that she could too.

“Which is this one?”

“Grace,” Lydia informs her quietly. Cyndie smiles at the baby and, with a poke from Tara to get her going, leads the group towards the guest cabins.

Seeing her without a baby, Coco speeds up and runs over to Lydia, getting in front of her and putting her arms up. “Dia!” Lydia smiles down at the toddler, picking her up. Coco wraps her arms around Lydia’s neck, resting her head on her shoulder. Lydia held her close; despite always having the twins she had greatly missed having Coco with her. She loved her differently than she loved the twins, but that didn’t change the fact she loved her with all of her being.

“You’re getting big.”

“No I not,” Coco says, shaking her head, curls bouncing.

“Yes, you are,” Lydia chuckles.

“Nope!”

“You’re too cute.”

“I know,” Coco smiles.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Connie and Daryl were walking down the shore after dinner as the sun was beginning to set, Connie’s shoes in her hand as she let the cool water splash over her ankles.

_“I think this is going to be good for everyone. Better than taking them out for an afternoon one by one.”_

Daryl nods in agreement. _“Especially Lydia. She’s barely left the house since she found out she was pregnant.”_

 _“You barely have either,”_ Connie points out. _“Which is why it’s good for us. We all get to get time away from home, get to see the ocean—Lydia’s never even seen the ocean. And last time we came we didn’t have time to enjoy it. Judith and RJ get to have fun and be kids here with the other kids, Lydia gets to leave home without worrying about leaving the girls home without her or the fear of bringing them out away from safety. And there’s plenty of people who miss seeing babies which’ll give her free time. And **we** get some alone time ourselves.”_

With that she wraps her arms around Daryl’s neck and he pulls her against him. He tilts his head down, his lips connecting with hers. She tightens her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. He ran his hands down her back, hooking his hands under her thighs and lifts her up. Her legs wrap around his hips and she smiles into the kiss. She runs her fingers through his hair, which she was secretly hoping to convince him to trim.

“Room?” he traces on her skin when his hand finds its way under her shirt. She nods, forehead resting against his.

It was very good for them, indeed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“And this one?” Coco holds up the seashell, looking up at Lydia with wide brown eyes.

“What do you think?” Lydia asks and the three year old scrunches her face in up thought.

“A crab.”

“Yeah, I think it’s a crab too. Judith called it a _hermit_ crab.”

“Hermit crab?” she tilts her head curiously. “And this one?”

“You tell me.”

“Mm…a snail.”

“That’s right!”

Coco holds up another. “What this?”

“What do you think it is?”

“I dunno?” she shrugs.

“That’s a clam, I’m pretty sure.”

“Can eat it?”

“The clam? Yeah, if you found one with a clam inside it you could probably eat it. Probably need to cook it first though.”

“Can we?”

“Maybe tomorrow. It’s almost dark out. Which means it’s almost bedtime.”

“No sleep! Only if I can sleep with you.”

“If you’re quiet. Only if you can be quiet.”

Coco puts a finger to her lips. “I be quiet.”

“Good girl.” Lydia gets off the bed to pick up Faith who is getting fussy. As she’s lifting her, Grace starts whimpering so Lydia lifts them both up. She sits back on the bed and Coco crawls closer.

“Can I help?” she asks, looking up with big eyes.

Lydia nods after a long pause. “You have to be really gentle and listen to what I say. Okay?”

“Kay.”

“Sit normal, there you go. Here’s Grace,” she lays Grace on Coco’s lap situating her arms so she’s holding the baby up. She helps her get the bottle nipple in Grace’s mouth. “Hold it up, you don’t want to let it go down.”

“Why?” Coco tilts the bottle up just how she was shown.

“Because it could give her a tummy ache.”

“Ouchy. No tummy aches for Grace.”

“That’s right. No tummy aches for Grace.” She feeds Faith the bottle, keeping a sharp eye on Grace on Coco’s lap. “You’re doing a good job, Coco.”

The cabin door opens and Tara stepped in. “Hey there, baby.”

“Mama, look! I feed Grace.”

“Wow! You’re being such a big girl, Coco!” Tara sits down on the bed on Coco’s other side. “It’s almost bedtime, though, sweetheart.”

“I stay with Dia, Mama.”

“I think Lydia has her hands full with the babies, sweetheart.”

“I think I can help. And Jude is gon be here too. So I think I stay.”

Tara looks at Lydia who nods. “The girls sleep mostly through the night, and Coco promised to be quiet. Plus she’s right, Judith is staying in here. Worst case scenario we get you or my dad. But I doubt it’ll come to that. Cause she’s going to be good, right Coco?”

“Right! I be good, Mama. Pinky swear.”

“Pinky swear,” Tara echoes, hooking her pinky with Coco’s. She kisses her forehead. “If you need us at all, don’t hesitate to come or send Judith to get me or Ro.”

“I won’t.”

“Be good.” She kisses Coco again, stroking Grace’s head. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Lydia says and Coco echoes it.

“She all done I think,” Coco tells Lydia.

“I think they both are. Just hold onto her a moment longer.” Lydia puts a sleepy Faith in the portable crib. Then she takes Grace from Coco. Coco slides off the bed to see Grace laid down beside her sister. Lydia offers them both pacifiers. Coco reaches a hand in the crib, stroking Grace’s cheek.

“I like them.”

“I’m happy you do.” Lydia picks Coco up, giving her a big hug. Coco giggles quietly, hugging her tighter. “I love you so much, y’know.”

“I love you too, Dia.”

Lydia gets back on her bed, laying back against the pillows. Coco snuggles up against her, hugging Lydia’s arm. “I’m sleepy, Dia.”

“Me, too.” She strokes Coco’s hair back. “How about we get some sleep, huh?”

“Yeah.”

It didn’t take long of stroking Coco’s back for the toddler to drift into sleep. Lydia smiled, looking from the sleeping toddler to her sleeping babies, a warmth swelling in her chest. She missed having Coco around as she learned to balance her life as a new mother, but for her it was balancing and she couldn’t be happier to have things returning to how they should.


	35. Unconditionally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Smut mid chapter

“I can’t.”

“You can,” Daryl reaches a hand out, trying to coax Lydia into the cool water.

Lydia was stubbornly refusing to learn how to properly swim. The summer before she was far too skittish to leave the community often and lately she didn’t stray far from the twins. But she had left the twins and Coco back at camp with Connie, Tara, Rosita and Cyndie. Daryl had seen it to be the perfect opportunity, especially with the smooth water of the hidden tide pool nestled in a large oval of rocks connected to the ocean by a narrow stream. It was safe from the dead, hidden and a perfect opportunity. But Lydia stayed perched on a rock protruding above the water, shaking her head at Daryl’s attempts. She eyes the murky water, gauges how deep it is and leans back against the rocks.

“Lydia, it’s safe. I promise. Would I make you do something that was unsafe?” She shakes her head slowly but didn’t look convinced. “Come here. I won’t let you go.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” he holds his hand out again and this time she takes it, letting him pull her into the water. She gasps when she’s submerged into the cold water, causing Daryl to suppress a chuckle.

“It’s cold.”

“You’ll get used to it,” he assures her, holding onto her. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Trust me. Close your eyes.” She eyes him warily but closes her eyes. Daryl lifts her so she’s laying on the water, keeping a hand under her as she floats. “I got you,” he promises when she makes a concerned sound. “Just keep your eyes closed and relax.” He moves through the water, guiding her with him. He feels her begin to relax, sees her face soften. “How do you feel?”

“Mm. Okay, I guess.”

“Just okay?”

Her lips form a small smile. “More than okay. Good, I guess.”

“Good.”

He moves his hand from her back, taking half a step back. If she realized that he had moved to allow her to float solo, her face didn’t show it. He did however notice her squeeze her eyes harder, though he wasn’t sure if it was from anticipation of sinking or from the ever so bright summer sun.

“You’re all right,” he says in a quiet, reassuring tone and her face softens. “Just wait til the girls are older, you’ll be doing the same thing to them.” He gets a small smile from that.

“Faith would probably try to jump in before she could swim.”

He chuckles at that. “Probably. Faith will want to learn as fast as she can while Grace takes her time.”

“She’s so much shyer and quieter than Faith, but she’s _so_ smart.”

“Sounds familiar.” That response earns him a genuine smile, much more than a soft upturn of lips. “Faith’s like you, too. Always waiting to learn, fighting that urge to just move. She gets bored easy and has to switch things up. That’s all you, too. Both sides of you.”

“Am I that bad?”

“Not bad at all, kiddo. Not bad at all.” He reaches back out, arm under her back again. He guides her up and she startles slightly when he feet hit solid ground. Her eyes snap open to find herself still in the same spot in the pool, feet on the bottom but water only chest high.

“What—” she looks at him. “It’s not that deep.”

“Not at all.”

“Then what was the point of floating?”

“Well, if you ever find yourself in water that is over your head and you’re unable to get to shore for any reason, keeping yourself above water is important. Floating a moment ago, I just needed you to get a feel for the water and trust it. To trust me. And to relax—you can’t swim or float or tread safely or properly if you’re panicking. Now, I need you to trust me.”

“I always do.”

“Hold on.” He moves backwards, into the middle and suddenly the floor disappears from under her feet and she gasps. Before she is submerged, Daryl pulls her up. “I got you.”

“You won’t let go?”

“I won’t let go,” he promises. “You’re safe.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“We should go swimming,” Tara says, her voice muffled by the pillow.

“Why?” Rosita asks with a chuckle, moving her hands skillfully over her wife’s bare back. She was perched over her, straddling her hips.

“We didn’t get to swim last time.”

“You tried to, but then you had like PTSD from falling off a bridge and almost drowning and we didn’t. And then every other chance you wanted to try we had Coco demanding we do something or something else happened.”

“Coco’s been preoccupied since we came. And the weather’s hot enough to melt so it’s definitely in favor of swimming.”

“I’m giving you the best massage I’ve ever given because you were complaining how bad your back hurts, love.”

“But…” she sighs. “I want to swim.”

“How does your back feel? Dead serious, T.”

“Not as bad as earlier.”

“That’s because I’ve been massaging it for the last twenty minutes. If your back genuinely feels better tomorrow then we’ll see, babe. Okay?”

“Okay…does that mean other stuff is off the table?”

Rosita smirks despite the face her wife can’t see it. “Other stuff? Like what?” She lifts herself up just as Tara turns over so she’s on her back, a mischievous sparkle in her brown eyes and her usual smirk gracing her lips. Tara raises an eyebrow at her and Rosita smiles, leaning down to connect their lips. She kisses her long and deep, her hands massaging her wife’s breasts. Tara moans into the kiss, causing Rosita’s to smile into it. Tara runs her hands down Rosita’s back, finding her ass. “I think…this is definitely acceptable other stuff,” Rosita whispers breathlessly.

“Mm. Thought so,” Tara whispers, cupping the back of Rosita’s neck and pulling her back down to kiss her hungrily.

Rosita continues her work with one hand, the other roaming down. She manages to skillfully unbutton her jeans, slipping a hand inside. “You’ll be the death of me,” Tara whispers against Rosita’s lips.

“That’s the plan,” Rosita whispers back. She kisses her neck, sucking on the soft skin. She kisses her way down her collarbone, across her chest and pausing her descent to give attention to both breasts. Tara sucks in a sharp breath as Rosita tales turns sucking and massaging them both.

Once the latter was satisfied with her work, she kissed her way down her stomach until she reached her waistline. Tara lifts her hips off the bed as Rosita pulls her pants off. Rosita settles between her legs, hearing Tara’s intake of breath when she feels Rosita’s hot breath between her legs. She kisses the inside of her thighs, not missing the way Tara impatiently squirms.

“Ro…”

Rosita ignores the plea, kissing everywhere but where her wife wanted it most. She had listened to Tara complain about how tight her back muscles were and spent twenty minutes massaging her, so she figured it was only fair to tease her a little. Especially being toddler free and being able to enjoy every moment without a tiny human barging in or screaming across the hall.

“Ro,” Tara whines a minute later. Rosita debates tormenting her further but forgoes it, burying her face in her center and hearing Tara gasp loud, feeling the sheet below them shift as Tara grabs a fistful of sheet at the sudden intrusion. Her wife relaxes almost immediately, eager for more. Rosita works her magic with both her tongue and fingers on Tara.

Rosita had been with so many men, and even a few women, but none of them compared to Tara. Not even Abraham. None could match the feeling she had from making love to Tara, and none could hold a flame to feeling of Tara loving her. Nobody could ever compare to Tara Chambler.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“We should relieve Cyndie of Coco duty,” Rosita mutters against the back of Tara’s neck.

“Ten more minutes,” Tara mumbles, snuggling back into her. Rosita chuckles, kissing her shoulder.

“Ten minutes, not a minute more though. Coco’s probably driving Cyndie up a wall, she’s cute but she’s a handful.”

“She’s your mini-me.”

“Hey,” Rosita laughs, swatting her shoulder.

Tara rolls over to face her. “I love you, y’know.” Rosita smiles at her. “Like, I love you in a sappy, over the top but perfectly content way. I feel it so strongly that sometimes I just have a take a moment to process it.”

“I love you, too. In a way I’ve never loved someone before.” She strokes Tara’s cheek and presses her lips to hers. Rosita knew that there was no way they were getting up in ten minutes.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Can we go exploring tomorrow? Like a hike or something?” Judith asks Daryl as she helped Connie make dinner. “The shore is fun, but I want to explore or something.”

“Yeah! Me, too,” RJ says.

“Me, too,” Coco answers, looking up from her coloring. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was saying it to, but she wasn’t being left out. The moment Daryl and Lydia had returned from the pool they had relieved Cyndie of Coco. “You, too, Dia?”

“Maybe,” Lydia responds, bouncing Faith on her hip. “It depends on the kind of mood these little ones are in tomorrow. I think they’ll be good, though. You’re going to be good, right Faith?”

Faith makes a squeal as if agreeance causing a chorus of chuckles.

“I think that’s a yes,” Daryl comments, kissing the top of Grace’s head.

“So can we?” Judith asks.

“I won’t say a definite yes, we’ll see how everyone feels tomorrow. So I’ll say probably.”

“Probably is good enough for me.”

Lydia moves to where Daryl’s standing and leans back against the counter behind them. Faith reaches out at her sister, making adorable little squeals. She grabs her twins hand. Daryl kisses the top of Lydia’s head as they smile at the twins, happy and blissful as if it was them against the world.

They watched them with nothing but unconditional love.


	36. The Waterfall

“This is so cool!” Judith breathes as she climbs the dirt slope that wound up through the trees. RJ agrees, running up behind her.

Connie was not far behind them, hand in hand with Coco, with Lydia and Daryl taking up the rear. Daryl was carrying a curious Faith while a sleeping Grace was in the baby carrier strapped to Lydia. Lydia kept a hand on the back of Grace’s head.

“There’s a waterfall up here, right? That’s what Cyndie said?” Judith calls back.

“That’s what Cyndie said,” Daryl confirms. He glances at Lydia, who rolls her shoulders with a grimace. “You alright?”

“I never realized how heavy she really gets until carrying her this long.”

“That’s why I keep switching what arm’s holding Faith.”

“Why not use the carrier?”

“How’s _that_ working for you?” He asks, a glint in his eye.

“Fair point,” she laughs. She nods up at the toddler skipping beside Connie. “Imagine carrying Coco all this way.”

“I’d rather not,” he chuckles, switching Faith to his other hip. “She weighs at least double Faith’s weight.”

“Three year old versus a five month olds in weight. Coco’s small for her age though at least.”

“How are they already five months old?” Daryl asks, shaking his head. He bounces Faith and she giggles.

“They just won’t stop growing. I kind of wish they’d just stay little, but I also can’t wait for them to grow.”

“We all felt that way about Judith when she was little. Wanted her to stay this little peanut but couldn’t wait to see what she’d grow into. It’s a terrifying but exciting thing watching the babies grow.”

“Was like that with Coco. Still is. Now with these two.”

 _“I see it!”_ Judith’s yell is heard. “Just down there. RJ look!” The young teen stands at the top of the small hill, looking down at the magnificent waterfall connected to a decent sized lake. Her brother stumbles up beside her.

“It’s so big!” He looks back, waving Connie forward excitedly. Coco tiredly runs ahead of Connie, panting as she comes to a stop beside Judith. She squeals with delight, pointing down. _“It’s so cool!”_ He signs excitedly to Connie.

Connie nods with a massive smile, retaking Coco’s hand. She helps Coco down the slope, the toddler taking cautious steps down beside her. Judith and RJ follow. “Run down?” RJ asks.

“No,” Judith shakes her head. “You’ll run into Aunt Connie or Coco.”

“Be careful?”

“No.”

He huffs, stomping. “No fair. You’re not so fun anymore!”

“You’re not so cute anymore!”

 _“Hey!”_ Both their heads turn to look at Daryl, who’s giving them a disapproving look. “Quit it, both of you.”

“Sorry, Uncle Daryl,” they say in unison. They finish their descent quietly, settling on just giving each other annoyed looks and RJ sticking his tongue out at his sister. Judith would have shoved him, with them being so close to the bottom of the hill, but she was very aware of Daryl behind them, watching them with hawk like eyes. Once they reached the bottom, however, they both broke into a run, in an unspoken race to the water. Judith knew she’d win, and she did.

Connie shakes her head at their antics as she perches on a rock, tired from the trek. Coco runs after the two older kids excitedly. _“They definitely need to get some energy out.”_

 _“I don’t know how the still have energy after that walk,”_ Lydia says and signs, lowering herself to the ground beside the rock.

 _“They’re kids. They have never ending energy,”_ was Daryl’s response.

Grace stirs from her nap and Lydia sighs. _“Speaking of having never ending energy, she’s about to wake up with her energy level full…”_

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Grace’s squeal sounded through the area before the sound was swallowed up by the waterfall. Judith and RJ were in the deeper part of the lake, where the water stirred but wasn’t overpowering. Daryl was in the water with them as RJ tried to climb on his shoulders to avoid his sister’s splashes.

Lydia was sitting in the shallow water, legs stretched out in the cool water as Grace sat on her lap. The baby was splashing her hands in the water, eliciting a squeal every time the water she hit splashed back up at herself. Connie was sitting near her with Faith, who was more focused on pointing at the little fish swimming around, far from her sisters splash ripples, than mimicking her twin. Coco sat on Lydia’s other side, playing with her toys in the water and occasionally observing the older kids.

Coco taps Lydia’s arm then points. “I wanna go with them, Dia.”

“Maybe later. Maybe when the babies are napping.”

“Kay.” She turns her attention back to her toys, making sounds as she plays. She giggles and offers one of the soft toys to Grace she sees that she caught the baby’s attention. “Puppy. Puppy likes water.”

Grace observes the toy before opening her mouth and letting out a howl. Lydia and Coco burst out laughing, causing Grace to howl again. They hear Faith copying her twin this time. Grace shakes the toy puppy all around, howling and squealing. Lydia hears water sloshing as Connie moves closer to Faith can join them. Coco offers the other baby the cat toy.

“Kitty likes water too. Kitty howls?”

“I guess they could,” Lydia agrees, nodding. She looks up to see Daryl making his way over, Judith and RJ following.

“Do we have little wolves over here?”

“Puppy and kitty!” Coco answers with a giggle.

“Puppy and Kitty?” he gets down with a small grunt and picks Faith up. The baby flings the cat around, showing Daryl. “You’re a kitty?”

Faith makes a sound of agreeance. Grace babbles, holding up her puppy excitedly. “My toys, I’m sharing.”

“That’s really nice of you, Coco,” Daryl praises the toddler and she beams.

“Sharing is good. I like sharing with who I like. And I like the babies. The babies are good. And they Dia’s, and I love Dia so I love them too,” Coco explains, shrugging. “Right?”

“Right.”

“Right,” she says again in a confident voice.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“I can swim,” Coco insists.

True to her “maybe,” when the twins went down for their nap, she and Daryl had brought Coco into the deeper water. Judith and RJ were playing quietly at the shore.

“I know. But I’m still not taking your vest off. This water is rougher than at home.”

“Rougher?” she asks, furrowing her brow as she butchers the word.

“Water at home is…smooth. This is bumpy. See?” She puts a hand on the water which is moving in wavy ripples.

“Yeah…I can still swim.” Coco looks at Daryl with big brown eyes. Daryl shakes his head at her. He was no more comfortable than Lydia with taking the borrowed life jacket off the toddler. And he knew neither Tara nor Rosita would be, either. Coco huffs and splashes water at him with a little scowl. “No fair.”

“Would your moms let you take it off, hm?” Lydia asks her.

“Uh…maybe?” Coco shrugs her little shoulders, but she knew the answer. Lydia raises her eyebrows at her. “Uh…no?”

“That’s more like it—hey!” Coco laughs loudly after splashing water up at Lydia’s face. She paddles over to Daryl, giggling as she tries to use him as a shield from Lydia.

“Can’t get me now!” She giggles. “No can get me.”

They stayed how they were for a while, Coco’s giggled bouncing through the area. Water splashing around. Happiness in both water and back on the shore with the others. Happiness caused by memories forming, memories that all old enough to remember would remember for a very long time.


	37. Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rare Rositara centric fic!   
> TW for depression and doubting self worth

“We’re going to miss having you around, T.”

It was their last night at Oceanside before heading back to Alexandria in the morning. Tara, Rosita and Coco were over at Cyndie’s having a goodbye dinner.

“We’ll be back before you know it,” Tara assures her, the trademark smirk on her lips. “Maybe even sometime before autumn hits. If not, at least sometime in the autumn before snow fall.”

“I’m going to hold you to it,” the younger girl beams. “You’ll come too?” She directs the question to Rosita. “It was so great seeing you again as well.”

“Don’t go anywhere without her,” she nods her head to Tara.

“And her?” she gestures to Coco who’s sitting between her mothers. “Half the time you come she’s here, the other half without here.”

“It always depends on her mood. She likes staying with Lydia as much as with us, so she could care less when we leave her,” Rosita laughs.

“Dia?” Coco looks up at the name.

“See?” Tara chuckles. “Dia’s not here. We’re just talking, baby.”

“Kay,” Coco goes back to eating.

“Sometime soon I want to take a trip down to your place. You guys are always visiting here but I haven’t been to Alexandria since your wedding. Beatrice and Kathy would happily take the chance to hold down the fort for me here while I go to Alexandria. Rachel would probably tag along. She’s Lydia’s age, it’s a shame we never got to introduce them during this trip but definitely next time.”

“Definitely. This time probably wouldn’t have worked anyways, she rarely leaves Alexandria so she was attached to Daryl this whole time. She’ll probably be more comfortable next time. Or if you visit.”

 _“When_ we visit, I’ll definitely be introducing them so Rachel is occupied and not being up my ass or causing shit, because you know that there’s no in-between with that girl.”

Tara laughs. “Ain’t that the truth.”

“I swear you spent an entire year flipping that child off,” Rosita joins in. “Always paired with a snarky ass _‘See ya, Rachel.’_ ”

“Hey, she earned that,” Tara makes out through her laughter. “She _did_ try to kill me like _twice_ in one day.”

“She’s improved…kind of,” Cyndie laughs.

“ _Kind of_ being key word,” Rosita chokes out. “Kids and their attitude these days.”

“ _These days?_ No way you weren’t a little shithead when you were little. Which, I should add, was long before the world went to shit because we were grown ass twenty four year olds when we met and that was like only a year and a half into the apocalypse.” 

“Bad words, Mama,” Coco speaks up. Cyndie and Rosita double over in laughter while Tara’s face reddens.

“If money was a thing still I’d _so_ start a swear jar,” Rosita chokes out through her laughter.

“You swear just as much as me! Coco just never calls _you_ out,” she gives her daughter a sour look. Coco just beams up at her, and Tara feels her light annoyance melt away. “It’s not fair for you to be _this_ cute.”

“Watch this,” Rosita whispers to Cyndie as Coco hugs it out with Tara, then raises her voice to normal tone. “Coco? Who’s your favorite, me or Mama?”

Coco hums. “Umm…Dia!”

Cyndie laughs. Tara shakes her head. “She knows it’s a trick question and isn’t going to pick a favorite parent. So she says her safe answer. She can answer almost anything with ‘Dia,’ so she just answers everything she doesn’t want to answer or refuses to answer with ‘Dia.’”

“Smart kid,” Cyndie makes out. “Kid knows when she’s asked the impossible.”

“Let’s be real, we all know Ro’s her favorite,” Tara speaks up.

“No, that’s not true at all. She loves us both the same.”

“No it is. It’s okay. You’re her real mom, she’s bound to have a better connection with you.”

 _“Tara,”_ Rosita sighs, seeing she’s not getting anywhere with the conversation at the current moment.

Cyndie looks between the two, from Rosita’s concerned face to Tara’s guarded. She sits back, not knowing anything to say. She catches Coco wearing a look she’s sure is mirroring her own.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Do you really feel that way, Tara?” Rosita asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.

After dinner, and long hugs and promises of more frequent visits on both ends, they went back to the cabin. Coco was fast asleep and the couple were quietly packing for the trip home tomorrow.

“No,” Tara responds, refusing to meet Rosita’s eyes.

 _“Tara.”_ She gets up and gently grasps her wife’s elbow. “Sit. Talk.”

“I need to pack.”

“Packing can wait. Come on, talk to me.” She sits on the bed and Tara sits beside her. “You’re so guarded, babe. You don’t need to be. Not with me.”

“I’m not—”

“You are. You _always_ are. No matter what happens, you always shove everything down and put on a smile and pretend it’s all fine.” Tara starts to shake her head. “You do. When we first met and you fell on your bad knee? You refused to rest and walked on a swollen knee for days because you didn’t want to be a burden. When you woke from your coma after the explosion, you were out there days later helping build the platform despite how shitty you felt. You got shot by an arrow and when everyone else who got shot died and you thought you were going to die too, you forced a smile on your face anyways. And then went to war the next day with an injured shoulder. And after the pikes, you went through _so_ much trauma but you kept a good spirit so your hurting didn’t hurt anyone else. You hurt but you hide it because you’re just too good. But you don’t need to shove your feelings down and put on a brave face, not with me, Tara. You _know_ that.”

“It’s not a big deal, Ro.”

“It _is_ Tara. Do you really feel that Coco loves me more? That I’m her _real_ mom and you aren’t?”

Tara looks down at the folded hands on her lap and Rosita rubs her back soothingly, giving her time to respond. “Sometimes…” She swallows hard. “She’s always gravitated more towards you. And whenever anything happens, you’re who she wants. Even if I’m there with her. _You’re_ her real mother and she knows it.”

“You’re her mother as much as I am. Blood doesn’t matter. Look at Judith with Michonne, Lydia with Daryl, Gracie with Aaron.”

“None of them are their biological kids. Coco is yours. You’re her blood. You gave birth to her and nursed her. You lived in Alexandria and I lived in Hilltop her entire first year of life. Your more important to her, you can’t deny that. There’s like, a cosmic connection there. And if her father wasn’t killed, he’d be in my place. I’m only her parent by chance.”

“That’s not true!” Rosita says her voice cracking. “No. Tara, no.” She pulls her into a tight hug. “It was never by chance. I love you. I loved you before Siddiq and if he hadn’t died, I still would have found my way to you. I was selfish and stupid for running from you for so long. At first it was Abraham and then you had Denise. Then we lost them both and I just…I just kept pushing you away over and over again. And after the war, it was crazy. And right when I thought I was ready to tell you how I felt, you were gone. You just packed up and left and never came back. And I regret not chasing after you. I don’t regret having Coco, I’d never regret her. But I missed so much time I could have had with you. It was meant to be, it always was. With me, with Coco. You were never a second choice or chosen by chance. You are my whole world, Tara. You’re _Coco’s_ whole world. And y’know, Coco may cry for me when you have her. but guess what? She does the same thing when I have her and you’re not there. She loves you so much, more than you know. She truly does. Okay?”

“Okay,” Tara whispers tearfully, burying her face in Rosita’s shoulder.

Rosita wasn’t sure Tara actually believed it. But she knew she heard her—truly heard her. She lays back, coaxing Tara to lie back with her. She remembered countless nights that Tara, the selfless one with the always brave face, laid in bed holding her while she cried the stress of the day away. Rosita was someone you’d never catch crying, but in the comfort of her own bed, in the comfort of her wife’s arms, she’d let go and cry her heart out. Tara, on the other hand, never shed a tear while awake, even in the comfort of her home.

But here she was, in a community away from home, letting out a secret she had been holding onto for years that she never meant to let out. Arms clinging to the love of her life, face hidden as sobs she had been pushing back for a lifetime racked her body.

Tara had been through so much trauma, and Rosita knew that. She knew she wasn’t as okay as she appeared. So she waited patiently. She was there waiting, heart full and arms open. She remembered the trauma. The nights she awoke to Tara’s whimpers and cries in her sleep, rubbing her back as she soothed her. She shed some silent tears herself as she felt the rise of the multitude of scars left by Alpha’s cruelness.

She knew it’d be a long haul to recovery the moment she saw Tara’s haunted, bloody body aft the pikes. Tara was getting there slowly. Her nightmares were less frequent, the physical scars had healed and the emotional were healing. She still flinched when she was touched sometimes, but she was getting better. She still had a hard time trusting and believing, but she was getting there.

And Rosita had every intention on being there every single step of the way.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Rosita was the first up the next morning, feeling stinging through her shoulders from the position she fell asleep in. But Tara was still nestled in her arms, her face free of stress and breathing steady. So she didn’t mind.

At some point, Coco woke up and was taken by Lydia shortly after. She gives Tara a little more time to rest before she rubs a hand over her hair and feels her stir.

“Morning, babe.”

Tara lifts her head off of Rosita and stretches. “Morning.” She peers at Coco’s empty cot. “Where’s Coco?”

“Lydia took her this morning. Which was great because we needed some more rest. How are you feeling?”

Tara bites her lip before responding honestly, “better, drained though.”

“Talking’s good.”

“Yeah,” Tara nods. “But when we get home?”

“Of course. We should probably finish getting our stuff together. Only a few hours until we’re on the road home.”

They get out of bed and the two start putting the last of their belongings together in peaceful quiet. Before long they were hauling their bags to the wagon, loading them inside beside the other’s bags.

They hear Coco’s laughter and they drift in the direction of the blissful noise. They stop around the corner, smiles plastered on their faces when they see Coco squealing as Daryl lifts her in the air. After a few more moments Coco spots them and points. Daryl puts her down and she runs over to them, a huge smile as if she hadn’t seen them in forever despite just being mere hours.

“Mommy! Mama!” She barely slows before she crashes into Tara.

“Good morning to you, too,” Tara says with a laugh, picking Coco up. Rosita strokes the toddler’s cheek with a smile.

“I gonna miss here,” Coco tells them. “But I miss home.”

“We’ll come visit here, little one. I promise,” Tara tells her and Coco smiles bigger. “Who do you want in the cart with you on the way back?”

“Both,” Coco says with a smile.

“I’m sure we can arrange that,” Rosita says with relief.

Soon after, they started their ride home. Daryl took the lead on his bike, Dog racing after him. Connie sat in the front of the wagon, steering the spritely horses. Tara and Rosita were in the back with the kids—Coco curled up against Tara’s side, Grace on Rosita’s lap and Faith on Judith’s with RJ beside her. And taking the rear was Lydia on her horse, and Rachel, who decided to tag along with some pushing from Cyndie, on Tara’s.

“I’m sleepy,” Coco mumbles halfway through the trip, yawning and curling up onto Tara’s lap.

“Then get some sleep, baby,” Tara strokes her head tenderly and the toddler yawns.

“Love you, Mama,” Coco mumbles tiredly.

“I love you, too, baby.”

**_Can you use these tears to put out the fire in my soul? Cause I need you here. I’ve been shaken, I’ve been bending backwards til I’m broke. Watching all these dreams go up in smoke. Let beauty come out of ashes. And when I pray to god, all I ask is “can beauty come out of ashes?”_ **


	38. Fun

“So…what do you usually do for fun around here?” Rachel asks. Lydia shrugs.

The two were walking around Alexandria thanks to some pushing from Tara and Daryl. Daryl wasn’t ready to have two teenagers sit around the house moping, much to the two’s dismay.

“I don’t really go out. I didn’t really before the twins, either.”

“Why?”

“You know who my mother was?”

“Yeah. So?”

“A lot of people aren’t really understanding. I don’t have any friends, none that are my age anyways. Besides Henry. But Henry’s…more.”

“Who’s Henry?”

“The twin’s father.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“I guess so.”

“You don’t sound real confident,” Rachel points out.

Lydia eyes her. Rachel oozed confidence and didn’t let anyone or anything bother her. She brushed everything off and when someone hit her, she hit back with double the force. Lydia admired that about her. She wished she could have even a sliver of the other girl’s confidence. And maybe it was that confidence and the genuinely curious look she was giving her that caused Lydia to pour her heart out to her.

“He knows what he wants. I’m not as bold as he is…I still aren’t entirely sure. I thought I did, but then the twins came and everything changed for me but not really for him. He wants a relationship and wants me to move out from my home. I can’t even think about moving even if it’s a few houses down. My parents help so much with the twins, and they’re a great support system. Henry’s never put them down for a nap or fed them or dealt with them at night. He doesn’t seem like he even wants to, so he just doesn’t get it when I explain that’s why I don’t want to leave. I don’t know,” she sighs heavily.

“Hey, if he doesn’t get it, it’s his loss. You can only tell someone so much, if they don’t get it, it’s not on you. If he really cares, he’ll figure it out.”

“I know he cares. He just doesn’t get it.”

“Then he’ll figure it out.” Lydia gives her a grateful smile. Rachel wanders to a more populated part of Alexandria, Lydia following her like a lost puppy. Rachel may have been new to the community, but she was already more comfortable in it. “What’s over here?”

“The school. Isla who makes desserts when she has the ingredients. The blacksmith, and the mill and barn over there.”

“Can we see the horses?” Rachel asks, an edge of excitement to her voice. “We don’t do much with horses at Oceanside.”

Lydia nods and leads the way. They walk into the barn to see a dozen horses with heads hanging over stalls curiously. Lydia stops by a big horse, his coat so dark brown it was almost black with a lighter brown muzzle.

“This was the horse you rode to and from Oceanside, right?”

“Yeah. His name is Phoenix,” Lydia says with a small smile. “He’s my favorite.”

“And that one is the one Tara rode?” She points to a horse that was the color of copper with a white star on her forehead.

“Yeah, that’s Bunny.”

“Tara has a horse named…Bunny?”

“Coco named her,” Lydia explains with a laugh. Rachel joins in. “This one,” she moves to a dainty grey horse who’s fur was as white as snow, “Is Kalypso. She’s Rosita’s.”

“And who are the others?” Rachel asks. “We’ve met yours, Tara and Rosita’s. There’s like nine others.”

“That is Aaron’s horse, Trooper,” she points to a brown horse with a white nose. “Clover is Magna’s,” she points to a dapple grey. “And Rover is Yumiko’s,” she points to another copper horse with a white face. “The others are just others that different people ride. I don’t really know them.”

“Sometime before I leave we should _so_ go for a ride.” Lydia shrugged and Rachel fixes her with a pointed look. “Come on, it’ll be fun. And cool. We don’t rally use horses at Oceanside, and Tara said it’s relatively clear of the dead here.”

“Okay, I guess,” Lydia finally answers as the two make their way out of the barn and down a path leading back to the houses.

“You like, don’t hang out with people your own age, do you?” Rachel asks, hand on her hip with eyebrows raised. Her green eyes study the other girl.

“Not really. It shows, huh?”

“Yeah, a lot. Guess it’s a good thing I’m here. And hey, people here want to be jackasses then be a jackass back. Did Tara tell you about how she first met me?”

“Said you were Judith’s age and you tried to kill her by Cyndie stopped you.”

“Yeah. I spit at her, like, a lot. I had issues,” she laughs. “So Tara flipped me off every single time she saw me. It became like a routine. She still does it and it’s been, like, seven years since we met.”

“Just habit now?”

“Guess so,” Rachel shrugs. “I wouldn’t change it, though. It’s pretty awesome. Not every day you get somebody flipping you off in a friendly manner, y’know,” she jokes. “But for real, routine can be hard in this world so we take what we got. You know?”

“I know,” Lydia whispers. She remembers back just a few years ago. She was only six when the world went to shit, only six when her mother murdered her father and the two of them covering themselves head to toe in the dead’s blood and moved place to place in hordes and forgetting how to live. She was six when she forgot what love and safety and a home was. And when she was ten she was forced to wear the skin of the dead, forced to push away all of her humanity. And it wasn’t until she was sixteen when she was captured and taken prisoner by Daryl, and later adopted by him at seventeen, when she relearned what love and safety and home was. So she knew what it was to hold onto the small things, the things that gave them a sense of routine and normalcy, maybe better than anyone else.

The two share a sad look. It was hard enough living in the world, but harder to grow up in it.

“Come on, let’s go find people to bother,” Rachel says suddenly.

“What? Why?” Lydia’s brow furrows in confusion.

“Cause it’s fun! And we’re teenagers—it’s what we’re supposed to do.” She grabs her hand and tugs her along as she runs into the town. And after a few steps, she’s no longer tugging as they go side by side. Rachel was determined to make her mischievous side rub off on the other girl if it was the last thing she did. Because after all, there weren’t many fun people left in the world. 


	39. Exploring

“We should do it today.”

“Do what?” Lydia looks up from her book to Rachel who was sitting cross-legged on the bed, weaving her hair into a side braid.

“Go riding. Explore. We’ve already explored every inch of within these walls, sat around in the house and read every book and did a million things with the littles. We’ve been exceptionally busy and now I’m exceptionally _bored_. So let’s take the horses for a ride.”

Lydia shrugs. “I guess so.”

Rachel gets off the bed once she finishes her braid and goes to stand behind Lydia. “Can I braid yours?”

“Uh…sure.” 

Rachel chuckles at her awkward uncertainty and runs the brush through Lydia’s long dark brown hair until it was tangle free before beginning her work. She remembers how many times she’d convince Kathy to just sit there and allow her to work on perfecting her braids. She had been a stubborn and semi aggressive child and would take a swipe with her knife at anyone who tried to touch her own gorgeous curls when she was a child, but she enjoyed braiding others. Now that she was older, she was still as stubborn but not as aggressive and a lot more lenient to people. She got to work, pulling pieces of Lydia’s hair into a French braid down the back of her head. “You have such pretty hair.”

“Thanks,” Lydia mumbles.

“You aren’t exactly great with taking compliments either, I see.”

Lydia chuckles. “I guess so.”

“I plan on being a great example and fixing that. Fixing, well, _everything_.”

“ _Everything_?”

“Taking compliments, not caring what those judgmental assholes think, not taking shit from anyone. You’ll live much happier once we tackle those last two. And those babies of yours will be, too. They deserve to be able to be brought outside for a walk and to play and you can’t do that when others scare you into hiding inside of your house.”

“I don’t know how to fix that.”

“Easy. You seriously just ignore them. And fix them with a glare here and there. Just doing that works wonders, honestly. And none of that suffering in silence crap, it just makes things worse. Be vocal. You feel actually concerned, you tell Daryl or Tara or whoever you trust. Because getting someone older and more confident and scary helps wonders. Especially since Tara runs this place and Daryl scares everybody.”

“Just doing that actually works?”

“Just that. We can focus on that tomorrow, though. I really wanna get out of these walls.” She ties the end of Lydia’s braid. “All done.”

“Alright, we can go,” Lydia grabs her boots, pulling them on. Rachel does the same. “We should probably pack a lunch, too.”

“Definitely. Tara said when we went riding I could take Bunny as long as she wasn’t out riding. And she’s not going out today, she’s having a nice relaxing family day. She said if anything happens to disrupt that she might just murder someone.”

“If she doesn’t, Rosita definitely would.”

“Definitely,” she laughs.

The two head down the stairs and enter the kitchen to find Daryl and Connie. Grace, who was perched on Daryl’s hip, smiles when she sees them.

“Hi, baby,” Lydia says with a smile, taking her from Daryl to hug her.

“We were going to go for a ride, get out of here for a bit,” Rachel says. She signs best she can as she speaks. She didn’t know sign language before her visit but she picked up on it quickly so she could communicate better with the woman who opened her home to her.

“If you’re okay with the girls, that is,” Lydia adds quickly.

“Of course we are,” Daryl assures her. “We love spending as much time with them as we can. They grow too damn fast.”

“Way too fast. They’re going to be on the move soon, Faith is already trying to crawl. And once she does, Grace will follow.”

“Don’t remind me,” Daryl chuckles. “They’re going to be little tornados.”

“Good thing Connie decided to get all that baby proofing stuff from that baby store you guys found. We’re going to need that real soon. Right, sweetie?” Grace makes a noise of agreeance and babbles happily. Lydia offers her back to Daryl and she goes back to him willingly. “You might be her favorite person.”

“I think I’m a close second,” Daryl says. “Don’t think I can top you in her eyes.” Grace looks up with a big smile. “You should go before she realizes I’m only number two and wants you back.”

Lydia laughs and nods. Rachel, who was making lunches with Connie, grabs Lydia’s arm and tugs her towards the door.

“Bye!”

“Have fun!” Daryl calls, sincerely hoping she did.

He had been hesitant when Tara first pitched bringing Rachel back with them for a while, especially knowing the girl’s track record of rebellion and attitude. But she had seemed to have toned down with age, and so far she had been nothing but a great example. She had gotten Lydia out of the house a lot more, even taking the twins with them at times. And she had been good about the downtime with the girls—nap time, spending with them and bedtime. He almost didn’t want to send the girl back with how well she got along with Lydia and how much help she’d been.

Outside, the girls quickly got to the barn—Rachel in excitement and Lydia in anxiousness. They arrived at the barn, Rachel acquainting herself with Bunny while Lydia got the tack out and tacked Phoenix up. She helped Rachel, who knew a little but wasn’t skilled yet. Saddle blanket tossed on her back, saddle put onto her. Lydia showed her how to tie up a cinch and put on the breastplate. Then how to put the bit in her mouth and pull the bridle over her ears.

“Simple enough,” Rachel says, memorizing every buckle and move.

“You pick up on things quick.”

“Connie said you do, too.” Lydia shrugs at that.

They lead the horses out of the barn and walk side by side to the gate. “Do you know the trails around here? I never actually asked that. Are we going into the woods blind?”

“I know the trails,” she laughs. “I’ve gone out hunting with Daryl plenty and rode out there with Tara and Rosita, too.”

“Good, I’d hate to get lost. It’d be a fun adventure though!”

“We could always go off trail and explore,” Lydia offers. “As long as we stay in the clear area it’ll be as safe as it could be.”

“Now that’s an awesome plan!”

They mount the horses at the gate, waving to Aaron who’s manning it. They rode out of the gate and down the road. They keep a walk until they reached the dirt path at the trail head and they let the horses speed up into a slow canter. The rode through the woods, manes whipping back and laughter drowned out by the sound of hoof beats. After a little bit they slowed the horses to a walk and rode side by side as the path widened.

“That was fun,” Rachel laughs elatedly.

“It was,” Lydia agrees, face flushed and a smile on her face.

“I might try to convince Cyndie to trade for some horses to keep at Oceanside just to be able to do this. It’s like a major de-stressor.” She reaches down to pat Bunny’s neck.

“Yeah, I guess it is. I don’t ride much. I did often enough before I found I was pregnant, but not at all after and hadn’t until we rode to Oceanside. Phoenix probably felt pretty lonely.”

“He didn’t get ridden that whole time?”

“He did. Miko and Tara rode him, but they have their own horses so didn’t ride him as much as he was used to.”

“And they aren’t _you_.”

“Not sure if _that_ bothered him."  
  


“Probably did. Horses seem pretty smart.”

“They are.”

“Then it bothered him, at least a little,” Rachel assures her. “Don’t sell yourself short. I was too busy being an ass as a kid to do so, but so many people in the world do. Ain’t enough time to do that.”

“That another thing we're going to fix?”

Rachel nods, laughing. “Yep! You’re starting to figure me out, girl.” Lydia smiles at that.

“Up ahead not far is a clearing with a creek. We can let the horses rest and drink and we can eat lunch and take a breather before we go exploring.”

“Sounds good,” Rachel nods. “Want to race to the clearing? Is there room to race?”

“Oh yeah. The path stays wide and it’s a smooth path. Both these guys get pretty competitive racing though. _Especially_ Bunny.”

“Well, I’m pretty competitive myself,” Rachel laughs.

“I am too, at least racing. We _hate_ losing, right, Phoenix?” The horse snorts, making both girls laugh. Perfect timing, buddy.”

“Ready?” Rachel asks, settling in the saddle, rubbing Bunny’s neck.

“Ready,” Lydia confirms. “Count of three?”

Rachel nods. “One.”

“Two.”

“Three!”

The horses dart forward. Phoenix's long legs carried him forward, and while Bunny was stockier and shorter than him, she didn’t let it slow her down. The horses kept even with each other as they sped up, horse hooves tearing up the dirt the only sound that was heard. Right when the clearing got into view, Phoenix surged forward and Bunny, who had an unfamiliar rider, didn’t charge with him. She only flew like a bullet with Tara.

“Damn! Thought I had you,” Rachel breathes when the horses slowed, huffing and puffing. “She like gave up in the end.”

“She only seems to win when Tara’s on her,” Lydia comments breathlessly. She rubs Phoenix’s sweaty neck and the horses made their way to the creek.

Lydia slides off her horse, taking his saddle to let his back breathe as he drinks water from the creek. Rachel copies her.

The two sit on a fallen tree not far from the horses, pulling food from the saddle bags. Lydia hands Rachel the bag that has her sandwich and vegetables in it. She opens her own, popping a piece of carrot in her mouth. Rachel sits beside her, scooting close.

“When do you have to go home?” Lydia asks between bites.

Rachel shrugs. “I dunno. Whenever I want to, I guess. Cyndie just wanted to get rid of me for a while so she didn’t give me a time limit. She probably won’t want me back for a few weeks unless something happens.”

“I hope nothing happens anywhere. It’s been so peaceful lately.”

“Right? It’s crazy how long it’s been without anything going down. No hordes, no bad people. It’s been so quiet, just the regular single or small group of walkers here and there and everywhere.”

“The walkers are so normal that it’s just…like a reflex, killing them as we go like it’s the most ordinary thing in the world.”

“I kinda is, I guess. Normal and something that just happens without thinking anymore. In the beginning it was terrifying but now it’s no big deal.”

“Everyone is pretty good at dealing with hordes when they come around, too.”

Rachel nods. “Scary good…we should probably change the subject before we spook ourselves too bad.”

Lydia nods with a laugh, agreeing with her.

Rachel stands, stretching. She reaches a hand out to her. Lydia chuckles and takes it, standing. “Ready to go do some exploring?”

“Ready.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“This way?” Rachel points ahead.

“Sure. As long as we don’t pass marked trees, we’re good.”

“Marked trees the border of the safe zone?”

“Yeah, we’re pretty far away from it though. Outside the safe zone is just what’s not checked regularly. Inside is checked real often and walkers are cleared out pretty routinely. We gotta be prepared though, stray ones come through often enough.”

“Yeah, no fences to keep them out,” Rachel nods.

The path narrows and Rachel rides ahead, letting her horse canter up the slope. Lydia followed behind her.

“Woah,” Rachel breathes out when they reach the top. They were up on top of a hill, not far from a canyon. She looked around in awe.

“Yeah. You can see everything up here. Daryl likes to hike out here before dawn sometimes just to see the sunset. Before the twins he’d bring me out here with him sometimes. Sometimes Judith, too.”

“How do you usually get up here?” Rachel asks since they ended up getting up there from a random path off the main trail. Lydia looks around her, and points at what she can see as an opening to a trail.

Lydia dismounts and lets Phoenix munch on the tall grass. Rachel does the same and wanders towards the edge of the cliff.

“Um, Lydia? That big field, does it stay down there or go around the mountain?”

Lydia looks up from tying the horses up so they could eat but not stray far. “Uh, it goes around. Leads to the clearing we were in. Why?”

“Remember how we said that it’s been quiet and nothing bad has happened lately?”

Lydia feels a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Yeah?”

“Well, something bad is happening,” Rachel’s voice comes out with an edge of fear.

Lydia stops tying Bunny up and runs over to stand by Rachel. She looks down and gasps, icy fear running through her veins. “Oh shit.”

They turn and run to the horses. Lydia untied Phoenix and they quickly get on, carefully but quickly encouraging the horses to make their way down the steep slope. Lydia heard her blood pounding in her ears, breathing quickly.

They had to get home in time. They needed to get behind the walls. They needed to warn everyone. They had to make it.

They just had to.


	40. The Slope

Galloping hoofbeats echoed through the trails as the two horses raced back the way they came. The only other sound was their riders desperate, anxious breaths. They didn’t dare speak. Not now.

Lydia had spoken earlier, when she grabbed her walkie as the horses made their way down the slope. She had clicked it on and spoke, for the first time into one. She had asked for her father, for anyone. She had gotten Tara and in a shaky voice she had told Tara what they had seen. Told her about the massive horde making their way in Alexandria’s direction. And Tara had rounded up people. Daryl had gotten on the other end and urged her to ride as fast as she could to get home. They had gathered their fighters and sent a team out to attempt to redirect. But she had to get home. They couldn’t take any chances.

“Oh shit,” Rachel yelped when they reached the edge of the woods. The clearing, the very one they had to cross, had the horde in it. “Shit.”

“That way, that way!” Lydia turned Phoenix around and the horses sped back up the way they came. Once they believe to be at a safe enough distance, she grabs the walkie off her belt. “Dad!” Lydia yelled into the walkie.

_“Lydia, what happened?”_ Daryl responds immediately.

“We can’t get home. They’re at the bottom of the hill and we can’t cross the clearing. If we go home they’ll follow.”

_“Where are you? I’m out here with the team to redirect. Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you.”_

“No it’s not safe,” Lydia cries. “I’m scared.”

_“I need you to get back up that mountain, okay? The dead can’t climb as easily as you can and they move slow enough that you’ll have enough time to stop them. You’ll be the safest up there for now.”_

“What about you?”

_“This isn’t my first horde. I’ll be alright. I need you to be, too. Now go, get up there. Let me know when you make it.”_

“O-okay,” she makes out shakily, putting the walkie back on her belt. “We gotta go,” she tells Rachel.  
  


“How do we get up?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay we’ll figure it out. Just stay calm, okay?”

Lydia nods, sniffing. Rachel guides Bunny forward, looking for any place clear enough to go up. Lydia followed. They find enough space and urge the horses up the path.

“It’s too steep!” Lydia calls.

“We have to make it. Come on!” Rachel calls back.

She keeps urging Phoenix. She feels him sidestepping, trying to avoid tripping over roots rising from the ground. “Come on, boy.” He snorts and picks up speed. She looks back, seeing a handful of walkers down below at the foot of the trail. When she looks forward again and sees the thick branch sticking out into the path she doesn’t even have time to react.

She ducks but it’s no use. She feels an explosion of pain as her head hits the low hanging branch. She feels Phoenix pick up speed at the cracking noise, but she feels herself falling backwards and soon there’s nothing solid under her and she’s falling quickly. She hits the ground, the wind getting knocked out of her painfully, rolling down the slope. She hisses when her body comes to a sudden halt from a cluster of roots. She coughs out dirt, flexing her arms and legs to see if anything’s broken. She whimpers when she can’t move her arm right.

“Lydia!” She hears footsteps nearing and the skidding sound as they try to stop on the steep slope. She feels Rachel’s hand grab at her. “Can you move?” She nods shakily and Rachel pulls her to her feet. She feels blood trickling down her face from the big gash at her hairline.

“Oh shit. How many fingers am I holding up?” Rachel holds fingers up but Lydia’s vision was too disoriented and spotty to tell and she couldn’t find her voice. “Lydia.” Rachel hears the growling coming closer and sees the Walkers slowly making their way up the slope. “Shit, shit. Come on, we gotta get up there.”

When they tried to move, Lydia fell forward, barely caught by Rachel, and empties her stomach. “Not good, not good. Come on. Please be okay.” She hauls her forward, stumbling up. It was difficult enough to walk up, let alone half carrying another person. But she persisted, face set in determination and sweat dripping. “Almost there, almost there. We got this.”

She periodically looked back, seeing the walkers have a more difficult time than they were. After what felt like forever the top came into view. “Almost there. Just a little longer.”

She grunts, one foot in front of the other. She cursed the walkers, cursed that branch, cursed the horses. The stumble up to the stop and she takes a breath of relief. She looks around, the top clearing empty besides the two anxious horses. She gets Lydia to a log, lowering her down against it.

“You gotta stay awake.” Lydia mumbles incoherently. Rachel puts cool hands on either side of her face. “Lydia. Keep your eyes open. Stay with me, please.”

She grabs Lydia’s walkie, turning it on. “Daryl?”

_“Rachel? Did you make it up?”_ Daryl’s voice is breathless, fear and relief mixed into it.

“We did. But Lydia’s hurt.”

_“What happened?”_ His tone switches to panic.

“She hit her head really bad. Think she’s got a bad concussion, I’m having trouble keeping her awake. I think her arm’s broken, too.”

_“Keep trying to keep her awake. I’m going to try to get to you.”_

“Okay,” she says. She hears the walkers growling reach her ears. They were close to the top. She unsheathes her dagger, standing up. “And Daryl? Hurry. We’ve got company up here.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Daryl, what are you doing?” Tara hisses when Daryl moved quickly back to the horde behind them and gets ahold of a walked in the lead, stabbing it’s skull and hurriedly pulling it back to the group. 

The two of them, along with Yumiko, Aaron, Alden, and a handful of other volunteers were in charge of directing the herd away from Alexandria. Their objective was to lead them as far away for as long as they could.

“I need to get to the girls.”

“Guys?” Tara looks at the others and Aaron nods, shouting and getting the hordes full attention as Daryl, Tara and Yumiko lift the dead walker up and stealthily and quickly get it off the main trail and into the woods. Daryl slices his dagger into it, running it down it’s abdomen and opens it up.

“Gross,” Yumiko grimaces. Despite being at Alexandria for years, she wasn’t accustomed to people covering themselves with the blood of the dead.

Tara nods in agreeance, diving her hands inside the walkers belly and covering her front with blood like Daryl was. Yumiko grimaces before following their lead. Once most of their bodies were covered, they moved away as silently as possible. They couldn’t let any walkers follow, no matter how desperate they were to get to the girls.

Once they were certain they were out of earshot of the horde, Daryl broke into a run. Tara and Yumiko followed. He estimated it was at least a good twenty minutes from them, and the distance between them made him wasn’t to implode. Mid run he pulled his walkie out.

“Rachel?”

_“I’m here,”_ comes a breathless response.

“Are you alright?”

_“No, not really. But I was able to take care of the walkers and neither of us got bit so there’s that. I think I hear more though.”_

“How is she doing? We’re on our way to help.”

_“Not good. You should hurry. And be careful. I think part of the horde broke off cause there was a steady stream of them on that slope. And I definitely hear more, the sounds getting louder. I don’t know what direction though.”_

“If she ain’t already get Lydia to the center and stay there. That way if any pop up you aren’t attacked from behind. Keep your back to the cliff and face the tree line. Got it?”

_“I got it.”_

He keeps the walkie on, shoving it on his belt. He picks up speed.

“Daryl, we need to pace ourselves!” Tara calls to him, breathing heavy. Adrenaline was keeping them going for this long, but she knew it was a matter of time. “We need to save our energy in case we run into a group of Walkers! You heard Rachel, there’s more than just a few.”

“We need to get to them!” He growls at her.

“We’re no good to them if we’re dead, which will happen if we don’t pace ourselves and run tired into a group of Walkers!” There’s a dangerous edge to her voice, and he knew better than to argue. And he knew she was right even if he refused to admit it. “Daryl, I love her too. I love them both. But we need to think clearly. I know it’s hard, but they need us too. Lydia’s hurt and Rachel is terrified even if she puts on a brave face. We’ll get to them, we just need to be careful. You told Rachel what to do, they’ll be okay until we get there.”

He nods finally, but his urge to just run blindly towards them didn’t cease. He had an unimaginable urge to get to his child, to protect her. It was a painful ache and blinding fear he hadn’t felt in a long time. He forced himself to hold back, allowing Tara to take charge and lead the way. So he followed her, anxiety bubbling and fear trying to take hold. He has an iron grip on his crossbow, his knuckles turning white. He sees the converted hatchet firmly in Tara’s hand, and Yumiko with her bow.

They carried on for what felt like eternity. They only had to take out a few strays, not seeing any groups yet. But Tara felt it deep in her—it was coming. She sped up her speed slightly. Fear was nearly crippling her, but she had to keep going. Daryl was already a step away from combusting and she needed to be strong for them both. “There,” she points at hoofprints and she doesn’t say anything when Daryl breaks into a run. She just chases after him. they follow the prints through the trees, forward and forward til the dirt turns up and the prints go up a slope.

But they couldn’t get to the slope.

_“Oh shit. They’re here,”_ they hear Rachel say over the walkie.

“We’re at the bottom,” Daryl speaks into it. “You’re right, there’s a good group. We’ll take care of them down here. Will you be okay up there?”

_“I gotta be.”_

He points the crossbow at the group, firing at the same time Yumiko does. They got the groups attention and several break away, dragging their feet in their direction. They move forward, Yumiko drawing out her axe and Daryl his large dagger. The three slash and stab and fight their way through.

Daryl moves flawlessly, smoothly taking them out like he had been doing it his whole life. Tara moves nearly as flawlessly, until her bad knee gives out on her and she falls to the ground, the walker she was ready to bury her hatchet into crashing down on top of her.

“Tara!”

Tara pushes the walker up, it’s teeth just inches from her face. “No!” She grunts, trying to keep herself from getting bitten. Then she feels something grab her leg. She can’t see, through the walker on her, but she thrashes her leg, crying out.

“Tara, hold on!”

She hears footsteps approaching and the sound of flesh tearing and the grip on her leg is gone. A second later Yumiko’s axe is embedded in the snarling head above her own. She shoves the walker off her quickly, panting as Yumiko hauls her to her feet.

“Were you bitten?”

“N-No,” she stammers shakily. That was too close. She shakes it off and looks for Daryl, seeing him finish off the last walker in sight. They walk over to him, Tara trying to will her hands to stop shaking.

“You alright?” Daryl asks her, concern showing on his typically stoic face.

“Yeah. I will be. There’s probably more going up. Our best bet is sticking to the side so we don’t get taken down if any fall.”

Daryl and Yumiko nod. They start their ascend, sticking to the edge. Tara uses the branches to help keep herself up. She was still shaky from her too close for comfort moment. Daryl was ahead of her, and she knew Yumiko had purposely kept herself behind her; she had been eyeing her since she had saved her.

Daryl moved off the path to sink his knife into a head of a straggler. They saw more ahead and Tara and Yumiko moved forward to take them out. They carried on and soon they saw the top, relief flooding them. Daryl quickened his pace to the top, barely dodging Rachel’s sword.

“Oh, sorry!” Rachel winces. “I thought you were a Walker.”

He ignores her, running over to where Lydia is still slumped against the log. He cups her face in his hands, eyes flitting over the nasty cut on her head and the blood covering half her face. “Lydia?”

Her eyes flutter and slowly crack open. She tries to speak but he shushes her. “It’s alright. I’m here.” He pulls her into his arms, cradling her in his arms and breathes out, some of the anxiousness leaving him.

He looks up when he hears Tara’s voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m good,” Rachel says, a fake smile plastered on her face. Tara pulls the reluctant teen in for a hug but Rachel made no move to pull away.

“They’re all gone, for now. But more may come,” Yumiko says.

“She needs to see Alex. She’s in bad shape,” Daryl voices.

“One problem,” Tara says, letting Rachel go. “It was a bitch getting up here. There’s five of us and two horses so even if we doubled someone would be on foot. It’s steep going down and who knows if anymore will group at the foot of it. But we have no idea is any of the safer paths down are clear. So, what the hell do we do?”

They all looked at each other. It was an excellent question, indeed.


	41. See Ya Later

“We're running out of time!”

Daryl, Tara and Yumiko had been on high alert, although hearing the echoing sound of the horde fade as Aaron and Alden led the them away from them, away from home, put their minds _slightly_ at ease. But the knowledge that there were Walkers that broke off from the horde, very ones they could hear grumbling at the bottom of the deathly slope, kept them on edge still.

“I know,” Tara says, voice tense. “But we need to find a safe way down or _none_ of us will make it home.”

Daryl huffs in frustration, whipping a stone at a tree. Tara winces. “Daryl!”

“We're trapped up here with no safe way down, limited weapons, god knows how many damn dead out there, my kid split her head open and needed medical an hour ago!”

“And you think I’m not wanting to freak out too?! I’m trapped up here, too! I almost got bit by two walkers earlier! _Two!_ I have a wife and daughter back home! I want to just curl up and cry or scream but I can’t because someone has to stay put together for everyone!”

Daryl doesn’t respond, he just looks down. It’s rare to see Tara blow up—she has to be pushed too far to snap and he feels an inkling of guilt for causing it. But he was stressed and didn’t know of his daughter would make it, and she didn’t hold it against him.

“I have an idea,” Yumiko says quietly. She had been quiet since they had gotten to the top. Daryl and Tara had just chalked it up to her being shocked from the group of Walkers they took out at the bottom. In shock from barely saving Tara.

“What is it?”

“Daryl, you take Lydia on her horse and Tara, you take Rachel on yours. And you get them home. With the horses you have a better chance of getting back without getting swarmed or bitten.”

“What? _No!_ ” Tara nearly shouts. “Miko, no.”

“I’ll follow on foot. You have families to get home to.”

“Absolutely not. What about Magna?” She asks. She looks at Daryl who’s silent. “Daryl!”

“I need to get Lydia home.”

“And leave Miko?”

“Tara,” Yumiko says softly. She gives her a watery smile. “It's okay.” She pulls her shirt off her shoulder and Tara covers her mouth with a sob. Beside her collarbone was an angry red bite mark. _A walker bite._

_“No.”_

“It’s okay. I’ll try to get home, to see Magna before…but if I can stay behind and give you a chance to get the girls home safely, then I’m going to. It’s okay,” she says again, pulling an emotional Tara into her arms.

Daryl keeps his eyes on the ground, shuffling. He moves away, going over to Lydia and Rachel. “We gotta get ready to go.”

“How are we getting down?” Rachel asks wearily. She’s sitting down, back against the log. An unconscious Lydia was slumped against her, head on her shoulder.

Daryl puts a hand on Lydia’s head, stroking her hair back. “The three of us and Tara are going to ride the horses back to Alexandria.”

“What about Yumiko?”

Daryl sighs softly. “She’s staying here.”

“Why?”

“She got bit.”

Rachel gasps, looking towards the other two girls with a distraught face. “Oh no.”

“I’ll get the horses,” he says. “She’ll be okay for a few minutes if you want you go see them.”

Rachel nods and, with Daryl’s help, lays Lydia down. Rachel gets up and goes over to Tara and Yumiko. She looks at them, green eyes filled with tears. “Daryl told me…”

Yumiko sniffs, pulling the younger girl into a hug. “It’s going to be alright.”

“No, it won’t,” Rachel breathes out.

“It has to be.” She strokes Rachel’s curls, sharing a sad look with Tara over Rachel’s shoulder.

A moment later, Daryl leads the two horses over uncomfortably. He hadn’t been on a horse since that time he was thrown off a ledge back in the beginning. He hadn’t been on a horse in eleven years. He had often avoided the horses, choosing his bike or even going on foot over riding out. But he’d walk through hell for his child and riding a horse with a horde out there was as close as he’d get, he reckoned. Rachel wipes her cheeks and holds onto the reins while Daryl moves to get Lydia. He slides his arms under her shoulders and knees, lifting her up. She whimpers and he kisses her temple, whispering to her that she’d be okay despite not knowing if she even heard him.

Tara moves to aid him. They get Lydia on Phoenix and Daryl draws in a sharp breath before getting up behind her. He holds her, forcing the fear of being on a horse down. He had to get her home.

“You should get on,” Tara tells Rachel in a tight voice.

“You should first. She’s your horse.”

“I can’t,” Tara shakes her head.

“Why not?” Rachel asks, tightness creeping in her chest.

“Because I’m not going with you.”

“Why?!”

“Tara! Think of Rosita and Coco!” Yumiko says earnestly. “You have to go back to them!”

“I am thinking of them, and that’s why I have to stay. If our roles were reversed, and I was bitten and had to stay behind, I’d want someone to try their damndest to get me home to hug my wife and give my child one more kiss and be with them til my last breath. So I’m going to do my damndest to get you home to your wife.”

“No, I won’t let you die for me. I’m _dying, you’re_ fine and have a family waiting for you unless you’re not telling us something. It’s not worth it for you!”

“You _are_ my family,” Tara chokes out. “I won’t leave you here alone. And if we can’t make it back in time…nobody deserves to die alone, let alone you. So I’m staying. And stop trying to talk me out of it.”

Yumiko shakes her head, breathing in through her nose deeply but doesn’t say anything.

“No,” Rachel throws her arms around her, holding her tightly. “I can’t lose you, too. I know I don’t show it enough, but I need you around.”

  
“Rachel, I’ll be okay. You know me, I’m not easy to take out.”

“But—”

“No buts,” Tara rubs a hand up and down her back. “Daryl will get you home. Daryl will keep you safe. You’ll be okay. Lydia will be okay. That’s what matters. Okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers.

“Okay.” She squeezes her eyes shut, tears rolling down her cheeks. “See ya later, Rachel.”

Rachel lets out a watery laugh, hugging her tightly. They let go of each other and Rachel gets on Bunny, giving a lingering look at Tara and Yumiko before trotting off after the others.

She keeps glancing back until they make their way down a path, she kept looking back until she could no longer see them. And even still she did.


	42. Too Far Gone

The sky darkened as the horses raced towards Alexandria. The slope they had gone down had been free of the dead despite being much less steeper than the original. So the horses had made it down at a fast pace. Once they hit flat ground, the horses stretched their legs and raced at a rapid speed.

The trees flew by them in a blur, thunder echoing above them and the sound of walkers growling in the trees being drowned out. Daryl was breathing heavy, from adrenaline or fear he wasn’t quite sure. He kept a vice grip on Lydia, holding her close to him. He could no longer hear her breath, and he knew if he slid his hand up to press his fingers to her pulse that he’d barely feel anything at all. So he let the horse speed up as fast as he wanted.

When the rain started, raindrops and teardrops mingled on Rachel’s face. She choked on her sobs. It was hard enough, seeing that horde and running. Lydia getting hurt, and feeling the life drain from her body. Yumiko getting bit. And saying goodbye to Tara— _that one_ hurt her the most. Tara, she knew her longer than anyone else outside of Oceanside. She had hated her at first, then resented her, then looked up to her, and eventually loved her.

Tara was why she came to Alexandria in the first place. She had been wary about making a new friend of Lydia who was as shy as she was confident. She had gone, reluctantly at best, because she had missed seeing Tara as of late and going to Alexandria meant seeing her more than a few times a year. So she went. And befriending Lydia and growing close to her was a major bonus. So saying goodbye, not knowing if she’d see her again, at least see her again alive, it _hurt_. It was raw pain.

Thunder rumbled loudly, shaking the earth. A flash of lightening lit up the sky. The horses whinnied nervously as they were pelted with rain as the heavens opened. “Are we almost there?” Rachel yells. They were galloping home side by side, but the wind, rain, thunder and hoofbeats made it near impossible to hear.

“Just a few minutes!” Daryl shouted back.

Rachel encourages her exhausted horse to keep her speed. She knew the horses deserved a good rub down, lots of water and some warm mash when they returned home. They earned that much.

Before long mud turned to wet pavement and she prays the horses keep their footing. Them slipping on wet pavement and going down would be the worst thing at the present moment. So she prayed, silently and constantly. And soon, much to her relief, the gates of Alexandria Safe Zone loomed in front of them.

The gates opened, much to their relief, because she wasn’t certain they’d be able to stop the horses easily with the road as slick as it was.

Rosita and Jerry met them at the gate. Rachel slid off of Bunny in sobs. Jerry helped get Lydia down, Daryl dismounting then taking her back into his arms.

It was only then that he realized that she wasn’t breathing and her heartbeat had stopped.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit.” Tara was sliding, no matter how hard she dug her heels in. She cursed the down pouring rain for turning the once solid ground to mush. 

“Stick by the trees!” Yumiko calls, gripping the tree trunk as the ground moved out from under her. Tara grunts and makes it over to her. She grabs Tara's hand, pulling her to the tree. “You shouldn’t have stayed.”

“Yes I should’ve. I’m here now anyways.”

“Because you’re a fool.”

“Don’t. Don’t spend what time we have fighting. Because if I make it out of this, I’ll have to live remembering the last conversation we had.”

“ _When_ you make it out of this,” Yumiko says, an edge to her voice. “You _are_ surviving this.”

“When,” Tara repeats. “We should try to get down the hill.”

Yumiko shakes her head. “The footing is too unstable.”

“It’s not exactly safe here, Miko. Any more rain and we could be seeing trees uprooted and even some trees down. Do we want to be in the way of a tree taking down everything in its path?”

“Good point,” Yumiko sighs. She grabs Tara's cold hand in her own. “We stick together.”

“Side by side,” Tara agrees.

They stumble off the main path. The footing wasn’t much better, and weeds and roots grew up from between the trees, but there was plenty to stop them from rolling down to the bottom and into the hands of hungry walkers should they fall. And the odds of that were higher than they’d like. They kept vice grips on each other, Yumiko holding onto Tara's arm as well as her hand.

“You’re shivering,” Tara points out.

“Its too early to be the fever. Anyways, you’re shivering worse.”

“Am I?”

Yumiko looks at her in concern. “Are you okay? You weren’t…you weren’t bit, were you?”

“No! I just, it’s been so long since I’ve been out in the rain. My body doesn’t know what to do, I guess. I wish I brought a jacket.”

Yumiko hadn’t paid attention before at the fact that while she’s in her favorite jacket, Tara only in a t-shirt, arms covered in goosebumps. She goes to pull her own jacket off but Tara stops her. “I’m _dying_. Cold won’t hurt me. I don’t want you getting hypothermia or something.”

“I’ll be fine,” Tara insists.

_“Tara.”_

There was a blinding light and they heard a cracking sound louder than any gun. They both swung around to see the tree they were holding onto a moment ago split down the middle and come crashing down.

“Shit!”

“Tara!”

Tara’s foot twisted from the sudden movement and the world tilted. Her grip in Yumiko’s hand was gone and she was falling. She heard Yumiko scream her name, the sound of her own body sliding rapidly through the mud and then a thump.

She felt a blinding pain unlike anything she had ever felt before. She wasn’t sure if the scream that ripped through her lungs was even her own.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Alex!”

Daryl moved swiftly into the doctor office, Lydia limp and lifeless in his arms.

“What happened?!” Alex is pushing a gurney over and Lydia is carefully put on it.

“There was an accident. She bashed her head on a tree. She’s not breathing!”

“Move,” Alex takes his place and presses a stethoscope to her chest before replacing it with his hands, starting compressions. “Rosita! I need some help!” Rosita rushes in, eyes tear filled. I need blood bags and an IV stat!” She runs to the cabinet while he continues compressions, taking breaks to puff air into her lungs.

Rosita is back in an instant, sticking the needle in the crook of the girls arm and setting up the blood bag. She had lost _so much_ blood, he had no idea if they could even replace it all. And after, she’s pulling an oxygen mask over Lydia’s face, letting the machine breathe for her while Alex desperately tried to bring her back.

Daryl slid against the wall down to the floor. He ran his fingers through his wet hair, once again feeling helpless as his child lays on a bed without a heartbeat. Last time he saved her, but he had a icy fear that this time she was lost for good.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Tara survived. There was the grenade and she was in a coma and she survived.”

“Her heart didn’t stop.”

“It _did_. I had never been so scared in my life. Her first night in the coma, she stopped breathing. I thought she was gone, but she came back. She _lived._ Lydia could, too. I have faith. Tara would, too.”

At Tara’s name he looks up at her guiltily. “About Tara…”

She pales at his expression, his tone. “What about her?”

“She was with me when we found Lydia and Rachel.”

“If she was with you and not with Aaron moving the horde then why didn’t she come back with you?” Her voice is choked, strained.

“Yumiko was with us too. She was bitten." Rosita feels bile rise in her throat. “There was five of us and only two horses. We all couldn’t get back. Yumiko insisted on staying behind, to let us get Lydia home to Alex. To try to save her. And Tara, she stayed behind with her. She refused to come back with us, Rachel begged her to come. But she said that if the roles were reversed, if she was bitten that she’d want someone to do their damndest to get her home to you and Coco. So she was going to do her damndest to get Yumiko home to Magna. Even if it put her in danger.”

Rosita’s head falls back and she closes her eyes, a few tears escaping. “Damn her and her big heart. Damn it!” She pushes herself to her feet.

“You going to find them?”

“I’m getting Magna, and then I’m going.”

Daryl nods. “I could come with ya…”

“No. Stay with Lydia. I’ll ask Rachel for directions. I’ll keep a walkie on me. I don’t know how well we’ll have communications with the storm, but if anything happens I’ll try radioing you and you do the same if there’s any change with Lydia.”

“Alright.”

Rosita leaves the building, wiping tears off her cheeks. Not that it mattered, she was walking back out into the downpour. Worry filled her—with this weather and Yumiko being bit, what were Tara’s chances of getting back home safely? What if she got hurt or got bit as well, or worse, Yumiko turned and bit her while she was defenseless? What if she got lost? What if she _died?_

She runs through the rain, trying to hold back her sobs. She heads for Magna and Yumiko’s house. She gets on the porch, shivering, knocking on the door. Magna opens it and Rosita is unable to hold back her sobs any longer.

“Rosita?” Magna pulls her inside, brow furrowing. “What is it?”

“It’s Yumiko. And Tara.”

“What?” Magna pales, shaking her head. “Are they—?”

“No. But Yumiko…she was _bit_ , Magna.”

_“No…no!”_

“She’s out there in this storm. Tara stayed with her. They’re out there in _this_ ,” Rosia sobs. “She wanted to stay and try to keep her alive long enough…she wanted to try to get her home to you.”

Magna sinks to the floor, knees to her chest and head in her hands as she sobbed. Rosita sinks down beside her, rubbing her back. “I can’t…I can’t imagine the pain you’re in. and I know you just want to scream and cry and give up, I would too. But my wife is out there in this hurricane trying to get yours home, and I’m worried they won’t make it. The storm is _so_ bad. I need to go out there and look for them, I need to find them. You should come too. You need to see her.”

“It hurts so bad,” Magna croaks out. “It’s not fair. It shouldn’t be Miko. She’s too good. Too good.”

Rosita pulls her in for a hug. “I know. I’m so, so sorry. _So_ sorry.”

Magna nods, shuddering. “Let’s go find them.”

Rosita gets up, helping her up. "We should get the waterproof bags, bring some blankets. They’re bound to be freezing. And some pain meds.” Magna nods numbly. She follows Rosita helplessly when she runs to her own house, shivering under the icy rain. She goes inside, leaving the door open for Magna and hurriedly grabs the waterproof gym bags. She stuffs a few small blankets into them. She grabs Tara’s coat as well. She shoves in some food from the cabinet and the first aid kit. “Okay. We’re good to go.”

They head back into the rain, and Rosita runs towards the gate. “Are we going by foot?” Magna calls in a strained voice.

“No!” She heads towards the vehicles that’s been sitting for a long while. Horses had become the transportation of choice. She chooses a jeep, the one she figured was the best bet for going off the road. She hoped the big wheels could withstand the mud. Rosita hopped into the driver’s seat while Magna got into the passenger. She turned the key, breathing in relief when it starts without trouble. _Full fuel. Thank god._ She drives to the gate, regaining the feeling of driving—it truly had been _so_ long. Nobody was manning the gate, Jerry had left when the storm hit, so Rosita hopped out and opened it. She drove through then closed it again.

It was a lot of jumping in and out, but she didn’t want to ask Magna. The other woman looked so broken. She was terrified of the shape they might find them in, scared of losing Tara. But Magna? She knew Yumiko was gone. She was searching for her to say goodbye before she died with no hope. It was a feeling she would never wish on anybody.

She prayed they’d find them in time. Because the only thing worse than searching for a dying loved one was finding them too late.

…………………………………………………

“Tara? _Tara!_ ”

Tara coughed, whining at the burning sensation spreading through her body. She blinked against the assault of rain hitting her face to see Yumiko leaning over her with a look of pure fear. “Don’t move. It’s okay. You’re okay.” Her voice told her everything was _not_ okay.

Tara strained to remember what happened, how she was here in the rain with Yumiko looking at her so worried. And it flashed back to her at once, making her head pound. _The horde. Yumiko getting bitten. Staying behind. The storm. Falling. Pain._ She tries to move despite Yumiko’s warning and she cries out at the blinding pain.

“Tara, stay still!”

She feels pinned down and looks over and her stomach churns. She tries not to throw up, fearing the possibility of choking with being unable to move from her spot flat on her back. She can’t look away despite how badly she wanted to. Sticking up, protruding through her shoulder was a thick stick. The rain washed red sticky blood— _her_ blood—down in a stream.

Yumiko took her face in her hands, looking down in her sickly pale face. “Tara, hey. Look at me.”

“You gotta go,” Tara chokes out between clenched teeth.

“Wh-what?”

“The whole point was to get you to Magna. You need to keep moving towards Alexandria. You need to go, Miko.”

“Like hell I am! You’re literally _impaled_. And it’s because you stayed here to help me. So no way am I just leaving you here unable to defend yourself. I’m staying right here.”

“No…you need to get to Magna.”

“No! I won’t let us _both_ die out here! I told you, you’re making it out of here alive. By now, Daryl must’ve gotten to Alexandria and told everyone and no doubt you’re wife is on her way to find you. She’ll find us. And she’ll probably bring Magna too. We just gotta sit tight and they’ll find us. They _will.”_

“You should go,” Tara mumbles.

“Keep your eyes open. Look at me! You gotta stay awake.” She pulls her jacket off, laying it over Tara hoping to try to warm her up at least a little.

“You should keep it on you.”

“You need it more.” She settles down beside her. She’s shivering worse and she knows this time it’s not just from the cold. She’s starting to feel the effects, and she knew she only had mere hours left. “You need it more.”

…………………………………………………

Yumiko heard the growling approaching and shuddered. The storm had kept their area clear of the dead, so some must’ve been blown their way. She tried to stand, her legs shaking. She felt sick, deathly ill, and she felt as if her energy had been drained from her body. She gripped the hilt of her dagger, taking a staggering step forward. Tara mumbles incoherently at the loss of contact causing Yumiko to falter. But two walkers stumbling into view, debris sticking from their flesh, caused her to continue on. She stumbled forward, the world lurching.

She kept putting one foot in front of the other, fighting the urge to just lay down and let the sickness take her. The only thing that kept her going was the thought of her keeling over left Tara defenseless, exposed. It would be bad enough if they found her after she died. But finding _both_ of them dead? She refused to let that happen.

She lurched forward, burying her dagger into one of Walker’s heads. The other grabbed at her and her lack of strength caused her to crash down on her back, trying to keep the snapping jaw from biting her jugular. She blocks its teeth with her arm, feeling its teeth ripping through her sleeve and into the flesh of her forearm. She screams, although she’s not sure if anyone could hear.

_“Miko!”_

She hears her name screamed. And it wasn’t Tara’s voice, not that it could’ve been anyways. It was a voice familiar to her. “Magna!” She yells back, struggling against the walker her top of her.

Suddenly there’s a knife slicing into the walkers dead and it goes limp. Hands pull it off of her. She coughs and pushes her body upright and Magna is there, sobbing and clinging to her.

“Miko,” she sobs, holding onto her tightly. “Oh, baby.”

Rosita is behind her, wrapping her up with a blanket. Rosita’s eyes linger on the exposed bite on her collarbone, and the fresh one on her arm. Their eyes meet and a sad look is passed between them.

“Tara,” Yumiko whispers, pointing.

“I got her,” Magna tells her. “I got her, go to Tara.”

Rosita nods and turns running over to her. Her step falters when she sees the condition she’s in. She’s laying on the ground, paler than she’s ever seen her. Her lips are an unnatural shade of blue. And the most terrifying part was that she was impaled, a branch right through her shoulder. Rosita drops down beside her, stroking her icy cheek. “Tara, baby?”

Tara’s eyes flicker, slowly opening. Rosita removes the soaked through jacket draped over her and recovers her with a blanket, rubbing her hands over her body trying to get some warmth in her. “I’m right here, baby.”

“Ro…”

“Yeah I’m here,” she stroked her muddy hair back. “I’m here.”

“M-Miko.”

“Magna's with her.”

“G-good. Th-that's good.”

“Stay with me, baby. We're gonna get you home.”

“How?”

“We'll figure it out. We will.”

Magna approaches, half leading, half carrying Yumiko. She helps lower her wife to the ground. “She was adamant of getting Tara up before…she wants to make sure she’s okay.”

“First thing Tara asked about was Yumiko. Them and their selflessness,” Rosita wipes at her cheeks. She lowers her voice. “How do we even do it?”

“We get out all the gauze we have. We'll slowly pull her off. It’s going to hurt like a bitch and she’ll probably wish she was…” she shakes her head with a strangled sob. “We get her up and try to stop the bleeding and we get her home. That’s how we do it.”

“Okay. Okay.”

Rosita moves into position, arms under Tara's shoulders. “Okay, Tara. We're gonna get you out of here now.”

Tara shuddered. “N-no.”

“Tara.”

“I-I…I c-can't.”

“Baby, you can. Just hold on a bit longer. Please. I got you, just hang on. Just hold on.”

“Okay,” she whispers.

“Ready?” Magna asks from her spot above her. She stood, feet on either side of Tara. She was ready to pull Tara’s body up.

“Ready.”

They start to ease Tara’s body up, edging her up over the wood inside of her. Tara lets out a blood curdling scream that hit the others deep in their souls. Her screams cause Yumiko, who was dozing off, to shoot upright. Tara begged them to stop, and Rosita ignored her pleas through her own sobs.

“Almost,” Magna says. They pull her up and she’s free. Blood is flowing freely from the holes on either side of her shoulder at a rapid pace.

“Shit,” Rosita stuffs gauze in the holes which draws another scream from Tara. Rosita is on her knees, holding Tara as she sobs. “Please be okay, baby.”

Magna moves back over to Yumiko. She sinks down beside her. “Miko?” She shakes her gently. Yumiko’s eyes flicker open. “Hey, love.” She cups Yumiko’s face, grimacing at how it’s much too warm despite how cold the weather is.

“Hey,” she croaks out. “Mags…”

“No, please,” she shakes her head desperately.

“D-don't shut others out. Let them h-help. Promise me.”

Magna shakes her head. “I…”

“Mags. Please.”

“I promise,” she sobs, holding her close. “I promise.”

She leans down, pressing her lips to her wife’s, kissing her like it was the last time. _It was the last time._ “I love you,” she breathes out between sobs. “I love you so much, Miko. More than anything.”

A weak smile forms on Yumiko’s face, “I know, my love.”

Magna held her close, tears rolling down her face harder than the rain up above. She held her, rubbing a hand soothingly up and down her arms. When Yumiko’s breath started coming out strained, she knew their time was up. Magna whispered in her ear how much she loved her, rocking back and forth.

She let out one last wheezing breath, and then she stilled. Her breathing had stopped and so had her heart.

“No!” Magna let out a distressed scream, sobbing heart wrenching sobs as she clung to her wife’s body, holding her and praying for a miracle that would never come. Rosita watched, unsure what she could do, cradling Tara in her arms. So she sat there while Magna cried and cried until she had no more tears, until she went numb and broken in a million little pieces.

“Ro…” Tara breathes from her arms. “She…she’ll turn. C-can’t make M-Magna do it.”

Rosita knew she was right. So she pressed a kiss to the top of Tara’s head before laying her down. She tried to face her away but Tara refused to. She laid on her side, facing them. Facing _her_. Rosita walked cautiously over to Magna, kneeling beside her.

“It’s time. We can’t let her turn. She wouldn’t want that,” Rosita says gently.

Magna looked up at her with red, hollow eyes. “I— _I can’t._ ”

“Let me.”

Magna nods, squeezing her eyes shut. Rosita unsheathes her knife, pushing Yumiko’s hair back. She slid the knife into her skull from the back, out of view.

Her story was cut too short, but she had died a hero. And everyone would know it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The atmosphere was tense when the jeep pulled through the gates of Alexandria. There were a handful of people awaiting their return, grim faces. They _knew_. When the jeep rolled to a stop, Rachel ran over with a distraught look. Aaron and Alden, back from their mission, beat her to them.

The world seemed to stop in slow motion. They took out a body wrapped in a blanket, face hidden. Magna, as pale as a ghost and shivering, got out after. _Yumiko._ Aaron reached in and when he backed out, he had Tara in his arms. She looked even paler than Magna did, covered in blood and lifeless. Rosita jumped out of the driver’s seat, rushing over to her.

Rachel broke from her daze and sprinted over. “Tara?!”

“She’s alive,” Rosita says in a thick voice. “She…she got impaled on a branch in the storm, and she lost a lot of blood. And she was _so_ cold. Alex will make her better,” she says with a nod. Convincing herself. They couldn’t take another loss.

They rushed her into the medic building and Alex looked up. “What happened?”

Daryl lifts his head from the edge of Lydia’s bed when he hears Rosita telling Alex what had happened in those woods. He saw Tara looking in bad shape and he felt a surge of guilt. But also relief that they found her. Then the pang of hurt that it meant they found Yumiko too, and odds were she was gone by now. He wanted to get up, to see them, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

He just needed some hope and he knew he’d get none from over there. Lydia’s heart had stopped again, and Alex despite all he tried, was unable to get her back. Daryl refused to allow him to touch her head—he was holding out for a miracle.

He looks down and he feels something. But it isn’t hope. It’s horror. Lydia’s eyes flicker once, twice, three times. Her fingers twitch. And then her eyes open.


	43. Time to Say Goodbye

_He looks down and he feels something. But it isn’t hope. It’s horror. Lydia’s eyes flicker once, twice, three times. Her fingers twitch. And then her eyes open._

His fingers twitch towards his knife, but he has no real desire to grab it. How _could_ he?

He has a million thoughts running through his mind. How could he tell Connie that they lost their child? How could he tell Judith and RJ? How would he raise the twins? That thought killed him.

His hands twitched for the knife again, feeling the smooth hilt in his hands. He took a shaky breath, a rare tear rolling down his cheek.

Then a quiet sound reaches his ears.

He expected to hear a raspy, lifeless growl. A hungry and desperate grunt, smelling his flesh and wanting a bite. But what he heard was a strained whisper. An _alive_ whisper.

_“D...Dad?”_

His eyes drift over, looking at her fully for the first time since she awoke. She’s still pale, paler than he’d like, but there’s a pink tint to her cheeks to let him know she’s alive. Her eyes aren’t glazed over, they’re tired with circles under but they’re focused, meeting his own.

She was _alive._

“Lydia,” he breathes out, his hand moving away from his knife. His hands move up, touching her cheek. He felt warm skin, thumb trailing down below her jaw and feeling her pulse telling him that she was there. “You’re okay. You’re okay,” he manages to say through the tears of relief closing up his throat. He gets his arms around her, pulling her up close into his arms. He hugs her close, pressing kisses against the side of her head. “You’re okay.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Telling Connie what had happened was one of the hardest things he had to do. But it was a weight off his shoulder, being able to tell her that Lydia was just injured, not that she had lost both her closest friend and basically sister and another child in one day.

After he had made sure Lydia was alive and as okay as she could be, and that she’d still be there when he returned, he left her under Rachel’s watch and headed to Jerry’s to see if he could watch the children once he infirmed Connie before heading home.

He found Connie fighting with a whiny Grace, trying to get the baby to take the bottle while Judith and RJ were entertaining a giggly Faith.

  
“Jude, RJ, why don’t you two go upstairs?”

Judith got a good look at him, “Uncle Daryl, were you crying?”

“Go upstairs!” He snaps. She jumps and glares at him before taking RJ’s hand. The two ran upstairs. He lifted up Faith, kissing her head before holding her close.

Connie edged towards him, confusion written on her features.

_“You should put the baby down,”_ he sighed to her and she looked even more confused but listened, putting Grace in the high chair. She started crying right away but they ignored her for the moment. Daryl put Faith in hers.

_“What’s going on?”_

_“Something happened when we went out. Lydia got hurt real bad. Her heart and stopped and we almost lost her. But she’s—she’s going to be okay now.”_ He could see the distress on her face and when she made no move to sign or do anything, he continued _. “Yumiko and Tara came with me to try to save her. in the storm, Tara got hurt bad. But Yumiko…”_

Connie shakes her head, she was understanding where he was getting it.

_“She was bitten and she didn’t make it. I’m so, so sorry.”_ He was quick to catch her when her knees buckled and she collapsed, pain resonating in her and heart wrenching sobs shaking her body.

After a while, her sobs ceased but the pain didn’t. Jerry had come by, bringing the two older kids to play with Judith and RJ while he tackled the twins. Daryl had half led, half carried Connie out of the house. As much as she knew Magna needed her, she didn’t think she could handle that. Handle seeing Magna, broken in a way that couldn’t be fixed. What she _could_ do was be with her child.

_Her heart and stopped and we almost lost her._

She needed to see her, to hold her. To cry until she couldn’t cry anymore as she held her, cry with relief that she wasn’t lost, but for the eternal heartache that Yumiko _was_. Yumiko was her groups leader, their rock, for as long as she could remember. Back when it was just her and Kelly, Magna and Yumiko, and Luke. She was the one who kept them going, that believed it was all possible. Their moral compass and biggest supporter. She had kept them going at Hilltop, and later when they moved to Alexandria after the war.

And now she was just… _gone_. Here one moment, gone the next. And nobody got to say goodbye—maybe Magna had, she wasn’t sure. She hoped she did.

They went into the infirmary and found it empty besides Lydia and Rachel. Alex must’ve taken Tara into a different room to treat her. It _had_ to be to treat her. His mind wandered to the thought that she had died and her body was taken away, but he shook it away as quicky as it came. He needed to believe that Alex needed to focus on repairing her arm away from everyone else because they couldn’t take another loss. And Tara would be a loss that would shake almost every community to the core. They couldn’t take anymore.

Rachel looked up when they entered. Daryl noticed Lydia was sleeping, he figured she’s be doing a lot of that as her head healed.

“She’s sleeping,” Rachel confirms. “She was mumbling something about how bad her head hurt. I, um, gave her something for the pain. Alex told me to. So hopefully when she wakes up her head won’t hurt so bad. But if it does, there’s another dose here,” she gestures to the little cup with two pills. She gets up, stretching. “Who’s with the twins?”

“Jerry. He’s taking on his own, Judith, RJ, and the twins.”

“Should I go help him?” She offers, knowing they probably wanted some alone time with Lydia. Daryl nods gratefully, giving her a tight smile. She nods back, leaving.

_“I’ll try to wake her for you,”_ Daryl tells Connie.

_“No,”_ Connie signs quickly. _“Let her sleep. She needs it.”_ Connie sits in the chair Rachel was previously in and just strokes Lydia’s cheek gently, tears trickling down her cheeks.

Connie had just sat there for a long time, Daryl sitting beside her in silence. He didn’t know what to say and didn’t expect her to do anything but sit there.

After a long time, hours likely but it felt like an eternity, Lydia started to stir. Connie’s hand that was stroking her hair paused briefly before moving to brush her fingers against her cheek. Lydia’s eyes slowly flickered open, looking a lot less tired than they had before. She looks up at Connie then her eyes flitted to Daryl before back to Connie.

“Hey there, Kid,” Daryl gives her hand a gentle squeeze. “How ya feeling?”

“Not as bad,” she whispers.

“How’s your head?”

“Hurts a bit.”

“Do you want some medicine?”

“No, not yet. Makes me sleepy. Tired of sleeping.” She looks at Connie again and sees the pain written across her face, the tears staining her face. “What happened?” She looks back to Daryl. “What happened?”

“Um…a part of the horde broke off and we got caught up in them heading to you guys. And, um, Yumiko got bit.”

_“What?”_ She tried to sit up, wincing. Daryl was quick to gently push her back into a laying position. The movement snapped Connie out of her frozen state. “Is she…?”

“Yeah. That’s not all. We got hit by a bad storm, and Tara got hurt bad, too. She fell down the slope and got impaled on a fallen tree.”

“Is she okay?”

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly.

“That happened when you were all trying to help me.”

“No, don’t,” he says quickly, realizing where she was going with that.

“If we hadn’t gone off trail, Tara would be okay and Yumiko would be _alive_.” A tear escapes out the corner of her eye.

“If you hadn’t gone off trail you wouldn’t have seen the horde and we wouldn’t have seen it until it was probably too late to turn around and who knows how many others would have died. You and Rachel finding the horde saved _countless_ lives.”

“But cost Yumiko _hers_ and maybe even _Tara’s_.”

Connie, who had been trying to catch up with them by reading lips saw that and was quick to shush her, shaking her head. Connie knew losing Yumiko had made a hole in her heart that would never be filled, but she knew it was nobody’s fault. It was an accident, a cruel twist of fate. Yumiko knew the risks she was taking, she knew what she was doing. And she knew that woman would not want anyone blaming themselves for her death, especially not this child who she was trying to save.

She made sure Lydia was paying attention when she signed, “She knew what she was doing. She went out to help with the horde and knew going into the woods was a bigger risk. She made that choice, not you. It was nobody’s fault. Not yours. Not anybody’s.”

Lydia doesn’t nod or say anything. Connie didn’t expect her to either. She knew how badly guilt weighed on people and knew how much time it could take to mend. Instead of pushing what she said, she just pulls the girl into her arms, holding onto her tightly. She feels Daryl’s hand on her back, rubbing her back as she cried.

It was going to be a long road ahead, but with her child, with the man she loved, and all the others she loved surrounded her, she hoped one day, someday, they’d all be okay.

………………………………………………………………………………………

“I want to go home.”

“I know, sweetheart. But Alex wants to keep you here another night for observation.”

Lydia sighs, flopping back against the pillows in defeat. “Why can’t you keep an eye on me at _home_? It’s not fair.”

“It’s just one more night, kiddo. You hit your head real good, you’re heart kept stopping. It’s not a surprise he wants to watch you himself.” Lydia just fixes him with a glare. “I’ll ask him about letting you come home, alright?”

“Alright,” she mumbles.

He kisses her forehead before getting up, looking for Alex. He finds him in the room Tara's in, treating her shoulder. Rosita glances up from her spot by Tara's good side when he enters.

“How’s Lydia?” Rosita asks quietly.

“Restless. She wants to go home.”

“She’s not the only one,” she gives Tara a look and the other woman shrugs her good shoulder.

“I have antibiotics and stitches. Nothing more can be done here.”

“I can observe you. _Here._ And I’ll be here if anything happens.”

“But the odds aren’t high. And I am _not_ missing the funeral later, either.”

Alex sighs loudly. He turns to Daryl. “You’re here to pitch the same thing?”

“It’s her head recovering. Is it not more beneficial for her head to be happy and relaxed than stressing? You’re worried about her brain swelling or her heart giving out, but the risk is lower if she’s not stressing out, is it not?”

Rosita bites her lip and hold back a laugh at Alex’s face. He sighs, shaking his head.

“The two of you are the most difficult patient and patient families I’ve ever treated.”

“Is that a yes?”

Alex sighs and nods. “After I finish this difficult patient, I want to check her out. _If_ she’s still looking good I’ll allow her to go home.”

“What about me?” Tara asks.

“You’re free to go once I finish here. _But_ you need to take it easy. Understood?”

“Understood,” Tara answers with a grin.

Daryl shakes his head and returns to Lydia, sitting beside her. “Okay. Alex said that if you’re doing good when he checks on you in a bit you can go home. But you’ll have to take it easy, kid.”

“I’ll take bedrest at home over _this_. I hate the infirmary. It smells weird and the lights stay on until night. And the bed isn’t comfortable, like at all.”

Daryl chuckles a little. “You’re feel much better if you’re complaining about everything.” Lydia shrugs and nods.

A few minutes later, Alex reappeared. “I was told you feel up to getting out of here and finishing your recovery at home?”

Lydia nods fervently. “Very much so.”

“Let's see how you’re doing then, see if that’s possible.”

He unloops the stethoscope from his neck, putting it in his ears and pressing it to her chest. “Hm. Heartbeat is strong and good rhythm.” He moves the stethoscope to her back. “Let’s have a hear at your lungs…all good."

“So I can go?”

“Hold on, a few more tests.” Lydia huffs and he chuckles. “Patience, Lydia.” He does a few more, mainly focusing on her eyesight and coordination. She hadn’t had any issues so far, but from the swelling she had when she came in he had been watching for any delayed signs.

“Although I would prefer to keep you here for observation, I see no reason why you can’t go home. But you need to take it easy. You get a bad headache, you come in to see me. If anything worse happens, someone comes and gets me. Understood?”

“Understood,” Lydia repeats and Daryl nods, agreeing.

“Alright. You can go then. _Be. Careful._ ”

Lydia salutes him sassily, letting Daryl help ease her up. She stumbles a little, her legs feeling like jello after spending a few days on the infirmary cot. Daryl stabilizes her under Alex's watchful gaze. He helps her take her first few steps until she falls into a normal albeit slow walk. He keeps an arm around her just in case.

He gets her home, slowly but surely.

All she wants is a nice, hot bath, to lay in her own bed and hug her girls for as long as they’d allow her to. Daryl was determined to get her that. He has Lydia sit on the porch for a moment while he runs inside to tell Connie she was home and to see if she could keep the kids from swarming her.

When Connie gets the kids attention, Daryl goes back out to get Lydia up and in. He helps her inside and carefully, slowly up the stairs. She lets out a breath of relief when she’s lowered onto her bed.

“I’ll go take over for Connie, alright?”

She nods, leaning back against her mountain of pillows. She closes her eyes and hears his footsteps retreat. It’s quiet, and she almost feels like she’s going to doze off. _Almost._ Shortly after, right when she’s sure she’s going to pass out, she hears lighter steps approach. She opens her eyes to see Connie.

Connie smiles softly though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, leaning down for a hug. Lydia holds onto her tightly. She had seen her every day, but both of had the vast realization that every time could be the last. Connie lets go, straightening so Lydia can see her hands.

_“Daryl said first thing you wanted was a hot bath.”_

Lydia nods. _“I really need one.”_

Connie grabs a change of clothes for her. _“Come on then.”_ She helps pull her up and guides her to the bathroom. She walked much better than she had when she first got up and only needed Connie’s hand on her back, ready just in case her legs gave out.

_“Do you need me to stay?”_

Lydia weighs the possibilities, feeling good but not sure if it would be worth suddenly not feeling well and unable to call to Connie, so she nods. Connie guides her in the room, turning the water and waiting for it to turn hot. She turns around so Lydia can have privacy as she undresses and lowers herself down in the water. She pulls the shower curtain between them. Connie sits on the toilet as waits.

Lydia closes her eyes, relaxing in the hot water and lets it work on her sore muscles. She isn’t sure how long she laid in there, but when the hot water starts to turn to warm she sits up and gets to work on washing her hair.

When she’s done and ready she unplugs the tub and shakes the curtain and a towel is passed in to her. Lydia dries off, changing into her fresh clothes. Connie guides her back to her room.

_“Are you hungry?”_ She signs.

Lydia’s stomach growls and she only just now realizes how hungry and thirsty she was. _“And thirsty.”_

_“I’ll go get you some lunch and a drink.”_ She kisses her forehead before leaving.

She heads down the stairs, finding Daryl and the kids in the kitchen. Judith and RJ are sitting and eating, talking to each other between bites. Faith is in her highchair, stuffing a handful of baby oatmeal in her mouth. A crying Grace was perched on Daryl’s hip—the baby had been crying for days, not accustomed to being separated from her mother for more than a few hours. The baby’s face was so red almost purple, clutching onto Daryl but not taking any comfort from him. It was clear that all she wanted was her mother.

_“Getting her food and a drink. You can bring the girls up a bit…or maybe Grace now.”_

Daryl nods, wincing as the baby let’s out a distressed high pitch squeal. He couldn’t imagine how they’d cope if they had actually lost Lydia. He feared that if they _had_ lost her, Grace may have shortly followed. He bounced the baby, trying to soothe her at least a little but as usual, it did nothing. Connie made a sandwich, pouring a cup of juice. The two headed upstairs, Connie with lunch and Daryl with Grace.

Connie knocked on the door before entering, walking over and putting the sandwich and glass on the bedside table. Lydia gives her a grateful smile, signing her thanks. She looks up with a furrowed brow when Daryl entered with a crying Grace.

“She won’t stop. Guess she hasn’t as long as you’ve been in the infirmary.” He bounces her again but she just screams, choking on her tears and shaking her head.

_“She’s barely eaten and doesn’t sleep much either,”_ Connie admits. _“Faith is okay, she was fussy at first but she’s doing better. Grace is really struggling.”_

Sandwich forgotten, she reaches for her daughter. Daryl hands her over quickly, wanting the baby to be soothed as quickly as possible.

He hears Judith call his name, and he reluctantly leaves with the mother and daughter under Connie’s watchful gaze.

Lydia holds Grace close, the baby’s cries hitting her deep in her soul and she can’t help but tear up at her baby’s pain. Grace cries, her face dripping with more tears than she should be able to produce from her lack of hydration. Lydia strokes her sticky cheek, kissing the top of her soft, light brown head.

“It’s okay, baby.”

Grace has a realization of who’s arms she’s in and she snuggles against her. Lydia rubs her hand up and back her little back, soothing her as her choked sobs started to settle. She had slowly settled, her screams turning to whimpers. Lydia held her for a while, Connie handing her half her sandwich to munch on while Grace settled for the first time in days.

“Are you hungry?” She asks the baby once she was calmer. Grace looks up with big tear filled brown eyes and opened and closed her mouth in answer. Connie rubbed her shoulder and stepped out to go check on Daryl and the other kids.

“Here you go, sweetheart.” She gets her arm out of her shirt and positions Grace to nurse. Grace latches on instantly. Lydia hums to her quietly as she nurses hungrily.

Shortly later, just after Grace had finished nursing, Daryl came into the room with Faith. Faith breaks out into a massive smile when she sees Lydia. “Connie already fed her a bottle,” he tells her.

Daryl sits on the bed beside them, putting Faith down between them. Faith grabs Lydia’s arm and uses her to pull herself over to her. Grace squealed at her but Faith didn’t even blink.

“Girls,” Lydia said but her word had no weight to them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The sky was dark grey, rain starting to patter down. Tara thought it was fitting—they were burying their loved one, after all.

They had forgone burying Yumiko immediately, Magna knowing she’d want Tara and Lydia there. She had died _for_ them, after all. So, they were doing it today, with both women cleared from the infirmary and Magna having days to process her loss. But she knew having her buried beneath the earth and not preserved in the back room of the infirmary would make it _real_. More real than it had been.

They were standing there, those who had umbrellas had them hanging over their heads, those who didn’t were huddled with those who did. Magna couldn’t hold her own over her head; she was shaking too badly from sobs she couldn’t hold back no matter how hard she tried. Connie stood beside her—she was as much her sister as Kelly was—holding onto the handle and onto her as she shook with her own tears. Kelly and Luke were on her other side.

Tara refused to hold an umbrella over her head, arms folding tightly around herself. Rosita stood beside her, holding one above their heads and did her best to keep Coco shielded from the rain. The toddler was perched on her hip with a frown. At only three, she was too young to understand death. But she was old enough to cry when Tara had told her Aunt Yumiko was never coming back.

Not far from them was Daryl. Much like Rosita, he held an umbrella to shield little Faith, the usually loud child quiet from the somber mood. Lydia was beside him, half leaning against Rachel, Grace firmly in her arms as the other girl kept them covered. Judith and RJ were in front of them, Judith managing to barely conceal her crying, but RJ didn’t even try to hide his tears.

Gabriel gave a speech that barely anyone comprehended, and then the casket Alden had built was lowered into the ground. Magna would’ve collapsed to the ground if Kelly hadn’t caught her and she let out a heart wrenching wail.

They all felt something—sadness, grief, anger, guilt. Some of them felt all four. Tara knew she did, and she knew both Daryl and Lydia did as well. It was none of their faults, it was a cruel twist of fate. But nonetheless, she knew none of them would be the same again, at least not for a long while.


	44. Stay

“I _want_ to stay here, Cyndie…I know that it was a close call with the horde, but I’m _fine_. Going back home wouldn’t be the greatest now, I’m needed _here._ ”

“You didn’t even want to go to Alexandria, so what’s changed? _Rachel Ward_ wouldn’t stay at some place away from home after a disaster for no reason. You hate emotional stuff.”

“I made friends,” she explains. She shrugs despite Cyndie not being able to see her through the radio.

“You actually made a friend worth staying for?”

“Well, yeah,” she rolls her eyes.

“Is your friend cute?” Cyndie asks with an amused tone.

“Wh-what? Cyndie, I’m talking about _Lydia_ , not some boy.”

“Tara is married to a woman, so don’t try that bullshit. Do you find her cute?”

“I…uh…”

Cyndie laughs. “I’ll talk to you later, Rachel.”

Rachel’s left sitting there in shock, thanking any higher power up there that Cyndie couldn’t see her cheeks blushing red.

She turns the radio off, leaving the room. She goes outside where Tara’s waiting. “Aren’t you supposed to be resting or something?”

Tara shrugs her good shoulder, “I technically am. I’m not riding or training or anything.”

Rachel chuckles, shaking her head.

“What’d Cyndie want?”

“Nothing! Why? Were you listening to my conversation?”

Tara gives her an amused look. “No. You check in with Cyndie every Thursday at one. But now I’m _very_ intrigued. What’d she say?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ll harass you until you say. You know I will.”

Rachel rolls her eyes once again. “She asked me why I wanted to keep staying here.”

“I agree. Why _do_ you want to stay? Clearly isn’t for me,” she laughs. “I’ve barely seen you since you came.”

“I made a friend,” she shrugs. “What’s the big deal?”

“Is she… _just_ a friend?”

“What’s with you two? She’s _just_ a friend!”

“For now,” Tara says, moving quickly away from Rachel and her wrath with a laugh.

Rachel walks back to Lydia’s house, shaking her head. She didn’t get why both Cyndie and Tara were insinuating there was anything going on between herself and Lydia. They were just friends, weren’t they?

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“What should we do today, huh?” Rachel asks from her spot cross legged on the floor. Faith is sitting in her little baby seat across from her, babbling away and watching her with curious brown eyes.

“Go for walk!” Coco says. The toddler is sitting in front of Grace, waving a rattle in front of her. Grace squeals, clapping her hands together.

“You want to go for a walk?” Lydia asks, coming into the room. She hands Rachel the bottle for Faith and she sits beside the other two, lifting Grace off her chair to feed her the other bottle.

“Yeah!” Coco says, bouncing in place. “Bored.”

“I think the girls would like that,” Lydia agrees. She still wasn’t fond about going out, but Rachel had been right—they deserved more than staying their entire life indoors. Rachel gives her a smile, and Lydia returned it.

After the twins finished their bottles, Lydia changed their diapers while Rachel got them clean outfits.

“Should we carry them or bring the stroller for them?” Rachel asks.

“We should bring the stroller. One of us pushes, the other carries child number three?”

“Sounds good,” Rachel nods. “I have a feeling Little Miss Grace will be the one being carried.”

“How’d you guess?” Lydia laughs.

They go out on the porch with the kids. Rachel has a squirming twin on each hip as Lydia pulls the stroller from the corner, opening it up. She hadn’t used it herself, but Daryl had Connie had with the twins. Once it up opened, Lydia managed to get it down the few steps to the sidewalk. Rachel put a curious Faith in it, making the seat upright. Coco sat in the front seat, buckling herself with a little help from Lydia.

Grace whines and reaches for Lydia and Rachel chuckles. “Guess I’m pushing the stroller?”

“Or we can see if she’ll settle. She gets too attached sometimes.”

“She does,.” Rachel agrees, adjusting her grip on the baby. Lydia grabs ahold of the stroller bar despite Grace’s unhappy whines.

“Mama!” Grace cries, reaching a hand out. Lydia doesn’t respond and starts pushing the stroller. She hears Faith’s giggle and she starts babbling excitedly again. Grace whimpers and sheds a few tears, her little bottom lip sticking out. But she doesn’t cry or scream. She accepts that despite not being in her arms, that her mother was in view so she settled. Rachel smiles down at her, stroking her cheek. Grace doesn’t smile at her, but she doesn’t look sad or mad either, so she took it as a win. Lydia smiled at them, at Rachel trying to get her daughter to smile. She smiles even bigger when she hears Faith’s squeal and Coco giggling at the baby’s reaction.

While Lydia had been anxious going out, she soon realized she didn’t have much reason to be. She got an occasional look, but the people of Alexandria had been less hostile towards her over the years and most had seemed to forget they ever mistrusted or hated her in the first place. Only those who had directly hurt by her mother or former people—people who’ve lost their loved ones—still held some animosity against her. They were approached by many people, those who knew Coco or Rachel or just wanted to see the babies. Faith happily let people hold her, though Grace held onto Rachel tightly. She let people touch and talk to her without screaming or crying, though. Coco even got a cookie from Isla when they passed her house. They rolled through the barns, letting the girls pet the horses. Coco loved Bunny especially—she was her mother’s horse, after all.

After they spent a while at the barn, Coco started asking if it was lunch time and they decided to head back home. The twins got a bit of time outside, and Rachel knew that was a big step for Lydia and it would be best not to push it. They were on the way back when Lydia heard a familiar voice calling her name.

“Lydia.” Henry appears behind them, a look on his face Lydia couldn’t place.

“Henry.”

“Oh, _you’re_ Henry. Nice to meet you,” Rachel says, faking niceness and a smile. Lydia gives her a look.

“Who are _you_?” He asks Rachel. 

“Rachel. Rachel Ward. From Oceanside.”

He eyes her before looking at Lydia. “I’ve been trying to see you for a while. You guys just up and left for Oceanside with barely a word and were gone for weeks. And the past two weeks every time I go over Daryl tells me you can’t see me.”

“I almost _died_.”

“Yeah, I heard from Aaron.”

“So… _why_ are you mad?” Rachel asks, butting in.

“Because while _she_ was hurt, _I_ should’ve been allowed to take care of _my_ kids, who I haven’t seen in over a month, by the way. Instead I wasn’t even allowed to see them. Which isn’t fair.”

“You hate taking care of them. You’ve never fed them or bathed them, changed their diapers or put them down for a nap. Even when you were there, you wouldn’t,” Lydia says in a quiet, nervous voice.

“Dude, even I do all that and I only met them a few weeks ago.”  
  


“Stay out if it.”

“No,” she folds her arms around Grace. “I’m not going to let you talk to her like that. If you want to be a father then man the fuck up and be their father. You can’t just step in when you want and be a dad when you want. You’re their dad or you’re _not_. Fuck DNA. If you can’t be there for them then don’t be there at all, it’s not fair to the kids and _certainly_ isn’t fair to Lydia.”

He just glowers at Rachel. “I want my kid.” 

“Good luck,” Rachel comments. “She doesn’t like going to new people.”

“I’m not a new person, I’m her _dad_.”

Rachel scoffs and _tries_ to hand Grace over. The baby grabs ahold of her sleeve and shrieks at the top of her lungs as Henry tries to take her. Henry pries her off of Rachel, cringing when all she does is scream at the top of her lungs.

“Just stop crying!” He says to the baby which just makes her cry harder. Faith starts crying and Rachel is quick to scoop her up out of the stroller.

Lydia shakes her head, unable to take it anymore and she moves to them, taking Grace away from him quickly. The moment she’s safe in her mother’s arms, Grace’s screams turn to whimpers. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“That’s not right,” Henry shakes his head. “She shouldn’t be okay with this girl more than me. It’s not right. This is all _your_ fault. _You_ did this.”

_“I_ did this?” Lydia exclaims. “Are you _serious?”_ She shakes her head in anger.

“Yeah, I am. You don’t let me be a part of their lives! You just sabotage my relationship with them!”

“No, I don’t! You have no interest in them! All you ever want is to have sex or try to convince me to just move in with you!”

Rachel shifts, not liking the way his face turned red. She wasn’t sure it was from anger or embarrassment for being called out or both. She also didn’t know him well enough to know if he’d act on his anger.

Henry took a step towards them, but before he could say or do anything a hand grabs onto his shoulder, pulling him back. He swings around to see Tara giving him a stern look. “Back off.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” he tells her, voice thick with annoyance.

“Never said you were going to,” Tara snaps. “I’m telling you to back the fuck up regardless.”

“Why not tell them?” He points at Lydia and Rachel.

“Because they aren’t the ones being confrontational. I don’t care what this is about, who started it or whose fault it is. What I care about is this is happening in the middle of the walkway and a lot of people have stopped to watch. And even bigger, this is happening in front of your kids, in front of _my_ kid. And that’s _not_ okay. So you’re going to walk away and let them go home like they were trying to do.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Um, I’m the leader of Alexandria, so yes I can.”

He shakes his head, shoving her off of him. His hand hits her injured shoulder roughly and she staggers back, gasping in pain.

“What the hell!” Rachel yells.

Before anyone could register anything else, Rosita was there with a clenched fist, swinging it. Her fist connects with his cheek with a resounding sound. And Aaron is there suddenly, getting between Rosita and his ward.

“Ro, Ro! Hey! Look it’s bad, but Tara was an accident. Okay?”

“Does he know she was injured?” Aaron doesn’t respond. “Well, did he!” Aaron gives one small, silent nod. He jumps into action when she lunges forward, catching her around her middle and pushing her away. “Rosita!”

“Let me go, Aaron, or god help me—”

“Ro,” Tara says. Rosita turns and sees her crouched down beside Coco, who’s crying. Her eyes zero in on the blood oozing through Tara’s shirt. She moves to her side. Aaron hurries Henry out of there before Rosita can change her mind about wanting to take him out.

“Does it hurt?”

“Just a scratch,” Tara tells her and Rosita gives her a look. “Okay, yes. But not bad. I’ve had _much_ worse.”

Lydia gets Grace to go to Rachel without too much fuss, and Rachel carefully holds them either hip. Lydia picks a sobbing Coco up so Rosita can check Tara’s shoulder out better. Once Rosita is satisfied that Tara isn’t greatly injured nor that she’ll bleed to death, she gets up and helps her wife up with her.

“Should get the kids home. Can get some gauze at Daryl’s, that’s closer,” Tara tells her. Rosita nods tensely. Tara could feel the anxiety and anger rolling off of her wife in waves and she knew better than to push things. Rosita just silently takes her daughter back so she has something in her arms to focus on. Lydia takes Faith to relieve Rachel of holding both of the twins.

Rosita doesn’t say anything on the walk down the street, and neither does any of the others. They left the stroller—everyone knows who’s it was and someone would return it to where it belonged.

Rosita marched up the porch and into the house. Daryl looked up from his seat where he was cleaning his crossbow, frowning at Rosita’s stony look and Coco’s tear soaked face. Even he knew better than to talk to her. His frown deepened when he saw Tara’s bloody shoulder.

“What the hell happened?” He asks Lydia and Rachel, who followed in behind Tara.

_“Henry_ happened,” Rachel scoffs. Tara glances at her as Rosita gets to work at cleaning her shoulder. Coco, who was put down, runs into the other room to where her toys are. Lydia follows her, letting Rachel explain.

“What the hell did he do?”

“He’s an ass. He came at us and started yelling at Lydia. saying you wouldn’t let him take the twins when Lydia was hurt. Started accusing her of purposely making the kids hate him cause Grace started screaming like a banshee when he tried to hold her. I honestly thought he was about to take a swing at me, or her. but Tara stepped in and told him to back off and he turned around and pushed her hard. Her injury reopened, clearly. Then Rosita came in like a hero and punched him, and unfortunately Aaron stepped in and forced her to stop. He shouldda let her keep going.”

“No, he shouldn’t have. As appealing as beating him up might seem, you wouldn’t feel that way if it actually happened. Now yes, he was an ass, but shoving me was a _‘fuck off,’_ not an _‘I want to hurt you.’_ ”

“Punching him still felt good regardless. Deserved that much for starting that shit in front of Coco, Faith and Grace.”

“That I agree on,” Tara tells her. “Nobody should behave like that in front of children, especially ones as young as these girls.”

Rachel nods in agreeance. She smiles down at Grace when she coos after being silent for the past half hour.

Rosita and Tara look at her then share a small smile with each other.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Are you okay?” Daryl asks Lydia as she walks out of the nursery, closing the door behind her quietly. She had just put the twins down for the night.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“It wasn’t great, but Rachel was right. He can’t just be a dad when he wants and only when he wants. The girls are better off without that.”

“And what ‘bout you? Are _you_ better off?”

She shrugs after a long moment. “I don’t know,” she answers honestly. “But it’s what’s best for the girls, which is what’s best for me. We’ll get by. They aren’t missing out, they barely know him and Grace does _not_ like him.”

“Rachel said she started screaming.”

“Loudly. Very loudly. And didn’t stop until I took her from him. She was a very unhappy baby.”

They head down the stairs and to the kitchen. Daryl puts some water on the stove. Lydia sits and he soon joins her. “Rachel does good with them.”

“They like her almost as much as they like us. They’re good judges of character, especially Grace.”

“She isn’t shy about telling us how she feels, that’s for sure…I’m surprised Rachel’s stuck around this long, specially from what I’ve heard about her. She seemed even reluctant about staying with Tara and Rosita tonight despite it being her idea.”

Lydia shrugs. “Maybe she really likes it here.”

Daryl hum a little. “She likes _something_ about here, that’s for sure.”

Lydia gives him a questioning look and he doesn’t respond, getting up to pour the hot water over the tea bags. He didn’t bring it back up, she didn’t press him. But she couldn’t stop thinking about what he meant.


	45. Being the Buffer

The weeks went by in a blur, September turning to October, and October turning to November. The warm fall months were turning to cold, some days so cold the residents of Alexandria could see their breaths. The leaves had turned and fallen, lead piles on the sidewalks as the kids played in them.

Daryl spent a lot of time beyond the walls hunting, bagging as much deer he could get before the winter made them scarce. Connie joined him more often than not, and they’d spend full day scouting and enjoying each other’s company. He also took turns bringing the kids, some days he brought Judith who was becoming a skilled tracker and hunter. Others he brought RJ who had no interest in either but wanted to be out with Uncle Daryl.

Grace and Faith were taking leaps and bounds, both successfully crawling. Grace, much to their surprise, was standing on her own with something to pull her up and took a few steps hanging onto things. She loved crawling to the couch and pulling herself up and walking along the edge shakily but successfully. Lydia loved watching them grow and start turning into beautiful little individuals.

At nine months old they were showing their personalities strongly. Faith was silly and liked games and playing. She was bold and fearless and loved trying new things. Grace was quiet and observant, she liked holding things in her tiny hands and observing them fully. She was smart and careful and took her time. She was the first to make out “Mama” through her babbles, first to successfully crawl—Faith had started moving first, gliding on her belly—but Grace had learned first to travel on her hands and knees. While Faith sped around on all fours, Grace worked on pulling herself up on her feet and taking her first cautious steps.

Rachel was still in Alexandria, and Daryl, Tara and Rosita were doubting she’d be returning before the snow fell and made travelling increasingly difficult. They doubted she’d return even then. She and Lydia had grown increasingly close, spending most of their time together. Rachel had become very fond of the twins, and even little Grace had grown to love her. While Daryl hadn’t made any more comments to Lydia, Tara and Rosita, and even Cyndie over the radio, talked to Rachel about her obvious crush though Rachel refused to acknowledge them.

Henry had pushed for Aaron to do _something_ but Aaron had loyalty to Daryl.

_“If it was the old world, there'd be a custody battle.”_

_“But it’s not the old world.”_

Aaron saw no reason to try to dredge up old laws, and less reason to pick a fight with Daryl. So, he told Henry if he couldn’t get his act together, and Lydia refused to let him see the twins, then there was nothing he could do. Aaron wished he had pushed the boy to get help once he arrived back home. Maybe if he had help, maybe if he had talked about all the trauma he went through, if maybe he hadn’t simmered in everything for so long, he wouldn’t have fallen so far. He was sure he could still get him help—nobody was gone until they’re gone and he was far from gone. But he didn’t know if it’d be worth it to him after a long recovery to reunite with his children when they’re already toddlers, or older.

It was a mess to him, and he had his work cut out for him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Just be the buffer. Come on,” Aaron asks for what felt like the millionth time. He was at Tara and Rosita’s, pleading with the two. He didn’t want to go pick a fight with Daryl he was destined to lose, but he needed incentive for the boy who refused to get any real help.

“He hit her!” Rosita growls.

“Pushed,” Aaron corrects. He looks at Tara who’s trying to keep Coco interested in her breakfast and not the conversation. She just shrugs.

“I don’t care. No way in hell I’m doing that. And I do not want her doing it either. You do it yourself.”

“Lydia could care less about me, so no way would she meet with us. She trusts the tow of you. If you were there, she would.”

“What makes you think I want her to meet up with him? What makes you think we want him in those babies lives? They’re our family.”

“Look, it’s not completely his fault.” Rosita scoffs. “It _isn’t_. His actions are still his actions. But he was a kid who was abducted and held hostage for nearly _two years._ He got no real help, talked to nobody about what he went through. He buried of his emotions deep down for a very long time. Then he accidentally gets his girlfriend pregnant and he thinks he fucked her life up…”

“Bad word!” Coco butts in and Tara chuckles.

“Sorry, Coco. He thinks he messed her life up. She almost _dies_ giving birth to _his_ kids. He wasn’t avoiding his kids, he wasn’t refusing to take care for them. He felt guilty and he was scared of these tiny, fragile little things and was afraid he’d mess them up, too. And then he wants to move out to a house with them to try to get his life together, and he gets rejected. Lydia had every reason to want to stay at home where she had Daryl and Connie’s aid. But _he_ thinks she rejected him and _she_ doesn’t know how bad he’s hurting. And then things get tense and she starts pulling away, and it’s not avoiding him it just happens and all that repressed guilt and anger starts bubbling up to the surface. And then next thing he knows, his kids are growing up away and he’s not there. And then you guys just leave for Oceanside for weeks, and he thinks she took them away forever. And when you all come back, he tries to see them. Lydia’s busy with Rachel and the babies. Daryl isn’t comfortable letting him take the kids. And it’s understandable, but he just thinks that he’s being replaced and cut out. And then he finds out she almost died _again_ and he feels helpless and angry at the universe. And when he finally sees her, he can’t stop his rush of emotions ad he snaps despite not wanting to and people get hurt. So you see, Lydia’s not in the wrong, not one bit. And she has every right to keep the kids safe. But we owe it to him to try to fix things. Because he refuses to get help, but if they talked, if he was able to at least get visiting time with the twins if he complies and makes progress, then that might be incentive enough to help him before he falls into a dark hole.”

It’s silent in the room for a long time, even Coco freezes at the silence, fork midair. Tara lets out a sigh and the toddler unfreezes, fork going back to stabbing pancakes pieces.

“Alright, I’ll do it,” she says after a long moment.

“Tara!” Rosita gives her a look.

“I don’t want to be responsible for anyone going downhill, and if we can give the twins some semblance of two parents than why shouldn’t we?”

Rosita sits down with a huff, shaking her head. “Lydia’s moved on,” she informs Aaron. “So if he’s going in expecting a relationship…”

“She has?” he asks, confused.

“She has. She’s not with anyone, but she’s not going back to him. At least I highly doubt it. So he better know that before, cause if he hurts her…”

“He won’t. I’ll prepare him.”

“I’ll talk to Lydia. And Daryl. I can’t promise they’ll even want to talk.”

“But you’ll ask?”

“I’ll ask.”

“That’s good enough for me.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………

When Tara had approached the subject to the Dixons, Daryl had said no immediately, not even giving Lydia a chance to respond. He had been firm, saying no way in hell he wanted that boy in his granddaughters life. Connie had nodded along but didn’t look nearly as sure.

Lydia had butted in, insisting that Daryl at least let Tara say her piece. And when Tara had repeated back what Aaron had said, Lydia tentatively suggested they should give him one more chance. Daryl had started shaking his head before she could even finish and Tara brought up that Rosita was on the same page. She was reluctant letting Tara buffer but understood the responsibility. After making sure, repeatedly, that Tara would in fact be a buffer, and that the twins would not be there in case of a blow up, he reluctantly agreed.

The next day she got the green light from Aaron, saying he had explained to Henry and he agreed to meet. She made sure he had relayed the fact that him and Lydia were no longer and item and he said he had. Said Henry was upset but said he wouldn’t bring it up to her.

So Tara scheduled and planned and Rosita was taking Coco out riding in the ring so Tara could use her their house. The residential therapist—the very first one they had since Denise—had told them that a neutral area would be the best.

And the day came fast, and Tara and Aaron found themselves seated at the heads of the dining room table with Henry and Lydia facing each other from either side.

“So…” Tara looks between the two silent young adults. “Who wants to start?” Lydia just stares at her. henry does the same. “Guys.”

“We’re meeting here because we’re trying to get Henry to see Jeffrey.”

“And I don’t need to,” Henry snaps at him. “I’m not seeing a shrink.”

“If you don’t then you can kiss ever seeing your kids again goodbye,” Aaron warns. He gestures to Lydia. “That’s why she’s here. And Tara.”

Henry looks at Lydia. Tara nudges her. She nods, “Yeah.”

“Thought you didn’t want me near them?”

“I don’t right now, with you like _this_.”

“No. I mean before.”

“You never wanted to see them.”

“That’s not true!”

“It is!”

“Hey, hey! Yelling doesn’t accomplish anything,” Tara snaps. “Control your emotions. _Now_. Both of you…now, Lydia, go first.”

She sits back with an aggravated huff. “You rarely came around. You never wanted to hold them when they were born. You never fed them, changed them, bathed them, put them down for naps. But yet you wanted me to just up and leave when you won’t even care for them!”

Tara nods to Henry. “They were so little, I was afraid I’d hurt them.”

“And you think I wasn’t?!”

“Lydia,” Aaron warns but Tara waves him off.

“They’re little and fragile but you barely held them. And now they barely know you. And it is not my fault they don’t.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Honest. It’s not that their fragile, it’s just…everything I touch gets ruined.”

“That’s not true.”

“You almost died because of me.”

“That wasn’t your fault. It happens. Alex said as much.”

“I knew better.”

“You did.”

“So it’s my fault.”

“It’s not.”

“You seriously don’t blame me?”

“I seriously don’t. Dad didn’t either, not really. He just wanted to blame someone to feel better but it held no weight. And my mom never did.”

“Your mom?” He looks confused for a moment. “Wait, you mean Connie?” She nods. “Daryl and Connie are like, actually together?”

“They’ve been, since before the twins were born.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Dad’s not someone to go around announcing his personal life. Besides the girls, he shows them off to anyone who’ll look.”

He smiles a little. “Who wouldn’t?” She chuckles softly. His face then turned serious. “I can still see them?”

“Once you start talking with Mr. Jeffrey. I want you to start to get help before you see them.”

“Why?” He asks defensively, as if the relaxed conversation before never happened.

“Henry. A lot happened. What my mom…what Alpha did. What you went through, losing your parents, never getting real help? You get angry. And you yell. You don’t mean it, but it scares me sometimes. And I’m afraid of the girls being with you. I don’t think you’d ever hurt them, but you scare them sometimes, too.”

“I…” He looks down. He did not expect her to say that. “I don’t want to scare you. I especially don’t want to scare the girls. I love them. I want them to love me.”

“Then talk to Mr. Jeffrey. I’m not asking you to be someone different, or to change overnight. I just want you to get help. Not just for the kids, but for yourself. _Please._ ”

He’s silent for a bit, just looking down at his folded hands. Then, “okay,” he sighs.

“Okay,” she nods.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Henry had followed through. Lydia had been skeptical he would, though she knew she shouldn’t have. She didn’t doubt his love for his children or his want for them, she just wasn’t sure he would see Jeffrey so soon.

Aaron had gotten assurances from Jeffrey that there was talking, Henry had been open and seemed reluctant but ready to start moving forward and recovering, even if it would be at snail speed. He didn’t get specifics—even in the apocalypse Jeffrey believed in doctor-patient confidentiality unless he felt the patient or someone else was in danger. Aaron had asked if he seemed stable enough to have a short visitation with the twins if Lydia was ready so soon, and Jeffrey seemed confident he would be for a short period with supervision. So he relayed the information to Tara, the official middle man, and she talked to Lydia. Much like the meeting, Tara was hosting the visit at her place. Aaron wasn’t coming, having more than one unfamiliar face would be a high chance of upsetting the babies. So Tara and Lydia would bring the twins and Henry would meet them there.

“Which is which?” Henry asks when he arrives. Tara is placing a plate of Rosita’s freshly baked cookies on the coffee table in the living room with one perched on her hip, and the other was on Lydia’s lap clutching a teddy bear. Both had a headband with a pink flower on their heads, light brown bangs brushed to the side and both had on long sleeved pink dresses with white leggings and white shoes on little feet.

“This is Grace,” Lydia speaks up first much to Tara’s shock. “And Tara has Faith. You might want to try to hold Faith, Grace here is really shy and sensitive and needs time to warm up to you.”

Henry figures Grace was the one who screeched when he grabbed her the week prior. And then he processed what she actually said. “Wait…I can hold her?”

“Do you want to hold her?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Then you can hold her. Should probably sit first though. She’s squirmy.”

“Very squirmy,” Tara adds.

He sits down on the other end of the couch Lydia’s seated on. Tara walks over, carefully handing Faith over.

Faith doesn’t even blink at being handed off—she was so used to being held by so many different Alexandrians on their walked that she was no longer phased. She looks up at Henry with big, curious brown eyes. Lydia’s eyes, he notices.

He notices a lot. This was the first time he’s really looked at them, besides when they were first born and they had features that weren’t defined as theirs. They were little humans now. Their faces were round, shaped closer to Lydia’s than his. Their eyes were shaped like his, and brown just like both him and Lydia’s but they were her eyes. They had her nose too, small and cute. Their lips were shaped like his, and they had his chin. And their hair, it was right in the middle. Not blonde like his, but not nearly as dark as hers. A light brown, with a reddish hue.

The baby in his arms smiles, showing off milky white teeth. She had two on top, two on the bottom. “They have teeth?”

“They do. Both of them, got the same teeth at the same time.”

He eyes the baby on Lydia’s lap, curled up against her. She was eyeing him with cautious eyes, her expression stony. “Grace doesn’t like me.”

“She’s like that with most people. Even I get blank looks sometimes. Faith’s the opposite, she likes almost everyone.”

“They look like copies of each other but their very different?”

“Yeah. Grace, she’s quiet and doesn’t say much. She’ll take cuddles all day long. But she’s _so_ smart. Loves holding things and points out everything. Crawls so well and is already standing with help and trying to walk. Faith, she’s noisy. Babbles nonstop and demands attention, and she rarely stays still. She’s so focused on you that she’s staying still but just wait until you’re a familiar face and not as interesting anymore, she’ll be all over the place. She thinks throwing stuff is much more interesting than holding. She zooms around crawling and gets into anything she can, we had to completely baby proof the house. And block off top and bottom of the stairs with baby gates. She’s so focused on crawling everywhere and as fast as she can she doesn’t even realize her sister has slowed down and trying to walk. They’re so different, but they’re also alike. They both love applesauce and hate the green bean baby food, but who can blame them. That stuff smells and looks nasty. They have matching soft blankets they love. They both love water and like making howling sounds like wolves. They also both love being sung to as they fall asleep.” She looks down when Grace grabs her hand, pulling to her chest. “They’re perfect little ones.

Henry looks down at Faith who’s shaking around her stuffed bear, trying to get his attention. “They sure are.”


	46. Winter Wonderland

“Uncle Daryl! It’s _snowing!_ ” Judith shouts from her perch from the window. RJ runs over, squeezing in beside her.

_“Uncle Daryl!”_ He shouts at the top of his lungs.

Daryl makes his way quickly down the stairs to see what they’re yelling about and pauses when he sees the curtains pulled open, the ground outside white with flurries blowing through the dark sky.

“It’s the first snow of the year!” Judith says excitedly.

“And enough to build a snowman!” RJ finishes. “Can we go out, please?”

Daryl glances at the clock, shaking his head. “It’s past your bedtime. You can play outside when you wake up. You gotta be quiet too, don’t wanna wake the babies.”

“Too late.” He jumped at Lydia’s voice, turning to see her appear with Faith in her arms. Faith eyed his with teary eyes, a pacifier in her mouth.

“Sorry,” Judith says. “It’s the first snow fall.”

“I guess that’s a good enough excuse for over excitement,” Lydia chuckles, bouncing Faith to soothe her whine. Daryl reaches out and strokes the baby’s hair back.

“Maybe they wanna build a snowman, too?” RJ asks, pointing to Faith.

“Oh I think they’re too young to really build a snowman, though I bet they’ll love playing in it. Coco would probably love to build one with you though.”

“Oh, yeah! I like doing stuff with Coco.”

“She likes doing things with you, too. Now get to bed or you’ll sleep through the morning and she’ll build one all by herself.”

RJ’s eyes widen comically and he turns and runs to the stairs. Daryl and Lydia laugh at him. Judith folds her arms, raising an eyebrow at Lydia. “That won’t work on me.”

“Get your ass upstairs or you won’t be going out at all tomorrow,” Daryl warns and she smiles sheepishly at him before going upstairs.

“That worked well,” Lydia comments, looking down at Faith who’s still looking around wide awake. “Now I gotta see if this one will go back to bed.”

“And then getting you back to bed, you seem more awake than her.” Lydia shrugs. “I’ll make you some tea, that never fails with you.”

She chuckles as they make their way into the kitchen. “When you first brought me back here that’s _all_ that you and mom made every single night.”

“And it always worked, and that was the most important thing.”

“That feels like a lifetime ago,” she says softly, smiling down at Faith who’s rubbing her eyes sleepily. She was fighting sleep.

“A wonderful lifetime ago.” Daryl put the kettle on the stove. Lydia sits down, covering a yawn. Daryl sat beside her while they waited for the water to boil. “She’s really fighting to stay awake.”

“When we go back up and she realizes Grace is still out she’ll probably want to sleep more than being here with awake people.”

“Probably.”

When the kettle hisses, he gets up to make her tea, pouring himself a mug. He offers to carry her mug up to her room for her so she doesn’t have to juggle a mug of hot tea and a baby. They head upstairs, quietly as not to wake Judith or RJ. He places the mug on her bedside table, saying goodnight as he presses a kiss to Lydia’s head and then does the same to little Faith. He leaves the room, closing the door partway. He left it ajar so Lydia can get out easily to bring Faith to the nursery when she fell asleep. He goes into his room, getting into bed carefully to not wake Connie. She rolls over and snuggles up against him in her sleep.

Lydia sips some of her tea before leaning back against her pillows. While the tea was her surefire way of falling asleep, nursing to sleep was Faith’s. She pulled her shirt up and let the baby latch on to nurse. Faith nurses, more to soothe herself than to quell any hunger—they had just had a bottle not along ago when she first put them down. Lydia hummed quietly, rocking her gently while she nursed. Her eyelids start to flutter as sleep consumed her, and soon enough she was completely out. Lydia fixes her shirt carefully and eases herself out of bed, moving as silently as possible out of her room and to the nursey. She’s ever so quiet as not to wake Faith back up or Grace and lowers her slowly into her crib. She watches them for a moment with a smile before she heads back to her room to finish her tea and get some much needed sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Dia, look!” Coco yells, patting the big ball of snow that was the base of a snowman she was making with RJ and Judith.

Lydia looks up from her spot on the snowy ground where she’s watching Faith shove a handful of snow in her mouth. “It looks great, Coco! You’re doing such a good job!”

Coco beams at her widely.

“She asked like a hundred times yesterday if she was seeing you today,” Rachel comments. She has Grace sitting between her knees, tossing snow in the air with giggles.

“Sounds like Coco,” Lydia laughs. “She’s been like that since she was not much older than the twins.”

“She can say _Rachel_ and _Daryl_ and _Judith_ just fine, so why does she call you _Dia_ , anyways?”

Lydia shrugs. “She’s called me that for so long, I guess it just stuck with her. She’ll be Judith’s age and still calling me that, probably,” she laughs.

“Probably,” Rachel agrees. She laughs when Grace lets out a loud squeal. “She loves playing in this.”

“Faith just likes eating in,” Lydia laughs. Faith pauses and looks up at her, handful of snow halfway to her mouth. “Hi, baby girl.” Faith smiles then continues to shove it in her mouth.

She hears footfalls coming towards her at rapid pace and looks up in time for Coco to skid up next to her, nearly falling on top of her. “Careful, sweetie. You aren’t working on your snowman anymore?”

“No,” she shakes her head, curls bouncing. “All done. They finish it cause I can’t reach no more.” Lydia looks over and sees that it’s almost finished. RJ had seemed to lose interest like Coco and Judith was putting in her finishing touches. Coco holds out one of her toys. “Faith play?”

Faith shakes her head, balling up more snow in her gloved hands.

“Grace?” She points to the other baby.

“Go ask her,” Lydia says.

Coco gets up and runs over. She drops down beside the other baby, saying a cheerful _“hi”_ to Rachel before offering her the toy. Grace takes with a squeal, flapping it around.

Lydia taps Faith’s chin endearingly. “Did you and your sister trade places?”

Faith smiles her telltale smirk, nodding her head despite not knowing what she was asked. “Mama!” She grabs another handful of snow, holding it out to her. “Mama.” Lydia takes the snow with a gentle laugh, pretending to eat it to satisfy her daughter. Faith squeals and claps.

“Taste good?” Lydia’s head snaps up at the new voice.

Henry stood not too far away, hands shoved in his pockets. Lydia had a little twinge of appreciation for him hiking all the way to their secluded house through the snow. Faith looks up at him and waves. He pulls a hand from his pocket and gives her a wave back. His eyes scan the area and sees Rachel not far away, her green eyes on him. He sees Grace between her knees, Coco on the other side of her playing with toys. He sees Judith and RJ running around on the other side of the yard with Daryl’s dog. And he saw the curtain move from inside the house, and he knew it must’ve been Daryl or Connie. Daryl with his luck.

Faith makes a loud sound, holding out a handful of snow for him. She yells again when he doesn’t move towards her. “Um…can I?”

Lydia nods and he moves slowly over, crouching down to take the snow from his daughter. The baby smiles at him and he knew it was Faith—Grace was eying him from her position with Rachel. She makes a sound and offers him some more snow and he chuckles, shoulders relaxing a bit more. He had been wary about seeing the kids but this little one made it easy. “Mama,” she offers Lydia some. He felt a bit if a twinge at him getting unclear sounds and Lydia had a name. She was _“Mama,”_ clear and confidently. _She_ was their _parent_. And he just some guy that gave them attention. Though through his sessions, his talks with Aaron and Tara and Lydia, he knew that while it was never his intention, it was no one’s fault but his own. But it wasn’t really his fault, it was just how things played out. But he got a chance to fix that, to be their dad before they’re old enough to remember that there was a time that they didn’t have a dad. And he wasn’t going to waste his second chance—or was it his third? He had lost his chance to be with Lydia—that much was solely on him. But he wouldn’t lose his friendship with her, wouldn’t lose his children.

They sat out there a while until the cold got to them and they rounded up the kids. Lydia had even passed Faith off to Henry to chase Coco who decided to make a run for it because she didn’t want to go inside. Once she caught her and shooed inside, Henry offered Faith back but Lydia surprised him by inviting him in for some hot chocolate.

Daryl had watched him sharply, but Henry had learned that that’s who Daryl was—overprotective to a fault over his family. He knew he had warranted Daryl’s looks, he had hurt Lydia more times than he ever wanted to. But he knew who Daryl was and knew that if he kept going forward that he’d accept him back, not for him but for Lydia and the girls. And he could accept that that was as good as he’d probably ever get with him.

“Mama!” Grace whined, reaching for Lydia from Rachel’s arms. Lydia finished helping Coco out of her snow pants and coat and took her. Coco climbed onto a chair, yelling “hot chocolate time!” and Faith watched everyone, completely content in Henry’s arms.

Daryl took his eyes off Henry and poured mugs of hot chocolate for Judith, RJ and Coco. He offered Lydia a bottle. “It’s just barely warm. They’re old enough to have a bit I think.”

“They’ll love that. Huh, Grace?” Lydia offers her the bottle and she takes it, tiny brows furrowing as she feels the warmth from it. She tentatively brings it to her mouth and tastes it. Daryl hands one to Faith who wasted no time sticking it in her mouth to taste. She makes a noise of happiness as she gulped down the warm drink. Grace still drinks slowly, savoring the flavor while Faith guzzled it excitedly.

When Connie came home after visiting her sister and Magna, and Tara and Rosita came to check on Coco and visit shortly after the whole family was together. And they stayed together drinking hot chocolate and eating the cookies Connie made for hours until the sun set. And even then.


	47. Gingerbread Cookies and Some Serious Talk

“It’s Christmas in the morning!” RJ says excitedly as he paints the cookie with the frosting.

“It _is,”_ Tara says as she helps him.

“I miss Auntie Connie,” he sighs.

“I know. But it’s Magna’s first Christmas in _ten years_ without Yumiko. Connie wanted to be with her, and Kelly and Luke. I’m sure she misses you, too, but she’ll be back after Christmas.”

“Why’d Auntie Magna need to move _all_ the way to Hilltop? Why didn’t she just stay here?”

“Being here reminded her too much of Yumiko,” Tara says sadly. “She needed a new place, at least for now. Maggie will take good care of her.”

“Kelly and Luke moved there with her. Is Auntie Connie gonna move there, too? Will she leave us?”

“No, I don’t think she would. She loves your Uncle Daryl, and she loves you and Judith and Lydia, and she loves Faith and Grace so much too. She can still visit Kelly and Magna when she can, but she loves all of you too much to not live here.”

“Will they get married? Uncle Daryl and Auntie Connie?”

“I don’t know. Daryl doesn’t seem like the marrying type but he would for Connie if she wanted to.”

“I bet she’d want to.”

“Yeah. She probably would.”

Judith came running into the room, practically leaping into the chair. Despite being thirteen she still had a lot of energy, still very childlike in some ways but mature beyond her years in others. “I smelt cookies.”

“I called up to you when we were making them,” Tara says.

“I know. I wanted to _decorate_ them, not _make_ them,” she says with a cheeky grin. She reaches for the red icing and Tara rolls her eyes playfully.

“I got green,” Coco says, lips stained with the icing. She had put mote icing in her mouth than on the cookies. Tara chuckles at her daughter, shaking her head.

“So messy, baby.”

“I know,” Coco giggles.

She watches Coco with sticky fingers and a green smile, RJ decorating his—not nearly as messy as Coco but not exactly neatly either. And then Judith, being as meticulous as always. She sat down after she decided they were all doing fine and nobody needed consistent help. She sat beside Coco who was the one who’d require the most aid. She hadn’t watched multiple kids in a long time. Usually Lydia, Connie, Daryl or Rosita were around, but tonight it was just her. Connie was at Hilltop, Daryl and Rosita were out on watch after an unfamiliar group of people were spotted wandering in the nearby woods despite the cold temperatures and deep snow, and Lydia had gone to bed after a very trying day with the twins. After her big break down at Oceanside, she had taken a decent step away from taking care of the kids other than her own and hadn’t been going out beyond the walls. Being Alexandria’s leader, a mother to a precocious toddler and focusing on herself and her marriage had taken all of the energy and mental capacity she had. But she had been taking time to re-figure everything out, and she had finally felt ready to take on the other kids when Daryl had asked her to.

“I hope these will taste as good as they look,” Judith comments. “I know the cookies will be good, your cookies are always really good. But the icing?”

“Is good!” Coco insists.

“You think _everything_ tastes good,” Judith laughs. “RJ, have you tasted it?”

“Uh no,” he shakes his head. “I don’t like frosting.”

“Did _you_ taste it, Aunt Tara?”

Tara nods. “It tastes fine, I promise.” She holds up a little bit on a spoon. “Try it.”

Judith’s nose wrinkles when she thinks on whether she should or not before nodding, tasting the frosting off the spoon. “Mm! I like it. It’s so sugary.”

“Sugary?” RJ asks, sticking his finger in the green frosting before bringing it to his mouth. “Yum!”

Tara, Judith and even Coco laughed at his realization. He joined in when Coco copied him, yelling “yummy!”

They spend a while decorating the cookies, and then building the gingerbread house to be decorated—Judith pretty much took over that part. Once they finished, it was well past bedtime and Tara made the older two finally go to bed, them promising to be quiet and not wake anyone if she let them stay in the same room. Tara had quickly agreed—staying in one of their rooms with Coco was much more appealing than sending Coco up with Judith and sleeping on the couch.

With the quietest of giggles the two end up in Judith’s room, leaving Tara and Coco RJ’s room. And before long, everyone in the house was fast asleep, excitement for the morning taken over by sleepiness as the clock struck twelve.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“Taste this,” Rosita says again, offering the spoon for Judith to taste test.

“Mm!” Judith nods quickly. “It’s real good!”

“You seemed really wary,” Tara chuckles from the chair where she’s sitting with Grace, who’s chewing on a cookie.

“I’m used to Aunt Connie cooking,” she shrugs.

“I cook for you, all the time!” Rosita laughs.

“Not for Christmas,” Judith points out.

Rosita and Tara shake their heads again, both laughing. Judith just sticks her tongue out at them but a smile tugs at her corner of her lips. She doesn’t really have any complaints—she loved being Rosita’s taste tester and always has.

RJ runs into the kitchen, looking refreshed. He had slept in later than usual after being up late at night making the cookies and gingerbread house. “Auntie Rosita, you’re back!”

“I am!”

“Uncle Daryl’s back too?”

“He is. He’s probably sleeping, we got back as the sun was coming up.”

“Why aren’t _you_ sleeping?”

“Because Coco decided that I wasn’t allowed to stay asleep when she woke up a few hours after I got back.”

“You know you could go take a nap, I’m more than capable of cooking,” Tara gives her a look and Rosita shrugs, turning back to the food. “Stubborn woman.”

RJ laughs as he snags a cookie, stuffing it in his mouth. “I love cookies. Especially with lots of frosting. I wish we could have frosting _every_ time.”

“As great as that’d be, that wouldn’t be good for you. _Or_ whoever watches you!” Tara laughs. “You’d get tired of it, too. The reason the frosting is so special is because it’s a rare treat.”

“If we had it every time it wouldn’t be special?”

“Nope,” Tara shakes her head. “In fact if you had that much sugary frosting all the time you could get sick, even.”

“Oh,” he says. “Well, okay. It’s a good treat.”

“It is,” Judith agrees.

“Ya!” Grace squeals. Everyone laughs.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

That afternoon they were all at the table to eat the feast Rosita, and later Tara, had spent the day cooking. Daryl had woken up and took over entertaining Judith, RJ and Grace so Tara could convince Rosita to take a nap. Tara had then taken over at the stove cooking. Lydia and Rachel had stayed upstairs with Faith and Coco most of the day until Daryl called them down to eat once Rosita was back awake.

Daryl was sitting at one of the heads, the twins in their high chairs to his right. Lydia was on their other side, Rachel beside her, and Coco beside her. Rosita was at the other head, Tara beside her, then Judith and then RJ between her and Daryl.

“Are you still tired, Auntie Rosita?” RJ asks.

“Mommy tired?” Coco looks up from her food.

“No, not tired,” then to Coco, “Mommy took a nap so no more tired.”

“Okay.”

Lydia looks to Daryl, then to Rosita. “What did you find out there? About those strangers?”

“I think that…that conversation should probably wait until later…” Rosita says softly.

Judith looks at her, eyes wide. “Um, that means you _did_ find something? Cause if it was nothing, you’d say you saw nothing. Because you pretty much said that it’s a big person conversation, which means you did find something. And in this adult conversation…well I’m _thirteen_. My mom told me everything when I was younger than this. I was included when I was like nine. So, can I be in the adult conversation?”

“Maybe,” Rosita says, eying RJ who looks ready to join in and ask and way to young and definitely too sheltered and immature to understand anything regardless. But her wink tells Judith that she will in fact be included, she just can’t say yes in front of the younger kids.

Rachel and Lydia exchange a look of concern. Neither were ready for anything else to happen, not with the accident and Yumiko’s death just a mere few months ago. They see Judith go back to eating quickly as if the faster she ate the sooner they’d have that conversation and Rachel shrugs, the two of them returning their focus back to their food.

“Don’t choke,” Tara chuckles at Judith stuffing forkfuls in her mouth. Judith just grins sheepishly.

“After everybody eats, you kids will probably want to open your gifts…” Daryl starts and he’s interrupted by RJ and Coco yelling _“presents!”_ He waits for the excitement to calm down before continuing, “then we can send them upstairs and we’ll have that talk. So slow down on inhaling your food, Jude.”

“I’m not very patient sometimes.”

“Oh really? We had no idea!” Tara says causing everyone else to laugh. Judith sticks her tongue out through her laughter.

They all finish their food in time, despite Judith’s impatient look, most of them doing more chatter than eating. But after what felt like an eternity, everyone had eaten, the twins and Coco had been cleaned up and the group had ended up in the living room.

The kids were given theirs to open, the adults hoping RJ and Coco would be excited enough to go upstairs and play. RJ had shouted in excitement when one of his gifts turned out to be his own tiny crossbow. Daryl had been very adamant that he was not allowed to touch it without strict supervision, and only outside of the walls. He had his own tiny little arrows to go with it, and they were dull tipped. The little sharp ones were still up high in Daryl’s closet, staying there until RJ was accustomed with his bow, aim at least decent and he knew he wouldn’t use it as a toy. RJ also got new boots—green, his favorite color, a bunch of small hot wheels cars Daryl had found while scavenging an old toy store they found in a mall they had scavenged in the summer before, and a soccer ball that had survived. Daryl had miraculously found a manual air pump to keep it inflated.

Coco had gotten some revived finger paints, two new stuffed animals, a doll and a new snowsuit. When Tara suggested the two of them went upstairs to play with the toys—minus the crossbow and paint—they had happily agreed, RJ running to the stairs with an armful with Coco trailing them.

Faith and Grace, who were happily playing with their new stuffed animals and dolls, were sitting in the middle of the floor. They were too young to listen in let alone understand the conversation and RJ was too young to watch them regardless. Coco was old enough to not need eyes on her the entire time and RJ was responsible enough to keep her out of real trouble and entertain her.

“What’d you find out there?” Judith asks as soon as it was just her, Lydia, Rachel, Daryl, Tara and Rosita.

“There were footsteps through the snow, didn’t seem like a large group, maybe twenty sets? They were headed deeper in the forest, like they were headed our way when they realized there was a community and decided to head away. Which makes me think non-confrontational,” Rosita says.

“I mean, Alpha also avoided us at first,” Judith points out, giving Lydia a _I’m sorry_ look. “They still could be bad guys.”

“That wasn’t all,” Daryl says. “There were small prints. Like they had children. Several sets, some a bit bigger than yours, Jude, some even smaller…like Coco’s. Seems more like a couple families in a tough situation trying to find safety.”

“Why not come here? It’s safe _here_.”

“They wouldn’t know that” Lydia speaks up. “They see walls, hear sounds. They don’t know if they went to the fence who would greet them. Maybe they were in a community that got attacked and they’re all scared. _I_ was terrified when I first saw Hilltop. I didn’t think something like it could even _exist_ , let alone there being several communities.”

“Terminus,” Tara says softly. Daryl and Rosita’s faces harden while the other three share looks of confusion. “The Governor, Negan, Alpha. Not all big groups and places are safe.”

“Would it be worth it to go out in the morning, look around?” Lydia asks.

“ _They_ might not be safe,” Daryl still argues.

“Or they could be in danger! Are we really okay with letting children die?” Tara argues.

“If it means keeping us all alive, then yes!” Daryl says loudly. He sees he’s gotten the twins attention and he lowers his voice. “It’s an unnecessary risk.”

“Not to _me_ ,” Tara says lowly. “Ro?”

Rosita hesitates. “I agree with Daryl. You know I don’t want children to suffer, Tara. But last time you went out…I can’t relive that, I can’t. I don’t think I’d survive if you left and never came home and I could have stopped it.”

“Then come with us. Rosita, what if something happened to us? If we were lost? Would you not want someone, even a stranger, to look if not for us then for our daughter?” Rosita sighs. “And Daryl? What if Lydia was lost? Or Judith, RJ, the twins if they were older?”

“That’s not fair.”

“It _is_. _Someone’s_ children are out there. Don’t matter if they’re the kids of good or bad people, they’re still _children_. And they’re worth a risk. Because if my child was lost out there, I’d want someone to take that risk to save her. And not just them wandering around with no protection against the walkers, it’s the storm, snow, exposure. Those kids could be very sick, or on deaths door.”

“The temperature is dropping much lower than last night already. Would they make it until morning out there?” Lydia asks in a small voice.

“Considering it’s snowing out?” Judith points to the window.

“No,” Tara says. “Ro…”

“Okay. Okay. We’ll go.”

“I’m going, too,” Lydia says.

“No, absolutely not!” Daryl says quickly. “You aren’t going out there. You aren’t risking your life for this. Anyways someone needs to stay with the kids.”

“I’m sure Alden wouldn’t mind coming over. Judith and RJ like him and Coco loves Adam,” Tara says and Daryl shoots her a dirty look. “We need all the help we can get, and the more people the better.”

“What if we find nothing? Risk hypothermia for nothing?”

“Then we know that we did what we could,” Rosita answers. “I’ll go check with Alden.”

“I don’t like this,” Daryl says once she’s left. He kneels on the floor, lifting Grace up. He was stressing, and holding the babies were an excellent destresser. “I don’t want you out there.”

“You’ve been keeping me inside since the accident, Dad. You’ve gotta let me out at some point.”

“Not when it’s below freezing and a snow storm on the way looking for complete strangers in the dark.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

“Okay.”

“So, you and Lydia will go one way, and Ro and I another. Rachel who are you going with?”

Rachel looks from Lydia to Tara. “Um…want me to go with you?” She asks Lydia first who nods quickly. “So I’m going with them.”

“Figured,” Tara chuckles. “Come on, we should get ready. And bundle up. And pack some stuff just in case we find anyone.”

“Wait, what about me?” Judith asks.

“You’re staying here,” Daryl says quickly.

“But—”

“No buts,” Tara answered this time. “None of us are comfortable having you out there. You’ll stay here and help Alden with the kids.”

Judith rolls her eyes but refrains from saying anything.

Not too long later, they’re all bundled up and Tara packs up a bag with some blankets, coats, two canteens of warm broth and a first aid kit. Rosita returns shortly after, Alden right behind her. Alden greets them, as does the toddler on his hip. Adam’s cheeks are rosy just from the walk from one home to the other, crystal blue eyes wide and strawberry blonde curls in a mess on his head from his hat.

Alden’s thanked as the group heads out, bundled up with flashlights firmly in hands as they head for the gate to begin their search.


	48. Promises

_Fire._ That’s what haunted his dreams.

The smell of smoke filling his nostrils, the room he shared with his parents and sister glowing as the neighboring home burned. It was a tiny community, his house being a four bedroom home which housed four whole families. He complained that his dad snored too loud on the mattress beside his bed, that his mother fussed over him too much, that his little sister wet the bed when she was scared. And she was _always_ scared. He complained but he would never complain again.

He relives that night in his dreams.

The fire was burning, spreading fast. _Too_ fast. He was eleven, he was old enough to know it wasn’t an accident. Hearing his sister crying from the bottom bunk, he looked to see his mother shoving what little belongings they had in their bags.

He sees his father’s axe held high and ready as he reaches for the doorknob. Sees his mother pick up his sister, nearing five but still so _little_. He sees the door open.

His sister’s screams haunt his dreams. His father opening the door, one of their housemates he recognizes as Harry’s father standing on the other side. But he wasn’t Harry’s father anymore. He wasn’t a person. He was a dead one. His sister screams as their father embeds his axe in the dead one’s head. Their moving through the house, they’re almost outside when a small figure appears. _Harry_. Their father hesitates. He sees the clouded over eyes and blood dripping from the little boy’s chin before his father does. He’s too scared to speak, and by the time his father realizes the little boy is dead it’s too late. The thing that was once his best friend is sinking his teeth into his father’s wrist. _This_ time he does scream.

He squeezes his eyes shut when his father takes off the boy’s head with his axe and only opens them when he feels a hand grabbing his sleeve, pulling him forward. His father pulls him with him, his mother following with his sobbing sister on her hip.

Sometimes he wakes up screaming when that happens, sometimes he doesn’t.

Sometimes he dreams of what came next, of them running through the woods away from their burning home, the other survivors ahead and behind. They regrouped but refused to move onward until those bitten were put down. He knew that meant. He would always remember his father’s last words to him. Those words even haunt him when he was awake.

His father had knelt in front of him, hands on his skinny shoulders and he wiped the tears dripping down his face. “Ethan, you need to be brave for me. Can you do that?” He remembered that he had nodded despite the whimper coming out of his throat. “You need to take care of your mama. She’s gonna have a hard time going forward, but you’re the man of the family now. And look out for little Rose. I know she annoys you, that’s what little siblings do, but she needs you. Promise me you’ll watch out for your sister, that you’ll help your mother.”

“I promise,” he had whispered, his voice breaking.

His mother had made him turn away, and he had put his hands over little Rose’s ears. The sound of the gunshots haunted his dreams.

Rose hadn’t talked since that night, she cried and screamed often enough but she did not speak. He wished he could just not talk, to close into himself. But he had made a promise.

The cold haunted his dreams, his consciousness and his every moment. The temperatures kept dropping, the snow falling. His mother had made keeping him and Rose her priority, shedding her own layers to put on them. She carried Rose most of the time, and when she walked she held onto his hand like he was a lifeline.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“Look!” One of the kids in their group shouted. Allison he believes.

He craned his neck to see where the girl was pointing and he saw it. Lights shining in the dying night sky. He made out an outline of walls. It was a community. “Mama. It’s a safe place.”

“You don’t know that” Derek, who had taken the role of their groups leader, said sternly. “It could be dangerous. Who knows what kind of people live there.”

“We’ve been walking a week. It’s cold, we’re out of food, we only have water because of the snow. We could die out here. If we don’t find shelter soon, we will die. My children—”

“We walk through those gates and there’s a good chance we could die! Staying out here is safer!”

“How?!” His mother asks exasperated. He notices her voice isn’t normal. He sees in the pale light that her lips are an unnatural shade of blue and he tightens his grip on little Rose’s hand.

“We can’t trust others to keep us alive. We did that at The Park and look what happened. We lost husbands, wives, siblings, friends, and children. We can’t risk that.”

“And you’d rather us freeze to death—which is a very real possibility, than take a chance of us all having a roof over our heads, a warm bed and food in our stomachs tonight?”

“Any of you want to go to the gates, be my guest. Your loss. But I’m not staying here any longer, ain’t risking us getting seen. Let’s go, people!”

He turns on his heel and marches onward, deeper into the darkening woods. One by one, everyone else followed. Not one person headed towards the walls. His mother sighs heavily, tired feet trudging forward. He casts a look at the wall, shivering as he tugs his shaking sister with him.

They walked through the night, the cold settling deep in their bones. When they took their break, others trying to get a fire started while the strong took watch, their mother sat shivering uncontrollably as she cradled Rose in her arms trying to warm her up with her nonexistent body heat. He curled up beside her, feeling the snow soaking into his damp jeans. He was eleven and he was scared that he would die. He was more scared that little Rose would die. She wasn’t even five yet.

He forced himself to stay awake, he was afraid to close his eyes. Afraid if he did, they wouldn’t open again. Every time Rose was too still he’d pinch her arm. It always made her cry out, always got an angry shush from Derek or one of the other mean men, but he didn’t want her to drift away. He had tried pinching his mother, but eventually she just stopped responding so he resorted to just pressing fingers to her pulse instead through the night and into the morning.

When morning finally came, he had shaken his mom repeatedly, saying her name over and over. It took her a long time to open her tired eyes, for two other women to help her to her feet. She was moving slowly, wearily. Rose stayed glued to his side, he could feel the fear rolling off of her tiny body in waves.

They were moving again, Derek shouting left and right to keep up. That anyone who fell behind would be left behind. That if they were left behind, they were as good as dead. He knew Derek was serious. He was cruel and harsh. Rose gave him a look that said he was scary.

The longer they walked, the slower their mom was. She was stumbling, even with the other women holding her upright. And when Derek had shouted for them to pick up their pace, he had snapped.

“We can’t! My mom needs us to go slower, not faster!”

Derek had marched his way to the back, fixing him with a steely look.

“Ethan, is it?” He nods, tilting his chin up despite the icy fear at the man’s dangerous face. “Look, kid. I got twenty-five people to keep alive. Including other moms and kids. We slow down, we die. There are deadheads in these woods wandering ‘round. We got no shelter or food so the faster we find a place, the faster these people are warm and fed. So I’m sorry but we can’t risk the lives of all these people for your mom. It’s only a matter of time anyways, looks like hypothermia. And if we don’t hurry ahead, that’s gonna happen to everyone. So you and your mom are gonna have to keep up, or you’re on your own. Maybe those safe people at that wall way back yonder will help. If not,” he shrugs, patting his shoulder.

He stares at him in shock and disgust. And when they all hurry ahead and his mother can’t even stand upright with the lack of the others aid, he knows that they weren’t keeping up. “Mama, we should go back. Find that community we saw. Derek won’t wait.”

“We…don’t know the way…”

“It’s our best bet, Mama. It’s that way somewhere. We gotta look, please. They might be able to make you feel better cause you’re sick. And they can help Rosie. And me. I bet they’re nice people with nice kids.”

She nodded once, twice. He took her hand, guiding her back the direction they came. Rose was attached to his other hand. They walked and walked for hours, taking very frequent breaks. Several times Rose yanked on his arm, patting her belly to tell him she was hungry. He could do nothing but give her a sad smile and promise that they new place would give her food. He prayed they would, good or bad. Because even bad people should care about little kids, and Rose was real little.

When the sun was setting, and he had been questioning on whether he could build a fire himself, his mother collapsed. She was as white as the snow she was sprawled out in, lips as blue as the sea. Rose started crying and he dropped down, shaking his mother’s shoulders. “Mama? Mama! Come on!” He stills when his fingers press the familiar spot but there’s no pulse, no warmth. She’s ice cold. He rested his head against her chest and there was no movement, no sounds. She was still and cold. She was dead.

“No! No…”

Rose lowered herself down, sitting beside him. She hugged her little knees to her chest, looking up at him with wide blue eyes shining with tears. She points to their mother, whining loud and scared.

“Gone, Rosie. Mama’s gone, like Daddy.”

He expected a scream, a tantrum like she threw when their dad was put down. But all she did was stare at their mother, eyes shedding a waterfall of tears as silent sobs shook her. “We gotta be brave, Rosie. We _have_ to.” Rose shook her head but didn’t make a peep nor did she move.

He swallowed hard, unsheathing the knife tied to his belt. His mother had given it to him years ago, making him promise that he would use it if he had to. He never had to, not until _now_. Rose grabs his hand, eyes like saucers. “I gotta, Rose. If I don’t, she’ll come back a monster. Mama wouldn’t wanna be a dead one, she wouldn’t want to hurt us. She’d want to be put down.” She shakes her head, pointing to him. “You’re right, she wouldn’t want me to do it. But it’s just _us_ , Rose. I _gotta_.”

She cries but lets his hand go. He crawls up through the deep snow, looking down at his mother’s still face. He leans down, pressing lips to her icy forehead. “I’m sorry, Mama. I’ll take care of Rosie. I promise.” He grunts as he shoves the knife into her temple. Rose cries louder and he doesn’t bother to shush her.

He let her sit there and cry for another hour until he made her get up. “We gotta keep moving.” She shakes her head, stomping with a scream. She points to their mother. “We can’t…we have to go. It’s too cold to try to bury her, there’s over a foot of snow and the grounds frozen. And we can’t carry her. Rose, I promised both Daddy and Mama I’d keep you safe. Don’t make me break that promise. _Please_.”

Rose scowls but lets him tug her forward. He walks in the direction he thinks the community he saw was, and Rose follows behind him, huffing consistently to let him know how unhappy she was. If he could hear her making unhappy sounds, he knew she was okay. They kept going, even when the sun was setting.

With darkness, came winds that almost knocked them over, especially Rose. And soon the snow came, falling in large flakes. The temperatures dropped and he was afraid. He searched for the lights of the community, but all he saw was darkness. The moons light barely even allowed him to see Rose’s outline. He was about to speak when he heard it. The guttural sound of dead ones nearing them.

Rose screams louder than she ever screamed before running away. “Rose! Wait!” He tried to run after her but a dead one stepped out in his path. He screamed and fell back, scurrying across the ground. _“Help!”_ He screamed, hoping his shouts might be heard by a person instead of drawing more dead ones his way. “Help me!” He got up, barely dodging the monster’s grasp.

“Get down!” A voice shouts. It was a man’s voice, deep and gravelly and almost mean. He drops down immediately and there’s a sound of something slicing through air and a thump as an arrow hit the dead one right in the head. It falls down beside him, dead.

He hears a grunt of exertion, a females this time. His eyes find a girl who looks barely an adult jabbing a spear into a dead ones head. And he realizes the reason he can see this is because they’re wielding flashlights.

Movement is seen from the corner of his eyes and a person crouches down into view. It’s another girl who looks similar age to the other. This one has long, straight dark brown hair and gentle eyes while the other had long curls and a determined scowl on her face.

“Is he okay?” The man’s voice again. He sees him taking out the last dead one. He was a scary looking man, dark hair in his face and brushing his collarbone with a stony look.

“Hey,” the girl in front of him touches his shoulder and he jumps to life. He startled the girl but she recovers. “Easy, easy.”

“M-my sister. My sister!”

“You have a sister out here?” The man asks.

“She got scared and ran away. That way!” He points.

“How old is she? What’s her name?”

“She’s almost five. Her name is Rose, but she doesn’t talk. She won’t answer if you call her.”

The man pulls out what he recognizes as a walkie. “Tara, Rosita, there’s a little girl your direction. She’s five, name’s Rose but her brother said she ain’t talking.”

_“Copy that. We’ll look for her. Anyone else out here?”_ A woman’s voice comes over the walkie.

He shakes his head. “Nah,” the man says. “Just the little girl.”

“They’ll find her, they won’t stop until they do,” the girl in front of him says. “Rachel, bag,” she calls. The fighter girl—Rachel—walks over and kneels down beside the nice girl. The nice girl pulls a blanket out of the bag and wraps it around him. “My name’s Lydia. What’s yours?”

“Ethan,” he says quietly.

“Well, Ethan. This is my friend, Rachel. And that’s my dad, Daryl. We’re from a community not far from here.”

“We were looking for that,” he breathes. “My Mama…she died. But we were trying to find that community when she did. She was sick, the leader said hypo…hypo-something and cause she couldn’t keep up they just left us. We thought it might be safe, the group didn’t.”

“The rest of the group is gone?”

“Long gone I’d bet. I hope. _They’re_ the monsters.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Rose was running in circles she was sure.

The dead ones came and she had gotten _so_ scared and ran. She thought Ethan would follow but he didn’t. She had heard him scream but when she turned she saw the snarling monsters coming towards her. So she started running again. She ran and ran until she found a hollowed out tree. It was so dark and she hoped nothing was in it. She tossed a stone into it and when she heard no noise, she crawled in and pushed as far back from the opening as she could.

Was Ethan _gone?_ Gone like Daddy and Mama? If he was, what would she do? If she didn’t freeze, could she find the community all on her own? She knew if he was dead, she’d have to speak but she was so damn scared to. She was cold, _too_ cold. Her jeans and coat were both soaked through and her fingers and toes were going numb. She could feel the tears on her cheeks starts to actually freeze.

She whimpers, covering her mouth with her hands. She was desperate to stop her cries and chattering teeth and hoping to warm her hands with her breath at the same time.

She was starting to feel sleepy and she pinched herself, that’s what Ethan did. She curled up, pinching her arm so hard she knew it’d bruise. It was a losing battle. Her eyes were fluttering when she heard her name being called. She pushes her sleepy body up, wondering if she heard it or if it was a trick of the wind.

She hears it again, and it’s a woman’s voice, not Ethan’s. Was it someone from their group? Or someone who found her brother and they wanted to reunite them? She knew she shouldn’t be so trusting, but she was scared and cold and hungry.

She crawled out of the tree and listened for the call again. When she heard it again she started running in the direction of the voice. She kept running, the calls getting closer. She ran around a tree and bumped right into someone. She looks up, half expecting to see the void eyes and mouth dripping blood but what she sees is a gentle face of a living, breathing human.

“Rose?” Her voice was as gentle as her look. So she nods. The woman kneels in front of her, reaching out to touch her shoulder. “It’s alright Rose. My friends, they found your brother. And he told us where you ran. My name is Tara. You’re safe now…Rosita? I need that blanket, her clothes are soaked and she’s _freezing_.”

Another woman appears with a bag and next think she knows, all of her wet clothes are being removed and a coat is being zipped around her before she’s wrapped in a blanket. She’s lifted in the air and wool socks are pulled up on her feet. She’s kept up high, being held by the first woman, Tara. She snuggles in against her as she’s carried. She hears the other woman— _Rosita_ —talking to someone. When she peeks she sees a walkie in her hand.

She’s not sure how long she’s carried, but suddenly she hears a yell, “Rose!”

She blinks a few times before looking and she smiles for the first time in weeks when she sees Ethan running her way. He nearly crashes into Tara, reaching up to hug his sister tightly.

“We should go ‘fore it gets too cold out here. Snows getting worse, too,” Daryl says.

“Where are we going?” Ethan asks.

“Home,” Tara says. “We’re bringing you home.”


	49. What Makes A Home

The temperatures had dropped well below freezing by the time they had arrived at Alexandria, the storm rolling in. The little girl was nestled in Tara’s arms, half asleep by the looks of it. The boy had latched onto Lydia’s hand and didn’t let go.

“Lydia and I can get these two to Alex, you three want to check on our kids? Make sure they didn’t drive Alden mad while we were out?” Tara asks.

Daryl nods. “I’ll meet you in the infirmary after.”

Daryl, Rosita and Rachel head in the direction of the house while Tara and Lydia hurry Ethan and Rose to the infirmary.

“You have kids?” Ethan asks, looking up at Tara.

“We both do,” she gestures her head to Lydia’s direction.

He looks up at her in confusion. “Are you even old enough to have kids?”

Lydia and Tara both chuckle. “Barely. I have two daughters, twins. They’re ten months old.”

“So, they’re babies. What about yours?”

“Just one. Coco, she’s three, almost four.”

“Rosie is four almost five. But she’s little for her age. She might like your daughter.”

“I’m sure Coco will love her.”

“And there’s Judith and RJ. They’re my cousins, I guess. They’re nine and thirteen, so you’re right in between them. Judith is thirteen, RJ is nine.”

“Do you think they’d like me?”

“Oh yeah,” Lydia smiles. “Judith will be _really_ excited. She wanted to come searching with us but we made her stay back.”

She sees him visibly relax, his vice grip on her own hand loosening a bit. He was seeing that maybe this _was_ a good place. Sadness swelled in him as much as the relief did, he wished his mother had made it to see it.

They made it into the infirmary and Alex looks up from his books. “What do we have here?”

“This is Ethan and Rose. We found them out beyond the wall. Starved, freezing cold.”

“Can’t help but be glad it isn’t the two of you in here to be treated, _again_.” He pushed the gurney over for Tara to lay Rose on.

Ethan looks up at them. “You were hurt before?”

“They’re my most frequent serious injury patients. Lydia with her surgery after having her twins and later her bad head injury. Tara post Whisp…Tara being impaled.”

“Post Whisp?”

Alex gives an apologetic look. Tara shrugs and responds, _“Whisperers_ , they were a bad group we got into a fight with. I got hurt bad during it.”

“Oh…are they all gone now?”

“The _bad_ ones are. The good ones, they joined us.”

“That’s good. That you took in the good people from the bad group. That means _you’re_ good people.”

_“She_ is. I was one of the Whisperers when I met this group. My mother, she was the _worst_ one. She was the leader.”

“She was just a kid, and the first one to be good. Others saw her join us, become one of us, and they followed,” Tara finishes.

Ethan smiles at the story. Alex gets their attention, stating how he has to check them over now. Rose whimpers, leaning away and swatting half heartedly when he reaches for her. Alex sighs.

“Do me first, so she can see you won’t hurt her,” Ethan says bravely. He wasn’t even sure what the doctor would do, but he knew Rose needed to see what happened first. Alex lifts him onto the cot beside Rose who pushes herself up so she’s sitting beside him.

“Just going to examine you both, see if you’re healthy or if you’re sick,” he explains in a gentle tone. Ethan nods, Rose just stares at him with a guarded look. He sticks a stethoscope in his ears and presses the end against Ethan’s chest. He shivers a little.

“That’s cold.”

“It is, isn’t it? Just a second longer, I’m giving your heart a listen…and it sounds good and strong. Now let’s hear your lungs.” He moves the stethoscope to his back, “take a deep breath in…good, now breathe out. Hmm.”

“Is it alright?” Tara asks.

“Sounds like some minor fluid in his lungs. Gotta keep an eye on that, could be nothing serious. Could be him coming down with something from exposure. We’ll have to wait and see. Does your chest hurt? Like it hurts to breathe?”

“No,” Ethan shakes his head.

Alex looks to Rose. “Can I listen to _your_ heart and lungs?” Rose looks to Ethan, and then to Tara. Ethan assures her it’s alright and she finally nods warily. “Alright. I’ll be gentle.” He presses the stethoscope to her chest and she winces. “It’s alright, Rose. Your heart sounds nice and strong. You’re big and strong, aren’t you?” Rose nods eventually. “Now let’s give your lungs a listen.” He moves the stethoscope to her back. “Deep breath,” she breathes in through her little nose, “now breathe out.” She lets the breath out of her mouth.

“How’s hers?” Tara asks.

“Sounds not so great. Being out there in the cold that long. Might be pneumonia setting in.”

“Can you treat it just in case?”

“Yeah, I can. Try to nip it in the bud before it gets worse. Rose, does your chest hurt? Does it hurt to take deep breaths?”

Rose nods after a pause.

“A little or a lot?”

“Rosie,” Ethan starts, “this is a little,” he makes a pinching motion with his fingers, “and _this_ is a lot,” he holds his arms apart.

She does the pinching fingers, showing that it hurts just a little. He nods and feels her glands. She scowls at him and he ignores it. “Glands are a bit swollen. Let’s see yours, buddy.”

He feels Ethan’s glands. “Yours aren’t that swollen.”

“Are you going to give us some medicine?”

“I will once I finish examining you both. See if there’s anything else.” He pulls out a little pen light. “Follow my finger.” He shines the light in Ethan’s chocolate brown eyes, the boys’ eyes following his finger as he moves it. After he looks into his ears and inside of his mouth and throat.

“Your turn, little one. I’m going to look in your eyes and I want you to follow my finger with just your eyes, okay?” Rose nods and he shines the light. She blinks against it for a moment before adjusting, brilliant blue eyes following his finger best to her ability. He also checks her freckled little nose, inside her ears which he states she has evidence of an ear infection and inside her throat.

“Alright,” he goes to the cabinet and pulls out some medicine. Ethan happily takes his but Tara has to coax Rose into taking hers.

Alex examines them more, looking for injuries or exposure, especially frostbite. Daryl entered the infirmary shortly after, Rosita and Rachel staying back home with the kids he had said. Besides the red tinge on their faces, especially visible on Rose who was paler than they'd like, from exposure to the cold and some mild tingling on their finger tips but no frostbite, they were cleared to go.

“Go _where?_ ” Ethan asks, voice shaking. He wasn’t sure where they were being put. He hadn’t thought about that until now. Would _they_ keep them, despite having their own children? Or send them to live with a childless person somewhere? They wouldn’t split him and his sister up, would they?

He watches the adults share a look and step away in quiet voices.

“Could you keep Coco the night? Ro and I could take these two home with us for the night until we figure things out.”

“Yeah, I’m fine keeping her,” Lydia says quietly. “Always am.” Daryl nods in agreeance.

“Okay.” Tara turns back to the kids, stepping towards them. “So the two of you are going to come home with me for now, okay?”

_For now._ It was better than nothing. He nods and Rose copies him.

Tara reaches her arms out and Rose allows her to lift her up. Ethan slides off of the cot with a sigh. He eyes Lydia, he liked her more. But he had to admit, Tara _was_ just as nice. The group of them walked out of the infirmary together. But they ended up splitting off shortly after that.

“We’ll send Ro back your way,” Daryl says as he and Lydia starts back across a snowy field, a house in the near distance. Daryl held onto her as the wind and snow picked up.

Tara held onto Rose tightly as they made it to her house not far from the infirmary. Tara opened the door, stepping in and switching on the light. Heat met them, washing over them. Ethan let out a sigh as he sheds his coat, unsure where to put it.

“Just throw it anywhere,” is Tara’s answer. “I’ll put everything away in the morning. It’s getting late, should probably get some food into you and maybe a warm bath if you want.”

Rose made a sound of approval, clapping her hands she heard bath. She couldn’t remember last time she had a nice warm bath. At their old home, there were four families and one bath and one shower. They hadn’t had hot water so they boiled it, and she was allowed just enough time to clean up. Her parents, Ethan and she all had to clean up in the same bath before the water got too cold.

Tara sits Rose down at the table before moving to the stove. Ethan sits beside his sister. While Tara is cooking, the door opens and startles both children momentarily.

“How’s Coco?” Tara asks her.

“ _Way_ too excited to stay with Lydia over coming home,” Rosita laughs. She looks at the two kids sitting at the table. Ethan watching her with a curious look, Rose hugging her knees with a look of apprehension. “Hi, there.”

“Hi,” Ethan says quietly.

Rosita moves over to Tara, hand on her back. “Feeding them then they’ll probably want a good bath. We can set them up in the spare room after. Rose can fit in some of the clothes we got a size up for Coco. Ethan though…”

“I grabbed some pajamas that were a bit big for RJ before I came here for him. I can go set the room up while you feed them?”

Tara nods with a gentle smile. “That’d be great.”

Rosita smiles back, pressing a kiss to Tara’s lips before heading upstairs. She returns her focus to the stove, pouring the mugs of hot chocolate and offering it to them. Other than seeing her brother was alive, this was the first genuine smile she saw on the little girls face. She scoops the spaghetti onto the plates—the pasta maker they finally found and growing their own herbs and tomatoes had definitely come in handy. She gave them small servings, not knowing when they last ate and not wanting them ill. When she puts the plates in front of them, Rose quickly shoves a forkful in her mouth hungrily.

“She’s been saying she was hungry for days,” Ethan comments as the sad look on Tara’s face at the child’s obvious hunger. “I don’t remember when I last ate. We had crackers before our home…I gave her most of mine.”

“Well there’s no food shortage here. We grow all of our own.”

“I hope that lasts,” he says quietly. He raises his voice, “you and that lady who came in, are you together? Cause you kissed, which only like, married people do.”

“Yes, Rosita and I are married.”

“She seems nice.”

Tara smiles a little. “She is. You should eat at least a little before it gets cold.”

He nods, finally giving into his aching stomach. He shoves a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth. Tara decided to eat a bit of food herself while she waited for them to finish. Once they had, Tara carried Rose upstairs while Ethan followed, eyeing everything with eyes wide.

“Bath time?” Tara asks and Rose nods, smiling. She shows Ethan the spare room where Rosita was finishing setting up before bringing Rose into the bathroom.

Rose sat cross-legged on the toilet while Tara turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up. Once it had, she stuck the plug in and poured a small amount of bubble bath in. She had quite the collection from various scavenging trips. Rose watches the bubbles form in the water with excited eyes. Tara helps her out of the oversized shirt from earlier and into the tub. She went to leave to let her enjoy the tub but the moment she moved to the door Rose started to cry.

Tara ended up sitting on Coco’s step stool beside the tub. Rose had sat patiently, playing with Coco’s few bath toys while Tara worked on her long hair. Her hair was nearly waist length, but it was tangled and dirty. She spent a long half hour massaging her scalp and hair, working on cleaning every strand. After she was satisfied her hair was thoroughly washed and conditioned, she dried her off and helped her dress in a pair of Coco’s pajamas. While she got her settled in the spare room, Ethan went into the bathroom to take his own bath or shower. Tara dried her hair off and got to work combing her hair out while Rose held a clipboard with paper on her lap, crayon in hand. Once it was snarl free, she tied it back in a braid. Rose held up the drawing, showing a pink house with different colored stick fingers.

“That’s beautiful,” Tara says softly with a smile. Rose beamed up at her. “We can hang it up in the morning if you want.” She nods.

Rosita came into the room when Tara was tucking Rose in. Rosita sat down on the bed beside her. “I put a fresh towel and the pajamas in the bathroom before Ethan went in. He should probably be finishing up soon.” She offers Rose one of Coco’s stuffed animals and she takes it happily. “You’ll feel better once your brother is back here, huh?”

Rose nods, snuggling up anyways. Tara rubs a hand up and down her back as she lays on her side. Tara and Rosita stay seated in there until Ethan comes in, looking refreshed and content being clean, warm and in clean pajamas. Rosita pulled the blanket on the other side up so he can climb in beside his sister. She tucks him in and Tara presses a kiss to Rose’s head goodnight. And after not seeing Ethan make a face, Rosita kisses his forehead as well. She switches on the nightlight before she and Tara left the room, closing the door partially, leaving it ajar.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Rosita says once they’re in their own room. “We have to discuss what to do with those kids.”

Tara sighs. “That we do.”


	50. The Longest Night

_“We have a lot to talk about,” Rosita says once they’re in their own room. “We have to discuss what to do with those kids.”_

_Tara sighs. “That we do.”_

Tara sits cross-legged on the bed, fiddling with her sleeve. Rosita sits beside her, scooting close. “They’re orphans, their people are gone. They’re nearly five and eleven. And need to stick together. Remember how hard it was to find a home for Adam who was _one baby?_ Imagine trying to find a place for two older kids who aren’t going to be easy,” Rosita says with a sigh.

“Basically it’d be a long road to try to find a place for them. They’d need someone who can take two kids, someone who can work to get Rose to talk—who knows how hard that’s going to be, and someone who can work with any trauma they might have.”

“This isn’t going to be easy,” Rosita says, both to herself and Tara.

“Is it ever? I think we should let them settle a few days before we look around for a new home. Probably shouldn’t say anything to them until we know what’s happening.”

“Sounds like a good plan for now,” Rosita says with a yawn.

“We should get some sleep,” Tara suggests, leaning back. Rosita lays down on her back and Tara curls up against her and they fall asleep quickly, both exhausted from their impossibly long night.

It was a few hours later when they got woken up by screams. They both jumped awake, Tara shuddering. They jumped out of bed, heading to the sound of the screams. They realize it’s coming from the spare room.

Rosita opens the door, moving quickly into the room. Ethan’s thrashing on the bed, screams and cries leaving him. Rosita moves to him while Tara scans the room for Rose with a frown. She doesn’t see her anywhere and searches while Rosita tries to wake the boy from his night terror. She looks under the bed, finding it bare. She opens the closet and almost doesn’t see her. She’s crawled as far back as she can, rocking back and forth with quiet sobs with her hands pressed over her ears. Tara scoots down towards her and very carefully reaches out to touch her.

Rose screams and presses backs against the wall before realizing who it is. She whimpers and reaches out to Tara, who picks her up. She carries her out of the closet and the little girl covers her ears once more.

“I’m going to take her downstairs.”

Rosita nods, holding onto Ethan. She holds onto him, rocking him back and forth. She remembers countless nights she had done this very same thing with Tara following the Whisperers. Sometimes Tara would still have nightmares, but she no longer was plagued by night terrors like this poor child was.

“You’re safe, honey. You’re safe and it’ll be okay. You’re safe.” She whispers in his ear, holding him snug against her. He held onto her, crying into her shirt. He was gasping, trying to get enough oxygen into his lungs. “Ethan, breathe. Focus on me, buddy.”

“I—I—I can’t.”

“Yes you can, buddy.” She rubs her hand up and down his sweaty back, pressing kisses to the top of his head. “Breathe in.”

He gasps in a breath, struggling to. Rosita talking him through it, rubbing his back as he focuses on getting a good breath. “In through your nose,” he draws in a deep shuddering breath, “now out through your mouth.” He coughs out a breath.

She holds onto him as his shakes slowly ease up, his cries turning to whimpers as he runs out of tears. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles against her, voice thick with fear. As if his panic would make them change their minds, that she’d throw him out in the cold. She remembers so man times Tara had apologized through her tears, looking at her with sad eyes like one day Rosita would realize how much work she was and walk away. That day never came. And it wouldn’t for this little boy.

“You don’t need to be sorry. It’s alright, honey. You can’t help it, it’s out of your control and nobody can fault you for that. You know Tara used to have night terrors too? And panic attacks all the time.”

“Sh-she did?”

“She did. And I still loved her more than anything and never walked away from that. We worked through it til she was okay.”

“I’ll be okay?”

“Someday you will.”

“Could I have some water?”

“Yeah. Want to come downstairs or would you like me to bring you up some water?”

“I’d like coming down, I think a walk would be good.”

She smiles at him. “I think so, too.”

“Wait,” he looks around. “Where’s Rosie? Where is she?!”

“Easy. She’s fine. Tara brought her downstairs.”

“I scared her, didn’t I?”

“You did. But she’ll be okay. And so will you.” She takes his hand and they go down the stairs. They find Tara and Rose in the living room, Rose curled up on Tara’s lap as she sipped on some milk out of one of Coco’s sippy cups. She lit up when she saw Ethan and points.

“How are you feeling?” Tara asks him in a gentle voice. He shrugs, sitting beside them. He reaches out to poke Rose’s arm and she giggles. Rosita goes to the kitchen and pours a cup of water, bringing it back to him.

“Thank you,” he says quietly. “Maybe Rosie should sleep in another room, so I don’t scare her again. I don’t wanna hurt her accidentally either.” Rose sits up with a loud whine. “Just for now, Rosie. Just ‘til this is better. Okay?”

She huffs but nods, curling back up against Tara. He smiles at that, sipping his water.

Not too much longer later, they went back upstairs. After getting Ethan settled back into the spare room and asking several times if he was sure he was fine alone, they brought Rose to Coco’s room for the night. She had cried at first, but the nightlight and stuffed bunny soothed her.

Tara and Rosita were nearly asleep when they heard the door creak open. They heard the softest patter of feet and then on Tara’s side a little body climbed up onto the bed. Rose climbs over Tara, settling down between the two woman, bunny snug in her arms.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“What’d ya gon do with them?” Daryl asks the next morning. He decided to check in, all alone. He had asked Coco if she wanted to come home but she was completely satisfied with Lydia.

“I don’t know,” Rosita sighs into her steaming mug of coffee. “They wouldn’t be easy to find a place for. Ethan has night terrors, nearly as bad as Tara had after the pikes. Rose doesn’t talk and screams a lot. It’s a mess. We were up all night after Ethan had one, and as we were falling asleep Rose made her way to our room and ended up in our bed and proceeded to toss and turn all night. She’s absolutely attached to Tara. Want some more strays?” She jokes.

“No. _Definitely_ no. Three is enough. Four considering the one you took from the ocean who hasn’t gone back once since. I think I have Rachel permanently. Six if you add in the twins. Seven with yours that spends half her life with us. So no, we don’t need eight and nine.”

Rosita chuckles. “How about you? Considered keeping ‘em?” Her smile faded and she stared at him.

“Keep—keeping them? Like… _adopting_ them?”

“Yeah. Said so yourself, the little girl is attached to Tara and you know what to do with the boy.”

“Yeah, but…that’s so much work. And a lot of time. I mean, we have a lot of free time especially since it’s been so quiet lately. But the kids, they…”

“You dealt with the same thing with Tara.”

“Yeah, with _Tara_. My best friend of eight years who turned into the love of my life. This is a _kid._ I don’t even know if I’m up for taking on a kid with these issues. And what if it sets Tara back?”

“Or what if helping them could help her heal even more?” He countered back.

“I don’t know,” she sighs. “I’m scared to talk to Tara about it, she gets attached too easily. She’s bonding with that little girl quickly. Taking on a child, let alone _two_ , is a huge commitment, not like a temporary thing. You took on Lydia, but she was a teen already. These kids are _young_. Four and eleven. Are we up for that? And how would it affect Coco? Sharing time with the twins is one thing because at the end of the day it’s just _her_ at home. How would having two kids here forever mean?”

“It wouldn’t be _forever._ And, well there’s only one way to find out. You introduce her to them.”

“I don’t think they’re ready for that,” Rosita shakes her head.

Ethan trudged into the kitchen, yawning with a stretch. He stops in his tracks when he sees Daryl sitting across from Rosita. Tara follows behind with a sleepy Rose attached to her. “Oh, hey Daryl,” Tara says. “Coco still with Lydia?” They don’t miss the way Ethan perks up.

“Yeah, she was more interested in painting to come home,” he chuckles. “Judith broke out the finger paints.”

“Oh yeah, she better say there then,” Rosita jokes.

“Painting?” Ethan asks with wide eyes. “You have paint?”

“Not here,” Rosita says. “But I’m sure when Coco comes home some paint can come with her for you to use.” He smiles at that, nodding. “You hungry?”

“Yeah. Really hungry.”

“How does some pancakes and eggs sound?” She asks.

“Sounds really good.”

She smiles at him, getting up. She shoots Daryl a look when he gives her a pointed look. She moves to the stove while Tara sits down beside her absent chair. Rose adjusts in her lap, hugging little knees to her chest. She eyes Daryl, leaning as far back against Tara as she could.

“Did you sleep by yourself okay, Rosie?” Ethan asks his sister, who shakes her head and points up at Tara. “What?”

“She ended up climbing into our bed to sleep with us,” Tara translates.

“Oh. Sorry, I’d have kept her if I knew she’d do that.”

“No, it’s fine. You have no idea how often our daughter does that,” she chuckles. Rose looks up with a giggle. “You laughing at that, huh?” She nods. “Y’know, my little girl is not too much younger than you. I’m sure you’ll have someone to play with when she comes back home. Is that something you’d like?” Rose nods even more, looking even a little excited.

“I can probably get her home this afternoon. She’ll be fed up with Faith and Grace by then likely,” Daryl tells her in an amused voice.

“Especially since they can crawl after and grab her better now,” Rosita laughs from the stove. “They’re cute but they can be little terrors.”

“Are Faith and Grace Lydia’s twins?” Ethan asks curiously.

Daryl looks at him confused. “Lydia told him about the twins last night,” Tara informs him.

“Ah, yeah they are.”

“When can we meet them?” Rosita pauses, looking up from serving the food on plates.

“Do you…want to meet them?” She asks tentatively. “That house is a mad house with all those kids running all over. It’s quiet here.”

“I hate quiet. I miss other kids. Rosie probably does, too. Right, Rosie?” Rose nods, not looking up from playing with the stuffed bunnies ears. “So when can we?”

The three adults share a look before Rosita says, “after breakfast, if you really want to.”

“I do.”

Daryl gets up. “I should go give ‘em a heads up, make sure they’re less crazy. Being cooped up from the storm ain’t helping.”

“Not one bit, I’d bet. Painting and getting to make a mess will likely make them all happier though.”

“Yup,” he sighs. “Not me when I end up being the one cleaning most of it.”

Tara and Rosita both laugh as he leaves and Rosita puts plates in front of the two kids for them to eat before their trip to make some friends.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“Hi! I’m Judith.”

Judith was the first to run over to them when they entered the house. Ethan smiled wide at her energy. “Hi. I’m Ethan.”

“RJ! This is my little brother.”

RJ ran over, smiling and rocking on his heels. “Hi!”

“Hi,” Ethan laughs.

“Want to see my new toys?” RJ asks shyly. Ethan nods. _Toys._ It seemed almost a foreign word, one he wasn’t sure he’d ever hear—or see—again. “Come on!” RJ runs off and after an encouraging nod from Rosita, he follows.

“Don’t—hey!” RJ halts when he hears that come from Lydia’s room and he walks right in. “Faith, don’t hit your sister.”

“Faith being mean?” He asks. Ethan walks through the doorway but doesn’t venture into the room. RJ plops down on the floor beside her.

“Not _mean_ really, she’s just a baby so she doesn’t really understand hands to herself yet,” Lydia explains, pulling Faith away from Grace who’s pouting. Faith squeals and shakes her toy with a giggle. Lydia pulls Grace onto her lap, kissing the top of her head.

“We were gonna play with my toys. I’m showing Ethan them.”

Lydia turns her head and notices Ethan. “Hey there. How are you feeling?”

“Better.” He wanders into the room and settles down on the other side of her. Faith makes a sound and holds a block out to him. He takes it, “thank you!” Faith giggles, clapping. “They look the very same.”

“They do. A lot of people have trouble telling them apart.”

“You can though?”

“Pretty easily. This one here is Grace and the one handing you blocks is Faith.”

“Hi, Faith,” he says with a laugh when the baby started offering him some more.

Downstairs, Rose was peeking through her hair as they walked into the living room.

“Mommy!” Coco yelled, running over. She was covered in paint. Rosita grimaces but laughs anyways when Coco jumped on her for a hug. Rachel, also covered in paint, walked over from where she was sitting beside Coco’s spread of painted pictures.

“I have deep regrets allowing her to paint when she saw Judith with it,” Rachel tells them.

“Looks like it,” Tara laughs, looking at the paint on the girls clothes, skin and even hair. “Did Coco do all of that?”

“Yes, yes she did.”

“Sorry,” Coco giggles. “Mama?” Coco reaches for her, eying the strange girl in her arms.

Rosita sits with a squirming Coco on her lap and Tara sits beside her, Rose whining a little. “Coco,” Tara starts in a gentle voice. “This is Rose. She’s living with us right now.”

“Why?”

“Because she lost her mama and has no one but her big brother. He’s staying with us, too.”

“Her mama left?”

“Kind of. She left…like Aunt Yumiko.”

“…oh.” She looks down, chewing on her bottom lip. “You her mommy and mama now?” She looks between both of her mothers.

“I—” she looks to Rosita. “I don’t know.”

“How would you feel…if we would?” Rosita asks slowly.

“Uh…it be okay. I don’t like sharing.”

“I know,” Rosita says gently, stroking her hair.

“But I would.”

Tara smiles at her, stroking her cheek. “You’re so good, Coco. Stay like that.”

“I try. Wanna paint?” Coco asks hopefully.

“She’s talking to you, Rose,” Tara tries. Coco holds out a pink tinted hand. Rose shifts and eyes the hand before looking up at Tara. Tara nudges her gently and after what felt like an eternity, she slid off of Tara’s lap shakily and let Coco grab her hand. She trudged after Coco and sank down beside the paper and paint, looking up to make sure Tara and Rosita were still there every few minutes.

“Still think it’s a bad idea?” Daryl says quietly when he walks into the room.

“Think what’s a bad idea?” Tara asks in confusion.

“Daryl had asked why we don’t consider keeping them instead of attempting to find them a new home…since Rose has glommed onto you and with me having experience with helping people work through PTSD. I was worried about having the time, and Coco adjusting. And how it could affect you mentally.”

“We _do_ have plenty of free time as of late, and Coco seems fine. At least right now. We have to wait and see how she adjusts once it sinks in. And _I’m_ fine, Ro. Honestly.”

Rosita sighed. “We’ll have to see. This is a long road ahead for sure. We don’t even know what’s best for them yet. Right now they think of us as their saviors, what if in a month they decide they absolutely hate us?”

“Mama!” Coco calls, interrupting them. “Come look at my picture!”

“In a second, baby,” Tara tells her. “Do you really think they could actually hate us?”

“I mean, _maybe_. I don’t know. I’ve never dealt with orphaned kids older than a baby before. Didn’t deal with kids at all until Judith.”

“Mama!” Coco whines impatiently.

Rose points and whines. “That’s Mama,” Coco tells her. “And that’s Mommy.”

“We should probably tell Rose what to actually call us, for when she decides to talk again,” Rosita says.

Rose stares with a contemplative look before pointing at Tara again. She opens her mouth and Tara’s expecting a scream and whine. “Mama!” She parrots what Coco said. They stared in shock at the child, hearing her speak for the very first time. And then it sinks it what she said.

“Well, shit.”


	51. How Do You Feel?

“I’m surprised Daryl didn’t follow us out here.”

“Honestly, I am too.”

“I mean, he did send _me_.”

Rachel and Lydia had gone beyond the wall for a walk, with the twins. And Judith had asked, or begged more accurately, to go as well. Daryl had asked them to let her so they had another person, for the twins safety. And since the horde a while back there had been more consistent watches for any horde movement so it was pretty clear. But since they had Faith and Grace he wanted an extra person just in case they came across a stray or a few.

“True. You’re less nerve-wracking,” Rachel tells Judith. “Things have been so tense lately, it’s good to get out in the world.”

“Not a bad tense though…at least I don’t think,” Judith says contemplatively.

“Not in a bad way. But with those new kids and nobody really knowing what’s going on, it’s been kind of stressful. I think these two needed a break for sure,” Lydia says, bouncing Faith on her hip and she giggles. The girls were bundled up to enjoy the unusual and welcomed warmer January day.

“They probably did,” Rachel agrees. “I needed a break from Tara and Rosita and Daryl, no offense.”

“What’d they do?”

Rachel watches her, trying to come up with the words. “They haven’t talked to you about…me, _us?_ ”

“What about you, or _us?_ ” She looks completely confused and even a bit concerned. “Are you… _leaving?_ ”

“No!” She lowers her voice when Grace startles in her arms. “Sorry, sweetie. No. unless you want me to?”

“No, not at all. What about _us_ does my dad and Tara and Rosita talk about?”

“They think, um…” Lydia waits patiently for her to continue and halts in her tracks. “They think I have a crush on you,” she blurts out.

Lydia freezes, looking at her with wide eyes. Even Judith stopped to stare.

“Oh…um.” She shifts and Rachel waits with bated breath. “Oh.” That’s all she says before continuing on her walk. Rachel follows, feeling stupid. She thinks she just ruined everything, that now Lydia thinks she’s a stalkerish freak that’s in love with her. She felt their friendship was over. “So,” she says after few minutes of tense silence. “It’s exactly a month until these two turn a year old.”

Rachel stumbles a step, half expecting to get the silent treatment the remainder if the day if not longer. She wasn’t expecting a smooth subject change about Lydia’s children. “They just grow and grow,” Rachel manages to say. “They were five months old when I came here, and now look. Almost a year old. Crawling, learning to take their first steps, both saying _‘Mama’_ clear as day.”

“I can’t wait to see them learn and grow but I miss them being these tiny things in my arms.”

“This would be why everyone says enjoy them while they’re small, I reckon.”

Lydia laughs and Rachel smiles. Maybe things _weren’t_ fully ruined. “Yeah sounds about right.” Her face turns serious again and Rachel braces herself. “So…are you going back home when spring comes?”

“Do you _want_ me to go back to Oceanside?”

Lydia’s eyes are wide and glassy, and she looks so open and desperate it _hurts._ “No.”

“Then no. Well, I mean, I will go back to _visit_. Cyndie, Beatrice and Kathy might kick my ass if I don’t. But I’d come back if you wanted me to.”

“Okay.”

Rachel smiles softly. “Okay.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

_“Aunt Connie! You’re finally home!”_

Judith had not expected to find Connie back when they arrived back from their walk. She ran to Connie, hugging her tightly. Connie smiled hugely, hugging her back just as tight. She smiled wider when she saw Lydia and the twins coming in behind her niece. When Judith released her she strode over to Lydia and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Lydia hugged back with her free arm, resting her chin on her shoulder with a sigh of contentment. When she releases her she strokes Faith’s cheek lovingly and then reaches to do the same to Grace who’s in Rachel’s arms. Rachel offers her the baby and she takes her happily. She reaches out to embrace Rachel.

_“I missed you_ so _much,”_ Lydia signs once Connie’s finished with all of her hugs.

Connie smiles lovingly, _“I missed you, too.”_

_“So did I!”_ Judith shouts happily, signing to Connie. _“Have you seen RJ yet? He kept asking about you every single day.”_

_“I did. It took Daryl an hour to get him to let me go.”_

That causes Lydia and Judith to laugh, they can both picture that. _“Where is he now?”_ Judith signs curiously.

_“He went over Jerry’s to play with Ezra and Aliyah.”_

_“Aw man! I missed going there?”_

Lydia nudges her. _“You’re the one who chose to come with us.”_

_“Oh, right.”_ She sits down and gets Connie’s attention. _“You heard what’s going on with Aunt Tara and Aunt Rosita?”_ Connie shakes her head, looking slightly concerned. _“Prepare yourself. It’s_ huge _.”_

Connie gives Lydia a questioning look. Lydia nods _. “She’s right. It_ is _huge.”_

_“I want to tell her,”_ Judith says.

Lydia gestures for her to go ahead.

_“Okay, so on Christmas there was a really bad storm. You must’ve gotten it at Hilltop?”_ Connie nods. _“Well a group had been spotted before it. And Uncle Daryl, Aunt Tara and Rosita, Lydia and Rachel went out in the storm to look for any survivors.”_

Connie’s eyes widen and she gives Lydia a sharp look. _“You went out in that storm?!”_ Lydia nods sheepishly.

Judith regains her attention _. “Anyways, they went out and wouldn’t let me go. But they came back a few hours later with two orphaned kids!”_ Connie gives Lydia another shocked look and she nods. _“A boy and girl. Ethan is eleven and Rose is four.”_

_“Where are the children now?”_

_“With Aunt Tara and Aunt Rosita. They weren’t going to keep them, it was just temporary. But now I dunno if they’ll find them a new home after all.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Rose started called Aunt Tara ‘Mama’ and they’re kind of attached to each other now. And she wouldn’t say it, but Aunt Rosita is bonding with Ethan. So I might have more cousins now. And Lydia will be a busy babysitter unless she still takes just Coco, though that defeats the purpose of babysitting.”_

_“I borrow Coco more than babysit,”_ Lydia responds.

_“Oh…wait you take her when you don’t need to?”_

Connie laughs, signing, _“It’s_ always _been like that.”_

_“Oh. I knew that.”_ Lydia laughs. _“I did, I swear!”_

_“Sure you did.”_

_“I did, honest!”_

_“Okay, I’ll let it go…for now.”_

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Come on, baby. It’s time to go to sleep.”

Lydia had been rocking a fussy Faith for what felt like _hours_. Grace had gone down easily enough, but Faith wouldn’t stop crying and fighting sleep. Connie had told her she was likely teething, and she probably had another tooth coming in so Lydia had given her an icy teething ring. Grace was either not as affected or was lagging behind in the teeth department for once.

“Arms need a break?” Rachel asks from her spot leaning against the doorframe.

“Please.” She’s happy to hand the fussy baby over to fresh troops. “Mom said she’s probably teething again, so she might be in for a rough week or so.”

Rachel rocks her, bouncing her a little. It’s not too much longer before the fussing begins to cease and soon after Faith is out like a light. Rachel is careful when she brings the baby to the nursery, laying her down gently and silently as not to wake Grace. When she returns to the room she finds Lydia perched on the edge of her bed with her head in her hands.

“They starting to drive you insane?” Rachel asks gently, sitting beside her.

“They are. They’re always on the move and so fussy. I didn’t realize how difficult two of them at the same time would be. I mean, I _should_ have. But I never did.”

“I mean, you’re like a damn superwoman taking care of the both of them _and_ Coco. You make it look much easier than it is.”

Lydia smiles weakly. “It’s tiring. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, though.”

“I know you wouldn’t. You should try to get some sleep though, we did a lot today and need to regain our strength so they don’t kill us tomorrow. Especially since Coco’s coming over tomorrow, too.”

“Right,” she chuckles dryly.

“Are you okay?” Rachel’s brow furrows and she reaches out to touch her arm.

Lydia sighs and draws her legs onto the bed, hugging her knees. “What you said in the woods earlier?”

Rachel tenses up. _Here it is, the moment she loses her._ “Wh-what about it?”

“Was it true? What Dad, Tara and Rosita were saying?” Rachel looks down, wondering how to respond. What if she said _no_ and hurt Lydia’s feelings? Or said _yes_ and scared her away for good? “Rachel?”

“I…I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“The _truth._ I want to know the truth of how you feel.”

“Do you really? Because I don’t really do friends. Never have, even as a kid. And if I say something you don’t like, if I chase you away, then who do I have? Tara, who thinks of me as like a daughter or little sister or something? Cyndie who mothers me too much? You’re the only friend I’ve got that’s my age. Not just that, you’re the only friend who treats me like a _friend._ ”

“I won’t stop being your friend, Rachel. You’re the only friend _I’ve_ got, too.”

“Really? Not even if what I say is the opposite of what you want to hear?”

“Even if it’s the opposite,” Lydia promises, swallowing hard. “Just tell me.”

Rachel closes her eyes tightly, shuddering. The feeling of Lydia’s hand taking her own with an encouraging squeeze gives her the strength to speak. “I, um…they were…” Her eyes search Lydia’s, looking for anything that would discourage her, scare her for finishing her sentence. Instead all she sees with an honest curiosity, open to whatever she had to say. Eyes that looked into a _pure_ soul. “They were right,” he voice comes out as a whisper so quiet she wasn’t sure Lydia heard her. But she did.

“They were right? About you…having a crush on me?”

“Um, yeah…”

A small smile graces Lydia’s lips and she gives her fingers a squeeze. “What if I told you that those feelings were reciprocated?”

Rachel’s head snaps up and green eyes meet brown. “Wait, what?”

Lydia chuckles. “I said that you aren’t the only one with feelings. I won’t say I have a _crush_ cause that’s like Judith’s age’s language. And I think it’s more than a silly crush.”

“Is it?” She has her cocky grin back in place, her lack of confidence from early dissipating.

“Hm. I think so.”

“In that case…” Rachel tilted her head towards her, giving her plenty of opportunity to move or say something. Lydia never does. Instead he moves her head to meet Rachel halfway.

Their lips connect, short and sweet. It’s like time paused for a moment, and it was just them in the universe. And neither one wanted it to play. They wanted to live in this sweet, blissful moment for as long as they could.


	52. Communication

“This is the best day ever!” RJ cheers as he presses the cookie cutter into the dough.

Tara chuckles softly at the boys enthusiasm. RJ had asked consistently if they could make cookies since Christmas despite the _“it wouldn’t be special if we had cookies every day”_ speech, and when he asked in front of Ethan and Rose and they got excited she had finally caved.

“Yeah!” Coco agrees, putting some cookie dough in her mouth. Rose giggles and mimics her. Ethan was silent, putting all his focus into pressing the shapes into the dough.

“You caved? This early?” Came Lydia’s laugh as she walked into the room with one of the twins. Rachel followed her with the other.

“Blame him,” Tara shamelessly points to RJ who grins smugly. “He got everyone else to want to do it after I told him no.”

“Dia, look at mine!” Coco calls, ushering her over. Lydia walks around the table to look at Coco’s snowflake shaped cookie.

“Oh, it’s so pretty, Coco!”

The baby grabs at Coco and she pushes the hand away. “No pull my hair, Faith.”

“Wait, did she just—” Tara pauses, gesturing to her daughter.

“Tell them apart with a glance? Yeah, she’s got that whole thing down.”

“That’s sad, my three year old tells them apart better than I do sometimes,” Tara laughs.

“Tells them apart faster than I do,” Rachel joins in.

“I mean, they spend so much time taking her toys from her and hitting her with stuffed animals that she had to learn which one to yell at.”

“That explains it,” Tara laughs. “They tag-team you, don’t they?”

“Yeah! But now Rosie helps with them. They aren’t really mean though, just little and bossy. Really bossy. They no learn how to not be bossy yet.”

“That’s right,” Lydia says, a proud smile on her lips. “They still have to learn how to be nice, how to share and keep their hands to themselves. Two of them at once makes it seem really overwhelming.”

“Yeah.”

“Mine!” Rose says suddenly, pointing to her cookie. Ethan’s head lifts at that. Rose wasn’t a big talker, she barely spoke to anyone and she kept it to one word typically. So Ethan was pleasantly surprised to see Rose trying to get Lydia’s attention, to proudly show her the cookie shapes she made. She wanted the attention and praise Coco got.

“Oh, is that a snowman?” Rose nods with a smile on her face, freckled nose crinkling and blue eyes shining. “It looks really good! Are you going to decorate it?” She nods again, no more words leaving her mouth.

“What are you guys doing?” Lydia wanders to the other side of the table where the boys are. “Ah, RJ. That’s a really nice stocking. What are you doing, Ethan?”

“Gingerbread man,” he leans back for Lydia to see, looking up with wide eyes waiting for some kind of approval.

“That one looks really good, too. These all look like they’ll be so much fun to decorate.”

“And icing goes on the cookies, not other people. Right, Coco?” Tara speaks up, giving her daughter a pointed look. Coco giggles sheepishly, nodding.

“And I’m still staying way over here,” Rachel laughs. “I haven’t forgotten you covering me with paint.”

“I said sorry!” Coco giggles.

“And I know you don’t actually mean it,” Rachel counters with a laugh.

Lydia shakes her head at them bantering and sits down beside Coco, rearranging Faith on her lap. Coco pushes some of her cookie dough over and giggles, sloppily helping the baby roll it out. Lydia arranges Faith’s little hands on the cookie cutter and helps her press it down. When she pulls the cutter up to reveal a snowflake, Faith claps with an excited squeal.

“Good job, Faith!” Coco tells her excitedly. “Very good.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“You need to do something,” Tara tells Rachel. The four older kids were playing outside under Lydia’s supervision while the cookies baked. Tara and Rachel had the twins inside and Tara couldn’t watch Rachel’s pining anymore.

“What?”

“You’ve been staring at Lydia longingly all day. You can’t deny that you have feelings for her, it’s so obvious.”

“I do have feelings for her.”

“That…that was easier than I thought.”

“I kissed her,” she blurts out.

“Wait, what?”

“Lydia. I kissed Lydia. Two nights ago. I told her how I felt and she said felt the same and then I kissed her. But it’d been two days and she hasn’t said anything since.”

“Have you said anything to her?”

“Um, no.”

“Maybe she doesn’t know what to say or feel. I’m pretty sure the only real relationship she’s ever had was Henry and you know how much of a mess that was from day one. She’s probably scared or unsure. Try to reassure her, see how that goes.”

“I’ll try,” Rachel sighs. She looks down at Grace. “I wish life was a simple for us as it was for you.” Grace just babbles sweetly and reaches up at her face.

“These little sweeties loving you definitely helps that relationship.”

“Or makes it worse,” Rachel sighs. “If things don’t work out and if I go back to Oceanside, then they’ll lose someone they love and they won’t understand.”

“If things don’t work out, would you really just leave?”

“I don’t know,” she seems to deflate. “I guess it’d depend how things went if I’m being honest.”

“I think it’ll work out just fine,” Tara says, her voice oozing a confidence Rachel envied. Rachel lived her life unfazed and courageous, but Tara just lived with a hopeful spirit and shimmering confidence that most people lacked.

“Do you really?”

“I do. Communication is key in any relationship. You and Lydia, you just need to communicate and stay on the same page. I think you and her will be just fine as long as you talk. Just let her know you’re there, it’s not just a fling, how much you care for the girls. It’s not just her caring for herself, it’s her protecting the twins too. You gotta put all cards on the table with her.”

Rachel nods, deep in thought. Tara is silent, letting Rachel mull over everything. Rachel looked down at Grace, the baby’s curious brown eyes staring into hers, just staring. She’s sweet, open and curious. Rachel’s heart swelled. Tara smiled at the two before pressing a kiss to the top of Faith’s head and the baby babbles excitedly.

It’s not too much longer before the door is being swung open, kids coming in full of excited chatter with coats, hats, gloves and boots being tossed in heaps to be pawed through later. It’s convenient, because not even a minute later the timer is going off. Lydia is getting the sheet of baked cookies from the oven, kids filing through to play while the cookies cooled enough to decorate. The two boys went up to RJ’s room while Coco and Rose are quick to pull their toys from Coco’s toybox in the living room. Faith, who Tara put down, crawls quickly over to them. Coco offers a toy to her before scooting away.

Lydia comes in and sits on the other side of Rachel on the couch. Grace reaches for her from Rachel’s lap and she scoops her up. “Hi, baby.”

“Faith wanted to follow the older girls, she just wants cuddles,” Rachel says, stroking a hand down Grace’s back.

“Sounds about right.”

“Mama,” Grace taps Lydia’s cheek to get her undivided attention.

“What is it, baby?” Grace babbles and points to where Faith was. “You want to go with your sister?”

Grace makes a sound of agreeance and Lydia sets her down. The baby crawls to her sister and grabs her in a big hug. Faith giggles and babbles excitedly to her sister, shoving a stuffed animal in her arms.

“That’s the cutest thing maybe ever,” Tara comments quietly.

“It is,” Lydia smiles. “Can you believe they’ll be one year olds next month? Just under four weeks and they’ll be one.”

“Tell them to stop growing,” Rachel laughs.

“If that worked, Coco would still be a baby. Now she’s barely a toddler,” Tara informs her.

“She was around the twins’ age when I first started watching her. She was so little back then, now look at her.”

She smiles at Coco sitting cross-legged, holding something up and actively talking about it to Rose. They can’t hear every word but they can hear her excited chatter, see Rose’s smile.

“She’s taking that a lot better than predicted,” Rachel says quietly.

“She is. She struggled with sharing her toys at first but now she’s doing much better at it. She decided Rose is officially living in her room, follows her around all excitedly. I’m just waiting for the excitement to wear off, see how she takes it when it’s not new and fun.”

“Did you guys decide officially what’s going on with them?”

“Not officially but I’m pretty sure they’re staying. They’re adjusting incredibly well and we all just fell into the new normal. It’d be destructive for everyone if they left.”

“Mama? Are the cookies ready yet?” Coco calls over.

“Go upstairs and get RJ and Ethan and they will be,” Tara tells her and both Lydia and Rachel mask a laugh.

Coco groans but leaps up, pulling Rose up with her. “Come one!” The two disappear up the stairs.

Lydia gets up to pick Grace up while Rachel grabs Faith. Tara goes to the kitchen to divide the cooled cookies on plates. “Are you going to help with the cookies?” Lydia asks Grace.

“Ya,” she says, smiling with a giggle.

“Ya, ya!” Faith claps.

The four kids come, the boys running in first. “Faster than you!” RJ cheers.

“We little!” Coco yells, unfazed. She sticks her tongue out at him.

“Coco,” Tara warns though she’s biting back a smile.

Coco rolls her eyes, making Tara cringe because she’s too young for that kind of attitude and it shows her how not so little she was becoming, and she gives a sassy, “sorry.”

“It’s okay,” RJ says.

“Sit, decorate your cookies and behave.”

They sit, Coco more or less runs and jumps on her chair excitedly. She’s the first to grab at the icing. “Gon make the prettiest snowflake ever.”

“I bet you will.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Hey, can we talk?” Rachel asks softly that night.

Lydia nods wordlessly and Rachel moves into the room, perching on the bed beside her. “I kissed you. I kissed you and since then there’s been radio silence. I know I haven’t said anything, but neither have you.”

“I…didn’t know what to say.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No!” She shakes her head fervently. “I just, I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what? Be with someone?” She’s still and silent for a long moment and Rachel waits patiently. Then she nods slowly. “What about with Henry?”

“You saw how well that went. First time we were clueless kids and he died, and then he didn’t die and he just wanted more than I understood and the twins happened and then he pulled away and the entire relationship went up in flames.”

“Well I mean, you don’t have to worry about babies happening with this,” Rachel jokes. She got a laugh out of Lydia from that. “Seriously though, it sounds like he was ready to jump right into the relationship and you weren’t. Not every relationship is like that. It doesn’t have to be all distant or all physical. There’s a fine balance, you just need to communicate.” She cups her chin gently and meets her eyes. “Hey, all you have to do is talk to me. Learn your wants and limits and discuss them. You need space? Tell me. You need to be clingy and seek comfort? Tell me. You want something physical? Tell me. I can only know what you want or don’t want if you tell me. And I’ll tell you what I need. Communication is key, a good relationship needs a solid foundation. Okay?”

Lydia nods, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Rachel smiles gently, she owed Tara a huge thank you. “Can I kiss you now?”

Lydia smiles gently and nods. Rachel presses a gentle hand on her cheek before pressing her lips against hers.


	53. Not an Interrogation

The weather was frosty and there was fresh powdery snow in the ground but that didn’t deter Daryl, Connie and Lydia from going out beyond the wall to hunt. Daryl knew game was harder to find in winter, especially in this cold but he had wanted to talk to Lydia free of the ever revolving distractions of children. Judith and RJ had gone to Jerry’s to play with Ezra ad Aliyah while Rachel had gone to visit Tara and Rosita with the twins.

“It’s been an hour and we’ve yet to even see _tracks_ ,” Lydia points out, her breath turning white in the air. Daryl was glad he made her layer up in a good coat, thick pants, tall boots, wool gloves and a hat to protect her ears.

“Game’s scarce in the cold,” is all Daryl says.

Connie shakes her head, hiding her smile under the scarf wrapped around her neck. She knew very well why they were out freezing their asses in the cold and it wasn’t to find deer.

“But I guess the scarceness doesn’t matter, does it?” Lydia asks. “Not since the whole reason we’re out here is because you want to talk without Judith butting in or Grace distracting me, but you can’t seem to figure out how to start that conversation. I’m not entirely sure what you want to talk about, though.”

She’s signing as she talks, making it easy to Connie to keep up and Connie doesn’t even try to hide her smile anymore. She gives Daryl a _“you really thought our kid was this dumb?”_ look. Daryl gives a faux glare that causes a laugh to rise up in Connie’s throat.

“Um…Rachel,” Daryl says, eyes finding Lydia again.

“Uh—I— _Dad_.”

Connie’s laughing freely now, shaking her head. Whether at Daryl’s awkwardness and averting his gaze because no father _actually_ wants to know about his daughter’s love life or how Lydia’s face is flushing red and not from the cold because no daughter wants to tell her father about her love life. She reaches out, stroking a gloved hand to Lydia’s cold cheek.

“Just want to know what’s going on,” Daryl mutters.

_“You_ have _been growing closer with her. She came for a short visit six months ago and never went home. And I haven’t missed the looks,”_ Connie signs with a gentle face.

“Is this curiosity or an intervention?” Lydia asks tightly.

Daryl sighs. “Ain’t an intervention.”

“Then can we go?”

“No.”

“Then it is an intervention.”

“It’s not—we’re your parents. We just want to know what’s going on. And if anything happens, if you get hurt, we should know so we can help. You always talk to us, maybe not details but you don’t hide stuff. Now you’re keeping to yourself and we’re just worried, Kid.”

She wraps her arms around her middle, her brow furrowing. She looks conflicted and worried. And when her eyes flit to Daryl and then back to the ground he realizes that she’s worried about _his_ reaction and it’s like a hit in the gut. He had always been there, not judging her one bit since he got to know her and took her under his wing. Through Henry’s death and reappearance, through pregnancy. But despite all that she was still hardwired to flinch away and hide, to protect herself despite everyone who wished her harm were long gone.

“Hey,” he reaches an arm out and places his hand on her shoulder. “Lydia.”

She meets his gaze and her eyes are guarded, but she relaxes, dropping the defensive look at his concerned gaze. She lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, mumbling “sorry.”

“Talk to us.”

“What do you want me to say?”

Daryl looks for Connie for help and she moves back over to him. Even after all these years, in a relationship with Connie, raising his niece and nephew with a teenager and his grandkids, he still wasn’t great with his words. And Connie despite not actually speaking had a way with words unlike anyone he ever met.

_“Talk about what you’re okay talking about,”_ Connie signs. It was simple to her—it all boiled down to what the girl could say. She knew Lydia would open up once she processed it, that she’d pour out every feeling when she was ready.

“I don’t know,” she shrugs helplessly. “It’s cold though. Nobody’s home, can we go home to talk please? I can’t feel my toes.”

“Alright,” Daryl agrees.

Connie stops them as they turn to return home and points. Daryl looks just in time to see a glorious buck step out of the brush. He nudged Lydia, nodding his head. She nods with a smile forming, lifting her bow up. She draws the bow back, setting her eyes on the deer. She lets go, the arrow slicing through the air and into the buck, killing it instantly.

“Good job,” Daryl praises, Lydia beaming.

Daryl hauls the buck up with a grunt. Lydia moves to help him with the buck and Connie smiles at the pair before leading the way back.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“You know, you’re probably tired from lugging that buck—”

“Nice try, sit.” Lydia flops down on the couch, drawing her legs up on the couch. “Hey, look. I don’t expect you to explain to me everything that’s going on with you. You don’t even gotta tell me how you feel about Rachel if you don’t want. But talk to me. You’ve been a closed book lately and it ain’t you. Tell me about how you’ve been feeling with all these kids or about what you wanna do for the twins’ birthday in a few weeks. Anything at all.”

“Connie said she’s going to make a little cake for them.” Connie smiles, nodding. “They’re turning one. Eating sweets and playing with toys will make their day. And I convinced Coco and Rose to be nice and play with them, especially Faith.”

_“That’ll make Faith’s_ year _,”_ Connie signs with a smile.

“Oh, it will,” Daryl easily agrees.

“I don’t know what else to do, they won’t remember it,” she shrugs.

“I think playtime and cake is all they want at their age,” Daryl reassures. “And Grace would happily take extra cuddles.”

“She likes more people now at least. She clings to Rachel as much as she does me.”

_“Even_ she _knows how much you like Rachel,”_ Connie signs with a smug smile.

“I—uh—um…” She looks like a deer caught in the headlights, just staring at Connie for a moment. And she sees it, the window out. The way to agree, to let the ball drop and just make it into something that wasn’t a big deal. And she takes it. _“Um, yeah. I guess she does.”_

_“Wait—”_ Daryl sits up taller and Connie shakes her head quickly at him. She had laid down the foundation and coaxed Lydia in, letting her speak on her own terms and she didn’t want her spooked. Daryl sees that and he slumps back down.

_“So…you do like her?”_ Connie presses gently.

_“I mean…I don’t know. I mean, I do. But I don’t know what any of it means. But I do know she feels the same.”_

_“Do you?”_

Lydia has seemed to forget Daryl was there when she blurts out, _“she kind of kissed me. More than once. On different days.”_

Daryl shoots back up. “What?”

Lydia turns to look at him. “She kissed me. And I kissed her back. And I’m going to keep doing that, every night. Look at it this, way, you don’t need to worry about more grandkids.”

“Okay, okay, I don’t need to hear…I’m making coffee.” Daryl is up, leaving the room.

Lydia turns to face Connie, the satisfied face disappearing. She looks at Connie with wide, vulnerable eyes, brows furrowing. Her voice is quiet when she speaks, her usual flawless signing below par from emotion. _“Mom, I…I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not just talking the…physical aspect. I’m talking the entire thing. The relationship part. I just, I don’t know. I had no idea what I was doing with Henry, I just wanted him happy. But I wasn’t always happy. And I let him take control and let him do things to me and then the twins happened and…”_ Connie scoots closer, taking her hand with one hand and stroking her cheek with another. Lydia hadn’t even realized she was beginning to cry or feel the wetness of her cheek until Connie wiped some away. _“I’m scared. Scared of falling back into that loop or getting hurt. I don’t know how to do this.”_

Connie gives her a sad smile, stroking her cheek lovingly. _“You just keep doing what you’re doing. You said she’s kissed you and you’ve kissed her. Sounds like it’s already going somewhere. Have you two talked about where this is going?”_

Lydia nods, sniffling. _“Yeah. She talked about how there’s a fine balance between physical and emotional and how communication is key in both aspects. She doesn’t…she doesn’t expect anything more, at least not right now.”_

_“Sweetheart, how do you feel when you’re with her? Are you happy?”_

She nods, more fresh tears falling. Usually she’d be frustrated at her inability to stop crying but she barely notices. _“Really, really happy.”_

_“Then there’s nothing to worry about, not now anyways. You said it yourself, last time yo were so focused on Henry’s happiness that you were unhappy. You are happy, it’s a good thing.”_

_“It’s not just me, though. I have the twins to think about.”_

“The twins love her and she loves them. She loved them before anything happened between the two of you and she’d love them after.”

“You think she would?”

Connie nods, opening her arms. Lydia falls into them, wrapping her arms around her tightly as she cries into her shirt. Connie held her tightly, rubbing her back rhythmically and kissing the side of her head.

Daryl comes back into the room slowly to see if the talk is safe but he picks up speed when he hears her muffled sobs. Connie’s quick to sign “she’s okay” before going back to rubbing the girl’s back. Daryl nods and sinks down onto the couch waiting patiently to see for himself that she was okay.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Later that night, after the kids all came home, the three found themselves on the couch again. Judith and RJ were upstairs doing something and Rachel was staying at Tara’s for the night. Lydia had a cuddly grace curled up in her arms while Faith sat at Daryl’s feet playing with a shape sorter and chewing on half the shaped blocks as she did.

Connie is staring at a cooing Grace with an unreadable expression. She’s deep in thought, startling a little when Daryl reaches over Lydia to touch her shoulder.

_“You okay?”_

She smiles tightly and nods. _“Just thinking.”_ She strokes her fingers through Grace’s reddish brown hair before sitting up straighter. _“I had a baby once.”_

Daryl doesn’t look surprised—that’s a conversation she had with him before, Lydia reckons. She’s shocked though, she had no idea Connie was a mother before.

_“Was?”_

Connie nods. _“Was.”_

Lydia opens her mouth to speak, but she didn’t sure what to say or how to say it so she clamps it shut again. But Connie meets her eyes, giving her an encouraging nod as if she can only bring herself to tell that story if she’s asked. _“Boy or girl?”_

_“I had a son. He was a little under a year. His name was Christopher. It was the beginning of…he was nine months old when the dead started walking.”_

_“What happened?”_

_“He got sick. It was just a cold at first, then it got worse. No doctor, no medicine. It got into his lungs and a week later he went to sleep and never woke up.” Lydia’s arms tighten around Grace instinctively. “I avoided children after that. Until the baby at Hilltop and it just…brought it all back. It brought back those motherly instincts or something, because when we had to give you back and Henry ran off I needed to go help to bring you both back because you were children.” She tucks a loose strand of hair behind Lydia’s ear, fingers skimming her cheek as she does so. “I never thought I’d be a mother again or raise babies ever again. And now look at me doing both.”_

Lydia offers her a half asleep Grace and Connie takes her happily.

_“A lot’s happened to all of us,”_ Lydia starts, speaking slowly and unsurely as she signs, _“but we’re all lucky to have found each other.”_

Daryl puts an arm around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. _“Very lucky.”_


	54. What Love Feels Like

_“Are you okay?”_ Daryl signs to Connie. Earlier that night, when she had told Lydia about her baby who had died, he saw how much it had affected her. It had been affecting her since the twins’ birth but helping her just as much.

Connie nods with a smile. It’s almost sad, and he’s not sure if it’s from telling her story or the fact she had told it to their child even if said child was more of an adult than a kid. _“Just brought up a lot of feelings.”_

Daryl squeezes her shoulder comfortingly. _“Do you still want to talk?”_

_“That wasn’t too much for her, was it?”_

_“Lydia?”_ She nods. _“Nah, she knows the world, and she’s been through shit but she’s stable enough that it won’t mess her up. It wasn’t too much, we’d know if it was.”_

_“It might make her worry about the twins more.”_

_“It should. The world isn’t kind to children and they need people to watch them closely. Can’t always protect them but the moment you look away you could be too late. So if that makes her watch them closer than ever then good.”_

_“She’s a good mother.”_

_“She is, and she’ll continue to be. Fear is natural and it can be good at times. It’s good for her to be aware. But she’s not living in fear, Lydia is okay. We’re all okay.”_

Connie looks at him apprehensively, biting her lip. He strokes her cheek, waiting for her to open up. _“Lydia’s our daughter.”_

He nods, unsure where this was going.

_“Have you ever thought of having…a kid of your own. Not that Lydia isn’t ours, but like…having a baby.”_

His eyes widen almost comically and he isn’t sure what to say. He’s not sure if it’s a question, curious but meaningless, or if she’s asking him something real.

_“You want a baby?”_ He asks, and it’s gentle.

_“Would you?”_ is her response.

_“I don’t know if I’d be a good dad.”_

_“You’re good to Lydia.”_

_“She was a teenager when she came.”_

_“And you raise Judith and RJ.”_

_“Half of Alexandria raised them until a few years ago.”_

_“You’re a good grandfather.”_

_“But Lydia raises them. I just help.”_

She puts a hand on his arm to halt him, giving him a serious look. _“You’d be a great father. I know you would. You’re great with kids and you’d care for and love your child more than anything.”_

_“Is this…theoretical or are you saying you want a baby?”_

_“Judith and RJ are pretty independent. Lydia is an adult and doesn’t rely so much of us. The twins will be a year old in days, and theoretically by the time a baby was born they’d be at least two.”_

_“So you want a baby.”_

_“It’s not if I want a baby, it’s an if we’d want a baby. Together, expand our family…it’s not something I’m asking for right away, just…an option.”_

She gives a tense smile and goes to get up but Daryl takes her elbow, pulling her gently back onto the edge of the bed. _“This isn’t a spur of the moment decision from tonight’s conversation?”_

She shakes her head slowly. _“I’ve been thinking of this for a while, that’s what brought this on I guess. Thinking if wanting a baby of my own and not just our grandchildren made me think of the baby I lost.”_

_“You want to do that? Not just take care of someone else’s child, but to raise one that’s ours from birth, all the way up? It’s not like Lydia or the twins.”_

_“I know. And I want that.”_

Daryl doesn’t know how to say the words but what he can do is cup the back of her neck, pressing his lips against hers. What he could do was try to give her what she wanted—what they wanted.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“How long do you think they’ll be asleep this time?” Rachel asks.

Lydia was laying on her back on her bed, Rachel sprawled out beside her on her stomach, propped up on her elbows.

“Hm, hopefully longer than last time. If they only get a half hour of sleep and cry all day again I might lose the last of my patience,” Lydia grumbles, patience wavering from the twins’ recent naptime strike and meltdowns from limited sleep. “Grace would sleep fine if Faith wasn’t so adamant on fighting every time I put her down and waking up a half hour in and screaming at the top of her lungs.”

“Isn’t Faith still teething real bad?”

“She _is_. It’s still frustrating.”

“I know,” Rachel strokes her thumb across her cheek. “You should try to get some rest while they nap. You’re exhausted and you clearly didn’t sleep well last night.” Her eyes flit to the darkness under her eyes.

“Faith kept me up all night again.”

“Maybe we should trade places, you go stay with Tara for a night and let me lose sleep to the little monsters.” Lydia chuckles softly. “I’m serious, I can stay up with them while you stay over there. You need your sleep before you kill someone.”

“I’m not—I’m not that grumpy,” she says in defense and Rachel smiles, green eyes twinkling.

“Mm, I guess not _that_ grumpy.”

She cuts off Lydia’s grumble by pressing a kiss to her lips, brushing Lydia’s hair away from her face. Lydia’s agitation melts away and her retort is dissolved from the kiss, deep and passionate and inviting. Her hand cupping the nape of her neck is a lock, keeping her in place. Rachel doesn’t need anything holding her down, she has no intention to move unless she’s told to, or she senses that the other girl is uncomfortable. She’s good at reading Lydia, and she feels the uncertainty in her touch and her movement. Not unsure about the action, but unsure where to go. She’s so unfamiliar with this, with a gentle touch and with love. Unfamiliar with making her own choices and just follows blindly and lets others do what they please with her. Rachel would make sure they didn’t continue down that road.

She breaks the kiss, biting back a smile at Lydia’s pout. “Are you good?”

Lydia nods fervently, “I am.”

“You’re comfortable?” Lydia softens at the care and she nods again. Lydia’s impatience takes over and she’s quick to pull her down for another searing kiss. Rachel’s hand tangles in Lydia’s hair, kissing her deeper. Rachel’s lips leave Lydia’s, kissing her cheek, her jaw, down to the side of her neck. Lydia hums, untangling her fingers from Rachel’s long brown curls and her fingers brush her shoulders. Her fingers tentatively trail down her back. Rachel plays with the hem of Lydia’s shirt, meeting her eyes. She pushes the edge of her shirt up. “Are you still okay?”

Lydia nods, “Yeah…”

“Is this okay?” Rachel asks, pushing her shirt up more to expose her stomach. Lydia swallows and nods jerkily. “It’s okay to say no. I’ll never be upset if you say no.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m okay.” She props herself up enough to pull her own shirt over her head. Her cheeks flush a little but Rachel’s eyes resist looking over her body, eyes seeking Lydia’s. “You’ve done all of this before? Like…with a girl?”

“I have. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I just…I haven’t.”

“I know, and that’s okay.” She slips her hand behind her, fiddling with the clip of her bra. “May I?”

“You may,” she breathes.

Rachel’s unclipping the bra in a fluid motion, discarding it on the floor. Lydia almost wants to cover herself but she doesn’t. Rachel doesn’t stare or give her a look full of lust and it calms her almost. Rachel strokes her cheek lovingly, “it’s okay. We go at whatever speed you need, okay? Nothing more than we’re both comfortable with.”

“Okay,” Lydia breathes. And she was getting it—getting just ow different Rachel was from what she was used to. Even now, even after being in Alexandria a few years now, she still found herself shocked by how genuine some people were. And Rachel, bold and independent and wonderful, might have been the most genuine of them all.

Rachel’s lips find hers again, lips swollen and breathless and falling into a moment of bliss. Rachel’s lips move against her, synchronized and desperate. Rachel’s fingertips skim her shoulder, trailing down her collarbone and to her chest. Her hand finds the soft flesh of her sensitive breast and Lydia’s hand that was threaded in her hair tightens in response. Lydia’s breath quickens as Rachel massages and kneads her breasts gently and she almost forgets how to move her lips.

Rachel’s lips leaves hers, lips pressing against her jaw, kissing and sucking down her neck, pausing at her pulse. She chuckles lightly, warm breath against skin when she feels Lydia’s heartbeat pick up. She kisses down to her collarbone, feeling Lydia shudder under her fingertips and lips. Kisses further down her chest, her mouth finding her other breast. She sucks on her breast, kneading the other desperately and Lydia is flooded with waves of emotions and she finds herself unable to hold back a moan of pleasure. Rachel switches, mouth finding the other breast to give it equal attention. She takes her time, mouth sucking, tongue exploring on one, her hand memorizing ever sinch of the other.

She’s certain Lydia’s being overwhelmed from the pleasure, her skin is warm and her breathing is rapid despite not going far. And she can only imagine how sensitive she was, breastfeeding the twins took a toll on her and she didn’t want to push. So she kisses her way back up while her hands still work, gentler and slower than before.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good, I’m good,” Lydia breathes.

“That wasn’t uncomfortable at all?”

“Mm, no. Not at all…if you wanted more, we could…”

Rachel is quick to shake her head. “No. I mean, I _want_ to but I’m not _going_ to.”

“Why?” Lydia looked almost hurt by that, starting to wonder what had went wrong.

“Because we’re doing it right,” she presses a kiss to her lips to convey her feelings, that there was nothing wrong. “You’ve never done it before and right now you’re probably high on endorphins. We’ll have our moment, but it’s going to be because we both want to, not because we’re already halfway there and it’s convenient.”

“How are you this perfect?”

“I think you’re the only person who’s ever asked that,” Rachel chuckles which draws a laugh from Lydia.

“The girls are still sleeping so we still have time…” She messes with the hem of Lydia’s shirt before pulling it off of the girl.

“What do you have in mind?” Rachel questions, a gleam in her eye.

“Teach me.” She unhooks Rachel’s bra, raising an eyebrow.

Rachel doesn’t speak but she’s quick to flip them so she’s on the bottom, earning a small gasp from Lydia. Lydia doesn’t have long to process before she’ll pulled down into a searing kiss and she wonders if it’s a dream.

Rachel was too real. Her warm skin under her body, the taste of her lips moving against hers, how her breast felt under her hand. The sensations were all too real. But if it was a dream, she hoped she never woke up.


	55. First Birthday

“Mama!” Faith yells, followed with a string of babbles.

Lydia looks up from fighting with Grace over dressing her to see Faith standing up in her crib, hanging onto the side with an impatient look.

“Hold on, baby. Grace is being stubborn this morning, aren’t you baby?”

Grace smiles, showing off teeth and clapping. Lydia gets up to lift Faith out of her crib, changing while Grace just lays on the floor watching them.

“You don’t really know what it means, but it’s your birthday today. You’ve been here for a long, amazing year. You know that? You’ve already been here for a _whole_ year!” Faith laughs as she kneels down, putting the pretty purple long-sleeved dress on her. Grace whines, unhappy Faith is wearing a dress and she isn’t. Grace crawls over to them, this time letting Lydia dress her. “Today will be fun. Coco said she’d let you play with her and won’t even yell when you try to take _everything_ she picks up. You two still need a lot of work on keeping your hands to yourself and sharing, huh? And your grandma is baking you two a cake. She has to be creative to do it but she’ll make the best cake she possibly can. And as much as your grandpa isn’t too happy about it, your daddy is coming over. I know that’ll make _you_ happy, Faith.”

Faith smiles despite having no idea what she was saying. Grace on the other hand just reaches for her, not smiling until Lydia lifted her up in a hug. “C’mon, Faith.” She gets up, lifting both up with her. “You’re getting so big! You have to stop growing!” That made both girls giggle again.

She carries them downstairs where she hears the sounds of pots moving around, signaling Connie or Daryl making breakfast. When she enters the kitchen she sees them both. Daryl was manning the stove as Connie watched with a content smile.

Connie was the first to notice their presence, moving to them with outstretched arms. She takes Faith, pressing a long kiss to the top of her head. Daryl glances over at them.

“Oh look, birthday girls’ are finally awake.”

“They are. I don’t mind that they slept in because it meant _I_ got to sleep in,” Lydia laughs. She tries to put Grace in her high chair but she whines, holding on tighter. She just shrugs, not fighting with her and sits. She rearranges Grace on her lap. “She’s clingy and cranky this morning.”

“It’s her birthday, she’s allowed to be,” Daryl says as he turns off the stove. He looks over with a gentle smile at Grace’s pout. Faith was babbling happily though, one hand tapping Connie’s cheek gently and the other waving all around. “Faith is a happy baby today at least.

“That mean tooth that’s been keeping her up came in finally so her entire mood has shifted. I’m wondering if it’s Grace’s turn now, she’s not usually acting so sour.”

Daryl takes the baby food from the fridge, putting it on the table. There was a few different flavors pureed to perfection by Rosita thanks to her experience with Coco. Faith contentedly let’s Connie feed her, grabbing at the spoon a few times. Grace clamps her jaw, turning her head away when Lydia offers her food.

“Grace, come on,” she coaxes.

Grace cries, leaning away. “No!” She whines.

“Why is their second word they say _‘no,’_ ” she sighs. “Can you grab the applesauce? Maybe she’ll eat that.”

Daryl grabs the applesauce jar and then the teething ring from the freezer. “If she won’t touch even the applesauce maybe this’ll soothe her.”

Lydia nods and scoops up a small spoon of applesauce, offering it to Grace. Grace is still whining, a few stray tears rolling down her cheeks but she opens her mouth for the applesauce. He’s hungry, accepting several spoons of applesauce, rubbing her eyes with her little hand.

“How about…some of this?” She offers her a spoonful of the pureed carrot. Grace wrinkles her nose but eats it. After taking another bite she points back at the applesauce jar.

“How about you try some eggs?” Daryl says, putting a plastic plate with a few pieces of cooled off scrambled eggs in front of her. She tentatively takes a piece, squeezing it to mush between her fingers before putting it in her mouth. She has a contemplative look on her face, scrunching it up as she decides how she feels about the taste and texture. It’s clear she decided she likes it when she grabs another piece and shoves it on her mouth. She’s still teary-eyed but her whimpers have died down.

Faith is a very happy baby when Connie gives her a bite of eggs, almost instantly reaching for more. She’s babbling up a storm, only pausing to shove her bottle in her mouth to wash her food down.

“She’s seemed to settle,” Daryl comments, pushing a plate towards Lydia. “Eat.”

“Thankfully, she has. Today wouldn’t be fun if she was in full meltdown mode. No day is fun when either of them meltdown,” she says before taking a bite.

“Why don’t I take her while you eat,” he offers.

“What about you?”

“I was eating while I cooked. And after. I’m good.”

Lydia passes Grace over and braces herself for screaming or clinging to her but Grace lets Daryl take her. She whines a little but goes right back to shoving food in her mouth. Connie sits down beside him, trying to move her fork skillfully over Faith’s head to eat without the curious baby taking it.

“It’s really quiet…where’s Judith?”

“Something about training with Rosita.”

“And RJ?”

“Sleeping, I think.”

“If he doesn’t wake up soon he’ll miss breakfast _and_ will get woken up by Coco when she comes.”

Daryl let out a quiet chuckle. “Yeah, he might wanna wake up soon, then.”

***

“Dia!”

Coco came running into the room, making a beeline for Lydia who was cleaning Faith’s face. A smile spreads across the baby’s face and she reaches a hand out to Coco, making a grasping motion.

“Not my hair,” Coco warns, pulling her curls over her opposite shoulder. She reaches out and lets the baby grab onto her hand anyways. “It’s their birthday today?”

“It is. They’re one now.”

“I’m three. _Almost_ four. I’m four in like…in summer, I think.”

“Almost summer,” comes Tara’s voice. She walks into the room, hand in hand with Rose. “May.”

“What’s it now, Mama?” Coco asks curiously.

“End of February.”

“Okay. Almost May?”

“Three months.”

“That’s _so_ long,” Coco groans, climbing onto a chair. Rose climbs up on the chair beside her.

“No Ethan?” Lydia asks as Tara takes Faith from her.

“He’s with Ro, Rachel and Judith. Guess Judith wants to teach him the basics of fighting. Coco’s been dying to get involved in all that,” she chuckles, “enjoy these little ones while it lasts, soon they’ll be savage little monsters.”  
  


“I’m not a savage monster, Mama,” Coco giggles, dimples showing as she smiles.

“You are,” Rose says softly, a smile spreading on her cautious lips.

“Am not!” Coco laughs.

“Am too!” Rose shoots back, laughing loudly.

Lydia raises an eyebrow at Rose and Coco’s bantering. Tara shrugs but there’s a content smile on her lips. She readjusts Faith before making her way over to Connie. Lydia, feeling weird without holding one of the twins and with Coco focused on Rose, follows her.

_“How’d the cake come out?”_ Tara asks, signing to her. _“That’s all the kids have been talking about since Judith told them you were making one for the twins’ birthday.”_

_“It came out okay,”_ Connie signs humbly.

_“I think it was more than okay,”_ Lydia butts in. _“They’ll love it.”_

_“They’ll love_ destroying _it,”_ Tara laughs, tickling under a giggling Faith’s chin. “Isn’t that right, Faith?”

Faith makes a content sound, grabbing at Tara’s hair.

“Oh crap.”

That draws a laugh from both Connie and Lydia. Tara tries to pry Faith’s iron tight fingers from her hair but the baby just lets out an annoyed shriek before returning her attention to the hair.

“You forgot she loves hair,” Lydia laughs.

“I did. I shouldn’t have because Coco always tells her not to touch her hair like almost daily…you have a _strong_ grip, kid.”

Faith just smiles at her. She babbles sweetly, loving the undivided attention she was receiving. Faith thrived with attention, loving everyone holding her and talking to her. Grace on the other hand was happy to be sitting with Daryl, gnawing on her frozen teething ring.

A few minutes later, Coco and Rose are running into the living room to get into the toys and they bring Faith in when she makes a sound, pointing at the older girls. Tara puts her down and let’s her speed crawl over to them.

“Remember, baby. You promised you’d be nice and let her play with you.”

Coco groans. “Kay.”

“I think she has regrets,” Lydia whispers, sitting beside Tara.

“I think you’re right.”

They suppress chuckles when Faith grabs at the toy in Coco’s hand. Rose is pulling her favorite things from the toy chest, putting them behind her out of the baby’s sight. Coco is too focused on trying to negotiate with the baby to get her toy back to save the rest of her favorite toys like Rose was doing.

They hear the door opening and Judith’s excited voice is heard. Footsteps are running followed by the thumping sound of the older kids running up the stairs.

“Well, they apparently somehow still have energy even after their training,” Tara mutters, looking up where they hear them moving upstairs.

“I don’t know _how,_ _I’m_ exhausted,” Rosita’s voice coming from the doorway startled them momentarily.

“What’d they do?” Tara asks with a laugh.

“Two against two and they still made us exhausted. Judith went full ninja mode and Ethan’s a quick study. They were _savage._ ”

“Mama said I’m a savage monster, Mommy!” Coco calls over.

“Tattletale,” Tara shoots back with an amused smile.

“Oh my god, you two.” Rosita shakes her head, perching on the arm rest beside Tara. “Jude decided to show Ethan how to use her katana. He’s not bad at all. Then they practiced with staffs…then they turned on us.”

“Turned on you?” Tara laughs.

“Yes! Yes, they did.”

“I have some nice bruises now,” comes Rachel’s voice as she comes into the room. Grace is clinging to her like a little monkey, teething ring firmly in hand. “Those kids are hardcore.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Lydia tells her as she sits beside her. “Hi, baby.” She strokes Grace’s hair back. “She’s been teething bad today, she had a pretty bad morning.”

“Oh, poor baby,” Rachel says gently, stroking her cheek. Grace looks up to her, lips formed into a pout.

“I don’t miss those moments,” Rosita says, leaning back against the wall. “Coco was _awful_ when she was teething. Cried for _weeks._ We lost so much sleep.”

“We ended up taking turns sleeping on the couch so whoever wasn’t trying to soothe her could sleep easier without hearing her screaming in the next room.”

Lydia’s eyes widen comically, sharing a look with Rachel. “Thank god these two weren’t that bad.”

“And they went through their bad teething days separately, didn’t they?” Tara asks.

Lydia nods, “Faith went through it two weeks ago, now Grace is dealing with it. Faith hit it worse. There was like a week where she just wouldn’t stop crying.”

“That’s when you ended up sleeping over here for that weekend because you hadn’t gotten good sleep in days and Daryl was just as tired. So Rachel ended up staying up with them for like two nights since she was fresh troops.”

“Most refreshing sleep of my life,” Lydia jokes. She takes Grace when she finally reaches for her. “Feeling better, baby? Hm?” Grace stands up, feet on her thighs as Lydia keeps her hands on her little waist to keep her steady. She babbles animatedly, moving her thawing teething ring all around. Her talking was all jumbled, but _“Mama”_ seemed to be said every few words.

“Oh yeah?” Lydia asked, smiling at the baby’s speech. “Wow.”

“I’d say she feels better,” Rachel comments, ticking her side and making the baby squeal with laughter. “Woah! Hey, you,” she gasps and laughs when Faith suddenly appears, tugging at her hand. She raises her arms and Rachel pulls her up. “Someone’s jealous her sister is getting all the attention.”

“Mommy! Come color with us!” Coco calls, putting her crayons and paper on the coffee table.

“She’s not the only one,” Tara says before calling to Coco, “Mommy’s tired. How about I color with you instead?”

“Okay!” She easily agrees. Rosita gives Tara a grateful smile as Tara gets up and goes to kneel down between the two girls, Coco pushing paper in front of her and Rose handing her carefully picked out crayons.

“This your favorite color, Rosie?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “I like blue.”

“Mines pink!” Coco announces loudly.

“Oh, I know, baby.”

Coco and Rose both giggle, getting to work coloring. Tara smiles at them before drawing herself, both girls giving her input. Coco was more adamant and vocal, but Rose was making sure she was heard as well.

“She doesn’t let Coco pull anything,” Lydia says softly to Rosita.

Rosita nods with a smile. “No she does not. Which is good, I was worried Coco would be too rough with her but Rose can be a little brute. Plus when things get heated Ethan usually intervenes before we need to split them up. Those kids work well together. When we went to get some sweets from Isla yesterday Coco even introduced them as her sister and brother. It’s been two months and they bicker often like siblings and they honeymoon phase is definitely over but they still get along so well. Especially the girls.”

“Give them a few years and they’ll be feeling the same way about Grace and Faith as Judith feels about them.”

“Pretty much,” Rosita laughs. “Ethan’s good for Judith and RJ, Judith has her other friends but she gets along so well with him and it’s about time RJ had someone other than just Ezra to be around.”

“I think it’s good for all of them, having others to play with. Kids need that kind of stimulation.”

Grace makes a loud sound, tapping Lydia’s cheek to regain her attention.

“Sorry, baby. Am I not giving you enough attention?”

“No,” Grace blurts out, shaking her head wildly.

“Oh no, she’s saying _‘no’_ already,” Lydia says.

“Well, now they both say that word,” Rachel comments, bouncing a giggly Faith lightly. “Right Faith?”

“No,” Faith giggles, clapping her hands together and Rachel and Lydia can’t help but laugh.

****

“When is _he_ coming?” Rachel asks sourly.

Lydia’s face softens. The kids had wound down for the most part. Tara had the five older kids helping her assemble a whole floor space of a foam alphabet puzzle which Coco and Rose seemed to enjoy the most. Rosita was somewhere with Connie and Daryl and Lydia didn’t mind the disappearance, especially since Daryl still couldn’t stand Henry.

“You aren’t jealous of him, are you?”

“No…I mean, he is the girl’s father so he’s always going to be more important to them.”

“Grace still doesn’t go near him and she absolutely adores you. you’re very important to them, Rachel.”

“I still don’t like him for how he treated you that day, too. And how he hurt Tara.”

“Lapse in judgment and like a mental snap or something. That wasn’t him.”

“Doesn’t change how I feel about him.”

“I know. But please be civil, for the girls?”

“Of course I will.” She presses a kiss to Grace’s forehead. She and Lydia had switched twins when Faith demanded Mama’s attention. “Anything for them.”

Grace smiles, reaching out to pat Rachel’s cheek. “She really loves you, y’know.”

“I know,” Rachel smiles, green eyes shining. “I really love them, too.”

There’s a knock on the door and Lydia gets up to get it, propping Faith on her hip. She moves swiftly to the door before anyone else—mainly Daryl—comes out of the woodwork. She opens it to see Henry, shifting with hands shoved in his pockets.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” She peers at the baby who’s smiling widely. “Faith, who’s that?”

Faith points and says with a toothy grin, “Dada.”

Henry points at her, “did she just…?”

“She did. She’s been practicing. Here,” she steps aside so he can step in before offering him the baby. He takes her easily and she’s babbling away to him almost instantly.

He follows her to the living room where Rachel’s still on the couch, Grace on her lap playing with her hands. Grace looks up and she frowns, scooting forward to rest her head against Rachel. Her eyes never leave Henry, though. Or maybe she was just keeping her eyes on her twin, Lydia wasn’t sure.

“Grace, come here,” Lydia holds her hands out but Grace just shakes her head. “Wow, okay,” she laughs.

“That’s like the first time she’s done that,” Rachel tries to curb her laughter. “Usually all she wants is you.”

“Maybe she think you’re going to make her come to me,” Henry says dully. “I don’t think she’s ever going to like me. It’s been months of seeing them regularly and she still screams if I even touch her.”

“She’s sensitive and nervous. She still cries when Tara or Rosita take her and they see her almost every day. You just gotta let her cry it out. She’s not scared of you, and she knows you’re okay—Faith is always happy to go to you. I think she always does that because she knows if she just glares at you, you leave her alone and if you do try to hold her all she has to do is cry or scream and you’ll put her back down.”

“They’re too smart for their own good,” Rachel agrees with Lydia. “That’s how she warmed up to me. She was crying but we just ignored her and she settled.” She tries not to remember that was the same day Henry had that fight with Lydia. despite not liking him, she was agreeing with Lydia, trying to tolerate him for the girls’ sake.

“I don’t know. Forcing her to like me doesn’t seem right.”

Lydia sits down with a heavy sigh. “Look. It’s not forcing her to like you. It’s showing her that you do like her.”

He looks at her, offended. “She’s my daughter. I love her.”

“I know that. She doesn’t. She might be the one crying, but every time she does you walk away. What is she supposed to think? She’s one. She has no concept of what she does.”

“I know, just…”

“The longer this goes on, the harder it’ll be to fix it, y’know.”

“I know,” he sighs.

He sits on the armchair by the couch, adjusting Faith who’s still babbling away happily, trying to regain his attention.

“Mama!” Grace blurts, reaching back for her.

“Oh, now you want me,” she laughs, pulling her onto her lap. She brushes her hair back, combing her fingers through her hair which causes Grace to finally smile.

“Their hair got redder,” he points out, looking down at Faith’s auburn hair.

“It has, hasn’t it,” Lydia murmurs. She hadn’t noticed, their hair had been lightening up to the gorgeous auburn it was from the red-brown it was when they were babies, but it had been so gradual that she didn’t really notice the change.

“Yeah,” he sighs.

Rachel looks between the two, the awkward silence thick in the room. Grace’s smile fades and she whines loudly, patting Lydia’s arm. “Sorry, baby.” She lifts her up so she’s standing on her legs and presses a kiss to her cheek. Grace’s smile returns with a giggle. Faith laughs too, her sister’s giggle making her happy. She claps and squirms, Henry putting her down on the ground with a confused look.

She crawls a few feet before looking back. She whines, beckoning Henry to follow him before continuing her mission to the toy bins. Lydia is about to ask Grace if she wants to play too when they heard a loud thump above.

“I should um, go make sure those monsters didn’t like kill Tara or something. Cause it’s five against one up there. And it’s been too quiet until now,” Rachel says, eyes on the ceiling.

“Good idea,” Lydia says, also looking up. She hears Henry snort in amusement. “Want me to go with you.”

“Nah, no need to sacrifice the baby. If I see anything disturbing I’ll yell. And if I’m not back in like a half hour it means they sacrificed me to something. And if I’m held hostage, I’ll send one to inform.”

“You really thought this out.”

“I swear those kids plan my demise regularly, I don’t take chances.”

Lydia lets out a genuine laugh at that. Rachel gives Grace a little wave before disappearing from the room, going upstairs. Lydia gets up and brings Grace over to where he sister is, putting her down. She’s quick to climb onto Lydia the moment she crouches down.

“Okay, I know you aren’t this shy.”

She sits, Grace settling on her lap. Faith is content sitting on the floor, fussing with a shape sorter. Henry is knelt beside her, handing her shapes for her to put in the right slot. He isn’t intently watching her though, his eyes were lingering on Lydia, who’s focus was on Grace. Her eyes flit up when she feels his eyes on her though, and their eyes meet.

“What?” She asks quietly.

“Nothing, I…” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I miss you.”

“Henry,” she sighs, looking down at Grace.

“I know I messed up, but I worked everything out. I fixed everything. I want a life with you and our daughters. They deserve that, too. To have two parents who love them. Not just a mom and a part-time dad. I think we deserve that, too. I want another chance to make this right.”

“Henry, I—”

“I know it’s a lot to drop on you but think about it.”

“I—I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not…I have…I’m _with_ someone.”

“You’re…in a relationship?” She nods, swallowing hard. He looks confused before his face hardens. “It’s _her,_ isn’t it? Rachel?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. The girl who literally lives here, spending all waking moments with our kids. No wonder they like her more.”

“Hey. I know _you’re_ their father. _She_ knows that you’re their father. And yeah, maybe they think of her as a parent too, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t their parent. It doesn’t take anything away from you. You can still come see the girls whenever you want. You could even take them for an afternoon and you know that. You just don’t.”

“I don’t…you’re so good at this, good with them. I’m _not._ I’m not a good parent.”

“I have tons of support, remember? I was a mess in the beginning.”

“Barely…Lydia, I don’t just want the girls. I want you.”

“Henry…”

“Think about it. Think of what’s best for them. Is their mother with someone else and their father only visiting them really better than them having both parents together? Because I think they deserve better than that. Don’t you?”

Lydia sighs but doesn’t speak. She pulls Grace closer, hugging her closely. When she looks up, her eyes meet Daryl’s in the doorway.

****

“Happy birthday, baby!”

Faith clapped, smiling wide. She had no idea why she was being showered with attention, but she loved it. She also loved the slice of cake put in front of her, loving the gooey fistful of frosting she got from it.

“She’s gonna need a bath,” Judith laughs before shoving a mouthful into her mouth.

“A really good one,” Ethan agrees.

Judith, Ethan and RJ were huddled together, the three attached like they had been as of late. Coco was sitting on Tara’s lap, cuddly after a long day. Rose was sitting in the chair beside them. Rosita was floating around with Connie, feeling more revived now. Daryl was leaning against the wall, eyes burning holes into Henry. The boy looked at him a few times, shifting uncomfortably but not saying anything. Faith was sitting with Lydia—the moment they went into the kitchen, Faith had begun squirming and demanding to go to Mama. And Grace, who had been unhappy with her squirmy sister, had reached her arms out to Rachel when she came down so she was sitting with her.

“Oh—!” Grace had taking a taste of the frosting before grabbing the slice with both hands. She was giggling, licking the mess off of one of her hands. “No, keep your sticky hands to yourself,” Rachel laughs when Grace reaches for her face with a cake coated hand. Grace giggles and claps, send cake splatter flying.

  
“Thanks, Rachel,” Lydia laughs, wiping the cake splatter off of her cheek.

“Didn’t think she’d do _that,_ ” Rachel admits with a smile, ticking Grace’s side and causing her to squeal.

Faith giggles and claps her own cake coated hands like her sister, squealing happily at the cake splattering. “Mama!” She squeals before patting her face, getting frosting all over her cheek.

“Oh my god,” her eyes widen and she looks at the smiling baby and she can’t help but smile. “Oh, baby girl. Guess you can make as much a mess as you want on your birthday, huh?”

“Ya,” she says happily, followed by a string of babbles. “Ya.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“There we go, nice and clean.” Lydia had both girls clinging to her, neither wanting to be put down for the other to be dressed. “Can you take her?”

“Which one is that?” Henry asks doubtfully. He knew from the pout on the baby’s lips it likely wasn’t Faith.

“Just take her,” Lydia says, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Um, o-okay.” He cautiously takes the baby, prying her off of Lydia. She lets out a wail, kicking her legs. “What do I do?”

“Just hold her,” Lydia says simply, dressing a squirmy Faith in pajamas.

“Easier said than done,” he grunts, baby thrashing around and screaming. “She really hates me.”

“If you don’t actually hold her and work through that, she’ll _never_ be okay with you.” She lifts a fully dressed Faith up, kissing her cheek. Faith stares at her sobbing sister, frowning at her.

She grabs one of the bottles, offering it to Henry. She sits on one of the rocking chairs with Faith, offering her the other bottle. Faith takes the bottle happily, shoving it in her mouth to nurse. Grace tuns her head away from the bottle, crying harder and swatting at it. “Try sitting down in the rocking chair,” she suggests.

He sighs and sits in the other chair. He rearranges the baby, trying to soothe her. He lifts her up, “it’s okay, Grace. Shh, it’s okay.” She shakes her head but grasps at the bottle. She takes it, shoving it in her mouth, sobbing around it as she nurses.

Lydia stays silent, rocking gently as Faith snuggles against her sleepily as she nurses the bottle. She watches them. Henry was rocking back and forth gently in the chair, Grace sitting and leaning back against him as she nursed. She wasn’t happy, but her sobs and wiggling stopped.

Faith is asleep in no time, bottle lowered and little eyelids fluttering. She places the bottle on the bedside table. She’s up as carefully as she can be as not to jostle the baby, laying her down in the crib gently. Faith makes a small whining sound before snuggling up and settling.

“I can take her now.” Henry hands Grace, who’s finally settled, back to Lydia. She dresses a sleepy Grace in pajamas matching Faith’s. She kisses her head before laying her down beside her sister. Grace scoots to Faith, curling up against her and the two are out like a light.

“See? Told you all you had to do was hold her through it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he holds down a smile. “You make it look easy. And it’s not because you spend every single day with them with them, you’re just a natural at this. Even before they were born you were just so good with Coco.”

She ducks her head shyly. He cups her chin, lifting her head up to meet her eyes.

“I mean it, you are amazing.”

She knows what he’s going to do, and she’s frozen. She wants to tell him no or take a step back but instead she stays rooted in place and lets him take that half step. He cups her face and leans in, lips connecting with hers. He’s kissing her deeply, passionately and suddenly she’s not so sure what to choose.


	56. Beginning of the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abuse

Henry kissed her. He _was_ kissing her.

She didn’t want this. She was happy, she was with Rachel. But here she was, in the dark room where she had just put the twins down for sleep, Henry’s hands on her face, lips locked onto hers.

She pulls away, stepping back. She just walks out of the room, shutting the door when he follows. She wasn’t letting the twins get woken up. She heads down the hall towards the stairs, she didn’t want to be alone with him. Not when she doesn’t know what to say to him.

“C’mon.” Henry grabs her wrist, pulling her into her own bedroom before they reach the stairs.

“Henry—”

“What?”

“I—I can’t.”

He pulls her closer. “Why not?” His face is close to hers and she feels his breath against her lips.

“I told you before…”

“Rachel?” He scoffs.

She gives him a look. “Yeah, Rachel.”

“So you’re actually like in an actual relationship with her?”

“I—I don’t know what we are, but it’s something.”  
  


He backs her against the wall, pressing his body against hers. “And having something with her is more important than our girls having her parents?” 

“They still have you!” She manages to say.

“Do they? I’m the guy they see occasionally. They deserve to have their parents under one week, Lydia. Our kids deserve that, we deserve that.”

He strokes her cheek, kissing her deeply again. She snaps into reality, pushing him away. “Lydia, come on.” He reaches for her and shoves him back again.

“No—” She’s cut off by a gasp when she feels a strike, hot pain radiating on her cheek. She looks up at him, eyes wide in horror. She holds her cheek, unable to stop the tears from spilling over.

“Lydia, I—I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…” His hand replaces hers, stroking her tender cheek carefully. “I’m sorry. You pushed me and I just…I don’t mean to hurt you. I really didn’t. You know I’d never want to hurt you, right? That I never have?”

She sniffs and nods, leaning against him shakily. She isn’t feeling okay with him, not by a long shot. But she doesn’t have it in her to say anything, to go anywhere. So she leans against him and lets him rub her back and apologize over and over again, at least until it was time for him to go home.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

“You’re awfully quiet today.”

Rachel and Lydia were out in the woods. They were hunting, but they were mostly just walking around and talking. Or more like Rachel talking and Lydia silently following and nodding along.

“Tired. Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Rachel frowns, “you said the twins went down really easy last night.”

“They did.”

“Then what’s up?” she moves in front of Lydia, halting her. “Wait, what’s that?” She reaches her hand out to her face but Lydia quickly steps back from her.

“It’s stupid. I forgot I left that stupid push cart of Faith’s out and I tripped over it when I turned the lights off and smacked my face on their toy bin. I couldn’t sleep because I was up late icing it so I didn’t have a bruised face today.”

“You tripped over the pusher after you turned the lights off?” Rachel asks skeptically. She knew very well the light was by the doorway and the toy bin was nowhere near it.

“Yeah. I turned the light off but kept the lamp on cause Grace was fussy. I turned off the lamp and tripped on the thing on the way out. Grace cried for like a minute then they were both out like a light, thanks to that sugar they had earlier.”

“Yeah, I’ve tripped over stuff after turning the lamp off before,” Rachel says. She still doesn’t believe her but pushing her would get her nowhere. “But something else is off. This isn’t just feeling tired you. I know tired you very well. So what else is wrong?”

“Um…something happened last night.”

“What happened?” She looks at her in concern.

“Henry kissed me.” Her eyes are filled with tears, bracing for Rachel to just walk away. To end what they had begun.

“Oh…” Rachel shifts, looking down.

“I—I froze at first when he kissed me. I didn’t stop him fast enough but after, I—I pushed him away. I told him no, that I had you.”

Rachel looks at her with a sigh. “Do you like him?”

Lydia shakes her head, a tear rolling down her cheek. Rachel reaches out to wipe the tear away and Lydia flinches away from her. “Hey, I’m not mad.”

“You aren’t?”

“I mean, I won’t lie. It hurts. But it’s not your fault. You told him no. You pushed him away. And you told me when you didn’t need to. I’m not mad.” She eyes Lydia who refuses to meet her gaze. “Y’know, I’m proud you stood up for yourself. It couldn’t have been easy. And he was probably pretty upset.”

Lydia nods. She knows Rachel is fishing for unspoken answers, trying to figure out how it ended. She still refuses to meet her gaze.

“Was he pretty upset?”

Lydia looks up at her, biting her lip to keep it from quivering. Rachel sees it in her eyes, the shame and a hint of fear. Rachel’s whole face falls, frowning deeply. She takes a step forward, reaching out for her. This time Lydia didn’t pull away. She strokes her cheek gently, her heart aching when she winces.

“Was this him?”

Lydia’s quick to shake her head. “No.”

“Lydia…”

“It wasn’t! I fell, I fell and hit my face! That’s all!” She says loudly, moving around her.

“Hey, hey, hey. Easy, easy!” Rachel grabs her arm gently, catching up and getting back in front of her. “Lydia, talk to me?”

“He didn’t mean to, okay! It was an accident!”

“How was hitting you an accident?”

“I pushed him.”

“You pushed him off of you after he kissed you despite knowing you’re in a relationship. He had no right to hit you.”

“It won’t happen again.”

“Damn right it won’t.”

“Don’t tell my dad.”

“Why not?!”

“He’s the girls’ father. It’d hurt them.”

“Him hurting you is not good for them.”

“It won’t happen again. Please just don’t say anything.”

“I won’t say anything…right now. But I don’t want you alone with him. Like, ever. Okay?”

She nods, sniffling. “O-okay…”

“Come here,” Rachel holds her arms out, engulfing her in a hug. Lydia held onto her tightly, burying her face in her shoulder. Rachel holds her close, rubbing her back. “I know you probably blame yourself, but it’s not your fault, you know that, right?”

“Hm,” Lydia mumbles.

“It’s not your fault,” Rachel says firmly, massaging the back of her head.

“Okay,” she says finally, the tears stopping finally but she doesn’t move and Rachel doesn’t expect her to. She just holds her close, arms wrapped around her lovingly, keeping alert in case a stray walker wandered into their path.

****

“What’s going on?” Daryl asks.

While he had initially believed she was quiet at breakfast because she had taken a silly spill, he was believing it less and less. He had heard nothing last night when she and Henry had put the twins’ to sleep—Henry had come down to get ice for her, telling him she fell. And Lydia had made a convincing story when he followed Henry up to check on her. He hadn’t seen the welt when he went up, she was quick to cover it with the ice pack. And this morning she as in a hurry to get out to the woods. But he had more than enough time to look at it now.

The mark wasn’t that of hitting her face on the toy bin. The bin had a corner and would more likely cause a cut or scratch. And Daryl had seen enough abuse growing up and hit enough people to know what the aftermath of being hit looked like. And her tiredness and her closing in on herself, Rachel hovering over her more than usual—it all pointed to something else happening.

“Nothing,” Lydia mutters, keeping her eyes fixed on Grace. The baby was sitting on her lap, chewing on a cookie happily.

He looks up at Rachel who was standing behind Lydia’s chair, Faith perched on her hip while she munched on her own cookie. The baby had yelled every time Rachel tried sitting with her. Rachel looks at him, her face saying she wanted to talk but shaking her head regardless.

“Want to tell me what happened again?”

“I fell, I told you this morning.”

He scoffs. “Try again. You think I don’t know what that mark is from? I saw marks like that all the time growing up, on my brother’s face, my own in the mirrors, yours when I first met you. I ain’t stupid. You ain’t stupid.”

“I fell,” she says stubbornly.

“Bullshit,” he snaps. Grace looks at him with wide eyes. He sighs, running a hand down his face. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t need help,” she says lowly.

“That why you’re lying to me? You don’t want me doing anything?”

“Nothing happened. But _if_ it did, you’d do something. And I wouldn’t want anyone to do anything.”

He looks to Rachel again, “can you handle the girls for a bit?”

“Dad—”

“I can,” Rachel nods, unsure what was happening. But she lifts up Grace anyways, twin on each hip while she brings them into the living room to play.

Daryl gets up, grabbing Lydia’s arm. “Let’s go.” She gets up silently, letting him lead her out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He guides her into her room, shutting the door. And suddenly her heart tightens and she’s filled with anxiety. Daryl has never made a move to hurt her, in fact he always kept her safe. But she wasn’t able to control the sudden fear.

He reaches for her again when the door is shut and she jumps back away from him skittishly. He shakes his head, looking frustrated. “Look at you! You are not okay!”

She flinches, taking another step back.

“You still trying to say you fell? Huh? Falling makes you scared of getting hurt?”

“No, I—”

“Come here.”

“No.”

“Lydia. Come here, please.” She eyes his outstretched hand before taking small, cautious steps towards him. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” He reaches up, stoking her the wetness off of her cheeks. Her chin wobbles and the cautiousness is gone and she’s throwing herself into his arms. “Oh kid, you’re shaking.”

“I’m fine,” she mumbles against him.

“You are not fine. What just happened was not fine. What the hell happened last night?”

“It wasn’t—he didn’t mean it.”

He lets her go, “I’m going to kill him.”

“No!” She grabs onto his arm, stopping him. “Dad, no! It’s not that bad!”

“Not that bad?” He shouts. “Have you looked in the goddamn mirror, Lydia? Seen the welt on your face that’s visible even after icing it all night? Do you see your behavior? You were terrified! You wouldn’t even let me touch you! So tell me it’s not that bad again!”

He realized in the midst of his yelling at her that she had let his arm go, arms folded around herself as she cried. She had taken a few steps back from him as well. He shakes his head, moving back towards her. “Okay, it’s okay. I’m sorry.”

There’s a knock on the door and he swings around as it opens. Connie walks in, a look of complete confusion on her face. She sees Daryl, looking both enraged and concerned, sees Lydia who’s hugging herself red faced and sobbing.

_“What’s going on in here?”_ She signs quickly.

_“Look at her face,”_ Daryl signs to her choppily, spitting out the words.

Connie gives him a confused look but moves closely to Lydia. She reaches out, brushing the welt tenderly. Her frown deepens when she gets a better look at it before turning to Daryl for confirmation. _“Who did this?”_

_“Henry.”_

She looks to Lydia who’s shaking her head fervently.

_“Damn it, kid!”_ Daryl’s angry shout makes her jump, grabbing onto Connie’s arm.

Connie waves her hand at him, signing swiftly in annoyance. _“Don’t yell at her!”_

_“She’s being ridiculous!”_

_“She’s scared! And I don’t think it’s because of Henry.”_

_“Then what the hell is she scared of because he hit her and now she’s scared of even me!”_

_“I think…him hitting her started this, but I think she’s scared from resurfaced repressed emotions than anything else. She never worked through what she went through growing up, she just got a loving home and shoved it down. And now she got hurt and it’s all back. He should have never laid a hand on her and he needs a good yelling at, but he didn’t cause this.”_

_“I’m gonna do more than yell at him.”_

_“Don’t, please,”_ Lydia finally speaks up, pleading. _“Please just…he didn’t do it to hurt me, I swear!”_

_“Oh yeah? What’d he think hitting you would do?”_

_“He kissed me.”_

_“He did_ what?”

_“He kissed me and I told him no. And he tried to again and I pushed him off of me, and my hands hit his shoulder and he just reacted. He felt so bad after. And not fake, don’t tell anyone bad. Not telling anyone was my idea, not his. He wanted to! I talked him into shutting up.”_

_“Why would you do that?”_

_“Because of this! I just wanted things to stay good. Especially for the girls. They just got used to having a father.”_

_“He ain’t going near them.”_

_“He’d never hurt them! I promised Rachel I wouldn’t be near him alone under any circumstances, isn’t that enough?”_

_“I’m talking to him before I decide what’s enough.”_

_“No, Dad—”_

_“I’ll go with him,”_ Connie assures her quickly _. “It’s okay. Okay?”_

Lydia nods, _“okay.”_

Daryl sighs, hating the whole situation. He moves closer again, wrapping his arms around Lydia tightly. She holds onto him, crying into his shoulder. “I’ll go see if Tara or Rosita can watch the girls so Rachel can be with you while we go have a good chat with Henry, okay?”

She nods into his shoulder but doesn’t move. He sighs, signing silently to Connie, _“could you go ask Ro or Tara to come watch the twins? She needs Rachel to be with her while we go and the girls don’t need to see her so upset.”_

Connie nods with a small smile, rubbing Lydia’s arm before leaving the room. Daryl goes back to rubbing her back soothingly.

“Everything will be okay, sweetheart. You will be okay. We’re gonna—we’re gonna get you through this properly. Should’ve done that to begin with. But we’ll do it right and you’ll be okay. I’m so sorry, I never wanted to let anyone hurt you again. I’m…I’m sorry, kid.”

“You couldn’t—I didn’t know what was gonna happen. You didn’t know,” she mumbles against him through her tears.

“Don’t matter, it’s my job to protect you. Don’t matter that you aren’t a child anymore and that you have your own babies, you’re still my kid, still my responsibility. I’ll always feel responsible for you getting hurt. It’s my job.”

“What are you going to say to him?”

“I’d rather not say anything. If I had my way I’d beat his ass. But Connie won’t let me. So I’ll tell him he’s on strict supervision if he sees his kids and he ain’t allowed near you. You can be in the same room, but he doesn’t go near you, not til he has his anger completely under control. I don’t care that he lost it for just a second, that second he hurt you and hurt you enough that you have a good mark on your cheek and scared you good. I don’t even want him near the girls, but I’ll allow it. But if he hurts them in any way—”

“Nobody will stop you from killing him if he does.”

There’s a soft knock on the door before it opens, Rachel walking in.

“Connie’s downstairs waiting for you, she’s just helping Tara get the girls settled. Grace was very unhappy that I handed her over.”

Daryl nods, letting Lydia goes. He presses a kiss to Lydia’s forehead, “I’ll be back soon, kiddo.”

“Okay,” she makes out.

Her tears returns the moment Daryl’s no longer holding her and Rachel’s quick to move to her, wrapping her arms around her. Daryl forces himself to walk out of the room, his heart aching when he hears a fresh wave of sobs come from her.

He heads down the stairs, heading into the living room. He sees Tara sitting on the floor, captivating the twins’ attention, Connie leaning against the doorframe. Tara glances at him before turning her attention back to the twins’ before they see him and Grace wants him. He heads over to Connie and the two head out.

_“How is she?”_ Connie signs with a concerned look.

Daryl shakes his head, signing, _“not great. I’m worried about her.”_

_“She’s going to be okay. She’s tough and she has people who love her. She’ll be okay.”_

He nods. _“Now we have a boy to go talk to.”_

_“_ Just _talking to,”_ she signs, giving him a firm look. _“No killing him.”_

_“I’ll try my best.”_

She nods, accepting that. She takes his hand and the two make their way towards the other houses, preparing for the conversation awaiting them.


	57. Planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's late posting, I ended up with a foot injury and then my brother had a baby so I completely spaced on posting. But I'm here!

Daryl and Connie were headed towards Aaron’s where Henry was still living. Daryl was starting to feel more enraged with every step, Connie squeezing his hand trying to keep him as calm as could be.

When he reached Aaron’s place he let Connie’s comforting hand go, marching up the steps and banging on the door. Connie ran up behind him, putting a hand on his arm. She was angry, but she didn't want him doing something he'd regret later. Doing something that even Tara couldn't help him get out of.

Aaron swung the door open, confusion on his face. He sees Daryl simmering in anger and sighs heavily. “What now?”

“Where is he?” Daryl snaps.

“What did he do this time?”

“He hit my kid!”

“Lydia? He hit _Lydia?_ ”

“Yeah. She tried her best to make up some bullshit story about how she got that goddamn _welt_ on her face. He hit her _that_ hard, hard enough to leave a mark that hurts to the touch. And she’s terrified, acted like _I_ was gonna beat the shit out of her when I walked over to her. Took a lot to get her to say what happened. So where the hell is he?”

“He’s not here.”

“Then _where_ the hell is he?!”

“He went to the mess with some other— _Daryl!_ ”

Daryl turns on his heels and jogs down the steps, Connie at his heels as he heads for the mess hall.

****

After Daryl had left to go find Henry, Rachel had ended up coaxing Lydia to her bed.

Rachel was laying down on her back against the pillows, Lydia curled up against her. Her arm was wrapped around Rachel’s waist firmly, head on her chest. Rachel had one hand under her shirt, rubbing her back soothingly. The other was holding her closely, not wanting to let go. She had been at a loss at what to do. Lydia had been crying into her shirt, heart wrenching sobs wracking her body. Rachel had been rubbing a hand up and down her back, the skin on skin contact soothing her at least slightly more than anything else had.

“We should go to Oceanside.”

Lydia’s cries hitch, _“wh-what?”_

“Cyndie’s been radioing me, bugging me to visit home. And right now I think you could use a break. You need to process everything and talk in a safe place. I know Tara wants to go up there now that springs coming. Maybe…me, you and the girls could go up with Tara and Rosita?”

“And Coco.”

“Yes, and Coco. We could push up and head out soon instead of waiting a month or so.”

Lydia’s quiet minus an occasional sniffle, fiddling with Rachel’s sleeve. “Maybe it’d be good.”

“I think it would be,” Rachel says softly, fingers tracing shapes on her back. “And the girls are much older, they’d love it. It’d be like…a nice little family vacation.”

“That’d be nice,” Lydia says softly. Her breath hitches again, a soft cry leaving her.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“I’m sorry.”

Rachel sits up, causing Lydia to as well. Rachel strokes her soaked cheeks gently, rubbing her thumb across lovingly. “We talked about this, Lydia. There’s nothing to apologize for, okay?”

“But—”

“But nothing. He kissed you. I don’t care that you froze, anyone would. And you did tell him no. And then you were injured because of it. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Lydia just looks at her before leaning in to kiss her. She kisses her back, caressing her uninjured cheek. “What was that for?”

Lydia shrugs, biting her lip. “I just wanted to.”

“Mm. I love that. Going from special moments to just whenever.”

A small smile graces Lydia’s lips, and it grows when Rachel presses another lingering kiss to hers. It was a small, safe bubble of bliss and they were staying in it as long as they could.

****

Daryl marched into the mess, Connie jogging to keep up with him. He storms through, the lingering people parting like the red sea at the look on his face. He scans the area, spotting Henry sitting with Gage of all people. He marches up behind the boy and grabs him by the back of his shirt, hauling him up from the bench.

“Hey!” He yelps, squirming until he sees who it is. He huffs, letting Daryl drag him from the mess. He pulls him down the way, back behind the barn where the entirety of Alexandria couldn’t witness.

He shoves him forward into the barn wall. “What the hell, Daryl?”

Daryl points at him, “don’t even! You know what you did!”

“I…”

“Speechless now? You had plenty of words yesterday when I saw you trying to convince Lydia to leave the relationship she’s happy in to get back with your sorry ass. And then later that night you decided to kiss her against her will and when she said no you decided to hit her!”

“She fell. She told you that herself.”

“You really think that bullshit story would work? She tried that with me. Argued with me. But she told me everything. How you kissed her and when she pushed you away you hit her. And then had the audacity to lie about it!”

“That story was _her_ idea!”

Daryl tries to advance on him but Connie grabs him, shaking her head. “I don’t care! You hit my kid. You hit her! And then decided to let her lie to protect you? You shouldda been man enough to not hit the girl you claim to love. And you shouldn’t have been a coward and hid behind her instead of owning up to what you did.”

“She’s not your _real_ kid,” Henry spits out, angry at what Daryl was saying.

This time Connie didn’t even try to stop him when he swung. His fist connect with his face, his lip splitting open. He tries to staunch the blood flowing freely down his chin.

“I don’t care that she ain’t my blood. She’s my kid, as much as you were to your parents, as much as Gracie is to Aaron or Adam is to Alden. Don’t ever try saying she ain’t. Y’know ever after the shit you pulled, she still wanted you in the girls’ life because she’s certain you’d never hurt _them_. That's why she was so adamant about that story. But right now I’m not certain I want you in any of our lives at all.”

“Are you—are you serious? I made a mistake! A stupid mistake and now you think I don’t deserve to be a father? Think of what’s best for them!”

“What’s best for them is them having their mother okay. I had to get Tara to watch them while I came out here because she was too upset to be near them, that’s what you did. That ain't what’s best for those little girls.”

“It’s not…look, I lost my temper and I slapped her.”

“A slap doesn’t leave a nasty welt after a night of icing it. You didn’t react to her and slap, that’d leave a red mark. You hit her _hard_. You wanted her to hurt because you somehow think she hurt you.”

“She rejected me.”

“You’ve been separated half a year. She’s in a good relationship with someone who actually cares for her, maybe even actually loves her. You just love the _idea_ of her.”

“You have no idea how I love her!”

“And I never will because I never want you around her again.”

****

Rachel and Lydia finally headed down the stairs. Lydia’s tears had stopped and she was feeling a bit better. She had said she wanted— _needed_ —to see her girls so she had washed her face and they headed down.

Tara looks up at them from the table when they walked into the kitchen. The twins were both happily eating. Lydia sees the teething ring on the tray of Grace’s high chair and knows it didn’t start out happily.

“How are they?” Lydia asks.

“Grace was whiny for a few but she’s settled. Had to persuade them a bit to get them to eat something other than applesauce. Faith is very persuasive but I’ve dealt with Coco so I can handle them. Nobody is pickier than Coco was as a baby.”

“Nobody is pickier than Coco as a _toddler_ ,” Lydia laughs.

Tara chuckles, nodding. Then her face sobers up, looking at her closely. “How are _you?_ ”

“I’ve been better,” she admits with a heavy sigh, leaning against Rachel.

“There’s something we—well, _I_ —want to talk to you about, actually,” Rachel joins in. Lydia picks Grace up out of her high chair before sitting down. Rachel lifts Faith up before doing the same.

“What’s going on?” Tara asks them, sitting up straighter in her chair. She looks from one girl to the other.

“You know that Oceanside trip you were thinking of doing after Coco’s birthday?”

“Uh, yeah. What about it?”

“Any chance we could move it up early? Like, sometime this week early?”

Tara’s quiet, contemplative for a long moment. After a minute she looks at Lydia this time. “You’re wanting to get out of here?”

Lydia nods, eyes glued on Grace.

“I’ll talk to Ro then I’ll radio Cyndie, okay?”

“Okay,” Rachel agrees with a soft smile.


End file.
